Depressed Anonymous Meeting

Wednesday 7:30pm-8:30pm

Capital District Recovery Center

45 Colvin Avenue

Albany, New York 12206

Questions: Contact Bill R. 518-768-1865

Saint-Exupery said that to “be a man, a woman, an adult, is to accept responsibility.” And during those years that are bracketed by the dawning of conscience and end of adolescence (seven to ten) we  must –by slowly expanding the dominion of what we can be responsible for –become our own grownup.

We must start claiming as ours the welter of hungers and angers and conflicts that dwell inside of us. We must also start learning to tie our own shoes. And as we extend the realm and the reign of our consciousness and competence we will find ourselves moving farther and farther from home. In the phase that Freud labeled “latency” …we leave the benevolent fortress of family life. Our job as a latency kid is to acquire the social and psychological know how without which we cannot manage this new separation, these new necessary losses.

As healthy adults we feel our self to be lovable, valuable, genuine. We feel our self’s “selfsameness.” We feel unique. And instead of seeing our self as the passive victim of our inner and outer world, as acted upon as helpless and as weak, we acknowledge our self to be the  responsible agent and determining force of our life….

Because as healthy adults we know that reality cannot offer us perfect safety or unconditional  love.

We many be a long time learning that life is, at best, “a dream controlled” –that reality is built of perfect   connections. ”

SOURCES:  Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst.  SImon  and Schuster, NY. 1986. p. 142-143; 168-169.  ( Quoted in The Antidepressant Tablet,   Volume 3:2. Page 6. 1991.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Step Two of Depressed Anonymous

“Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

“Jane was given an ultimatum to get help by her daughter, who saw the Depressed Anonymous group as a last chance for her mother, who was suicidal and despondent over the death of her husband a few months earlier. Jane  didn’t want to come to the meeting-she came only to please her daughter.”

To give an ultimatum has a familiar ring to those of us who have been physically exhausted as we have tried to get our Depressed Significant Other up and moving.-but to no avail. Ultimatum’s hardly ever work when we are concerned. We have learned the hard way, that by trying to force our DSO into help many times backfires as rescuing someone who doesn’t want to change –continues to frustrate our efforts at helping. So we have finally learned that the real source of getting others well is to first get ourselves refurbished and filled with faith in our self. That is what Step Two is all about.

We have now made a personal commitment to our own healing by sharing with those in the  Dep-Anon family group  our feelings of aloneness, inadequacies and the direction that our lives should take. So often it is our anger that keeps breaking through the surface of our lives. We are angry at our DSO. We are angry at ourselves for putting up with all the things the DSO keeps pulling on each of us. By our frustration and irritability which actually mirrors the DSO –we fill our minds with greater feelings of guilt and shame.”  Dep-Anon Family Group, 37.

FAQ

QUESTION

What exactly is Dep-Anon?  Is it like Al-anon? A 12 Step approach for family members?

ANSWER

DEP-Anon is a support group for family and friends of the depressed. This program is very much like Al-Anon where family members gather to help each other learn how to detach and cope with an alcoholic loved one.  In the same way, Dep-Anon is an effort of family and friends to gather together and learn how to live and cope with their Depressed Significant Other (DSO).

At a planning meeting for Dep-Anon family members were asked to list all the feelings that they experience while living with a depressed loved one. From the discussion we were surprised to learn some amazing facts. 1) That the feelings family members were experiencing were very similar to those which their depressed loved ones were experiencing, and 2) these feelings were also having an equally destructive effect in the lives of their family members.

It is the above information provided by family members that helped us decide  that we needed to do something for these family members who were in need of help and who were hurting. When one member of a family is hurting the whole family hurts.   We are hoping that this brief informational  encounter today with our Dep-Anon program of recovery will help family members know there is a support group for them just as with Al-Anon.

In the days to come we hope to  be sharing more information on Dep-Anon at this site: depressedanon.com .

We hope to hear your comments about this effort and welcome all your thoughts here at this site or email us at  depanon@netpenny.net.

Thank you.

Helen, member of Depressed Anonymous  tells it like it is in her Personal Story.

“Now that I look back and see the way I was and see how I am now, I can’t believe that I ever knew that other  This person is different altogether. I like this person very much. I am thankful to the group. They are just wonderful. They are my family. They are my Depressed Anonymous family. I also have my church family. It is a wonderful feeling to know that there is a Higher Power  that can help you through these things. At  first, I thought, “I doubt that very much ” when everyone was talking about the Higher Power and  having peace in my life.  It happened to me. Every few days, the world dumps down on you and beats you down. That’s just life. I always think to myself that there is that extra strength that I didn’t have before. I feel that everything is going to be OK with me. I have that peace now myself.

