DA Literature

The game of chess taught me a great lesson

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I like to play chess. In fact, there are some Pro basketball players who also like to play chess. I am sure that there are many others who like to play chess. I would imagine that generals on the battlefield use the skills of chess playing to rout the enemy. My brother played chess. He taught me how to lose with dignity. My grandson and I also play chess.

The great lesson that chess has taught me, and still teaches me, is how to plan ahead. When I am in a chess match my mind creates a strategy that takes me beyond my next move. There is always the inner dialogue of the chess player which forecasts what happens if this move is taken and what happens if it is not taken. Some times, my strategy to check-mate my opponent is five moves ahead of me.

Basically chess, for me, teaches me how to strategize those areas of my life that need a plan. I have to look ahead, not only for possible potholes but averting disasters. And as important, I learn what happens when I have not planned ahead.

This leads me to repeat the saying that “those who fail to plan, plan to fail.” Life is more than a chess game I grant you that, but with us (me included) our 12 Step recovery program helps us make plans to keep us from a relapse but also can prevent our sad mood from spiraling down into the abyss of depression.

At every depressed Anonymous meeting, we each set goals, we plan, what we want to accomplish this coming week, maintaining our serenity as well as continuing to strengthen our efforts at digging ourselves out of the pit of depression.

With the holidays coming up, we need to have a plan to keep us from getting isolated by our sadness. We can plan to come to a virtual (ZOOM) meeting online. (Click onto Homepage MEETINGS schedule for daily meetings). Or attend a face-to-face meeting.

Plan to keep in touch with those who are working the same plan as we are. By sticking to the recovery plan, you can be a winner and have the serenity knowing that you made the right move!

PS Learn how to play chess. If you feel you are in a check-mate situation, don’t give up hope. Please Contact us at depressedanonymous.org, and I know it will teach you a life plan as much as it taught me. Our fellowship group also helps me plan and live one day at a time, each move of the way!

Hugh, for the fellowship

Fellowship, Helpful, Hope

Help Wanted!

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“Help Wanted” signs are up everywhere in my community. Everyone needs someone to help their business stay open. Not everyone is able to stay open as the “wanted help” is not showing up at their doorstep.

Here at Depressed Anonymous, our 12 step recovery program, we get many requests for help from our website blog plus our daily online Depressed Anonymous virtual Zoom and Skype platforms. So many persons looking for help, especially now during the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.
Our doors are always open for the business of providing help for those who are suffering from depression. (see the MEETINGS drop down menu at the website homepage.)

Social isolation, anxiety, fear, boredom and every other kind of problem continues to bring hurting persons to our site. They want help. And yes, there is help. There is hope. The program is available everyday and the best part is that the people with whom you meet there are wanting help, just as are you. Some of those you meet at our meetings have already asked for help, some days ago, some months ago, some years ago, and now they are here today offering their help to you. It’s a fact that by helping you they help themselves. Isn’t this the best way to be helped — helping someone else? The door has already been opened to them during the bad times of their lives and now they are committed to help others just like themselves. We were once depressed, alone, fearful and isolated. No longer. We got help!

Take courage. The signs are up. Help is here for those who seek it. And when you come to a Depressed Anonymous meeting you don’t have to say anything. Just show up. If you feel like sharing –please do so. We do want to hear from you. It’s a safe place to be when we feel scared and no place to go. Want help? Come on in. You’ll be happy that you did!

Hugh, for the fellowship

See https://depressedanonymous.org/literature for information on ordering literature.

Higher Power, Love

Why am I here?

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Many of us face this existential question:

Why am I here?

For me this depressive the question Why? is crazy making. I can jump up on the mental gerbil wheel and go around seemingly forever. The question Why? creates suffering for me – I need to let it go.

OK, so Why is not healthy for me, what other existential question can I ask myself that doesn’t create suffering?

The question that I choose to ask myself is:

How am I to live my life?

I could potentially go down many different paths on that simple question. What does my Higher Power say on the matter?

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34, NIV

You certainly can have your own conception of God and you need not see your Higher Power in the same way that I see mine. You don’t have to buy into the rest of Christianity – it is fraught with many apparent contradictions, and even I struggle with it. I just bring my focus back to John 13:34 – that is the essence of what I’m supposed to be doing in my life.

I am a flawed human being and I fall short of that ideal each and every day. I say that not to beat myself up but rather to state things as they are. Just because I wasn’t as loving as I could be today shouldn’t prevent me from trying again tomorrow to come closer to the ideal.

It’s my responsibility to keep my focus on loving others as He has loved me. I need to seek with prayer and meditation to discern what that looks like today in my life.

I firmly believe that the present moment is not about the Why but rather the How. When I remember to do that my life is so much easier. When I go back to the Why I suffer. I have a choice today and I choose to focus on the How.

