Depressed Anonymous

An old saying

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Note: originally published December 23, 2015

There is an old saying that goes like this: “When my ship came in, I was at the airport!” How true. How many opportunities in my life have I passed up because I kept telling myself, “I’ll do it when I feel better.” Just recently I wrote about this in my book I’ll do it when I feel better because that was my personal mantra when I was depressed. I would rather sit and do nothing. I just wanted to try and think my way out of the unending thoughts that kept me imprisoned. I sat in the prison of my own making. I was chasing hopeless thoughts around in my mind.

I always wanted to escape the pain – but not just now. The work that I knew which was involved was too much for me to even consider. I had no energy to speak of. Getting out of bed in the morning took a superhuman efforts and somehow, magically, I mistakenly thought I was going to be OK. I kept doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This is insane.

But finally, when my ship came in, I was standing on the pier waiting for it, and I knew that I had to climb aboard. How did this event come about? Well, it came about when I knew I could wait no longer for help to come to me. I had to make a decision to go after it. No matter how big or how small, any ship would do. I had to get on board. Then it happened. I had to make a choice – stay in my misery which was predictable and unending or to go and find something, somebody that could help me live a life which was truly unpredictable and that I could live my life in peace and hope. The name of that ship is not the “good ship lollipop” but the ship is a vessel of hope called The Depressed Anonymous Fellowship. The sailors on this ship are tried and true, having endured all sorts of trials and perils of life, who have found this vessel of hope to be seaworthy and a life support. All we need to do is admit that we have to get aboard this ship. Will you like to join us on this voyage we call life? Would you like to find yourself on calm seas? If so, a ship is coming for you. Get aboard and live.

See our book, Depressed Anonymous – it’s my and your passport to safety and serenity.

Order it today. VISIT THE STORE here at our site and learn more about what we in this Fellowship have to offer those who feel there is no hope. And adrift. Grab an oar!

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Choice, Courage, Purpose

A culture of comfort

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Note: originally published March 21, 2016

In the past, my response to a situation that needed my attention I would tell myself “I’ll do it when I feel better.” This was my “old normal” behavior for making excuses for NOT taking care of business in my life.

I believe that for most of us who were or are depressed the “normal” behavior was to just sit in the comfort of doing nothing and letting our lives spin out of control. Now when I mean comfort, I don’t mean without pain, I mean taking NO action when action is seriously needed. And it was only when the situation , that depressing paralysis of will and life activity began to come to a deadening halt, that I had to face myself, make a decision to do something and get my body moving.

I believe that when I unexpectedly found myself drifting down into a sort of a deadly physical inertia, that this discomfort, this slow motion moving and thinking, forced me to come to my senses and stop whatever it was that had me sinking in quicksand up to my chin.

How many times have persons shared with me, as well as sharing in the Depressed Anonymous group, that the comfort of staying stuck in neutral was better than trying to dig themselves out of the stagnation of depression. Depressed persons sometimes have the fear that their unending physical sadness , their mental torment and the comfort of doing nothing is better than trying to change it for fear that they might get something far worse. In fact, many felt that to change would be like turning themselves into the hole in the doughnut. They would be reduced to zero.

Like it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, most times we all are looking for an easier and more comfortable way out of whatever has us by the throat. Why not stay in the cocoon of our predictable misery than try to live in the real world which is unpredictable and challenging. Of course, to live this way, takes energy. To live this way takes hope and the belief that I can and I will take the plunge to be proactive in doing all that I can to feel differently. I also have come to the point where I will make a “decision ” to take action today, not tomorrow, but today. Today is all that I have. I have just 24 hours at a time to begin deciding to live differently and find out how this can be accomplished. Where to start.

Just by reading this piece today, you can find the hope and energy to turn your life around like thousands other have done over the years.

Read the following literature and see how it may be of help to you in leaving your own “comfort zone”.

SOURCES:

    • Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.
    • Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Please VISIT THE STORE at this site for information for ordering your own copies of valuable literature on ways to leave behind the misery of your own depression experience.

Choice, Honesty, Positivity, Powerlessness

Stop saying ‘I suffer from depression’!

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stop-sign
Words have amazing power. Guess what happens when I say ‘I suffer from depression’? Yep, you guessed it – I. SUFFER. FROM. DEPRESSION. The very action of saying that I suffer from depression creates further suffering.

Don’t say ‘I am depressed’ as there is a sense of finality and futility in that statement. Saying ‘I am depressed’ sounds like you are defining who and what you are by your depression. You are more than that. Depression is but one small sliver of yourself. Choose different more affirming language. You’re not sugar coating the existence of your depression, you’re merely using different words to describe it.

