SOURCE: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. DAP. Pages 11, 12, 13.

#2.  “I accepted that God, as the God of my understanding is loving and forgiving. The 12 step group and our God is the pillar of our strength and healing.”

As a young child growing up I always imagined God to be a mean old man with a long beard and always a frown on his face. I was filled with guilt and fear, thinking that I could never measure up to what he wanted  me to be. And ironically, it wasn’t til  I was in my late 30’s that I had a spiritual experience. I began to find that the God of my understanding was not the God of my childhood.

I fired my old God. Through the direction  of my Higher Power and the brand new relationship I was forming with members of a 12 Step recovery group, I gradually found myself finding serenity and hope filling the empty hole that was my life. I discovered that the God of my understanding  was merciful and leading me out of the addiction that had me by its grip. The miracle was that because I had hit bottom and had no place but to go and get help–I found that this was a critical time for me as  I surrendered  to this God of my understanding – I had nothing to lose except my misery.

I discovered, as it says in the 2nd Way out of the prison of depression that we want to live our lives with hope.  Step Two of Depressed Anonymous states that “we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This is where my life took a dramatic turn.  With other members of the group I discovered over time and meetings, plus reading the Depressed Anonymous  literature, that thee was a way out for me. I too could get better and feel differently.

I knew that I was “about to start a new journey of hope. I am not alone as I have other fellow travelers who will lead me around the ditches and the potholes of that old depressive lifestyle that once ruled my thoughts and actions. Now I am on a mission of personal growth and recovery. I am already beginning to feel a glimmer of hope.”

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To read more about Beginning is seeing, VISIT THE STORE,  where you can  order online.

•  “But it’s all in your mind.”
• “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
•   “You have so many things to be thankful for, why are  you depressed?”
•  “You   have it so good, why aren’t you happy?”
•  “Well at least it is not that bad..”
•  “There are a lot of people who are worse off than you.”
•   “Have you gotten tired yet of all this  me me  stuff?”
•  “Everybody has a bad day now and then.”
•  “You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it.”
•  “You don’t look depressed.”

HAD ENOUGH?

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  Sources: 1)Compiled by bw@cv.hp.com at http://www.execpc.com/-corbeau/worst.html

2) Dep-Anon Family Group Manual. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page AA.

We read in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook,  Step Two, which states the following   “Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.?

                                       “I came to believe…”

In the 12 step program of Depressed Anonymous I’m learning to march to a different drummer and whistle a different tune.   In fact, the road that I am now traveling down is a road  that will gradually lead me out of the dead ends  of depression, guilt, listlessness and the old familiar atrophy of my spirit to a new vision of who I am to be  and become.

WRITE:  What is it that you want to begin to believe about yourself that is different from yourself when depressed?   Please list four ways that you are going to gradually change the negative and hopeless way you believe about yourself today.

2. 2

2. 3

2. 4

2. 5

Now name and list  the persons, people, places, situations, things that have exerted the greatest power over you and your life in the past. The places, persons, and situations can have a positive or negative power over you and your life.

2 6    Persons

2. 7.  Places

2. 8   Situations

2. 9  Things

Now stop and reflect upon the persons, places, situations that you either gave power over you or who had power over you. These four categories are powerful influences in the past which even today may still exert their influence over you. Try and write down how this is perceived by you today. In other words, are these persons, situations, places or things still causing your life to feel out of control and unmanageable today? If so why? And if not, why not?

2. 10  Please write out your reactions to the above statement.

NOTE: You can use your notebook to list your responses .

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Depressed Anonymous Manual

And now we turn to the other  half of the  Home Study Program.     We will look at an excerpted passage  from the Depressed Anonymous Manual,  Step Two.

”  for the most part we are able to hide how miserable we feel. We have given ourselves over to the believe that this growing feeling of helplessness is what must govern our lives, moods and behavior. We have  given it  license to run roughshod over every part of our life and over our relationships.  Most people can’t see inside us and discover the pain  that makes up our every waking moment. For the most part, we are able to hide how miserable we feel. “Depressed Anonymous, 3rd  edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 39.

