- The ability to deal constructively with reality.
- The capacity to adapt to change.
- A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties.
- The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving
- The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness.
- The capacity to love.
My depression just came out of the blue
A question from the Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Step Eleven. Page 79.
Question: How do you see your depression as a compulsion? What are the triggers that cause you to spiral downward back into the dark prison of depression?
When you think of depression do you think of it like one big thing or do you see it for the many parts that make up a depression experience, namely, the way that we think, behave, or feel. In other words when we make it to be a thing, that is when we reify it — it holds power over us — like it came out of the blue –we talk about depression in medical terms such as I just had a bout of depression — like it came from outside of us like an infectious germ or virus. In reality, our depression is made up of many parts, such as particular depression oriented ways of thinking, behaving and feeling.
Question #11.1 Write down the way that you perceive your depression? Can you distinguish the various parts that go to form what we call the depression experience?
Which of the following illustrations can you best relate to?
11.2 A need to be perfect!
11.3 A need to be successful!
11.4 A need never to get angry!
11.5 A need to have someone in my life before I feel I am somebody!
11.6 Please write down how one or more of the above keeps you down, despairing and hopeless? Also, write about where these attitudes come from?
Sources: Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Note: Both these books make up the Home Study Program combo. See Visit the Store for more literature that is recommended for our 12 step fellowship.
Where Do You Plan To Live Today?
“Today is all that we have. Don’t let dwelling on yesterday’s hurts and fears or about tomorrow, rob you of peace today. Contrary to what you might have thought — you are responsible for how you think and feel..”
Many of us in the program, no matter what our compulsion happens to be, prefer living in the past and/ or the next day. We have a difficult time living through each day–it’s too risky to have to feel the pain of the moment. But we know that the pain of the present needs to be felt if we are to reduce the lifelong misery which is ours unless we face the enemy and deal with it. It is a promise of the program that we hand over and let God deal with us in God’s time and in God’s own way. We know that God, with our assistance and work, our life can be straightened out. Like the old Russian saying. “Pray, but keep rowing to shore”
Now that we have learnt how to take care of ourselves and our recovery, we now believe that we are responsible for finding our way out of depression. We can blame our sadness on our genes, hormones or a chemical imbalance. All this finger pointing can’t prevent us from having to take full responsibility for finding and using that map which points the way out of the darkness of depression. Since we have been involved in the 12 Step program of recovery we continue to learn the “how” of working our way out of sadness in the context of the fellowship of the group.
The best way to live today is to be fully conscious of the present moment and create that strong desire to be part of it. Let’s not live in yesterday –the rent can kill you.
How often do I spend time in tomorrow and so miss the joy of today? I think one of the more serious occupations (aren’t they all serious?) of the depressed is just to sit and think, and think some more about how bad life is and what awful people they are. The self-bashing makes one’s ability to change even more difficult, as continued depressive ruminations promote a great sense of unworthiness and confusion. We feel that we have no control over what happens in our life. Actually we are not so sure that we should care. Everything seems hopeless. Living in yesterday is to pay some high price rent –and when you’re done paying the rent, you still have nothing to show for it.
I have to live in the here and now –I can’t run and hide in the unknown of tomorrow or disappear into the gloomy fog of yesterday.”
Where do you plan to live today?
Sources: Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 37-39.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Overcome our need to be compulsive about everything…
Affirmation
I will be fearless as I take my personal inventory and uncover those thoughts that I sad myself with on an ongoing basis.
“The most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. These stem from causes which sometimes seem to be within us, and at other times to come from without. To take inventory in this respect we ought to consider carefully all personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble.”
Clarification of thought
I am seeing how my attitudes of worry, anger, self-pity and depression can keep me imprisoned. Working with my program has been and is part and parcel of my every waking minute. The Steps that I put so much faith in are the road signs that keep me on this shining path which I call God’s will for me. I am reminded of not sticking my nose always into other people’s business so that my serenity is lost.
