All posts by Hugh Smith

Spiritual Heroes

Am I good enough?

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The foundation of our prison of depression is our belief that, No matter how good I appear to be, I am bad, evil unacceptable to myself and to other people.

We can go through life being very good, and so keep our sense of being bad, or not being good enough, well hidden from ourselves. But being good at being good means working very hard, and as we get older we lose the resilience and strength of youth.. We get tired. We do not get as much done. Our list of mistakes and wrong directions gets longer. When something happens to shake our self-confidence we can no longer trust our ability to be good at being good. We can no longer ignore our sense of being essentially bad and unacceptable.

The reason that we as children so readily accept our parents teaching that we were bad and had to work to be good was that, harsh though this teaching was, it contains a promise. If you are very good, nothing bad will happen to you. We believed it. When bad things did happen to us, we blamed ourselves. We had not been good enough, so we worked harder, tried to achieve more, to do things better, to put other people’s needs before our own. Secretly this belief gave us a sense of power. Through our own efforts we could control the system of rewards and punishment that governed the universe. Instead of feeling helpless, we felt guilty. Instead of saying, ‘There was nothing else I could have done in that situation, given the information and experience I had,’ we said, ‘I ought to have done better,’ and persuaded ourselves that we were stronger and wiser and better informed than actually we were. By feeling guilty we could feel that we were both virtuous and not helpless.

So we lived in a world of illusion of our own making. Then one day a terrible disaster fell upon us, and we cried, ‘I have been good all my life. Why has this happened to me?’

We found ourselves contemplating, or trying to run away from, a truth which our parents had hidden from us.’

SOURCES:
The Successful Self. Freeing our inner strengths. Dorothy Rowe. Page 199.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Acceptance

I am tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired!

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Where does one go or what does one do to  rid themselves of being sick and tired? How often do I hear clients come and tell me that they are here in my office because they are just too sick and tired of being sick and tired. They tell me they just had to make a decision to do something about their  feeling bad all the time.  Question: Have you ever felt this way? I admit that I have, more than a few times in my life. And every time that I did feel this way  I just wanted to go lie down and die.  But they didn’t make an “easy to swallow”  pill or a medicine  to take “for those times when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.” If they had I would had bought a jar full of them.

Where do you go for help when you feel this bad? Or do you smoke, overdose, feel suicidal when you feel this awful?  Or maybe there might have been a person with whom you could have shared your story. You know, like getting it off your chest to feel better.  Pause. There is a problem here.  Sure, I could have talked with a number of people  about feeling the way that I did–but in my case I saw the world as filled with hundreds of monads, like desert nomads,  all walking around but without any direction  or purpose — or a way out of their desperation.

Deserts don’t usually have road signs stuck in the sand showing the way to hither and yon.  No, it is only by dogged perseverance and most probably “providence” that we find a door out there, on which is scratched the words ‘a safe place for those who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.'( These doors belong to AA, DA, ACA, AL-ANON, DEP-ANON and so many more ). We stumble through the doorway  and join with those other nomads  sitting in a  large round circle, each  sharing how they came to be free of ‘feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.’

I ask the brethren seated there   “Am I in the right place?”

“Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired ” they asked in unison.

Sheepishly, I replied , “Yes. I am .”

“Then, join us.”

***

Now, these 30 years plus, no longer  feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. If YOU happen to be looking for a 12 step fellowship  group meeting  for yourself  you might not see the words “If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired” scratched on the door,   you’ll know that you are in the right place! Walk ins welcome!

Hugh (Depressed Anonymous Member).

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY.

VISIT THE STORE for more information on Depression and the Twelve Steps. Order online.

 

 

The Promises

Did you ever feel that your depression would come back and swallow you up? This question had been asked of me many times.

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That question comes to most of us I would think who have been depressed. It crossed my mind  the day I felt   better. My mood lightened up momentarily. It was  a flashback to the time–a year and half before — when my life was running on a flat trajectory and life was good. And then, suddenly,  with this heightened mood flashed the frightening message on my mental screen, “yes, but it’s not going to last!”  That was the message that suddenly knocked me to the ground causing my mood to plummet to the pits. .  And here I was I thought, back to square one. The thought came to me as I  continued my walking–a practice that I started a year before,  and which gave an incentive for me to keep trying to move beyond the grip of whatever had me by the  throat.  Because I did continue to walk I gradually restored that brief momentarily heightened mood which has endured to this day. My life did take a turn for the better because now I found out that there were areas in my life that I needed to change.

