Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus, Hope, Step 01, The 12 Steps, Victim Thinking

You can change the way you feel. You are not a victim.

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” Who better knows the pain and the isolation of depression  than the person who has been depressed? It is my personal conviction, both as a psychotherapist and as a person who has experienced depression that it was only when I admitted that I was depressed that I could start working my way out of this terrible and immobilizing experience. In my own experience, I thought  I was losing my mind, as I couldn’t cram another thought into my head and couldn’t remember a thing that I had just read or thought a minute before,.  I was tired all the time and would wake up early in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. But that’s the best news most people hear when they come to Depressed Anonymous meeting for the first time, namely, that they are not losing their minds. When you’re depressed, you feel your mind is made out of cotton and all life seems grey, cold and lifeless.

The important thing to remember about depression is that you are not a victim. You have bought into the belief that you can’t change how you feel.  You need to believe that once you change the way you think then that in itself can begin to produce a change in the way you feel.”

In Depressed Anonymous,(2011), the  guiding light of the  fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, a 12 Step program of recovery we read that we are not victims of depression.  In fact our basic guides out of the pit of depression are the Twelve Steps. What you have just read in the paragraphs preceding are some basic thoughts  that can help take down the walls that have built your prison of depression. Step One is where we all begin our life giving journey of hope. Step One states quite simply that “We admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our live had become unmanageable.”   By following this program of recovery, step by step, you will soon discover that you not only can be part  of a life giving fellowship but now you possess the tools to live a life free of depression.

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.  Step One- Page 29.

Mindfulness, Spiritual Heroes, Spirituality, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Dr. Alfred Adler’s Prescription For Depression

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“Years ago, Dr. Alfred Adler prescribed this remedy for depression to a patient.  “You can be helped if every day you begin the first thing in the morning to consider how you can bring joy to someone else. If you can stick to this for two weeks, you will no longer need therapy.”

Adler’s “prescription” of  course  is not much different than the suggestion that we work more intensively the program’s Twelve Steps to rid ourselves of depression. When I am depressed do I keep my feelings to myself or do I do what friends in the program have suggested that I do?” Source: A Day at a Time. 1976.Sept 10.

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I like Adler’s “prescription” as a real concrete and positive aid in being mindful of the needs of others. In a Twelve Step meeting we find ourselves in the midst of a group of people, some who are newcomers, some who  have been in the group for a period of time and others who have gone through all the Steps, one after another. That’s the beauty of the 12 Step program of recovery. The Twelfth Step tells us that ” Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we   tried to carry this message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.”

One of the instances for me personally of putting  the prescription of Dr. Adler into practice and  before  I  leave for work , is to ask God to lead me to that person who needs a loving presence the most. I happen to work in a long term care facility and because of a person’s different stage of their dementia, just to be a silent presence can  give a  person comfort.

But if we stay holed up in the isolation of life deadening thoughts all we can reflect upon is our own pain, much less the pain of anyone else. So, get the picture?  Reach out to someone else; leave the prison of our isolating and negative ruminations; connect with another human being and give ourselves someone to think about other than ourselves. Who knows, maybe we will come away from our encounter the other and be grateful  of what we can still do that has a positive effect on another’s life.

Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship

Choice, not chance, determines destiny

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“We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life experiences, and of our surroundings  — that these are the sole forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to freedom. We have to believe that we can freely choose.”  Source: As Bill sees it.

If we leave to chance what happens to us, we soon discover we are like the ship without a rudder. We  can continue to go in circles and get caught up in the deadly  downward spiral of helplessness or we can make a decision to choose, finding  a way out of our despair.  We discover that we can choose–we can admit that what we have been doing is not working. The staying in bed with the sheets pulled up over our head; the continued beating up of ourselves with the “what if’s, the “I should have done this or that,” and all the other negative self-talk that has me immobilized.

When I made the decision, when I chose to do something about my desperation, I found a group of people just like myself. We all chose that group because we had lost all hope. The group gave me hope. I too could get better. And we had to face the fact that if we didn’t deal with our depression now and make  the choice to feel differently, we would continue to go down that slippery slope that would lead us to who knows where.

