Shame, Shame, Shame

February 12, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

On deciding what “go to guy” to help me, when setting up the 12 Step Depressed Anonymous mutual aid group, I went to Aaron Beck’s book, Cognitive Therapy of Depression. It was there that I found out the why’s and how’s we shame ourselves. Many times we feel shame to tell another that we are depressed. I have felt this myself. So, when it came time to form a group for the depressed, it was there that at many of the group sessions the fact of shame came up in the fellowship. I saw that what was needed was a therapeutic way to deal with the fact of how to overcome the “shaming” of ourselves.

Beck advises the following to a person saddled with shame:

The patient can be told that if he adopts an “antishame” philosophy, a great deal of pain and discomfort can be avoided. When, for example, the patient makes a mistake that he believes is shameful, he can turn this experience into an antishame exercise by openly acknowledging it instead of hiding it. If he pursues this open policy long enough, his proneness to experience counterproductive shame will diminish. Moreover, he will be less inhibited and more flexible and spontaneous in his range of responses..

One way a therapist can help a patient to resolve feelings of shame over being depressed is illustrated in the following excerpt.

Patient: If the people at work found out I was depressed they would think badly of me.

Therapist: Over 10% of the population is depressed at one time or another. Why is this shameful?

Patient: Other people think people who become depressed are inferior.

Therapist: You are confusing a psychological condition with a social problem. This is a version of blaming the victim. Even if they did think badly of you –either out of their own ignorance or adolescent way of rating people –you do not have to accept their evaluation. You feel ashamed only if you apply their value system to yourself, that is, if you really believe it is shameful.

Beck then goes on to say that “Other standard procedures, such as having patients list advantages and disadvantages of expressing shame, can be used to deal with this response.”

Sources: (c) Aaron Beck . Cognitive Therapy of Depression (1979). The Guilford Press, NY. Page 179.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Fellowship

The price of recovery

February 11, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

Many times in my past I would ask myself if I could possibly live without my addiction? I always said “yes”, I could–but not just yet. How often I repeated that phrase to myself over the years. Or I’d tell myself “I’ll do it when I feel better.” That was another favorite mantra of mine. Have you ever said those same words to yourself? It’s like if I just keep pushing it off maybe the problem will go away. But, we know that is not how it works. If you are presently reading this and in recovery you know how this recovery really works.

For me, it was told to me that really what recovery is all about is to accept the pain of withdrawal for the short term or to choose to continually abuse yourself for the long term. When I have a toothache I can see a dentist and have the tooth and the associated pain neutralized or I can continue with the pain till it is unbearable and then I must do something radical and drastic–like pulling the tooth.

I began this whole painful process of recovery with an admission. I admitted that my life was unmanageable and that my life was out of control. That was the first step. And then having admitted that, I listened to other members of a 12 Step fellowship group and I learned how the program worked for them. In fact it worked so well that many of them have not fallen back into any of their old past addictive behaviors. But as you and I know, there is a price to be paid for this new way of living. We first had to admit that we had a problem. We needed help. And we needed it now. We had hit bottom. We then came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to a life of sanity. Making a decision to turn my life over to a Power greater than myself really got the ball rolling. I now knew that there is a God, of my understanding–and I wasn’t God. When drinking and drugging we had the feeling that we could do anything–that we were immortal and God’s gift to humankind.

This is where we had to face all this garbage that was ours and we had carried around for years–we needed to take an inventory of where we had screwed up. This is painful to have to look in the mirror and see that person who made our life so miserable. No blaming anyone else. As Pogo, the comic character tells us, “we looked for the enemy and it was us.” You don’t have to look very far do you? We might also look in the mirror and ask, “mirror , mirror who is the craziest of us all?” I think you get it. Without a doubt it is necessary if we want to stand tall and face life past and present with hope. and a sense of peace. There is pain, lots of it –but let me tell you, there is a great sense of relief that we no longer have to live in the shadow of life but now live in the light and the good humor of freedom. The shackles of bondage are thrown off. I am a person who is free now and able to tell my own story at a fellowship meeting just like when I walked through the 12 Step fellowship doors and found what I really was looking for: freedom from the pain of my depression and addictions. Look for a freedom group in your area.