The fact is that those of us who have had only one experience with depression will most likely  not have another one. Thank goodness, that happens to be true in my own case.  But after involving myself in a Twelve Step Support group, where I found acceptance for my story of pain and isolation,  plus the tools that were used for freeing myself  from depression. I have been using these same tools for more than 30 years.

I also discovered by my participation in Depressed Anonymous that by sharing with the groups  which I attended, that these meetings and the work that I was doing on my own recovery,  gave me the freedom which the Promises of the Steps had provided me.

Jonathon Rottenberg,  in his very hopeful and helpful book, The Depths, he tells us his deep  feelings about depression.  He tells us why we are losing the fight against depression:

“We are losing the fight against depression in part because our fundamental description of it –as reflecting defects is wrong. The first step to finding more effective solutions is getting that fundamental description right, and my book is one effort toward that end. Finally, I am skeptical of any easy, one -size- fits all solution for depression, and you should be too. The genre of self-help for depression is littered with well intentioned books that overpromise solutions and false hopes. It would be nice to defeat your depression in ten easy steps, but rarely is it  so easy. Books that over promise solutions produce frustrated, disappointed, and demoralized readers and damage the credibility of experts. I haven’t written a self-help book, or at least not in the usual sense.”

Even so, Jonathon has given us   a helpful read and one which someone depressed or not depressed can gain  a positive take on depression with  helpful ways to spiral upward instead of downward.

“What you seek, will seek you.”

 

 

 

Depressed Anonymous

Is there an alternative?

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Jonathon Rottenberg in his work, The Depths: The evolutionary origins of the Depression Epidemic tells us that

“The mood system has a bias to return to deep depression even with little provocation. Fortunately relapse is not inevitable and it can be countered. Antidepressant medication is currently the domionant strategy for buffering a person’s risk of relapse. Using antidepressants as the first line of defense is consistent with  defect  models, such as the biological model of kindled depression. In line with the idea that drugs address a permanent viability, psychiatrists  often recommend a life time  of antidepressant maintenance treatment for people who have previously experienced three or more episodes.”

This same author goes on to share how antidepressants aren’t the only  proven means for  slowing down or preventing depression. In this section of his book he goes on to explain how other treatments such as cognitive therapy and    mindfulness-based  cognitive therapy provide alternate care . He explains how “the success of brief, psychologically based treatments is encouraging not only because the treatment works, but because it speaks against  the existence of a permanently  brain-based vulnerability to depression.”

With all that has been said here, I would like to add another reality and alternative  for treatment of depression.  Simply put, the treatment occurs in the  midst of those persons depressed who share their struggles with each other. They are no longer alone, shamed and existing on the margins of those  who are  needing understanding  and  support. The group not only can provide moral and physical support, they can be buoyed by a spiritual l belief  that a God  of their understanding,  a Higher Power,  is  guiding  them on the path of their own  recovery. They not only have other members of the group walking the same path as  are they, but this support is buttressed by having a  personal plan of action.

For those of us who are  active members of Depressed Anonymous, we know first hand how our Twelve Step plan of action provides us all with a way out of depression. Whether we happen to be on antidepressants, in a therapy program,  or other forms of help, we discover that being in the midst of a group of person like ourselves, and receiving mutual aid for our own individual pain, it makes it possible to be positive about  our recovery. We are not alone. We now have the tools and we have each other. As we all are so much aware, it is the being dis-connected from life and others that makes our life hell. For most of us,  it is in the being dis-connected that drives us deeper into isolation  and personal despair.

If you the reader are depressed, and you are visiting with your doctor, ask her if she has a depression support group that she might refer you to. You can tell her that it makes sense to talk with someone who has been were you are now. It takes one to know one!

As a therapist, it was always my practice to refer clients to a  Depressed Anonymous group. Those who kept coming back to meetings had a plan in hand that was not only providing hope but the tools for living outside  the prison of  depression.  We need health professionals to be able to provide their patients with other mental health opportunities as alternatives to traditional approaches to depression or in conjunction with them.

Have a hopeful day.

Hugh

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville KY.

Go to The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore,  at VISIT THE STORE for this and other helpful books  on depression. You can order material online

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Getting my priorities straight.

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AFFIRMATION

On this New Year Day, I find that my work for my life today, and only today, is to reflect on a time in my life that I have experienced a feeling of happiness and contentment. If I can remember a pleasant situation from the past, I will construct a happy situation and imagine it occurring right now.