I’m suggesting you use different language. My first suggestion is that instead you say ‘I’m recovering from depression’. You’re on a journey to wellness. You may be at the beginning or at the end of your journey, but you are on the journey. You are not stuck in the hopeless state of suffering depression. You are seeking wholeness and serenity. You haven’t given up and chosen to wallow in your depression.

OK, what if you can’t even say that you are ‘recovering from depression’? I have another more neutral statement for you to try on: ‘I have depression’. It’s something you have, it doesn’t define you fully. By saying you have depression you open up the possibility that in the future you may not have depression.

OK, you don’t like that one? How about ‘I feel depressed’? Feelings may last a long time, but they eventually do pass. The only permanent thing is life is impermanence.

This too shall pass.
– Slogan heard in an AA meeting

The deep dark depression will pass eventually. If you are feeling good at the moment, well that will pass as well. I’m not saying ‘woe is me’, but rather pointing out the universal truth of impermanence. This dark cloud that you are under may be massive but it will eventually pass, and the sun will come out.

Please choose your words wisely. The words you use influence your thoughts. Your thoughts influence your feelings. Your feelings influence your actions. You want to be on a different path, well the first step (pardon the pun) is by choosing to use different words to describe your current state.

Good luck.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Acceptance, Attachment, Choice, Faith, Fear, Helpful Thinking, Suffering

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today

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And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

© Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Ed., page 417

That passage really speaks to me. After reading it I feel centered.

Life is 1% what the world hands you and 99% how you react to it. I’m not trying to minimize the pain and trauma that people go through, but I know that I can create suffering by not accepting the reality of the present moment.

When my daughter died I thought I was being stoic and heroic by going back to work immediately. I was not accepting on a deep and profound level the reality of my situation. I swallowed my emotions. I picked up an addictive behavior and ran from my feelings as opposed to having the courage to feel my emotions. I really didn’t grieve my daughter until 15 years later in a group therapy session.

Whatever pain you’re going through accept the fact that is where you are at the moment. I don’t mean give up and not find a way out through and past the pain. Stop asking yourself and God “WHY did this happen to me?“. For me the WHY is a way that I create suffering for myself.

I’ve had to learn to accept whatever situation I am currently in. Now is not the time for knowing why. When I die I’m sure my Higher Power will tell me why certain things happened to me and for me. Acceptance is the answer to my problems today. Problems morph into situations. Situations are things that need to be dealt with maturely, serenely and soberly. I hope that you can find acceptance with whatever is troubling you today.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Addiction, Choice, Ego Deflation, Fear, Focus, Powerlessness

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

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Periodically I will share pearls of wisdom that I’ve heard or read. I will try to include attributions to the original author/speaker.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
It isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It’s habit. It’s my fault. I know where I am.
I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V.
I walk down a different street.

© 1977 Portia Nelson

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Mutual Aid

Untying knots

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Updated 29 Dec 2020: The US based ZOOM meetings are no longer being held.

How many times have I spent untying knots, from shoestrings to the reel on the fishing rod, the line erupting in a ball of tangled line. The lesson here is that untying knots is a metaphor for life. I knew from experience that if I stayed with trying to untangle the knot that I would eventually succeed. That happens to be true for the shoestrings –but not so much for the fishing line. I usually had to cut the line, pull out the tangled ball of line and use the line that was left.

Life is like this when a situation arises that needs our immediate attention, we either deal with it, or tell ourselves that there is nothing we can do to change it. We’ll just try and live with it. That doesn’t work very well for either shoestrings or fishing line. Cutting the fishing line and/or the shoestrings is not the best solution but it does take care of our knotted line and tangled shoestrings.

If you are experiencing some tangled knots in your life: depression, despair, divorce, and just all over emotional pain, now is the time to ask for help. We ask if there is someway or someone to help me untie my hard to live with problems? Is the solution just to cut off my lifelines of family and friends? We say no! If you need help now in untying a knot, such as a sadness that continues to spiral you downward, leaving you feeling adrift and hopeless, we can help you find a way out where you can connect with others like yourself.

A mutual aid group is available for those of us who have learned how to overcome our hopelessness and skilled at untying knots in our lives. We are skilled because we are with those others who have been busy cutting the lines of their own attachments to self bashing, feeling worthless and living in isolation.
Throw out a line and we will be there for you. You are not alone. “There is hope….and we do recover.” (The name of one of our Depressed Anonymous ZOOM groups).