SOURCE: (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

NOTE: These two books comprise The Home Study Kit. See VISIT THE STORE.

I'll Do It When I Feel Better

The road less traveled

February 10, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

So to trust oneself can bring to one’s life a new dimension of hope that there might be a possibility for a positive change. But we need to take the road less traveled — not the road that is worn and rutted with the traveled path of hopeless journeys and adventures. The road less traveled is the one that joins with fellow travelers who are filled with hope and purpose.

Rowe says that by listening to our inner voice and so trusting that quiet inner voice is the beginning of getting hope for your self and serves as the key out of depression. Bill W., says that as time passes and we begin to “get” the program of recovery that we are better suited now to follow those intuitive hunches which come with our renewed trust in self and the god of our understanding.”

A comment. Most of the worn and rutted paths that are a big part of our sadness and isolation is due to the way we ruminate and fixate about the way are life is spinning out of control. We continuously try to think our way out of box which has us imprisoned in those rutted paths, dead ends. This negative thinking is familiar–it’s like the train that travels on rails that are shiny with years of continual use.

Now, with our Twelve Step program of recovery our minds are taking the path that leads to peace and serenity. We have a way out of our isolation and pain.

Are you willing to take the road less traveled? Let us help you do just that. We can chart out a path for you that works and works for as long as you stay on the path. That’s a promise.

SOURCES: I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETTER.(2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 78. (Chapter on TRUST).

Prayer

3rd Step prayer

February 8, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

A member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship shared this prayer.

“God I give you my life and my will today…to do with me what you see fit. I ask that you use me as your tool and instrument to Bless your children whom you want Blessed. I thank you for finding favor upon me to do your work and will. I am privileged to be chosen.”

Submitted by Debra S / Her 3rd Step prayer

SERENITY PRAYER

“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things that we can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Today, we “trust God to be God, and let this Power help you, as it has helped millions of other men and women before you.”

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SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 52.

Uncategorized

Something powerful is starting to blossom within me.

February 7, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

Promise # 12 of Depressed Anonymous tells us that: We would suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Pages 51-53.

“Before we discovered the program of Depressed Anonymous we were convinced that the only chance that we had to get better was to wait while the drugs kicked in and then everything would be alright. But now we are certain that our ability to get well is based on how much we develop the belief that we can choose how we feel and think. Indeed, we are now convinced that we can either sad ourselves or choose not to sad ourselves. The community and common bonds of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship produce a feeling that as other members of the group are recovering so can I.

We must be willing to let go of all thoughts that tell us that we will never get well. These are the same thoughts that have imprisoned us over the years. We now listen to the God of our understanding and proceed with the belief that what we hold about the world on the outside of us is determined and governed by the world that is lived within us.

We are in a brand new way, on a new path, and find ourselves committed to a fresh belief that something powerful is starting to blossom within me. A peace that surpasses all understanding is beginning to be born as we learn to relax and wait and listen for that still small voice. We let go, we surrender, we relax and let it speak. We pray that the God of our understanding make a way out of this desert of misery just as it has already created a way for those of us who live in the fellowship. Our thoughts move inside us with light and peace.”

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SOURCE: I’ll do it when I feel better. (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 51-53

Focus, Journaling, Meditation, Purpose, The 12 Steps

“…you always expect the worst.”

February 6, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I will use a notebook to chart my course, list how ech day goes, so that I can repeat the feelings or thoughts that have allowed me to feel I am becoming responsible for my activities.

“…there is one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others. You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. You know this. That’s why you always expect the worst.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Truly, I know this is where the great scrutiny lies, being responsible for myself. If all I did was sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am also making life miserable for those around me. This is why I, as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, knows that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death, that I began to feel better. No one will make me feel better. I will now make myself feel better. I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of feeling worthless. I don’t want to blame anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in the problem. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working my Twelve Step program of recovery.