“In getting my priorities straight, my depression is better,”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

In my relationship to God, I am beginning to  realize that it isn’t so much that I don’t believe that I’ll ever feel better, but that I just can’t know for sure. My first priority is to  admit that I do have a problem and that with God’s help, I can get through my depression.

As soon as I give up my victim stance and begin  to take responsibility for my feelings and my life,  I can start to work as if my recovery is really up to me and that I will, in time, succeed in getting out of this deep dark hole that I call depression. My priority is to begin each day with the conviction that the Twelve Steps will be an aid in getting out of my depression.

MEDITATION

God, we seek your guidance and your strength for our lives. Whatever we have lost  or feel we have lost, please take the holes in our soles and fill them with your love and peace. In our quiet time today, show us what part of us  needs to be healed.

SOURCE:  Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. January 1, 2019.

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

I want to start a Depressed Anonymous group in my community? How do I do that?

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This month (12/2018) we have had four requests to start a Depressed Anonymous group in their particular locations. Three were requests from individuals living in the US and one was from a person from Canada.

Our first inclination would to advise them to go to our Newsletter Archives at our Home Page Menu and read the issues from #1- through and including the Newsletter for 2018. Each of the Newsletters has a section about our program of recovery as well as other important information about overcoming depression. Each is titled “How to Start A Depressed Anonymous group.”

Since all of our Groups worldwide use the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition Manual, it serves as an excellent guide for each of the newly formed Depressed Anonymous group membership and part of their ongoing program of recovery. There is a chapter in this Manual for the Leader of the Group with an example suggested for leading a Depressed Anonymous Group. Also, included in the Manual is a chapter on How to Start a group.

Like most 12 Step programs of recovery they each have their own way of conducting meetings. The 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions of Depressed Anonymous are read at every meeting. Also included in every meeting is the reading of The Statement of Concerns plus How Depressed Anonymous Works.

Most 12 Step groups also have their own “Big Book” which is what the Alcoholics Anonymous program is referred to. In a sense, this is the bible for the fellowship and most members know it by heart chapter and verse. If you want to start a Depressed Anonymous group in your community it is a given that you will want to have a copy of this important book, authored by the early members of the fellowship. In fact, we think it essential to have copies of this book available at each and all meetings. If you are going to be a founder of a local DA group we hope you read this book before you set up your own group meeting. After 30 years working with Depressed Anonymous and helping to set up groups around the world, we have found ourselves continually reflecting on various passages which guide us in our own daily recovery.

You can order Depressed Anonymous Online plus other books written by those of us who WERE depressed. The sale of books provides us with revenue to share hope with others who are in need our support. Please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at depressedanon.com for more information.

We want to hear from you and are looking forward to another group meeting the needs of those “Still suffering from depression.”

Please email us at depanon@netpenny.net. Locate us at www.depressedanon.com.

Acceptance, Relapse Prevention

I get it!

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It took awhile, but finally I “got it.”

In the work Depressed Anonymous, which provides a step by step commentary for individuals and group members, Dr. Dorothy Rowe points out that if you want to get yourself depressed this is what you must do. You must hold these six options as if they were real, absolute and immutable truths

  1. No matter how good and nice I appear to be, I am really bad, evil, valueless, and unacceptable to myself and others.
  2. Other people are such that I must fear, hate or envy them.
  3. Life is terrible and death is worse.
  4. Only bad things happened to me in the past and only bad things will happen to me in the future.
  5. Anger is evil.
  6. I must never forgive, least of all myself.

What I envision as the best possible world for the depressed and to prevent relapse and recurrence is a model that may include the medication treatment, the psychotherapy interaction between therapist and client and then the holistic model of the mutual aid group, to name a few. What happens in the group support system is basically a replication of what happens in a person’s childhood environment. We can determine if trust is there, can the child have the assumed permission to show initiative, is the child made to feel safe and can the child venture out beyond the boundaries of his home and feel safe? Or does he come from a home which is closed and the world perceived as enemy and unsafe- indeed a setup for a mistrustful attitude about life. All this comes into play in early childhood development. We need to look again at anything in a child’s life where he/she experienced a loss, a separation or a life filled with anger and hurt.

The community in which the child is raised presents all types of messages and this in the beginning is how he or she sees the world. Chemicals in the brain don’t produce thoughts that say ” I’m worthless or unacceptable,” etc. It’s more the messages that one receives when one is in the formative years of one’s life that may predict how one perceives his or her future.”

You might want to ask yourself this question: What messages did you receive as a child growing up. Did you feel that the messages you received give you freedom to explore the world and your environment, or did you feel unsafe and insecure?

