Act As If

Pushing through!

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When we talk about “pushing through” it indicates that there is special energy needed to complete a project or work through or push through a difficult and resistant obstacle. What is happening here is a lack of will.

In our work, “I’ll do it when I feel better” it is only when I am assured of being able to push through the obstacle that I will do it. The problem here is what we all know and have experienced in our own recovery is that we never feel better. And so, it doesn’t get done.

And so “Pushing through” is when we feel that we cannot move our body or motivate our will to “push through” an obstacle that keeps us from doing what we know we need to do. Why? Because we have been immobilized by the lack of will and/or motivation due to our depression and frozen will. These obstacles seem too high and too large to jump over, go around, or push through.
So, my best chance to push through to the other side, and accomplish what I need to do, is to take one small step at a time. The following are some ways to “push through” and get ourselves moving again.

As Stacy S, pointed out here in her excellent post Willingness to Take Baby Steps she tells us the importance of taking small baby steps. Please take a look.

I also would like to share some small things that we can do to get moving on and past those blocks to our motivation and recovery. We can say the Serenity Prayer slowly and with attention, read a paragraph from Higher Thoughts for Down Days, call a Depressed Anonymous friend or sponsor, walk outside for five minutes, and getting fresh air. Also, remember, there are two times that you should go to a Depressed Anonymous meeting; 1. When you want to go, and 2., When you don’t want to go.
We need to move the body and gently move forward and continue along in our recovery pushing on and through. Just do it!!!!

Hugh, for the Fellowship

Courage

When we are disturbed, something is wrong with us

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It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it.
Twelves Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 90

I need to remember that if I’m disturbed with something or someone I need to look within a see what is wrong with me. How am I thinking about my current situation? Is my thinking mature, serene, and sound regarding this circumstance? Am I looking to see where I’ve fallen short?

I say these things not as another opportunity to beat myself up but rather as a point of reflection. Is there anything that I could do that would be better than how I handled it before?

Improvement is possible only if I can recognize how things actually are and not how I think they should be. Accepting my part in my circumstance is the place from which I can grow and become better.

Could I give in to justifiable anger? Of course I could but would that be helpful and useful? Not very likely. It is far better for me to examine where I fell short, where I’m upset because that sticking point is where growth can occur. Have the courage to look within. It may be scary to look within, but that is where healing occurs. Good luck on your trip within.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Acceptance, Act As If, Choice, Hope

Metaphor for my depression

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OK, I’m acknowledging and admitting in public that I have depression. I choose not to say that I suffer from depression, as I believe suffering is a choice. Here I mean the Buddhist interpretation of suffering, the mental and emotional anguish that we put ourselves through when we don’t accept the present moment for what it is.

Pain is part of the human experience, suffering is optional.

I choose to say instead that I have depression, or that I sometimes experience the symptoms of depression. This simple change of the words I use to describe my condition allows for space for the possibility that someday I won’t have depression, or that I don’t experience the symptoms of depression.

Why all this talk about words? Well words have great power. If you read Genesis, God first spoke “Let there be light”, then light existed. Words are the first step of creation. The words I choose to use help create my reality.

Many of us view life as a series of metaphors. Some view life as a race, others view it as a game, still others see it as a constant struggle. What metaphor do I use to describe my depression?

As I mentioned in a prior post, humans are dualistic beings. I see myself as two beings in one:

  1. a wounded inner child
  2. a mature outer adult

My depression shows itself by a lack of energy, a lack of progress, and a lack of emotion. The swing is not moving.

The depression is a manifestation of my wounded inner child. It is sitting in the swing. It is petulent and drags its feet in the sand. Sometimes it goes so far as to pump its legs in the opposite direction to prevent progress.

My outer mature adult is smaller than the depression. I can’t give a single push to get the depression swinging. I have to time my pushes, and consistently apply positive actions in my life. I have to encourage the inner child to lift his feet. After that I can encourage the inner child to begin pumping his legs so swinging isn’t relying totally on my smaller outer self.