WE have our Depressed Anonymous meetings everyday online at SKYPE and ZOOM, please come and join us. Check out our homepage for more information about our groups, online.
Please contact us with an email at depanon@netpenny.net.

For more information check out our literature at our website www.depressedanon.com.
Thank you,
Hugh, for the fellowship.

Act As If, Choice, Focus, Purpose

You Can Do This!

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Fighting and managing depression can seem like a daunting task. I know as I feel overwhelmed at times. You don’t need to stay stuck in depression. You can take action. Any action is better than inaction and isolation. Get out of yourself and do service for others. The others can be others with depression, or they can just be the downtrodden in need of support. The women in World War II rose to the challenge and went to work (Rosie the Rivetter pictured here). You can rise to the challenge of doing something to help with your depression.

Easy does it, but do it!
– Slogan heard in AA meeting

If you’ve read any of Tony Robbins work he recommends taking massive action. Being in the depths of depression what does massive action look like? Here are some things that when you are in the depths of depression that are massive actions:

  • Have a sleep regimen. Go to bed at the same time, and get up at the same time every day. I’m not expecting you to be an early riser, but have a routine.
  • Making your bed every time you get up from bed.
  • Personal hygiene. Take a shower. Shave (wherever appropriate).
  • Brush and floss your teeth.
  • Wash, fold, and put away your laundry.
  • Clean the bathroom.
  • Wash the dishes (machine washed is fine) and put them away.
  • Get dressed. My recommendation is to the level of business casual. You will feel like you have more of a purpose.
  • Get outside and take a 20 minute walk.

Put these little regimens into your life. Why did I use the word regimen?

regimen: a manner of living intended to preserve or restore health
Source: https://www.dictionary.com/browse/regimen

No one likes regimen. You are doing it for a purpose. You are attempting to restore health and sanity into your life. As you begin to do these things your depression will lighten, albeit very slightly. The slightly lighter mood will enable you to do even more massive actions. These future more massive actions will have an even greater impact on your depression.

What will those more massive actions look like? I don’t know, that depends upon you. Take the little actions of regimen. You can do those little things. Your depression will lessen even if it’s a mere one tenth of one percent. Accept the challenge, you can do it!

Then you can do even greater things that will have a greater positive impact on your depression.

Yours in recovery, Bill R

Serenity, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 04, Step 05, Step 06, Step 07, Step 08, Step 09, Step 10, Step 11, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Strands vs. Steps

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OK we all know the metaphor of the steps. They are an ever increasing ascent into sobriety. But is that the only metaphor that we can use for recovery?

I think not. I’m a big fan of trivia, and I have a thirst for the esoteric. One image that comes to my mind about recovery is the act of rope making. Thread is woven together to make yarn. Yarn is woven together to make twine. Twine is woven together to make rope. As the strands come together the result becomes stronger and stronger.

We start off with Step One, our first thread of recovery. It is the beginning of our recovery and a necessary part of it. Admitting powerlessness is a difficult undertaking. I think I have power: I am the master of my domain. Nothing is further from the truth. We can quibble over whether powerlessness is 0% power or is it 1% power, or some other single digit percentage of power. The bottom line is that we have very little power in our lives. Admitting powerlessness is a turning point in recovery. Something, somewhere, a power exists, but it is definitely not within us. Powerlessness is not the same as helplessness or hopelessness. It means that we are fallible and flawed beings. That is not a condemnation of our state of being, merely a statement of truth that we are fallible and that we need help.

Step Two is then woven in with Step One. Step One is still there, but we are now adding the additional wisdom of another spiritual principle. The most beautiful words in the English language are “Came to believe”. We see that there is a way out of our pit of depression. This power, this Higher Power can restore us to sanity. What does sanity mean? Well let’s look it up:

sanity – the quality or state of being sane
sane – proceeding from a sound mind
Source – https://www.merriam-webster.com

Can we say that being in a state of depression is “proceeding from a sound mind”? I would say it is not.

Step Three is then woven with the other 2 strands. Turning our will and lives over to the care of the God1 of Our Understanding is a very hard idea to wrap your mind around. There is a saying in recovery: “Surrender to win”. Surrender is not about giving up. It’s about accepting fully to your current reality. You need help and your Higher Power can help if you’re willing. Remember that it is God’s will and not your will. You have it within your right to ask for things, but it is up to God1 to decide what is going to come to fruition.

Step Four is then woven in with the preceding strands. Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves is a difficult task, but a necessary one. We need to put down on paper what we have done, both right and wrong. Don’t just include your liabilities, but also include your assets. You haven’t been all bad, and neither are you all right. Have the courage to write is all down. You won’t die because of it.