And now, list the areas of my life where I feel helpless.

1

2.

3.

4.

Thank you. I hope that you found useful the information presented today.

Hugh

“I WANNA  BE FREE”

Today were going to introduce you to the Home Study Program or Kit, as it is sometimes called,   a program utilizing  the Depressed Anonymous Manual, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2001). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Included in this self help  Home Study program is utilizing   the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, with the coordinated    Depressed Anonymous Manual. Examples of this process will be illustrated today as we begin  our abbreviated  Home Study Program here at our website. Our intention is to give the reader a sampling of the process of how to use the Workbook and the Manual.

The idea of using a self help  Home Study program is to help people who do not have a face to face Depressed Anonymous group  in their home area.   We believe that to begin a self-study  program, in the privacy of one’s own  home,  treatment facility  or hospital, or with a good friend–all these encounters  can be a valuable tool for those who want to begin helping themselves. We also have persons from around the world utilizing this format for their personal recovery.

The Depressed Anonymous Home Study program  can provide an individual with a step-by-step plan of action giving individuals the freedom from the pain and isolation of depression .  The shackles of our interminable  sadness can be broken by the power and nature of the 12 Spiritual principles of the 12 Steps.  The  beauty of the Home Study program is that you  work at your own speed and give yourself the  time to reflect and absorb  material from the Workbook questions as you make your  own unique responses. Simultaneously, pertinent information on the Workbook sections will be correlated to sections located  in the Manual.

In the coming days we will acquaint the reader with the process of working the 12 steps by  using the question and answer format.  These same few questions   are used in the Workbook. These will give you an idea of how  the  Home Study program is processed. Again, what will appear here will be a small sampling from  each of the 12 steps of Depressed Anonymous, utilizing  material from both  Manual and  Workbook. Each Step will include a pertinent reference from the Manual  to a subject raised in the question section. You will provide your own answers to the Workbook questions  and   reflect   upon your own depression experience. Gradually, step by step,  you will  build a recovery plan as you become familiar with the process as laid out  here on our website.  The Home Study program is   designed to lead you deeper into the reasons/causes that brought you to Depressed Anonymous initially.

“In this natural world one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual”. This is a marathon not a sprint!

Our motive here at our website is   to help one get started in familiarizing you with the process of using this 12 Step Home Study   program.

Let’s begin with Step  one. “We admitted that we were powerless over depression – that our lives have become unmanageable.”

This is Step One of Depressed Anonymous.

“It is our purpose in this Workbook to reflect on some of the ways which  we can admit we are depressed and  begin digging out  one step at a time.

In our Manual Depressed Anonymous it states that:

“You have to admit that you’re powerless over this depressed behavior and likewise  admit that your life is unmanageable.”  You don’t want to go on living this way. In fact,  some days you feel that you just want to lie down and die, but deep inside you there is that Spirit, call it God, Higher Power, or whatever, that keeps you searching for a way out. A part of you is still hanging on and giving you hope to try to live through the pain of hopelessness and isolation. You just know there has got to be something out there  that would give you at least a glimmer of hope. This part of you has been competing for years, with  those other parts of you that say “end it all,” “give it up – you’ll never feel better,” or  words “you’re losing your mind and you can’t go through all this for another day”  appear to be winning the battle.” Depressed Anonymous Manual, Pages 32-33.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, reviewing Step One  states:

One of the major reasons for this Workbook is that it can lead us to serenity and establish  positive directions for life. If we really are serious about leaving our pit of despair and depression and wanting to do something positive about it,  we will have to take the bull by the horns and get serious about our own life. I’m willing  right now to decide to give the 12 step program a whirl. I want to feel differently. I have nothing to lose but my depression and my fear of what might replace it when it is gone!