It can’t happen overnight. I know what the people who come to Depressed Anonymous for the first time feel. When you go through the long weeks and days and give it all you got, it will happen to you just as it happened to me. There is no magic cure. Thee is no magic pill. It is a long process. It will happen and does happen. It is so much better than staying in their dark hole and not getting anything out of life. No longer could I blame this one or that other one for causing me pain. I know that it was me that was beating me up. I was unequipped to handle the problems of my life without the Higher Power, without the tools and material to build the better life.”

PS  Helen, tells us that she had to get her priorities straight which she did. She is now undepressed because she DID get her priorities straight.

SOURCE: Pages 147-148. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Personal Stories section #28/31

AFFIRMATION

I know that just by being alive, I am gaining new insights into how to live and this, in itself, is continually giving me more and more energy to exist as my Higher Power would have me live..

“So we have to begin by asking, “Do we have the right to exist?” If we exist, we have the right to exist. We do not have to ask anyone’s permission to exist.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Like it says in the famous Desiderata, I have every right to be in this universe. I have a right to be here. I need not shrink or fear anything or anyone. The times that I have felt so guilty for being alive, I now know it is my sense of not being worthwhile or acceptable to myself or others that keep me down.

I no longer need other people’s approval, just my own. Everyday as I keep my mind and heart focused on the solutions, the problems seem less oppressive and frightening. Today, when I want to hide, avoid others, or just climb into the security of the comfort of my depression, I cease to exist. I know that I am breaking free form my sadness by working the 12 Steps and listening to the voice inside of me that promotes my self-respect.

I now have permission to give myself a real boost by discovering that I can free myself from my sadness and my desire to sadden myself.

I give myself permission to risk living life to the fullest.

MEDITATION
God, we learn from our friends in the group that we were somehow, somewhere in our development led to believe that life is terrible and death is worse. This kept us from your joy and sense that we were really someone. Now our feelings are shared and we are feeling better already. (Personal comments).

COPYRIGHT(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for member so 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. April 23. Page 82.

Please VISIT OUR STORE for more information for ordering online Depressed Anonymous Literature.

The woman who made a decision –and moved out of her comfort zone!

She was lost.  She was thirsty. The dry hot air of the desert sands  sapped her body’s remaining energy. She had just finished her last bottled water an  hour past,  and now, dazed and disoriented by thirst and her mental   confusion,  she  saw the faint outline of a palm tree in the distance. “Was this an oasis?” she  thought,  as she gripped  the steering wheel,  frantically hoping against hope, that this small patch of greenery must have water within its  boundaries. Cautiously,  she moved  closer, surprised and grateful  that  this was not a mirage. “No,” she thought to herself,  her mind was not playing  tricks.  This was not one of those shimmering mirage images that fool desert nomads. This was real.

She pulled the car close to the palm tree, kept her eyes focused on the  lonely  tree  and with surprise  spotted  what appeared to be a liter filled bottle  of  water leaning against the palm tree.  She thought she felt a presence. “Was there someone else here?”  She  looked all around the small, garden-like area, expecting some desert stranger to come and claim their water bottle.  Her thirst quickly brought her attention back to the water and the life saving elixir that was to be  hers. Clutching onto  the  water bottle  — she suddenly spied a handwritten note posted  eye level,  notifying the  reader  in large ink-black  letters   ” If you are reading this now, and are lost and thirsty, just know that there is  water here. If you will look ten meters behind this tree,  you will discover an ancient water well hand-pump which can be used to  provide you  water  to get you safely on your way. You will be  mentally and physically refreshed.  But there is a catch,”   the note continued: “You can either drink the water in the bottle now, believing it will get you through another day and night in the desert   or you can  choose to use this  bottle of water, emptying it,   down to the last drop, it will all be needed to  prime  the pump and  bring the water to the surface. A warning must be given   that the bottle has just enough water to bring ground water to the surface. You must choose one or the other.”

Now, with every last drop of water from the bottle, priming the pump, she began to put her hands to the pump handle and  slowly  began pumping with slow and regular vertical motions,  with sweat-like beads  flowing  down her face. and her hands with a death-like grip on the pump handle, muscles in her arms starting to spasm, she felt a heaviness  as the handle began to bring  up, slowly at first,  a thin ribbon of water, next a steady flow, with  water   forming a small pool around her feet.  The water was cool. With a cupped hand she splashed  the soothing  liquid over her body and like a blooming  desert rose, came alive.

The sun   at its noon day station, its rays shining on the water filled bottle,  prepared  to give hospitality to the next thirsty desert nomad.

Hugh

This is your Higher Thought for today.

AFFIRMATION

I believe that by forgiving others and letting go of any grudges against any person or institution that I will find a source for ongoing, daily serenity.

