All posts by Hugh Smith

Widening the chinks in the armor of our denial.

September 14, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

When I was depressed, I gradually found myself imprisoned behind the bars of hopelessness and helplessness. My physical self, emotional self, thinking self and spiritual self all slowly retreated into the isolating darkness of despair.

My whole life became consumed with self bashing, guilt, shame and self-pity. I felt all alone. I didn’t want to be with anyone or do anything that would nudge me into some unwelcome activity. And yes, others told me to walk, to say a prayer, do something fun, snap out of my doldrums and get back onto life’s playing field. Oh yea, all of this was said to be in my best interest. And the problem was that those who gave me all this wonderful advice were missing one important item, namely, they didn’t have a clue how depression, the crippling illness that it is, was shutting down my very willingness to live. For many it can be life threatening.

In the darkness, the cycling menacing thoughts continued their hourly, minute by minute destruction of my identity and what I had found to be meaningful for my life. The key to a meaningful and purposeful existence was lost –I was lost. It was like I had just abandoned myself to a self imposed prison sentence.

My first indication was a gradual weakening of a willingness to live with hope and spontaneity. I became joyless. The more I opened up my mind and took a closer look at what I was thinking about, I found that losing hold of the key to hope and what was happening to me, it wasn’t long before my continued introspection was accompanied by feelings of despair and pain. This experience became so cunning, baffling and powerful, that it was totally impossible for me to free myself from its complete domination of my living free.

And now let me tell you about finding the key that opened the door to a new horizon filled with a path that was filled with signs leading to a fellowship of persons like myself who were on the same path.

And so here is what I finally had to do to reverse the plummeting into the hell of nothingness and annihilation. I no longer felt that the pieces of the puzzle about depression had control of my life. The more I took an active role in my recovery, like walking everyday and renewing my physical being, finding a fellowship of men and women who are using the 12 steps of recovery, I began to get my life back. By embedding myself and my mind and body in this healthy fellowship, I was gradually able to enter through and repair the chinks in my armor and continue discovering how the process of my own thinking and inactive physical life gradually paralyzed me psychologically and physically. I had been frozen with fear which enlarged my isolation and helplessness.

Now that I understood how the trajectory of the initial feelings of sadness, completed my shutdown, I understand how depression works its number on our bodies, mind and spirit, and I now know how to overcome and gain a new control of my life. I am free and alert always to those “red flags” which tell me there is a landmine on the road ahead and so I dismantle it and continue on. A landmine may be as simple as telling myself that I cannot get the energy to go to a Depressed Anonymous meeting, or talk to my sponsor when a thought of fear overtakes and begins to isolate me. I might also cut down on sharing my story with others and provide another human being that there truly is a way out of depression. Been there and done that. Who knows more about depression than those of us who have been there and freed from its personal ravages of the human spirit. I also learn so much from people who like myself are always sharing the how of their recovery. I can also go to the Depressed Anonymous website www.depressedanon.com., where I can find story after story, one blog after another, giving us hope and strength. We tell ourselves “that If he or she can do our program of the 12 Steps of recovery so can I.” Our 12 Step program of recovery is a simple one and by using the spiritual principles that it offers, plus the fellowship, we can’t lose.

A “red flag” for many of us depressed is to begin to isolate ourselves from our family, friends and familiar activities. Get involved! If there is no Depressed Anonymous group in your community you still can work and use the Depressed Anonymous HOME STUDY PROGRAM. The KIT uses two of the groups (written by those who have made the program their way out of depression) books: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.(2001) These two works give the reader a sense of hope and renewal. These books are coordinated with each other and if we want to understand the nature of depression and the tools that we use to overcome it, then you’ll find the HOME STUDY KIT will work for you.

The HOME STUDY KIT can be ordered online. Visit the STORE where you will find other works which will be helpful for your recovery.

DA Literature, Fellowship, Journaling, Purpose, The 12 Steps

Change always involves uncertainty.

September 13, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“I know that a number of people who are first introduced to the Twelve Step program of recovery wonder what their sadness has to do with the spiritual program of Twelve Steps that originated for alcoholics. I might be depressed but I am surely not a drunk. Sometimes you will hear a new member of the group say that they never committed any wrongs against anyone, so why do they need to make amends. (See Step Ten). For many persons, the loss of a love, the death of a spouse, the end of a lifetime career can produce a spiraling sense of despair in in people whose whole lives have centered on someone else’s feelings rather than their own. Their lives are lived for someone else rather being lived for their own self. When that other person is lost, they feel lost and abandoned. This is precisely the point– the need to make amends for erroneously thinking that someone else can satisfy all their wants and desires. In making amends, we begin to take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings, and when these have hurt others we need to do something about them.”