Yours in recovery,
Bill R

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

My family was clueless about depression, until they joined the 12 step Dep-Anon support group for families

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Depressed Anonymous and the Dep-Anon family program of recovery are two sides of the same coin. There exists a symbiotic relationship between the two groups. What happens in one of the groups (family) has a positive or negative effect upon the other group. With this symbiosis, there is an excellent benefit for both family and the depressed. The family centers its attention on itself and is not focused on and discontinues the blaming and guilt-producing impact that they are having on the depressed. They discover that their efforts to “fix” their loved one have an opposite effect pushing them further down into isolation and despair. They now use their meetings with other like-minded family members to learn about the nature of depression, realizing that all they can do is cope with the isolating behavior, understand what depression is and what it is not, and take care of their own lives. They learn that by being part of a supportive Dep-Anon recovery group that their lives change positively with the continued use of the 12 Steps in their lives.

The study of the 12 Steps gradually produces a feeling of respect and support for their loved ones. We are seeing that without their continued attitude of blaming, negativity between the two parties begins to be eliminated. The Dep-Anon fellowship will continue to grow in unity with each other while messaging their depressed family member that something positive is happening.

REFERENCE

Smith, H. Dep-Anon, a 12 Step Recovery program for Families and Friends of the Depressed. (2021) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.
NOTE

See https://depressedanonymous.org/literature for information on ordering literature.

DA Literature, The 12 Steps

Learning from the Learners

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This is how I change my thinking and the behavior that goes with it. When I change my thinking, my behavior begins to change. I learn from the learners. Those who come to meetings regularly share what is going on in their lives and illustrate how the 12 Steps are creating healthy changes in the Way they live out their daily lives. They shared how life was before they participated in the DA meetings and how life is today. They have continued to learn from the learners.

I am a learner. I learned how people who once were depressed now come forward and show how their lives have been changed positively by this fellowship. WE become positive learners and begin to share our life with others.

Our friend, Dr. Dorothy Rowe, illustrates this “learning from learners” and points out how vital sharing is for each of us who have learned how to use some life-saving tools for our recovery. These are learned by reading DA literature and especially by the sharing that is expressed at our meetings.

Sharing means being prepared to reveal your own weaknesses. Listening means accepting the other person’s pain. Don’t push it away, saying, ‘No, it’s not like that or ‘don’t worry about it. It’s not as bad as you think. Everything will be all right. You’ll soon be better.’ Don’t run away from the other person’s pain by belittling or denying that it exists. Accept the pain, stay with it, and offer, not advice but a comforting hand or a shoulder to cry on.

Have the courage to face the pain and the courage to accept change. Have the courage not to be afraid of one another. Have the courage to take the world as it is, and one another as you are, in all your strengths and weaknesses. For we must love our loved ones for all their sins as well as their virtues, for their weaknesses as well as for their strengths. We must love them as they are, and not as we want them to be. And we must hold them in the same Way as we hold a rose – gently-for if you hold a rose tightly, the thorns pierce you and the petals are crushed.

Hugh, for the fellowship

RESOURCES

Copyright(c) Rowe, Dorothy. Depression. The Way out of your prison. Second Edition. Routledge. London (1986). P.165.

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous. Third Edition. (1986) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

Family members of the depressed have their own group – Dep-Anon

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“It’s compelling to have friends and a support group of like people who you can listen to and try to help. There is something very affirming and powerful and healing about that. It is the very reason that Depressed Anonymous works so well.”

Dep-Anon is a 12 step mutual aid program of recovery for families and friends of the depressed. In a short time, family members will gather in their groups and deal with the intense negative feelings about their loved ones. They will learn about what depression is and what it is not and how it affects the lives of their loved ones. It will also help them realize that they cannot fix the depressed family member, but they need to focus on themselves using the spiritual principles of the 12 steps.

The Dep-Anon manual, organized for those family groups, gathered together for support of each other, will find ample material to begin the work of spending time taking care of their own mental health needs. These gatherings of family groups will discover how their recovery will bring the depressed and themselves back into a healing relationship.

RESOURCE

Copyright (C) Smith, Hugh. Dep-Anon, a 12-step recovery program for family and friends of the depressed. Depressed Anonymous Publications. (2021) Louisville, KY.

Copyright (c) Sanford, Debra. A Medley of Depression Stories. Self Published. 2017. p. 74.
Please Visit the STORE for more detailed information about this new release from DAP. One can order it online from this site.

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

“I’m depressed and my family tells me I’m lazy.” Help is on the way for your family. There is a special group for them.

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Dep-Anon, a 12 step Recovery program for Families and Friends of the Depressed, is now being formed here (US) and other places where Depressed Anonymous is active.