Today, take a look at the Twelve Steps (see site menu) , go down the list, one step after another and see how this climbing out of the pit of despair works. And then, if you have a copy of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, you can read the real life stories of persons like you and me who made a choice to live — made the choice to use the same program of recovery that has freed a world of  people from their prisons of depression. Don’t take a chance–make a choice –save your life. Choose freedom!

Acceptance, DA Literature, Fellowship, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Step 01, The 12 Steps

Belling The Cat

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“The mice once called a meeting to decide on a plan to free themselves of their enemy, the Cat. At least they wished to find some way of knowing when she was coming, so they might have time to run away. Indeed, something had to be done, for they lived in such constant fear of her claws that they hardly dared stir from their dens by night or day.  Many plans were discussed, but none of them was thought  good enough.

At last a very young Mouse got up and said:

“I have a plan that seems very simple, but I know it will be successful. All we have to do is to hang a bell about the Cat’s neck. When we hear the bell ringing we will know immediately that our enemy is coming.”

All the mice were much surprised that they  had not thought of such a plan before. But in the midst of their rejoicing over their good fortune, an old mouse arose and said:

“I will say that the plan of the young mouse is very good. But let me ask one question: Who will bell the Cat?”

The moral of the story: “It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite a different matter to do it.”

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In our work, I’ll do it when I feel better (2013), the moral of the story there is pretty much the same as  in  Belling the cat.  We tell ourselves that I’ll bell the cat of my addiction , which is killing me, only when I feel better. Of course, it never  happens. I never feel better.  I tell myself that I can’t even muster up  the energy to even begin the process  of taking on my sadness and those deadly feelings of helplessness.  But bell the cat I did! I knew that either I start helping myself out of the pit of my despair or lose my mind. The “cat” in my fight  had me physically, mentally and spiritually  immobilized.   Only because I had hit the wall did I begin to do something. I admitted that there is a problem and I had to DO something!

In the 1st Step of Depressed Anonymous which tells us quite directly and without equivocation  “We admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become un-manageable.”  OK. There you have it. I began to tie the bell around  the  old cat’s neck! That is the first step–to admit –and then to do something about it. It’s the beginning of a personal movement toward health and peace. But as we all know, this mouse (me) is never alone. I have a whole group of folks just like myself who have tied the ribbon around their addictions. Taking one Step after another we all have found a way to live our life without fear and depression.

For more information please read Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville and check out other books/ literature at Visit the Store at our site.

Hope, Mindfulness, Prayer, Spiritual Heroes, The 12 Steps

A Zen byte

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“It is possible to live life fully throughout life, and if that is accomplished, death need not be feared. An ancient anecdote of Zen literature is most illustrative here. A novice asked a Zen master, “What is death?” To this, the master responded, “I do not know.” “But you are a Zen master.”  To this, the master responded, “Yes, but I am not a dead Zen master.”

Source: Mind as Healer, Mind as Slayer, Kenneth R. Pelletier.

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So many times I hear people talking about how our modern world is basically absorbed in a “culture of death.” Sadly, so many persons, are occupied, almost phobic about growing older, looking older and being older. More thought is given to death than to life. So much time is spent on looking at the ” what if’s”, than seeing the “what is.”. We all are not automatons, going about life in a daze   We all  have the ability to look inside, take a deep breath and begin to take  responsibility  for our lives. Even though we might feel helpless and hopeless it doesn’t mean that we are. How often have I heard that language creates our reality and the language that we use in our self-talk, creates an illusion that there is no hope. And my self-talk tells me that all I have is today–yesterday is gone forever –tomorrow is not here yet, and so all I have is this 24 hour period of time. Do I make an investment in my today, so that what I do today, pays off in serenity and happiness for the 24 hours to come or do I stay frozen in my fears and isolation.

Frankly, what has worked for me and still works for me is to stay in today and say daily the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference…just for today!

Avoidance, Belief, Fellowship, Isolation, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid

Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection

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“…Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection, not only between people, and between mind and heart, but between one’s self image and public mask, writes Parker J. Palmer in  Let you life speak.