SOURCE: Page 86. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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On page 71 of The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2001) Depressed Anonymous Publications, we discover further positive insights about living our lives with spontaneity and hope.

Dorothy Rowe in her Award Winning book, Depression: The way out of your prison, tells us the following:

Dangers, perhaps even greater dangers, threaten you if you leave your prison of depression for the ordinary world. There you might have to change, and change always involves uncertainty. The good thing about being depressed is that you can make everyday the same. You can be sure of what is going to happen. You can ward off all those people and events that expect a response from you. Your prison life has a regular routine, and like any long term prisoner, you grow accustomed to the jail’s security and predictability. The prison of depression may not be comfortable, but it is at least safe.” Page 127.

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NOTE TO THE READER

One of the most valuable ways to deal with the pain and isolation of one’s depression experience is to utilize our latest tools in freeing ourselves from the prison of depression.

Our Publisher (DAP) has provided those who wish to learn more about themselves a HOME STUDY KIT where a person can begin sorting out what makes them tick. The two works, include both the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition Manual and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.

These two works have been written and organized by those of us who know what depression feels like and the potential risk to life that it presents. We’ve been there.

In one of our first Depressed Anonymous meetings, the group who were members of the Fellowship became part of writing the commentary on the 12 Steps which resulted in our manual Depressed Anonymous. All these were persons working their way out of depression and who shared their story in the personal story section of the DA Manual. There are 31 testimonies total. In other words, our material is one of the very few that are written by persons depressed and who have freed themselves from the shackles of the depression prison.

If you want to begin your own personal recovery from depression the HOME STUDY KIT combo is what you are looking for. And possibly you and a friend, a therapist, pastor, family member may like to work with you as you move on and through the depression experience.

You can put your online order in today at our literature STORE. You will also be able to communicate online at our website www.depressedanon.com and FIND HELP with our BLOG provided by WordPress.com.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship

You don’t have to be like this

September 11, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

” As one person told Dorothy Rowe: When I think of all those years I wasted being depressed, I wish I would have listened. I wished I’d realized that all I had to do was to say I’d had enough of being put upon and put down, feeling that there was something wrong with me. I’d like to go up to the hospital and tell everybody: ‘You don’t have to be like this.’ Up there nobody ever told me that. I’d see those people going on and on being miserable. If I’d seen someone like me now, it would have given me hope.” Page 72 (Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. 2011 )

“…Depression feeds on hurt, pain and self-doubt. When we are depressed we have a need to bash ourselves for our misguided errors and sinfulness. The fifth step if done genuinely and prayerfully, will in time help restore our sense of freedom and belief that we are truly forgiven. It is the miracle of the group and its acceptance, love and nurture that helps the depressed person feel secure without recourse to depression.” Page 52 (The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2001) DAP, Louisville.

For more information on the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition book and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook – also listed as the HOME STUDY KIT. Please VISIT THE STORE to discover more information about these valuable and helpful study works.

Ordering is available online at our secure Bookstore.

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Hope

“You become what you do!”

September 7, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

How often have I heard this said about those of us who are involved with the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps of recovery. You become what you do. You become what you think. And your behavior promotes a habitual way to act. By doing the same thing time after time promotes a habit. Good habits builds our strengths.

One of the recommendations often heard at our meetings is that we want to attend as many meetings as possible when we enter through that door of our 12 step recovery. And when we have admitted that our life is out of control and unmanageable it is then that we learn how to begin a new way of living and have a life filled with hope. We call this the time of surrender.

When I finally faced my addictions, it was then that I knew I had to surrender, to make possible a new life, that new way of living that had been promised me by those of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. And what did I do? First of all I attended Depressed Anonymous meetings, week after week, read all the literature that was available to me, got a sponsor,(someone who would mentor me through the Steps, ), made a place in my day for prayer and mediation so that the God of my understanding would continually nudge and guide me to right living and peace of mind. And just like it was promised to me, I found peace of mind and freedom from the pain of depression. I just knew that now I had found a way to have hope plus that community of people, who just like myself, were walking the same path as I was. I was no longer alone!

In our manual , Depressed Anonymous, we can read how about those of us who became what they were willing to do to find a way out of their depression. In my own life, I found the fog of confusion and pain gradually disappearing, not overnight, but as I continued to practice the spiritual principles of the 12 steps. The group meetings plus the daily reading of the Depressed Anonymous literature will always work its daily miracle in our lives.

I became what I did to get well! So can you become what you do and what you want to be.

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COPYRIGHT (C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

COPYRIGHT(C) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Also available one can use the Home Study Combo (DA MANUAL AND WORKBOOK) for help when there is no DA group in your locality. There is always the ongoing support from the fellowship for guidance and hope.

For more information about who we are and what we do, go to www.depressedanon.com. Also visit the store here for all the literature that can be ordered online.