SOURCES:
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville. KY
(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 25-26.

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What we seek-seeks us

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I think we have all heard the saying “when the student is ready the teacher arrives.” I believe that’s true. They call it synchronicity. It’s like persons who have dreams. How many young people dream that when they get older they are going to be a baseball player, an actor, great pianist etc? It works out that what we hold onto — holds onto us.

But to get where we want to go includes pain and struggle. We have to pay some price-sometimes a large price and sometimes even to the point of giving up our lives. There will be obstacles along our way and we try and handle them as best we can with the resources that we have at the time.

But let me say this, no matter how bad things get, there is usually a path laid out before us, where we can find what we have been looking for. I think the same happens when we experience depression and live with that sinking mood of feeling helpless and hopeless. But there is always hope. We learn how to use the tools for change and recovery. (See Personal Stories in Depressed Anonymous).

And we know that “change” is painful. The first step is really the beginning of the end of our pain. By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins the release from our pain. This is the paradox of letting go as we have learned from Step Three which suggests that we “make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” From this point on, as we follow the Twelve Step path of freedom from depression, we begin to believe that there is a chance for me to get well.

That’s a Promise of the Twelve Steps. Get on board and find what you are looking for.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

Kindness

Having the right tools helps me get the job done.

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TOOLS FOR RECOVERY FROM DEPRESSION

Whenever I have a job to do I make sure that I have the right  tool. When I want to saw a board I make sure that I am cutting the  right length  We all know the carpenter’s  rule about “measure twice and saw once.” How many times have I made the mistake of not getting the proper length before I sawed.

In life there is a another rule about thinking before you leap. Think about the consequences of one’s actions before you act.  Look at the blueprint before you build. Check your resources before you buy something. It’s all about having the right tools in life before you start to build a life of character and possibilities for yourself. Having the right tools will definitely get you where you want to go.

Now let’s talk a bit about life’s tools and check out  how we are using the tools at our disposal.  I would think that because you have come to our site which deals with depression that you are also looking for the tools that will get you where you want to go. You and I want to have the tools which  will help us remove the pain, the feeling isolated and even angry at where we find ourselves today.

With the right tools, the right thinking and behavior tools, you will be able to construct the new you.  That is a given!  Many others are using these tools and you can read all about them in Depressed Anonymous, published by Depressed Anonymous Publications. There is a whole chapter in this book of persons who tell us who the tools of recovery saved their lives and gave them daily hope.

One of the major areas in our lives that change quickly by  our attendance at the group meetings is that we pity ourselves less and less. We begin to be grateful for all that we have and all that we are. We begin to see that once we start getting connected to others like ourselves on a regular basis, through our Deporessed Anonymous meetings, we now are listened to by others and we are validated.  We don’t hear “snap out of it” at our meetings. Suddenly our years of self-pity, isolation and desolation have been cashed in for a currency that buys us a new competency, a new identity, autonomy and a burgeoning inter relatedness with others. We are connected. We are not alone.

We now can speak about our experience with depression in the past tense. We now can share how we have the tools of self care whereby we can dig out and begin to  construct an edifice of hope that will last the rest of our life. As  long as we continue to use the tools of the program we are  bound to feel differently as well as think differently.”  Source: I’ll  do it when I feel better (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisvile. KY.  The Feelings of Uselessness and Self-Pity Disappear. #6. The Promises of Depressed Anonymous.

 

NOTE: For more information on tools for recovery please go to MENU on Home Page and Click onto the drop down menu item TOOLS OF RECOVERY

Fellowship

Our relationship with others will improve. Now isn’t that a good thing?

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Why shouldn’t our relationships with other people improve?  After we have begun to put into place our daily program of recovery, through prayer and meditation we now are expectant and hopeful. We reflect upon each step, and we complete a piece of the structure that in time will be the new me. I think that one of the more critical areas to mend in our lives is the thinking part of ourselves. So, from the start we need to promote to those persons depressed to get involved in as much physical activity as possible, for example, walk, express personal feelings to others, go to meetings, talk with each other on the phone with supportive people. In other words, get connected as much as possible. Most importantly we discover at our group meetings that there are many persons, much like ourselves and at the same level of recovery. We know we are not alone.

”’Once the newcomers hear the before and after of our lives it will make it easier for them to believe us when they experience our own enthusiasm and cheerfulness. ”

SOURCES:  Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.  KY.

Copyright (c)   I’ll do  it when I feel better. (2017)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisvile. KY .