It’s not a perfect metaphor mind you, but it is fairly consistent with my experience with my depression. I am hopeful that consistently giving gentle pushes I will emerge from the depression, free and happy once again. This future is possible for you too.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

I'll Do It When I Feel Better

We can start today in getting our lives in order

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It is only when we have begun to experience the sanity and healing of the program, studying the Steps and then returning to the meetings week after week, it is then, and only then, that we have the desire to want to bring this message of hope to those still suffering. Too often those who are hurting the most have the least desire to stick out the weekly meetings and which can produce a belief that they will be healed. They just don’t believe that anything good can happen to them. This of course is where they make a mistake. Their depression continues to inform them that no matter what they do or the actions that they take on their own behalf, it seems that nothing provides relief. I remember the times I informed two gentlemen, each at different times within a two-week period to come to our program and give it a try to see if they might begin to feel differently. I told them most, if not all those who come to our group, almost always felt better after getting actively involved in our program. They both declined my invitation. Within the next month, both had completed suicide. They chose death over the possibility of life. One of the recently deceased told me what would he gain by going to a meeting with a bunch of depressed people? Wasn’t he depressed enough? In a sense he was right. If a depressed person goes to a Depressed Anonymous meeting and they just talk about their depression, then yes, I suppose that would bring on more sadness in a person. But if it is a Depressed Anonymous meeting where they speak about the spiritual nature of the program and begin to live out the solution. namely, all that is contained in the suggested principles in the 12 Steps then they will definitely get the help they need. We live in the solution, not the problem. If you go to one of our meetings and hear nothing but talk of depression and nothing about the spirituality of our program of recovery that you might be in the wrong meeting. The good thing about the Depressed Anonymous meeting is that many of those attending are in that stage of their recovery, have a sponsor, have been applying the tools of the program, and have gained a positive view of themselves, their world, and their future.

Those of us who have lived with depression on a daily basis know the despair that dogs us day after day. For those who have been dependent principally on drugs and therapy and found no relief -this program is a good place to land. For those who have the courage to stay, and that need help, then this personal faith and effort will begin to pay off in time.

RESOURCE
Copyright(c) Hugh Smith. Depressed Once – Not Twice. (2000) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky. Pages 1-2.

DA Literature

Powered Up!

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Powered up can mean a countless number of things to a lot of different people. It means that by involving myself in certain activities, I benefit from moving on to what I know is vital for me. Necessary in the sense of staying fit and healthy (walking, weight training), I get myself powered up to do what I want to do. For the athlete, or musician, writer, songwriter, and others, we all get powered up by doing whatever is needed to be the best we can be. When this happens, we feel powered up.

As a member of the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship, I am powered up when I involve myself in positive and healthy daily activities. This means that I am open and willing to do all that it takes to get myself undepressed, maintaining a daily regimen for my recovery.

Here is a formula for getting yourself powered up.

  1. I do positive self-talk. I no longer fall into the trap of self-bashing. I produce “sunspots (memories, pictures) in my mind” that keep me positive.
  2. I walk as often as I can when I can. Usually, three times a week.
  3. I pray and meditate daily and keep in touch with my Higher Power – having conscious contact with my God.
  4. Social engagement. I keep going to my Depressed Anonymous meetings, whether online or face to face. This is a must! Meetings energize me and motivate me always to want to come back.
  5. Exercise keeps me powered up. I feel energized, and I feel in harmony when I am in nature. Go green!!! Nature has a calming effect on me.
  6. Staying in the NOW. Practice mindfulness.
  7. Serve as a co-sponsor for a member of our fellowship. Call a friend when in need. Meet with members between meetings.
  8. Read Depressed Anonymous literature.
  9. Eat a healthy plant-based diet.
  10. Play. Have fun.

Hugh, for the fellowship

Depressed Anonymous, Hope, Spirituality

I still prefer to cling to the so-called illusion of religion. – Bill W., co-founder of AA

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Bill W., the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, wrote this to a friend in 1946, sharing this thought:

Many people soberly assure me that man has no more place in the universe than that of another competing organism, fighting its way through life only to perish in the end. Hearing this, I feel that I still prefer to cling to the so-called illusion of religion, which in my own experience has meaningfully told me something very different.

REFERENCE
Copyright(c) As Bill Sees It: The A.A. Way of Life – Selected Writings of A. A’s co-founder. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, New York 1967. Page 137.

DA Literature

Fellowships creating communities of hope and mutual care for each other!