“Then”, he continues, “there were the visitors who began by saying “I know exactly how you feel…”  Whatever comfort or counsel these people may have intended to speak, I heard nothing beyond their opening words, because I know they were peddling a falsehood: no one can fully experience another personal mystery.  Paradoxically, it was my friends emphatic attempt to identify with me that made me feel even more isolated, because it was  over identification.  Disconnection may be hell, but it is better than false connections.

Having not only been “comforted” by friends but having tried to comfort others in the same way, I think I understand what the syndrome is about: avoidance and denial.  One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another’s pain without trying to fix it, to simply stand respectfully at the ends of  the person’s mystery.  Standing there, we feel useless and powerless, which  is exactly how a depressed person feels – and our unconscious need as Job comforters is to reassure ourselves that we are not like the sad soul before us.”——————————————————-

Comment.  It is extremely important for others to understand that not only is the person depressed feeling useless and powerless, so to is the person who is in the company of the person depressed. It is not hard to understand that this is exactly what happens with all of us when we cannot “‘fix” someone who we know needs help.  Our statements of the false disconnection type, do not build bridges between peoples, but widens the gap between them and us. I know and believe that it is the person who is present to us, as Parker points out, that is standing by, on the outskirts of an understanding  of our pain, and who  continues  to be there without a ” toolkit” to “fix” us.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fear, Fellowship, Journaling, Step 04, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Stepping Up To Hope

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In Depressed Anonymous I have heard members of the group say what works for them is not to fight depression but instead do the dead man’s float — just let go and feel the sadness –don’t run away from it with lots of activity and doing — this can lead to mania — instead, admit our sadness, our despondency and face the feeling.
Don’t fight it and push it down but DISCUSS it –talk about it and see it for what it is. Since depression is a dependency issue it is only when we begin to surrender to the Higher Power or God as we understand him that we make it possible to recover from this experience. We choose to live, feel and think differently.
THE ANTIDEPRESSANT TABLET
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This approach to depression really works, as the many testimonies in our “Big Book” Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition illustrate. Yes, we know that running away from any difficulty or problem just digs the hole of our sadness deeper. Once we give up our shame or guilt for being depressed–basically our feelings powerless and being isolated –and start to share our story with others, we find our sense of mastery begins to return as our feelings of uselessness begin to evaporate. How often do members of the group, after coming to the group for some weeks, begin to look different–that is, they seem calmer and their faces become softer. The hardness disappears.
Hugh

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THE DOG WHO LOST HIS BARK

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Every Sunday after Church my wife and I walk home a certain way and pass a house where a dog barks at us. As we walk along the fence line, the dog continues his barking as he follows us til we leave him behind. The fence restrains him from following us further on our path. And, thank goodness, the dog stops his raucus barking.
Now, what is so strange about a dog barking? Well, actually nothing. That’s what dogs do. They bark. My wife and I just expect this dog to bark at us. And because we have to pass this house on the way home, we just know what to expect. The dog goes nuts when he sees us coming!
This past Sunday we again start the ritual, begin to pass the house, and right on schedule here comes the dog. But, he’s not barking. What? He follows us without barking. My wife and I look at each other. We both know that this dog is supposed to be barking. What happened? Amazing things do happen. We are the same people who do this ritual every Sunday. Doesn’t he know what the ritual is. All dogs know that they are supposed to bark. Not only has he lost his bark, he has also lost his identity of the ferocious dog.
I believe there is a metaphor here that we might use for our own purposes. People expect us to behave in predictable ways. People likewise respond to us in particular and familiar ways. But when we no longer respond in a predictable manner, friends wonder, what’s up with him? Who is this person who always was the “glad hand Charley” now has turned into the isolating and reclusive person who no longer wants us around.
We ourselves. myself included, have at a time in my life, lost my bark, so to speak. It was at that time that I retreated from life and took the defense of depression to lick my wounds. I constructed my own prison and lived there for over a year. My mood had become sullen and responsive to all those who wanted to cheer me up. My thinking turned to thoughts like “what is happening to me”, “who am I” “Why am I wearing this mask of Mister Happy Jack, when I am dying inside. I felt I was losing my identity as well as my purpose in life. There was no meaning to my mental, physical and spiritual life.
Today, my life does have purpose, it does have meaning. Because of losing “my bark” so to speak, I found that my life needed a change. And now, here I am trying to help others “get their bark back.” My depression experience changed my life. The “who I am” now is much different than the “who I was” before my emotional, physical and spiritual crash. I sort of hope that dog gets his bark back, because that is who he is.