From what I hear from the other members of the group I have nothing to fear but my fear. I know it sounds simple – because it is.  Depression clouds, complicates and confuses our reality. So, the final line is this – we know we are not alone.  We are together with others who understand and who know the feeling of sadness and depression.

What good is it to admit that our depression has made us feel powerless? I already know that you might say “that is why I’ve  spent  thousands of dollars on hospitals, doctors, counselors and drugs!”  But really for a person to admit that their powerlessness  is what gives us new power -– paradoxically. It’s like  letting go of a death grip on our continued sadness that made the sadness grow and thrive. But somehow – again I don’t know how it all works – when I am defeated, deflated and down and have the 12 steps in the fellowship at my side there is like a small ray of light starting to shine in my mind and heart. It’s like saying, I’ve had it this way all my life – now I’ll try it your way! Okay here’s a game plan.

Now, today you have the choice of no longer being alone. You cannot go to the rest your life alone and if you do you may stay depressed. Know what we are asking you to do is get involved with our Depressed Anonymous group and begin to work the Steps. Start now. Today we can begin to change in the way we think, feel and act. We no longer have to feel that we are beat and down for the count. The word powerless describes the feeling all of us feel when we were depressed. We just felt that since we were told we had this chemical imbalance that there was nothing we could do for ourselves but take medication   and talk with a psychiatrist.

It is really the being “sick and tired” of  being “sick and tired” that gets us to go for help. When I feel powerless, I feel ashamed that I am depressed and I think  that I can’t do anything about my depression. I want to feel differently and so what I do is to try and feel better about myself. My shame of not being in control has paradoxically placed  me in more of a state of powerlessness, and feeling hopeless and helpless.

Now, please comment on the next passage from our Workbook which states:  “That’s the way it is with depression — over the years you get comfortable with feeling miserable, which doesn’t mean you like it, but that you’re just too afraid to risk feeling different…” (M35 )

QUESTION  1. 2    Can you relate to that and if so please write out your comments. (Use a separate notebook for all your answers).

What I intend today is to write down some thoughts about the following quote:

“Now that I have admitted I’m having a difficult time living,  I want to learn some new avenues that will make my life more enjoyable and much more livable. ” Workbook/ Page 7.

QUESTION: 1.13   How often do you feel that because of your depression your life is unmanageable?   Workbook /Page 9.

End of the Home Study Program/Kit for today. Please come back as we share more thoughts about the Home Study Program. Also, you can start this program today if you wish. The Publisher offers an eBook format of the Home Study Program which  can be downloaded onto one’s computer if that version is more suitable for you.

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So for today, you have been given a very brief introduction to the Home Study Program or kit.  We will continue to post brief summaries from the DA Workbook and the DA Manual to provide you with hope that there is freedom possible here for your leaving the prison of depression. I know–been there and done that!

If you want to learn more about the literature that is offered for  those interested in using the 12 Steps for freedom from depression please VISIT THE STORE here at our website www.depressedanon.com.  Online orders are accepted. You can also contact us here or at our email address:  depanon@netpenny.net

AFFIRMATION

I want to risk being in charge of my life today. No one can really make me feel a certain way unless I allow them to.

“Some of  the new things you do on your journey out of the prison of depression will be pleasant and involve a little risk. Some of the new things  will be risky, for they will challenge our greatest fear.

Being depressed for so long for many sufferers had been a long journey – a journey of living through the many passages that is hell itself. These passages always end up leading through other passages just as isolating and dead – end like all the rest.

I want to risk today so that I will be able to discover what it is that I need to do to live with hope and some healing. My greatest fear is my own fear of  being annihilated and reduced to a cipher. I know that my greatest hope is that I will be able to endure whatever it is that I need to endure.

In my movement away from depression with all its sadness I now choose something different today as I risk the chance of injury to my self respect or my ego. I will not fear what comes because I want to be free more than I want to be safe.”