Blame helps me to never have to look inside myself and ask myself how much of my present state of depression is due to the way I have learned to think about myself and my life? I am not in the blame game and so now I am willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.

MEDITATION

Faith can move mountains. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you. I believe this. Personal comment?

__________________________________________________

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. (1993, 1999). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Thought for February 6th. Pages 28-29.

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Uncategorized

So far today

February 5, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

So far today, God, I’ve done all right.

I haven’t gossiped,

I haven’t lost my temper.

I haven’t been grumpy,

nasty or selfish.

I’m really glad of that.

But in a few minutes,

God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on,

I’m probably going to

need a lot of help.

_____________________

Sounds good to me!

The 12 Steps

We have provided hope with a step by step recovery program

February 4, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

“In Depressed Anonymous we soon learn that to get well we have to believe that we are not passive victims of depression which comes out of the blue and bites us. We are not talking about cold and flu here. We learn to be responsible for our own health and healing. We have to learn that MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION. I will not blame myself for being depressed but I do have to take responsibility for my own health that I know what I have. We are responsible for the depression in the fact that it resides and has its home in us and has crippled us for months, and yes, possibly even years. Now that we have provided hope with a step by step recovery program we think it is possible to use our program, attend our meetings, read our literature and take life as it comes – one day at a time.”

_____________________________________________

SOURCE: Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 15.

Egoism, The Promises

PROMISE # 2: We realize a new way to live

February 2, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

“After having made a clean breast of things we begin to live with a clean conscience. We have made amends, made it right with our God, others and ourselves.

How does one acquire freedom? Freedom is based on detachment. Detachment means to no longer cling to persons, places, things or behavior that cripples or demeans itself or others.

In our struggle with depression, we had felt that we had lost all freedom and happiness. We now know that we have the key to our prison in our hands and as we move through each of the steps a new fact was discovered, that we don’t have to remain frozen in time with our depression. We know that now we can celebrate a release from all the old fears, resentments and images that we held of ourselves over these many years.

Our happiness is now dependent on how we look at ourselves, our world and the understanding that we have of our God. I know for a fact that when I first came into the fellowship, I felt like a stranger in a foreign country. My thoughts and feelings were all confused as I began the journey into myself with a deepening desire to discover the engine that drives my sadness. The battle raged inside of me – a battle that was fought in the shadow of past events – relationships. It was a personal triumph for me to finally see that there was a way out of this despair and emotional atrophy. I now follow a practical plan as outlined by our suggested 12 Step program. I make sure that every day that I get into action and do something. I used to think that if I wait long enough the good humor fairy would tap me on the shoulder and I would be well. This is exactly the opposite of what our program of recovery promotes. Our position is that you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

A pill might make you feel differently-but it will never take away the circumstances that brought you down in the first place. The Promises here tell us that we will find a new freedom of happiness – but first, work has to be done. Our lives and the way we look at life are composed of past and present events.”

______________________

SOURCES: Copyright(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous (2002). Depressed Anonymous Publications.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

You begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim…

February 1, 2016 hopeservicefellowship Leave a comment

These Twelve Steps work for those who work the program and who try to live one day at a time. Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives were jinxed. But now we can begin to feel hopeful when other members of the group shake their heads in knowing approval of what we are saying when we tell our story. Most have been where we are now. And the more we make an effort to come to meetings regularly, the more we will find members of the group telling us how they are seeing a change in the way we act, talk, and look. We will accept the group’s comments as being true and honestly expressed. These people speak our language and they all have been where we are now. You gradually begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim the more you work the program and get excited about the possibility of helping others. When you start reaching out to others in the group, it is at that point that you are carrying the message of hope to others. You have a future with Depressed Anonymous.”

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 105.

NOTE: These two works comprise the Home Study Kit which can be purchased TOGETHER at VISIT THE STORE.

Hope is just a few steps away!