“Admitting to God1, ourselves, and another human being…” is necessary as well. Step Five is about humility and sharing deeply about ourselves with another. Some people say: “I don’t want to confess my sins to another”. Confessing is not about supplicating yourself on the altar of forgiveness to escape damnation. The origin of the word confession is “testifying to the truth”. State clearly and concisely what has brought you to the state of depression.

Now that we have taken our inventory we can follow the guidelines of Step Six and make a list of all of our shortcomings. We can surrender these to the God1 of our understanding and become entirely ready to have Him2 remove them. This is not about beating yourself up, it’s about having the humility to admit where you have fallen short.

Which brings us to Step Seven: “Humbly asked Him2 to remove our shortcomings.” We can ask to have our character defects removed, but it is up to Him2 to decide which character defects will be removed. When asking to have your shortcomings removed end your petition with “Thy will, not mine be done”. Which ones will be removed is not up to you, it is up to Him2.

Step Eight is about making a list of all persons we have harmed. We don’t have anything else to do just yet. We are merely making a list. Don’t get ahead of yourself, you are not at Step 9. Focus on making the list.

“Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”. Step Nine can be very frightening. If you are afraid to start making amends then I suggest that you talk to your sponsor. You may have created a terrible situation in your mind that you discover after talking with your sponsor that you don’t need to make amends to that person. Don’t avoid this step – it has amazing healing ability. A weight will be lifted from your shoulders. Making amends is not about begging for forgiveness. It’s about admitting what you did hurt another person, and that you are striving not to make that mistake any more. You can start with the easy amends and work your way towards the more difficult ones.

Step Ten is the next strand: “Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” The longer you are in recovery the more prompt prompt becomes. It’s all about not creating a further wrong that needs to be fixed with another Step 9. Admit you were at fault. You will be glad you did.

If you’re in a hole, quit digging.
– Will Rogers

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God1…” brings us to Step Eleven. It’s all about seeking that deeper relationship with your Higher Power. The seeking is what is important. There will be times you feel connected to your Higher Power and there will be times that you are in a dark night of the soul and you don’t feel the presence of your Higher Power. Don’t beat yourself up that your relationship with your Higher Power ebbs and flows. That’s what it does.

Yes it is important that you have had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. The critical thing with Step Twelve is “..we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.” Be of service to others. Help someone else. Not for accolades, but rather to pay your blessings forward that you have been pardoned from the prison of depression.

You have woven a rope of recovery. It is so much stronger than the single thread that you began with. You are free from depression, and with this rope you can move great obstacles in your life.

Notes:

  1. Here I mean whatever you conceive your Higher Power to be. It could be God, or Jesus, or Allah, or Buddha, or Universal Truth, or Love, or any other conception. Your conception of your Higher Power is yours and yours alone. It is just a whole lot easier to write it in the shorthand term God. Please don’t be offended.
  2. Using the pronoun Him does not mean that God is definitively masculine, it’s just a shorthand way of referring to your Higher Power. Please don’t be offended.
Depressed Anonymous

Lack of power, that was our dilemma!

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In our “Big Book” Depressed Anonymous, we learned that not having the power to escape from depression was our main problem.

What gives many of us the power to overcome depression is to have some new purpose or find new meaning for our lives. In my own life I found that the best way to keep those low moods and depressive symptoms at arm’s length is to write. One day I stumbled across this great solution for my own wellness and rehabilitation – among many. Most times in the past when I felt discouraged and in a funk mood, I would seek out my pillow and rest. Too many times my escape from the mental and physical fatigue would be to hit the sack.

I gave up that moment which in time became my power to get on with that moment which gave meaning to me like no other.

Choice, Negativity, Positivity

Thinking causes feelings, feelings cause moods and moods cause behavior

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This sounds right for me. When my thinking is negative and my mind cycles around and around, these negative thoughts can create sad feelings which are negative. If I feel sad enough and for prolonged periods of time my sad feelings will create moods which can last for a short time or deepen into moods which gradually darken our thinking to the extent that hopelessness begins to rule our emotions-our lives. Once our moods deepen, we begin to find ourselves prisoners, not of any iron bars and locked cells, but the change in our thinking, now negative and hopeless , not only will change our behaviors so that any physical, mental or spiritual activities will come to a halt All those activities that were once such a large part of our lives, providing pleasure for us, gradually have all disappeared. From this time on, our thinking, our feelings, frozen with fear and anxiety are stuck in a place which is unable to provide any possible solutions providing a predictable escape.

Hope is just a few steps away!