Meditation

God, give us the right to trust that you will truly lead us into freedom by our daily actions of courage and our willingness to step  out to be our best friend and assert our right to live on this earth with everyone else. (Personal comments)

SOURCES:  Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily meditations and thoughts for members of 12 step fellowship groups. (1989, 1996 ).  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages  76 to 77.

Depressed Anonymous, third edition. (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

The  Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2016). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

I’ll do it when I feel better. (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE STORE FOR MORE INFORMATION. ONLINE ORDERING IS ALSO AVAILABLE.

“The unexamined life may not be worth living,  but the unlived  life is sure not worth examining.”

It was frightening. I found myself stuck in park. And felt  as if I was paralyzed physically. I found myself like a dog chasing his tail. My thoughts went round and round in my head like a merry-go-round. And each of the little horses on the merry-go-round  were named   fear, shame, guilt, hopelessness.

Each day that passed my  merry-go-round speeded up  and found myself jumping from one horse to the other. I was “white knuckling” the reins trying  to keep from being thrown off. Finally, it came to me that I needed to get off this merry-go-round. It  was painfully clear that if anything was to change in my life,  it was up to me. Each day   I discovered  that my biggest challenge  for that day was  just  get out of bed.  I was prepared to use that last ounce of energy  to save myself from whatever had me circling in my head – always ending up at the same place – nowhere.

I had an urgent feeling to escape the cycling effects of riding this  merry-go-round but at the same time  I was too afraid  to let go. It was my  fear that if I let go I would get something worse than what I had. The problem was that my certainty of  annihilation  (reduced to a nothing)   presented me with a false belief that whatever was chasing me would never catch me.

It was only when I started to do something about this  ongoing  and unceasing paralysis which this  melancholy  had me by the throat did I attempt what once I thought was  impossible.  I knew that if I stayed “stuck in park”  and not move forward or backward  what was happening to me now would only get worse. I was right.

Bill, another survivor of this interminable melancholia,  writes about his own experience with depression and calls it “swamp mud” which like quicksand,  sucks  one  down into its murky darkness. This choking  sadness   can take away all  hope  for the possibility of a rescue. He felt that it was fate, DNA or some other intergenerational  curse that brought him down into this nothingness.  It was, he thought,  fate.

My own experience with the addictiveness of the melancholia experience has taught me and others in our Fellowship (Depressed  Anonymous)  some  life giving and important lessons  for survival.  It taught me that if you are riding a dead horse, the best way to stop riding it,  is to get off.   True.

My days on the  on the merry-go-round of misery  would come to an end as soon as I realized that if I did nothing, nothing would change. But if I did something, something might change. And so this is what I did.  I began  each new day,  forcing myself out of bed  and getting in my car and driving  a couple  of miles  to a mall and walking every day.  I did this at the same time,  same place, same mall.  And every day  I ended up by walking that same  5 miles, but still feeling the  deadly hollowness inside. The anxieties which I kept alive by  riding one horse  after another on my merry-go-round.   But  by a that walk in the morning I distracted myself  from what ever I felt was eating me alive. Not until  I was serious about taking care of myself and using  my daily walking, this  physical exercise,  was  I not only affecting my body in a positive way, but it also made a positive effect  in how I was feeling about myself.

After a few weeks of this daily practice of walking, and walking a lot, I began to feel like the fog (yes, fog) was lifting from my life. I was beginning to seeing and believing that staying in park not only contributed to my paralysis, due to the effects of the melancholia  ,on my whole body, but I learned a very important lesson about recovery from depression/ melancholy.  This lesson can be learned   by most of us because it’s a simple lesson and  stated simply “get out of park,”   means moving,  start writing in the Workbook/journal,  get with others like yourself at a group meeting, call a member on the phone or online  and quit isolating yourself. Quit  riding the dead  horse.  A  breakthrough will come for you as it did for me. The most difficult thing in recovery is to keep at it, day after day, and do those positive things that not only might in time produce  a good feeling but also  produce  a freedom   that will enable you to get off the merry-go-round of misery.  You will get off the merry-go-round, because you want to get off the merry-go-round.  You now have hope.  You believe you can make a difference  in your own life.