Here is a passage from A Medley of Depression Stories where the author, a member of Depressed Anonymous, provides us with positive guidance. She tells us that.

“Depression is not my fault and your depression is not your fault. God knows we have been beaten up enough over being depressed and not being able to “suit up and show up!” Blaming the person with depression is harsh and cruel Would they blame a cancer victim? It has always amazed me that when it comes to mental illnesses, it is so often judged harshly. As though it’s one’s fault that they were sick or had a breakdown. It reminds me of people screaming at an alcoholic who has lost his job, but his family and lost his house! Exactly what good will come from that? Often loved ones think they are helping “pound some truth” j their alcoholic husband or wife’s head! If we just scream enough and say the most hateful and derogatory things then they will stop drinking and ” wake up” to their poor behavior.” Medley, p.73).

Writing Dep-Anon is why I feel a pressing concern, organizing and helping families of the depressed understand the nature of depression, what it is and what it is not. The family of the depressed needs to fix themselves and not try to fix something in their loved one which they knew little or nothing. From reading the above quote, we can feel the anger directed at those who were depressed.

The Dep-Anon family group uses the same 12 steps for family members who gather together, forming their groups helping each other learn the best ways to help themselves and deal with their issues instead of trying to change their depressed loved ones. The Dep-Anon manual provides a forum where family members can share their strengths, experiences with each other.

The Dep-Anon family group and the depressed have a symbiotic relationship in which each group is helped by the need to be addressed so there may be unity and healing. Dep-Anon provides a resource of discussion points and a commentary on the 12 steps for reflection and group discussions.
Support for the Family is indispensable.

“But for us the person is not a mere patient with specific depressive symptoms- he or she is family. They suffer, but they do not know what is happening to them, they make others suffer, and everybody feels abandoned because the DSO (depressed significant other) seems to prefer not to have anything to do with their family. When this occurs, family and friends withdraw, feeling the hurt of rejection. The DSO continues to be sad, unable to define the reason for this.” Dep-Anon. 2021.

RESOURCES

Smith, Hugh. Dep-Anon. A 12-step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed, recently published by Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. 2021

This newly published work can be ordered online from the Depressed Anonymous Bookstore at this site. Visit the Store.

A website will be available in the coming month with its email address and information about upcoming Zoom and Skype meetings. We will continue to help you stay connected with info concerning Dep-Annon happenings online and f2f.

Hugh S.

Fear, Focus

Fear

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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert, Dune

I recently watched the film Dune and was struck by this mantra given in the first half of the movie. Most of my fears are imaginations or are irrational. Is it rational to be afraid of being attacked by a tiger on the streets of New York City? No, that is definitely not rational. If however, I was walking in the jungles of India, at dusk, then it is a rational fear for me to have.

I must separate the rational from the irrational – the true from the imagined. If the fear is irrational then I need to focus on the reality of the present moment. Where am I? What am I feeling emotionally? Is it helpful for me to act out of that place of irrational fear? No, it is not helpful for me to act from that place of imagined fear.

What about facing rational and true fears? Courage is not having no fear, but rather facing your fear and acting anyway. If you truly do have to walk in the jungles of India at dusk, wear a backwards facing mask as that greatly diminishes the chances of a tiger attack.

Ask yourself “what can I do, in this moment, to protect myself from this true and rational fear?” Don’t give into the fear. Choose to act from a place of serenity and calm. You’ll be amazed at the results you will see.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

DA Literature

You get what you want by releasing. – Lester Levenson

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How is that for a paradox? How can you get something by letting it go? Is there a problem here that we don’t understand? Most times we figure that only when we hold tightly to something WHICH we desire, it will be given to us. This does seem to be a little “off the wall” type of thinking but let’s take a deeper look into this statement.

The best way to hold a handful of sand in your hands is to just let the sand grains sit there. They are just there – much at peace with each other. But when you start to squeeze your hands and tighten your grip on the sand-what happens? You guessed it. The sand begins to move out through the fingers with pressure forcing them out through and off the hand.

Here is my take on this matter. In the real world of thinking, feeling, and behaving my own reflections tell me that the more you persist in doing something your way, the more resistance may begin to counteract your choice. It’s much like tightening a bolt just one more turn and guess what? The bolt breaks. Too tight.

In the spiritual world, so I have learned, is that when I let go, let God work out its will in my life, that what I want begins to be released for me. As it is said in the Promises of Depressed Anonymous that this new me, waiting instead of rushing, I find what I release eventually comes to me.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. “Are these extravagant promises?” We think not. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Resource

Depressed Anonymous 3rd Edition, © 2011, Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville KY.

Hope is just a few steps away!