All posts by Hugh Smith

Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Isolation, Journaling

I have found persons who understand me and my problems

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#FOUR/ BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression.  (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
”  No longer am I alone in my depression. I can now see that it is up to me to form new friendships with others in the fellowship of the Depressed Anonymous Group. I have found persons who understand me  and my problems. I also learn coping skills and new positive behaviors from my fellow group members. ”

Below are listed some of  the advantages of belonging  to the Depressed Anonymous fellowship.

  • Receive acceptance  and support from the fellowship.
  • The fellowship of DA places no judgments  on those who join the group.
  • No longer isolated and alone.
  • No “snap out of it” comments from persons who have not experienced depression.
  • Learn how to gradually remove depression from our lives by utilizing the tools provided by the fellowship.
  • Gain new friends who actually “do know”  how we feel.
  • Learn  skills in taking full responsibility for their feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
  • Learning how to be with others in a mutual aid group while simultaneously  developing our interpersonal and social skills.
  • By being part of the group, with persons like oneself, have an overwhelming BELIEF that since they are all getting better, they tell themselves “so can I.”
  • Depression symptoms grow best in  isolation and the withdrawal from others. Healthy encounters with others like ourselves and by using the spiritual principles of the 12 steps, we begin to feel better and gain   hope for ourselves.

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Ray’s  personal testimony, #20. The Power of Depressed Anonymous  is found in DEPRESSED  ANONYMOUS, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. pgs.133-134.

           “So what is the power of Depressed Anonymous?  For me, it’s just like attending the first meeting. I was a little scared and apprehensive at first, but then I found the Depressed Anonymous meeting was a place to go where there were other depressed persons just like me. They could relate to and understand what I was going through. They didn’t judge me or think of me as crazy. I WAS ACCEPTED.

Ray tells us how “the most important power of Depressed Anonymous is hope.”

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The fellowship makes available a HOME SELF STUDY KIT comprised of the Depressed Anonymous Manual and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.  Both of these books can be purchased together.  For those who might desire some further support for issues in their recovery  that may arise from the Self Study KIT can contact us at depanon@netpenny.net.

For many, a Depressed Anonymous  group may not be available in your community and so the reason for the Home Study Kit. Depressed persons who feel isolated and with no group available can  profit  from this Home Study and gain insights into their own depression symptoms plus learn  how to deal with them.

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“Double trouble”

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“Today, millions of Americans are suffering from what my colleague Charles  Derber calls “double trouble”  Those in double trouble have neither meaningful work, nor sustaining intimate ties.  The withering of community life in both domains  fosters a rootlessness and social disintegration that unquestionably contributes to the growth of emotional disorders.”

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) David A. Karp. 1996.  Speaking of Sadness. Depression, disconnection, and the Meanings of Illness. Oxford University Press. p.  178.

Comment.  In Speaking of Sadness (which I highly recommend) Karp points out so persuasively how culture creates the disconnection that influences us  in our work lives and love lives. It is in his last chapters,  Sickness, Self and Society and Sociology, Spirituality, and Suffering he continues to assert the reality of postmodern life which is less and less connected and  more individualistic and manifests itself in   which individuals are disconnected  from one another.

Karp believes that it is in the small group where true community is formed.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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A depressed person can’t stay parked in neutral but must get in gear!

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“Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables.”

                             CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

” The ones who get better are the ones who work their program, go to their meetings, have a sponsor and have a faith that this program will work for them as it has for thousands of others who have suffered with depression. I used to tell myself that I would start serious work on myself when I had more time, felt a little more cheerful or whatever. I know that these are all good examples of sloth or procrastination. I think depressed people have to fight against this more than others because at the very core of depression is a desire to not make a decision but to try and stay parked in neutral. To move out of depression takes an act of will because I will never feel better until I get into action.

I want to get well. I do want to feel better. I know that to feel better, I will have to get into motion.”

MEDITATION

We are going to commit ourselves to you, God. We are going to trust in you, and we have the faith that you will act boldly in our livers today. (Add your own personal comments here).

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SOURCE: Copyright. (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step Fellowship groups.Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.  Pages 129-130.  June 29th thought for the day.

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I THINK I AM DEPRESSED!

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A THIRD WAY FOR LEAVING THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION.

“We trust others by sharing our recent episodes of loss/sadness while at the same time sharing our hopes and strengths. We trust our newfound positive beliefs for getting ourselves out of the prison of depression.”