Over the years of being a member of  Depressed Anonymous,  a 12 step program  of recovery  I have found that there are many questions which go unanswered.  For many of us,  either because of shame, guilt or fear, we isolate and crawl into our own little secure  corner of the world and feel we are forever abandoned to a life of pain, continually paralyzed by obsessive negativity,  which not only affect our feelings, which affect our body  which have an effect   on our body, but continually slow us down into complete inactivity. We feel like we are drowning in molasses. How often do we hear people who experience melancholy  pull the sheets over their head  and just sleep their lives away. We believe that thoughts produce feelings, feelings  produce moods, moods  produce behaviors   and behaviors can produce  life or death. Which one do you choose today?

So finally, yesterday in our blog we pointed out the importance  of finding answers to our questions concerning depression/melancholia. We pointed out that we have a  way out, and that as we get out of park and  into gear and start moving is   to start doing something for ourselves.

Depressed Anonymous provides the answers to one’s questions  – these answers are your answers which fit you personally. When you write them out in your notebook you can see solutions on how to get out of park. In the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, the questions all pertain to one of the steps of Depressed Anonymous. There are 12  Steps, based on the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  You might ask why Alcoholics Anonymous?  ” I’m not an alcoholic. ”  In reality,  any addictive behavior are any attachment to a particular behavior our thinking makes one a good candidate to use our program effectively and with success.

The merry-go-round that you been riding on and the horses that you been  to riding on, like shame, guilt, hurt,  resentments all have their negative effect  in our  lives,  to the extent that  in time  it  can paralyze us to think  that there is  no stopping and getting off of our  of our merry-go-round.

We know that the best way to stop any addictive way of thinking, behavior or feeling,  is to stop doing it. Simple? Yes.  but it all takes work, time and it takes effort – the effort  to get in touch with others like ourselves who been there– done that. Takes one to know one. Like this writer.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook and the Depressed Anonymous Manual, 3rd edition together provide a meaningful way and  challenge to gradually (no magic pills in our magic potions) release oneself from the grasp of depression.  Remember, the questions that you will answer in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook will provide you with a map showing you where you are now with a challenge of providing you with the solution for freeing yourself from the  sadness that has prevented you from living life to the full. A life filled with hope. A life free from despair.  A life in fellowship with others,  who like you,  now will have the solution and the answers to the questions that we all can ask of ourselves, based on the spiritual 12 steps of recovery used by thousands  of persons in every kind of anonymous group around the world,

Don’t stay in park. Get in gear. Get active in your own recovery. And just because you feel paralyzed by your  depression/melancholia doesn’t mean that like many of us  you feel you have to go this alone.  We each are grateful that we have found hope. We have found hope in the stories of members of the fellowship and continue to try and give hope to those, possibly like yourselves, who are still struggling with  the life-threatening illness  of depression.

If you want more out of life and are seeking  a way to have the serenity of a life spoken of here,  please write to us at  depanon@netpenny.net.  If , like many persons depressed, you would like more information on the Workbook please click onto our website www.depressewdanon.com  and find out more of who we are and what we  offer for those persons depressed. We also have info for  families of the depressed.

We hope to hear from you.

Hugh for DA

HOW TO  EAT YOUR WAY INTO HEALTH

Food is the most obvious source of our energy. When we are depressed, however, our  diet often suffers. Some people overeat. A more common problem is lack of appetite. If this occurs, it is important to remember that although you may not feel particularly hungry, your body’s need for fuel continues. Here are some tips on keeping up adequate nutrition during difficult time. I

Eat regular meals. It is usually easiest to eat ( and to control what you eat)  if you keep to a routine. Try to have three set mealtimes per day. Ensure that you have enough food at home for all three.