Hugh

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WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT? WHO IS MY GOD? (Revised)

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I pray everyday that who I am, and what I want is always to be found in doing God’s will—(more about this later)–and by doing that, I gradually through prayer and meditation learn about God’s will for my life. God truly becomes my light and my source of guidance.
A life model that best fits all living organisms in this universe and which all living organisms possess are these five characteristics: identity, autonomy, competency, interrelatedness with other living organisms and the ability to replicate themselves. All living organisms have these common and same universal characteristics.
Why is this relevant now? First of all, we all experience having an identity –that is, we have a genus and are part of a particular species as humans belong to the rational animal species. As a rational organisim we can make rational choices so we are the sub species. Our own name and by belonging to a particular human family gives us an identity.

The next characteristic is that we experience a personal autonomy – – this means that we are a stand-alone being–no batteries needed–we can operate by ourselves–we are not connected to another physically–excepting at birth by an umbilical cord.

The next characteristic is that we all have a certain competency –namely, we are able to think rationally–at least on most days. We all have talents and special gifts. Take our fingerprints for instance — we are so unique that our fingerprints separate us from any other human being in this immense universe. We are the only ones in the universe that have these unique set of prints. The unique and particular swirl of the fingerprint makes us unique and unlike any other rational being.
Competency is a big issue in relationships as to who I am, what I want to do and who my God is. If I feel worthless and valueless, unacceptable to myself and others then of course it follows, that I will not possess any sense of real competencies in my personal life.

The final piece that goes to make up this mosaic of who we are is that all living organisms are related to all other living organisms. We are interconnected with every other living being on this earth and what we do affects other living creatures. Case in point: In our world today with its emphasis on climate change and how everyone is in the same boat we believe that everyone needs to grab an oar and work collaboratively to see how we can all assure our common survival here on this planet earth. Pope Francis recently points out in his letter to all the people of the earth, that we all share a responsibility for our ” common home.”
It is said that if the small plankton at the bottom of the ocean would disappear, then all life that feed on the plankton, and depends on it for its own survival, they would die and the organisims that depended on the next layer of life would then die and so up the chain of living organisms that make up the vibrant life of the sea. Interesting how we all our dependent on the Plankton?
So, to determine who I am, what I want and who is my God is very much dependent on who I say I am, who I think I am with my own identity, autonomy, my own sense of competency and my ability to relate to those in my environment.
Tomorrow we will discuss these five characteristics of interrealtedness of all living organisms and compare them to what is our real self as compared to what we want to be, our ideal self.

SOURCE: Shining a light on the dark night of the soul retreat. (1999) DAP. Louisville. Page 4.

Belief, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Honesty, Purpose, The 12 Steps

The Vital Spiritual Experience

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The Twelve Steps are the essential beliefs and at the very core of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous recovery program, modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous which originally developed to help men and women to deal with their addiction to alcohol, one day at a time.  The Twelve Steps have been found to be a potent means of recovery for those who desire to free themselves from their compulsions. The Twelve Steps are basically a program of letting go of our compulsions and handing our will to the  care of God, as we understand God.  Essentially our program is a step-by-step way to change not only our addiction but also our way of life.  Change happens when we choose to change.  The fellowship of the group and our desiring to make change in our life is what provides our life-giving spiritual experience. Many people get organized religion and spirituality mixed up and Depressed Anonymous achieves strength from a spirituality without set creed, dogma or doctrine.  All the program asks of a person who come to the meetings is only to have a sincere desire to stop the compulsion of sadding themselves… “Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 94.

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Hope is just a few steps away!