“Thank goodness, people can now go to a group and find help–namely, the Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group. (A Home Self Study kit is also available. See literature at this site).  If I were a physician, I would administer some paper and pencil instrument which would give a reliable and valid impression of whether a person is depressing themselves or not.  Also somewhere in every primary care physician’s office there needs to be statements/brochures about the signs and symptoms of depression.  We agree with Lipowski who tells us that  “some patients need to be identified early, to try to prevent chronicity. It is important not to treat only their depression symptoms but also to offer them psychosocial intervention, emotional support and education.”

” Persons need  to be educated about depression and that one is not losing their mind when the symptoms of depression begin to take over their lives. Their own depression experience and the symptoms that comprise it may enable them to seek help faster. They may be relieved to know what it is that is happening to them. I believe a doctor or nurse practitioner would be more than happy to help de-stigmatize such a common and universal problem as depression or as some have called it in  an earlier time, melancholia. In time  and with our own advocacy as a mutual aid fellowship we will help make it OK to say “I think I am depressed!”   We hope by that fact to help  de-stigmatize  the common and natural response to loss. Remember to admit you’re depressed is the first step in recovery and the first step in getting yourself undepressed.”

The quotes listed above are excerpts from the THIRD  WAY chapter.

SOURCE: BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 17-19.

THE HOME  SELF STUDY KIT is comprised of the manual DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS (2011)  3rd edition and THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS WORKBOOK(2011). VISIT THE STORE FOR MORE INFO.

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I am on a mission of hope and personal recovery!

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SOURCE: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. DAP. Pages 11, 12, 13.

#2.  “I accepted that God, as the God of my understanding is loving and forgiving. The 12 step group and our God is the pillar of our strength and healing.”

As a young child growing up I always imagined God to be a mean old man with a long beard and always a frown on his face. I was filled with guilt and fear, thinking that I could never measure up to what he wanted  me to be. And ironically, it wasn’t til  I was in my late 30’s that I had a spiritual experience. I began to find that the God of my understanding was not the God of my childhood.

I fired my old God. Through the direction  of my Higher Power and the brand new relationship I was forming with members of a 12 Step recovery group, I gradually found myself finding serenity and hope filling the empty hole that was my life. I discovered that the God of my understanding  was merciful and leading me out of the addiction that had me by its grip. The miracle was that because I had hit bottom and had no place but to go and get help–I found that this was a critical time for me as  I surrendered  to this God of my understanding – I had nothing to lose except my misery.

I discovered, as it says in the 2nd Way out of the prison of depression that we want to live our lives with hope.  Step Two of Depressed Anonymous states that “we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This is where my life took a dramatic turn.  With other members of the group I discovered over time and meetings, plus reading the Depressed Anonymous  literature, that thee was a way out for me. I too could get better and feel differently.

I knew that I was “about to start a new journey of hope. I am not alone as I have other fellow travelers who will lead me around the ditches and the potholes of that old depressive lifestyle that once ruled my thoughts and actions. Now I am on a mission of personal growth and recovery. I am already beginning to feel a glimmer of hope.”

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To read more about Beginning is seeing, VISIT THE STORE,  where you can  order online.

Purpose

Leading a life filled with purpose and passion!

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“We accept and believe that however hopeless everything appears now, we will recover from our depression.”  1st of the 15 beliefs. 

“We know that this belief is one of the most powerful things that we can hang onto as we move through the painful experience of depression. I have spent decades of working directly with depressed individuals and their families. Also. by my own  active participation in the 12 step recovery program, I know that those persons who keep coming back  to meeting after meeting, week after week, usually get better.”

In the coming days, I would like to familiarize you, the reader, with 15 ways that we can leave the prison of depression. I know there are so many more, but I chose some of the ways that I believe will be a great help in leaving the prison of depression.

I will be making reference to some of the thoughts from each of these 15 ways describing a pathway to freedom from the bondage of my depression.

When I entered through the door of my 1st  12 step meeting  these 35 years ago, I was scared. I was also certain  that I needed help. I knew that I must act and learn from folks who claimed they had gotten help and were breaking free from the life threatening grip of depression.   I also knew that the more I tried to figure this  all out in my head, I was like the dog chasing its tail.

Now, being free of the deadening and painful feelings of hollowness,  I know and believe how important it is not to isolate myself but to begin to engage with those just like myself and find some answers to a life that was gradually sinking  in the quicksand of despair.

So, the bottom line is to have that faith, that belief that I too am going to get better. Others have made it and so why can’t I as well.

Because I believed that there was an answer, a hope that I would get better, my life gradually turned from despair to hope .

Let’s say that there are no Depressed Anonymous meetings in your community and so how can you get help? Basically this book has been written to let you know that there are ways where you too can leave your depression behind. Granted you will need more than just a belief  to get out of the prison but you must begin to act on these beliefs.  As the old Russian states : Believe but keep you oars in the water and continue to row to shore.

Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression will help you get to the safety of the shore of hope and healing.

“And once we get involved with our 12 step program of recovery  we discover that our journey of hope is just begining. We are depressed and we know what we have. It is knowing what we have now and doing something about it that is the challenge facing us. We know that in order to survive  and lead a life filled with purpose and passion we have to start today to learn all that we can about depression, its consequences if left untreated, and a program that is solution focused. ”  Believing is seeing. Pages 1-2, 10.

 

Acceptance, Act As If, Belief, Choice

The depression experience is about the way we feel, think and behave

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“When you think of depression do you think of it like it’s one big thing or do you see it   for the many parts that  make up a depression  experience, namely, the way that we think, behave, or feel? In other words, when we make it to be a thing,  it holds power over us – like it came out of the blue – we talk about depression in medical terms – I just had a bout of depression – like it came from outside of us  like an infected germ or virus. In reality, our depression is made up of many parts, such as particular depressed  ways of thinking, behaving and feeling.

Think about the ways that you perceive your depression.  Can you distinguish the various parts that go to form what we call the depression experience?

Which of the following illustrations can you best relate?

 I need to be perfect.

I need to be successful.

I need to please others – always.

I need never to get angry.

I need to have someone in my life before I feel I am somebody.

Please write down  how one or more of the above keep you down, despairing and hopeless. Also write your thoughts  about where you feel these attitudes might be coming from?

SOURCE: The  Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Questions 11.1 to 11.6 inclusive.  Page 80-81.

If you are utilizing the HOME STUDY KIT you can read a corresponding  thought in our manual, Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.  The   DA WORKBOOK  locates this reference in  its format.

 “…   I’ve been good and I’ve tried to be perfect, so why am I so miserable and unhappy ?” The reason that you’re so unhappy is because you’re trying to be perfect, but you never know when you reach perfection as you always have one more line to cross before you become the perfect person that you’re struggling so hard to become. Depression is so often a refuge from having to live out our life. And only when we feel that we can live with a fair degree of unpredictableness  in our life that we move out of  our isolation into the real world. So often our depression hides behind a mask of superficial friendliness – with people never aware of the deep pain that we feel inside.  The risk is in moving out of isolation into contact with other depressed people. We know now that it is in the expression of our feelings that get us free. It is   the telling and the admission of our powerlessness over our depression that makes us move ever so slowly out of the deep pit of darkness and sadness. So often when we are able to make amends, we feel that part of the prison wall begins to crumble and we begin to see the light of day. We discover a way out! We find that our forgiveness of others frees us and brings us one more step into the peace of serenity. Getting free is in saying that we alone are responsible for our compulsive retreat from life when we run up against some stressful situation. And the more we study and hear about the addictive personalities and behavior, the more we learn about ourselves and how we have anaesthetized ourselves against any possible feeling of pain, hurt, or anger by saddening  ourselves and keeping to ourselves.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 85-86.

The HOME STUDY KIT is  a personal study effort (or group) using both the Workbook and the Depressed Anonymous manual. To find out more about the Home Study Kit please VISIT THE STORE.

Acceptance, Choice, Courage

I have to take responsibility for my own life

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The following  excerpt is  about Helen’s  recovery  from depression.  Helen  is   a member of Depressed Anonymous  and her account is one of 31 Personal Stories contained in the Personal  Stories section of Depressed Anonymous.

” You don’t get better overnight but you do get much better. I was as down the muck as far as I could go. I had to go open the door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life. I still have many problems like anyone else, but when I need sleep very badly, I turn the problem over to the Higher Power and go to sleep. I can always pick life up the next morning. Somehow, it all  gets done. Nothing so bad has happened to me. I’ve troubles trying to figure out what I’m exactly supposed to do. I’m sure God points me in the right direction. Sometimes I miss a message, but it will come to me eventually what God wants for me. All you have to do is reach out and get it. My faith is stronger now on God that has ever been in my life because I need that companion in my life. It is there for all of us if we just reach out and take it.

Now that I look back and see the way I was and see how I am now, I can’t believe that I ever knew that other person. This person is different altogether. I like the person now very much. I’m so thankful to the group. They are just wonderful. They are my family. They are my Depressed Anonymous family. Also I have my church family. It is a wonderful feeling to know there is a Higher Power  that  can help you through these things. At first, I thought: ” I doubt the that very much. ”  when everyone was talking about the Higher Power and peace in my life. Then  it  happened to me.  Every few days, the world dumps down on you and beast you down. That’s just life.  I always think to myself that there is that extra strength that I didn’t have before. I feel that everything is going to be OK with me. I have that peace now myself.