Eat by the clock, not by your stomach. If you have lost your appetite, push yourself to eat at mealtimes anyway. If you have been overeating, try to eat only at mealtimes while sitting at the table.  Make it easy. The important thing is to eat, not to cook. Buy foods that are easier to prepare (but keep an eye on their nutritional value).

Make extra. You can cut your preparation  time by making  larger amounts and by refrigerating or freezing certain dishes for re-heating later.

Make it healthy. Stock up on nutritious food and snacks.  Check for calorie count and sodium levels.

Watch your sugar intake. Avoid eating too much refined sugar. Complex carbohydrates are generally preferable (particularly whole-grain products, brown rice, and potatoes).

Avoid dieting. Avoid strict diets, even if you wish to lose weight. It is much better to adopt healthy (rather than restrictive) eating habits and increase ones  activity level. Ask your  physician for advice before attempting to lose weight.

And exercise, exercise and exercise some more!

SOURCES: Antidepressant skills workbook. Self-Care depression program, 2nd. edition. Page 56. (www.bcmhas.ca.  )

PLUS/  The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, 2nd edition (2002) DAP. Louisville. Ky.

“I really didn’t get the complete feel for Depressed Anonymous at that first meeting. I took the advice given to me as I was leaving and came back the following week. The more I attended, the better I was able to handle my depression. Depressed Anonymous did more for me in a month than the hospital group did in three months. Depressed Anonymous didn’t cost anything, although after the first meeting was over everyone voluntarily threw in a dollar to pay the light bill

I couldn’t believe that Depressed Anonymous is run by the people who participated in it. I thought there had to be someone, somewhere, making big money off the poor souls who so desperately sought help. Boy, was that a stupid assumption. Perhaps the thing that impressed me the most about Depressed Anonymous is the wonderful friendships that developed. Depressed Anonymous members really care about each other.”

Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 124.

Shop now and discover more information on how you can be part of this fellowship!

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“Hope can exist only in a state of uncertainty. That certainty means total certainty. That security means to be without hope. The prison of depression is built with the bricks of total certainty.

Certainty. Security. No hope. To hope means to run the risk of disappointment.  Avoid disappointment. Stay depressed.
To be insecure means not to be in control. Stay in control.  Be  depressed. To be uncertain means  to be unsure of the future. Predict the future with certainty. Stay depressed.

Hope  can only exist when there is uncertainty.   Absolute certainty means complete hopelessness. If you want to live we must have freedom, love and hope. So life must be an uncertain business. That is what makes it worthwhile.”

Source: The way out of your prison. Dr. Dorothy Rowe, 1983, 1996 (2nd edition). Fount. London.

Hope is to seek things and have the expectation that what we desire will  come true .  In the matter of depression Dr. Rowe warns us that when we predict that we will always be the way we are is to predict a life of certainty but one that is without hope. In the way we construct our world we would begin to live with some uncertainty and with this uncertainty  we  are  going to little bit by  little bit accept  some pain, hurt and disappointment in our life. This is not bad but is not always pleasant. When we are depressed it is not so important always  to know how we got to be depressed but what is is important is how we see our depression. Do we believe, like Dorothy Rowe, that we will always see our self as bad worthless, unacceptable to our self and to others when we are depressed? If this is the way that we want to look at ourselves then we are sure to believe that we will never change. We hold these beliefs about ourselves as immutable truths – absolute and ever binding. This is this thing about depression – we believe it will always be this way – namely, this hollow feeling and the deadly emptiness that we carry around in our bodies, day after day, year after year.

… To live with uncertainty is to live with some hope that our tomorrow will be different than our today. We hope for things not yet seen. We hope for things to be different. This is the identity of the person who is working the 12 steps of Depressed Anonymous…”

Source:  How to find hope and let it blossom.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. 1995. Pages one – two.