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Sigmund Freud was once asked what people needed to be happy. The questioner no doubt expected a long, complicated answer reflecting Freud’s years of deep reflection on the matter. His simple response, however, was “arbeiten und lieben”, – work and love. Happy people feel connected to others at work and through their intimate relationships. When those connections are threatened and diminished or broken, people suffer. others at work and through their intimate relationships. When these connections are threatened and diminished, or broken, people suffer. Today, millions of Americans are Americans are suffering from what my colleague Charles Derber calls “double trouble.” Those in double trouble have neither meaningful work nor sustaining intimate ties. The withering community life in both domains fosters a rootlessness and social disintegration that unquestionably contributes to the growth of emotional disorders.
David Karp. Speaking of Sadness: Depression, Disconnection, and the Meanings of Illness. (1996) Oxford University Press. New York. Page 178

It has been my personal experience that for as many years that I have been involved with Depressed Anonymous and other 12 Step fellowships how vital community is for us who seek healing, help, and hope. It is such a strength that those of us who use the program and attend the meetings find we are part of a loving community. We are part of a community where others care about us and share with us, and then we become the “miracle of the group” for others.

Today in our world, our global depression is of pandemic proportions. There is no vaccination for depression, of which I am aware. But what we do have is each other. There we can form relationships with others just like ourselves. We can have a sponsor who can listen and share their own experiences with depression giving us hope. Indeed, and speaking metaphorically a shot in the arm. So, what the world needs now is for each of us, by our WORK and LOVE of each other, to thrive – not close ourselves off in isolation and despair. Our “home” group where we go every week, virtually or face-to-face, is in this context of fellowship that we are “rooted” and become a family of friends–not acquaintances.

I have friends that I first met in DA that go back thirty years or more. Depressed Anonymous means growth, community, and serenity.
Please join our fellowship and be part of an ever-growing and loving community worldwide. We are not alone!

The 12 Steps

The Second Arrow

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The parable of the second arrow is a Buddhist parable about dealing with suffering more skillfully. The Buddhists say that any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way. Being struck by an arrow is painful. Being struck by a second arrow is even more painful.

The Buddha explained:

“In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”

Picture yourself walking through a forest. Suddenly, you’re hit by an arrow. The first arrow is an actual bad event, which can cause pain. But it isn’t over yet. There is a second arrow. The second arrow brings more pain and suffering. Can you avoid the second one? The second arrow represents our reaction to the bad event. It’s the manner in which we choose to respond emotionally.
Source: https://grandrapidstherapygroup.com/second-arrow-of-suffering/

We can’t control the first arrow. Bad things happen, even to good people. It sucks, but that is life.

I do however have control over the second arrow. I don’t HAVE TO sadden myself. If I apply the spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps I can have a daily reprieve from saddening myself. That portion of my depression I have some level of control over. The rest of my depression could be caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain, trauma that has occurred in my life, heck it could be caused by gremlins. I just have to accept that certain things are outside of my control.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Prayer

Sick Man’s Prayer

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God, when a person offends me, help me to remember this is a sick person.
Help me show the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
Show me how can I help them.
Save me from being angry.
Thy will be done.
– Alcoholics Anonymous p. 67

Just as I am sick and broken and going through my own struggles the same is probably true for others as well. I need to be compassionate towards myself and others. I COULD judge myself and others, but is it helpful to do so? Judgment is the realm of God and humans need to tread lightly when going into judgment.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
– Matthew 7:1 New International Version

Be open to the possibility that the other person is not acting out of malice but perhaps they are acting out of a place of pain. That doesn’t excuse any action that they take, but it should soften your heart towards others.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Higher Thoughts for Down Days

I found my depression a comfort

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It strikes people as a strange thing to say when I tell them that I found my depression a comfort. I found it convenient because I didn’t have to make my decisions about anything or anybody. I could medicate these thoughts of how bad I was and continue to meditate until I felt completely numb and immobilized. Thanks to the program and the emphasis on personal honesty, the more I got the courage to take charge of my life and change what I knew had to be changed.

Today, I am not going to allow myself to get into addicting to negative and unpleasant thoughts. I will risk being myself and step out of the prison of my depression into the fresh air of living with a certain amount of unpredictability and freshness.

Avoidance is a vast reality when you are depressing, as I learned through the Twelve Steps program. I don’t want to see, talk to or have anything to do with anyone else when I am depressed; I will have to force myself to get involved with other people if I want to have a chance of ever feeling better.

Reflection

Because of you, O Lord, I wait: you O Lord my God will answer.
Psalm 35:16

The more we work our Program, God is as near as we are to God. The more we open up our consciousness to the God of our understanding, the more God draws us to himself. We believe that as we wait on the Lord to speak to us, our God will speak to us in some fashion that we will recognize. (Personal comments).

Resource
Higher Thoughts For Down Days, © 2014, Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville KY. (Pages 157-158)

Hope is just a few steps away!