12 Step Meeting, Despair, Fellowship

A remedy for depression

August 26, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

” Years ago, Dr. Alfred Adler prescribed this remedy for depression to a patient: “You can be healed if every day you begin the first thing in the morning to consider how you can bring a real joy to someone else. If you can stick to this for two weeks, you will no longer need therapy.” Adler’s “prescription,” of course, is not much different than the suggestion that we work more intuitively The Program’s Twelve Steps to rid ourselves of depression. When I am depressed, do I keep my feelings to myself? Or do I do what friends in The program have suggested that I do? (Author’s emphasis)

Today I pray

May I turn myself inside out, air out the depression which has been closeted inside me, replace it with the comfortable feeling that I am cared about by real friends, then pass along that comfort to others caught in the same despair.

Today I will remember

The only real despair is loneliness.

SOURCE: A DAY AT A TIME. Hazeldon. September 10

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

Family members of the depressed share some of the same pain as their family member

August 14, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“In my field of counseling, I always tried to get the family of the depressed person into counseling too, so that I might help the person see how their depression was affecting everyone in the family, including the children. The spouse, if the depressed person was married, always seemed relieved that someone finally could see their viewpoint and understand how they felt and the pain that they were experiencing. Many times, they would tell how their spouse would never do anything and always put things off until they felt better. But they never feel better! I found much pain and anger and frustration in these relationships, as the spouse was beside herself or himself concerning what to do for their sad partner. They were not only becoming depressed themselves, but they were also feeling guilty about their anger at someone who was supposed to be sick?”

SOURCES: Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 81,

NOTE: In my effort to help the whole family unit, I initiated a family Dep-Anon Family Group just like Al-Anon. Al-Anon is there for friends and family of the Alcoholic and helps them to have help in understanding the best ways to help the alcoholic.

There were two persons, both family members of a depressed person, who collaborated and wrote their own manual, based on the 12 Step model, for those others like themselves who also were dealing with a depressed family member or friend. It was an eye-opener to discover that these two persons had some of the same feelings which their family member was also experiencing. They were feeling anger, frustration and became more isolated the deeper the depression of their loved one.

What I learned from them, and the feelings they shared, made it possible for them to write their own manual specifically geared and directed to the family and friend of a depressed person.

Helpful Thinking

The ladder that goes nowhere

August 13, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

In our back yard, we have a 20 foot extension ladder leaning against my Granddaughter’s dollhouse. Since we really don’t have a use for it now, we just stood it up against the dollhouse. till the time comes when we do need it.

This early morning, watching the sun brighten the Eastern horizon, I thought about our ladder that goes nowhere.

It’s neither helping anyone go up or go down. No purpose presently. I thought about this ladder, standing so proudly at a slant , just waiting to be put to the use for which it was created. But the strange fact is that it stopped short in mid air. It had no real purpose –not until someone had to go up, step by step, to accomplish some intended goal.

Somehow this ladder standing there was ready for action, that is., as soon as someone needed to go up. It came to me suddenly how when I was depressed–I was like this ladder, standing up, but with no plan to go anywhere. I was motionless. I felt helpless and hopeless. And in my situation, not going anywhere, not changing my position in anyway at all, had created my indecision about direction , and I was baffled.

When I was depressed I journeyed to the top of the ladder, and knew that I had to take some action. I had to lower myself, step by step, until I hit ground zero. It was then that I made my first decision to see where I wanted to go and then go do it. I know I wanted to go where the steps promised to lead me, namely to a new life lived with hope

At ground zero I admitted that I needed help. A ladder that was headed nowhere was not going to get it for me. I knew that my life as unmanageable and that I was ;powerless. I had had it with all these ladders in my life that went nowhere. Thee were moments when I felt in control, in charge of my life. Again, there I was at the top of the ladder, having everything in life except a way out of my life threatening sadness. This continued to lead me to feel that my life was meaningless. I had lost hope in the things, with my power-seeking and the belief that I was really something. And like the Greek myth of Sisyphus rolling a rock up the hill and only to find it rolling back down the hill. He repeated the same ritual–up again and then down again. It always remained the same. No change.

But then I found the real step ladder that was going somewhere. It was taking me up to a level where I had never been before. The ladder took me up step by step, gave me the courage to find myself, gave my life meaning and continues to this day to provide me with hope and serenity for the first time in my life. Everyone who uses these step ladders will come to realize how each step that I take leads me to another step and the next step provides me with just another reason to keep on climbing.

If you feel that the ladder that you are climbing doesn’t take you anywhere positive, it’s time to go down to ground zero, and climb onto the ladder that goes somewhere. For me this ladder is the mutual aid group which we know as Depressed Anonymous.

If you want to hear how other persons have climbed this step ladder that goes somewhere then take a look at the personal stories in our manual Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE STORE and learn how to get on our ladder and step up to a place where you always wanted to go!