It can’t happen overnight. I know what the people who come to Depressed Anonymous for the first time feel. When you go through the long weeks and days to give it all you’ve got, it will happen to you just as it happened to me. There is no magic your. There is no magic pill. It is a long process. It will happen and does happen. It is so much better than staying in a dark hole and not getting anything out of life. No longer could I blame this one or that one for causing me pain. I know that it was me that was beating myself up.  I was unequipped to handle the problems of my life without the Higher Power, without the tools and material to build a better life which I received from Depressed Anonymous.

I also had to get my priorities straight. But it didn’t happen that way. I just found a different way to go about it. And getting my priorities straight, I discovered that if a person does accept me the way I am, then that doesn’t matter. I’m going to do the best I can. If someone else can’t  handle that, I’m awfully sorry about that, but it has to be. I want everyone to approve of  me, but I’m just not going to do that. I’m not going to please everyone. I have got to take care of myself. I was so busy trying to please everyone else that I wasn’t taking care of my own needs. At the time I was doing it, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. Now I won’t  deliberately hurt anyone else, but I’m going to take care of myself.

Helen

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SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 145-148.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

These two works, the HOME STUDY KIT,  is a coordinated  process which utilizes both books to help that person who wants to dig deeper into   areas of depression and will provide   an understanding of what depression is. and how to deal with it on a personal basis.

For more information about the HOME STUDY KIT, please VISIT THE STORE where both books can be ordered online.

 

Hope

Why can’t I find someone to love me?

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A VICTIM IN MY OWN MIND

A personal story of recovery

I knew that I needed help. I had been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing ever seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick of being like this. I wanted a life and I want to be happy. Every week, someone would notice a change in me, but  I still felt the same. Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100 mph) it occurred to me that I was making  myself miserable.

I had always known that I was hard on myself, and I reamed myself every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all  I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden, it made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing. So if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I’ll have to feel positive.

Of course, I’m still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope.  It’s not that hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive every day and that’s what I ‘m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know.

I’m slowly finding out that my life is not as horrible as I have made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again–and that simply is not true. Yes, my past was terrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me.  There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what  they wish their lives could be like –so do it! Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind anymore, I’m more than ready for the great things. With love and hope!

– A Depressed Anonymous member.

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And in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  we read how Bill W.,  co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, tells us that

“If I were asked what in my opinion was the most important factor in being successful in this program besides following the Twelve Steps, I would say honesty. And  the most important person to be honest with is yourself.” DA WORKBOOK, Page86.

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SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 120 -121.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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These two books comprise the HOME STUDY KIT. Please check out the DA literature at the STORE. You can order each book  by itself or both together.

Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Isolation, Purpose, Serenity, The 12 Steps

In telling my story I feel hopeful!

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It would not seem like a big deal to share our experience with depression at a Depressed Anonymous mutual aid support group. But the surprise comes as we share our own personal journey with others.   We discover that no one drops out of their seats as they hear a new member  tell of their suicide attempts, or the   shame and guilt over the  crazy things I have done in  the past.

There is a freedom that accompanies our story telling because we are hearing ourselves share very personal  things about our past. Once we get started sharing our story   we may feel that we  are letting ourselves be vulnerable.

In our Depressed Anonymous Big Book, 3rd edition, we hear the author tell us the following.

“Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional  potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives jinxed.”

And here is the surprise  I referred to earlier: there is no criticism of what we share.  Everyone in the group thanks us for sharing our  story. We now know that most of the fellowship have experienced some of the same behaviors and feelings themselves at one time or the other. In fact,  their stories and mine have much in  common.  They have no difficulty in seeing themselves in my account of a lifetime of depression. I feel  affirmed. I no longer feel alone. I know I am among friends and among those who are walking  the same  path as myself. We are all in this recovery effort together.

In the Depressed Anonymous Workbook we read the following:

“Have you noticed that you are spending less and less time alone and more time with others in the fellowship and the fellowship grows among you and others that you have met in Depressed Anonymous?”  Let’s just say that our thoughts and feelings are now solution focused  – whereas all we could think about before was how awful we feel. We believed that we  are at the end of our rope.    If there is no meeting in your community, you can use our HOME STUDY KIT which will take you through each Step and it’s commentary (Big Book)  while the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  asks  some very valuable  questions for you to answer as you move through  your recovery program.

For more on this HOME STUDY KIT,    please visit our Literature store at this site. You can also order Depressed Anonymous material online.

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed  Publications. Louisville.

These  two works form our HOME STUDY KIT and can be ordered as a single unit.