I am mindful that this program is mine for the used. I believe that this program deals with the way we respond to our attachments and compulsions. The Second and the Third Step help me realize that there is a God larger than me. Once I am in his will, I can move on and be changed for the better. It is a simple reality to realize that to work on my program is to let God work through me.
Depression sometimes is a symptom of something inside me that I have lost. It is a sadness over something gone out of my life. This loss could be the reality of never being good enough, never doing enough or being les than perfect. The symptoms disappear when I can learn to live with the belief that I will find hope and begin to feel better.
Meditation
God will help us today to overcome our need to be compulsive about everything negative that we say to ourselves. God will help us say Stop to all those compulsive and self-defeating thoughts.”
Sources:
Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 168.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Hope to hope. Depressed Anonymous Publications. (2000) Louisville.
Living And Facing Life Head On
Affirmation
I am making an effort today to live one day at a time.
“We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love.”
Clarification of thought
I am learning that to have any peace, I will have to learn how to accept others as they are and not try to change them. I believe that when I no longer have these great expectations of other persons, or myself, it is then that my level of peace and serenity go up. It’s my unreasonable expectations of how things should be that causes me to panic and to live in the future instead of the present.
I am aware that I don’t want the people I love to pity me, feel sorry for me, or even to feel that somehow they are to blame for my chronic relationship with depression. If I am able to feel better, I am going to have to make the decision to work toward that goal. From now on, all that I have to ask of anyone is to be patient with me as I break out of my solitary world of sadness.
The only real demand that I make upon myself is that I do all in my power to begin to get better. I make only those demands upon myself that are attainable, not perfectionistic and which are based upon the reality of hope that one does and can get better by living and facing life head on.
Meditation
We are going to begin to pray today that God helps us find out other ways to love ourselves.
SOURCES: Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 168. August 21.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2014) Depressed Anonymous publications. Louisville.
Hope is a universal language
The misery of depression is so powerful that it not only disables our thinking capabilities but likewise disables our desire to move or even to get out of bed in the morning. Now who in the world are you going to tell this craziness to? Family and friends don’t remember you breaking any bones. They know that you aren’t running a fever. You look fine to most people. And if you still have a job, everyone at your place of employment likes you, though you do seem a little more reticent than usual. And because people will think you are losing your mind if you tell them how horrible you feel inside, you continue to keep quiet and keep your “happy face” on. Of course this makes you feel worse. So what do you do? Who do you tell? And what would you tell someone, even if they did want to listen? There is a solution for the way you are feeling but it is not the one most usually heard from people who have never experienced depression. You know what I mean as they repeat the old magical curative of “snap out of it.”
Here is what I did these many years ago, like 30 years ago. I went to a 12 step meeting and found a map. This map was developed by people just like you and me and its directions were clear. There were 12 Steps and as I walked carefully with the steps showing me the way, I finally found my way out. It was only because I was honest about the fact that I was hurting really bad, and that I couldn’t depend on my will power alone to shut off this dreadful pain inside of me. I now was willing to do anything to help myself get free of the deadly clutches of what had me and wasn’t going to let go. I finally found that spark of hope inside of me thanks to the recovery program of Depressed Anonymous. That spark ignited within me freedom. Freedom from fear, fatigue, and the hopelessness that all of us have experienced as we continue to live out our lives in silent isolation and self hate.
I now have hope and the great “tools” provided for my recovery through the Twelve Step program of Depressed Anonymous,if you too want what we have, I recommend that you read the true stories of people like yourself who have tried our program and found freedom.
See Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. You can find this work plus many others at Visit the Store on our site www.depressedanon.com.
You can let your thoughts come into your mind, just don’t invite them to stay for tea
The Promises of Depressed Anonymous: Promise #10 of 15.
Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
Losses may produce a variety of very intense and painful feelings. Fear can cripple the best of us. Why fear people and economic insecurity? In Steps 4,5,6,7,8,9 we have examined our lives piece by piece, ending up with a good conscience, while feeling neither guilt or shame for things of the past. We have thrown off the shackles of the past.