You can order our literature online.

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

With Depressed Anonymous I keep on an even keel.

August 11, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Bill’s personal story of recovery.

“Before Depressed Anonymous, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t even interview for a job. I had no confidence. I could hardly get out of bed in the morning. I would just mope around and never really get moving. I would pick fights with my mother. I didn’t know what to do with my anger and frustration. I didn’t know where to place my misguided fears.

But then I found a place. The depressed anonymous group. We were a small group at first. In this group, we all had a story, and we had to let it out. I thought that no one could be in as bad shape as I was in. I thought everyone was perfectly happy. We started the Depressed Anonymous group about a year ago. We took one step at a time.

Being depressed is like being in a deep dark hole with no one to turn to. Your friends don’t understand you. People around you don’t understand your mood changes. I was so lonely that I didn’t know what to do about myself. I just didn’t give a damn. Now my self-esteem is up. I finally believed in myself. Depressed Anonymous had given me all that back. My attitude is positive. Right now, I feel as if I’m in recovery. I still go to the group because without the group, I get argumentative, and with the group, I keep on an even keel.”

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A personal story of recovery from a member of a Depressed Anonymous group.

Forgiveness

I learned to be good to myself

August 10, 2017 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“I really can’t remember for sure how I became involved in Depressed Anonymous. I believe that a coworker told me about a professor at the University who had students who were helping people in the psychology field and who wanted to know if I would be a volunteer to help start this new self-help group. And it was free! What do I have to lose? I have seen doctors, took the prescribed drugs and still ended up on the same old merry-go-round of ups and downs and “hangovers” from the drug. I joined a small group at first. We talked, set weekly goals, took short walks, visited with friends or enjoyed a cup of coffee to relax. We had to do something for herself. I had to learn to be good to myself, instead of nurturing everyone else. I found a good doctor who gave me a lot of good advice about “pampering” myself more. It had not been easy. I read self-help books, positive thinking books and worked hard on my way of thinking for years. I’m a natural born worrier, so things always seem worse than they really were. So after four marriages, I finally sat back and took a good look at myself. Why was I making these bad choices in keeping my head messed up? After staying for single eight years and working on myself daily, I am now remarried and happy. I have two daughters, two grandsons who are my pride and joy. I work with the elderly at a nursing home and manage to keep busy and happy.”

One of the things that came to me in reading Margie’s story was that she learned how to be good to herself. Why wouldn’t she when she finally got a handle on her depression and learnt how to deal with trying situations that at one time had her baffled. She found that depression was not to be her lifelong companion and the source of her self-pity and despair.

As a fact, I know personally that those of us who have used the 12 spiritual principles of the 12 steps, have found the key that unlocks our prison door of hopelessness and helplessness.

I hope that you might look at this wonderful tool which can release you from the darkness of a life lived in a continuous state of melancholia.

Our Home Self Study Kit, comprised of our manual, Depressed Anonymous plus the Depressed Anonymous Workbook will enable you to dig into the reasons for your own depression while at the same time learn more about your own self from the study of the Depressed Anonymous Workbook. This adventure can all be carried out in the privacy of your home. Who knows, it might lead you to want to help others who are depressed and who have no one to help them. As we all know –it takes one to know one!

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. (Margie shares her story. Personal stories section. Page 131.)

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NOTE Please go to our literature selections at VISIT THE STORE, here at this site, and find out more about the HOME SELF STUDY KIT. You can order online.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, DA Literature, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

Good stress and bad stress

August 9, 2017 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

“There is good stress and bad stress. Good stress challenges us to live each day with enthusiasm and hope as we go about our daily routine. Bad stress is that which causes us to worry, be concerned about things which we have no control over and generally causes us to feel tired. By following our 12 step program of recovery, we discover that our life can have hope and purpose.

We believe that the God of our understanding makes it possible for us to gradually eradicate our need to worry and distress ourselves. I am like the addict who continually needs to medicate their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness by saddening myself when things look bleak and out of control. With the help of my Higher Power, I believe I can begin to feel better as I take the proper means to take care of my physical health.”

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pg. 159. August 8th.

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The following is an example of a member of Depressed Anonymous turning their bad stress into good stress:

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression. The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed of a morning as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought. I began to worry that I was losing my mind and I often asked myself if I was going to survive. But now my ability to handle situations in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance at meetings, and by making a daily time for prayer and meditation and a feeling that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically active, i.e., going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. Working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook, reading my 12 step literature.

This is where my freedom begins. And yes, I do feel lousy at times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make choices in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to prevent me from even thinking that I could choose to feel differently.”

SOURCE: I’ll do it when I feel better. (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 50-51.

Please Visit the Store for more information.

Hope is just a few steps away!