“…actively not forgiving the person who injured you, spending much of your time, feeling and expressing  your hatred, fantasizing  and even carrying out acts of revenge, does not lead to a rich  fulfilling life. Indeed, you become a lesser person that you might have been and you waste your life.” D. Rowe

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

A terrible weight is removed when I rid myself of my resentments and I attempted to make a conscious decision to forgive others. First of all, I learn that in order to truly forgive I must get in touch with my feelings of anger and hurt.  I want to feel those unpleasant emotions so that I can release them. By their  appropriate expression, they no longer can hurt me or keep me depressed. The more I release my bottled up feelings, the less frustrated and depressed I become.

Someone once said that a person’s anger ties a person more closely to the person he/she is angry with. To forgive is to release myself from the grasp of a relationship that is nonproductive and harmful.”

MEDITATION

God, may we make a fearless and moral  inventory of our lives.  May we have the courage to change what we need to change and the energy to carry it out. We believe that it is only by our willingness to quit our addiction that we can have more hope in our power to be hopeful. ‘

(Place your own comments here.)

SOURCE:  COPYRIGHT(C)  Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thought and meditations for  members  of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. March 26 Page 61-62.

AFFIRMATION

“I WILL SEEK FIRST THE WAY OF HOLINESS AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND EVERYTHING WILL BE GIVE N TO ME BESIDES. IN OTHER WORDS, I WILL FIRST BE TRUE TO MYSELF  AND EVERYTHING WILL BE GIVEN TO ME BESIDES.”

“HOW DO WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES THE STATE OF LONELINESS?  WE CREATE IT BY OUR RULES ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPS, THE SKILLS WE USE IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, AND THE EMOTIONS OUR RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE IN US.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Fear is at the heart of my depression. Fear of others and their opinions of me make me flee relationships where I feel  alone and vulnerable to another’s critical gaze. I create fear panic in my mind by the imagined hurt that might come to me because of my perception that the word is dangerous and frightful. I fear any unknown reality, be it a place, person or situation.

In my being  part  of a recovery group, I find that the new fellowship and literature of the Depressed  Anonymous group, give me a newfound joy and security.

MEDITATION

God, we choose a-lone-ness with you over our feeling alone.  We will learn all the skills of being honest, open and fearless with others about ourselves. Our faith in you will help us make the move to begin to change ourselves and to seek persons who can help  walk us through our depression into hope and security. (Personal comments).

SOURCE:  Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. March 15.

Your  Higher Thought for today!

Affirmation

I’m going to do a childlike activity today. Crayons anyone?

“In making yourself do all the things that your high standards demands, you turn everything you do into joyless work rather than pleasurable activities. “

Reflections

I don’t usually do activities that are pleasant or fun. That is why I find myself depressed.  As a child, I was taught to do my work and perform all my chores as perfectly as possible, so I didn’t have time to really be a child. My high standards were  such that I took on more and more work to always do the most and the best whenever possible. The more I did, and the more perfect I performed  my work, the more I would please others.

If I want some good advice on how to feel better, I need to start looking toward taking some time off for myself today. I need to do something frivolous and fun, making sure it has nothing to do with work or with performance. The more I will look for fun things to do for myself the less attention I may put on performing at the perfection level. Depressed people don’t know how to have fun!

Meditation

“God, you made the world and on the seventh day even rested. I need to take a cue from you and take at least one day off a week from all my work, projects, and worries!

************************************

Source: Copyright (C) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily meditations and thoughts for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. February 21.

“Not all large decisions can be made by simply listing the pro’s and the con’s of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the  voice of intuition. If in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.

“If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation,  logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.

“But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear, Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience.”  Bill W., As Bill  Sees  It. , Page 202.   Co-founder of AA.

Depressed Anonymous Manual  and Decision Making

“God’s will is hard to determine at times-especially at such critical times as now when we want to give up on ourselves. This is the time to  give up our will and say “God, you take it – I’ve had it! You do the leading now!” And you know, God will. You will begin to get more honest with yourself as you begin  to look a little more closely at why you have been depressed  for most of your  life. And I might add here that for many of the members of Depressed Anonymous they seem to have been depressed from the moment of their conception. Even though many people come to Depressed Anonymous to help them through times of significant loss in their life, such as the death of a spouse, the breakup of a relationship , the loss of a job or loss of self esteem, many others are attempting to relearn how to act more  wisely and treat themselves kindly. Depressed people don’t know how to have fun or even how to plan a pleasant activity.  It’s  completely out of their experience. They spend most of their time beating themselves for all their real or imagined mistakes in their lives.”  Depressed Anonymous,  3rd edition. (2011 ) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 46.

For more information on the 12 steps and depression please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at this site.