Bill, in his personal testimony in the DA book relates that you don’t get better overnight, but you do get better. “I was down in the muck as far as I could go. I had to go and open the door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life. I still have many problems like anyone else, but when I need sleep very badly, I turn the problem over to the Higher Power and go to sleep. I can always pick life up in the morning. Somehow it all gets done. Every few days the world dumps on you and beats you down. That’s just life..” (Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.)
I believe this man definitely “got it.” when he began attending the group, spending some quiet time every day and learn that people like himself were able together to form a new environment, a surrogate family if you will, where there exists healing and hope.
Granted the group cannot find you a job or take away fear of people, but it can provide you with a map where you can discover a way out of the prison of one’s depression. How can you learn that?
Kim, a member of DA in her personal story says that “the moment I read that I had a choice to stay in depression I undoubtedly knew that I could make the choice to get out of my depression. Bingo! It wasn’t an illness. This did not have control over me. And another tool I use frequently through the DA manual is that “thoughts produce feelings, feelings produce moods and moods produce behavior.” (Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.)
In the tradition of one major religion, there exist the three poisons, greed, anger and delusion. And as the saying goes “You can let your thoughts come into your mind, just don’t invite them to stay for tea.”
And as it says in the Bible; “Fear not, for I am with you. Let not your heart be troubled.”
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If you have ever experienced the pain and hurt of depression you know what the thoughts expressed here are all about.
I remember Bill very well from the time he came into our group for the first time. And with time passing I saw him change right before my eyes and live out what he shares with us in his personal story in Depressed Anonymous. I do know that it is just in the sharing of who we are that life can begin for us once again. It truly is like a rebirth. I also know how our feelings produce our moods and the moods produce our behavior. My behavior shifted dramatically from the extrovert that I normally was to the reclusive and isolated person trying to figure out the “why” of my depression. It was only until I got moving did my feelings begin to change and I became more positive in my thinking so that gradually I began to climb out of the deadness of my inactive behavior. “If you want something that you never had before, you must do something that you never did before.” Doing that something will be the thing that will change your life!
SOURCES: I’ll do it when I feel better. (2014). DAP. Louisville.
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) DAP. Louisville.
Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression (2015) DAP. Louisville.
I needed to lay all my cards out on the table…
Affirmation
First I need to forgive myself for not being perfect. I want to accept the fact that I am human and fallible.
” Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Step Nine of Depressed Anonymous
Clarification of thought
When I made up my mind to attend my first Twelve Step meeting that was the beginning of making amends to myself and to others. It was this taking the step and coming to a meeting that I made my statement that I needed help and that I might change the way that I lived my life. I need to lay all my cards on the table and get straight with anyone from my past who I feel that I hurt by my continual withdrawal from living a full life. I need to make amends to those who I passively watched when I would have been a support or a partner. For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.
This really means that I will take an active role in changing my life. Amends doesn’t mean that we just shift the furniture around the room of our life. I might have to rip out the plumbing, knock out a wall, that is, face a major overhaul on the way I look at myself.
Meditation
Our God will help us locate the truth about whom we need to make amends; that is, how God wishes us to be changed and whom we need to have forgiveness from so that we will be God’s worthy vessels to carry hope to others still suffering from the despair of their sadness.”
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Source: (c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step Fellowship groups. Louisville. Page 166.
Other sources of interest:
Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
I’ll do it when I feel better (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
Believing is seeing (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
The “toolkit” for all seasons.
I have an assorted number of “toolkits” that I use for an assorted number of problems if and when they arise. I have a jack for my car in case I have a flat tire. I have screwdrivers, pliers, hammers and other assorted tools for home repairs whenever I need them. Whenever I need a particular tool for a particular job, I know where to go to find what I need. It keeps my life simple.
But now I am talking about a “toolkit” that you can use for every season of your life. Every season of our lives come with certain situations that need our special attention and particular tools which will help us stay in good shape. To use an analogy, it’s much like maintenance on a car at regular intervals.
In our daily 12 step program of recovery, I use certain tools from my ” toolkit” on a daily basis, such as my prayer and meditation time in early morning. I don’t argue with myself whether or not I am going to do it, I just do it! Then I read a certain passage from my Big Book, Depressed Anonymous, (3rd edition) which treats each Step with an individual chapter. And beside my Depressed Anonymous book, I have my Depressed Anonymous Workbook which asks me pointed questions about a particular Step which I might be working on that day.
In my “toolkit” there is that commitment to my physical well being where I take a long walk every other day. You know as well as I do that if we want to stay healthy, then exercise is an absolute necessity. And of course, I try and stay away from all fatty foods, and when in season try to eat fresh fruit and vegetables.
In order to have a “sound mind in a sound body” I watch how I talk to myself. I attempt to rid myself of all resentments (these can put us down quicker than anything). I know that negative thinking results in negative behavior. The Steps provide us with those excellent set of tools to help us look at and dismantle the bricks in the walls of the prison that we have constructed over the years.
I also continue to worship the God of my understanding in my particular faith tradition. Most important.
One of the powerful tools that I use for maintenance which gives me courage, hope and serenity is to be part of my 12 Step fellowship group.which meets every week. (We are thankful that we have two Depressed Anonymous groups in our community)
A tool which always serves me well, in good times and not so good times is to have a person (we call him/her a sponsor) who has agreed to walk with me through my living out the Steps in my daily life.
There you have it. Would you like to put together your own toolkit? It’s not difficult to assemble. All one needs is to be honest with oneself, be open to what you need to get right in your life, and then be willing to get started. You might want to Visit the Publications Store and read about what tools are available for you. We can be grateful that there is a proven way to leave the prison of depression. What’s in your “toolkit?”.
The Secret Of Life Is That There Is No Secret. – Sartre
This morning, before the rising of the sun, I was up and asking God to bless me for this next 24 hour period of my life. All I had left from yesterday was my memories of it. And the memories were good. My family and assorted friends came together for my wife’s brother’s birthday party. It was a lot of fun and lots of old memories from earlier times surfaced. From the youngest, a five year old grandchild to a 94 year old aunt. Anyway, I thanked God for family and friends. Today, I have memories of that time yesterday. But I live here now, in the space of these next few hours left in this day.
I have learned that yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow is not here yet. How true that is. Just try and live today.One day at a time. If I have a worry today about something coming up tomorrow, I just keep informing myself, that I will have to worry about that later. Later never comes. That’s the beauty of this strategy… later is interpreted as “push it off ” till another time in the day. It’s really a matter of making a choice at this point–worry or try and let it go. So,right now, I am going to enjoy the sun rising over the horizon. I am also trying to be mindful of what is right in front of me. Mindfulness is a very important habit to carry with us these 24 hours. Be mindful of what is happening around us. Be mindful of the person with whom you may be having a conversation. In other words, be present with your whole person to the person who is with you. When I look out now, with the sun beginning to cast its warm crimson glow in the East, I think God that I have shelter, food on the table, and a family that I love and care about. Morning is a gratitude time for me as I think about my ministry with the beautiful aged persons in a nursing home, the people I may be able to visit in the hospital today.
I also thank God for my sobriety, my spiritual recovery program of Depressed Anonymous, and the fact that I am mindful of trying to be honest with myself and others, that I am open about who I am. I am willing to share with others how it is that I have the tools now to stay out of the prison of depression. I love to tell the story of how it was when I was depressed and now how it is that I am part of a fellowship that uses a daily program of healing and serenity. (See Depressed Anonymous, 3rd ed., DAP. Louisville). You can also go to our site menu and find important and helpful literature there for your life.
Can you think about and write out all the areas of your life for which you are thankful? Try it. And then tonight before going to bed, reflect on how you still have hope that life can get better. I have found that living life one day at a time—with gratitude — makes it a whole lot better!