Category Archives: Mutual Aid

Acceptance, Choice, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid, Necessity, Serenity, Stinking Thinking

Radical Acceptance – The First Step Toward Healing in Depression

In a 2019 study published in The Journal of Affective Disorders (DOI: 10.1016/j.jad.2019.07.035), researchers found that individuals who practiced acceptance-based coping strategies reported a 30% decrease in depressive symptoms over six months compared to those who used avoidance-based coping. This highlights a crucial reality: resisting painful emotions often intensifies suffering, whereas acknowledging them can lead to significant relief.

Imagine a person struggling with deep sadness due to a recent job loss. Instead of fighting their feelings by telling themselves they shouldn’t feel this way, they choose to sit with their emotions, allowing themselves to process the grief. Over time, this acceptance enables them to regain control over their thoughts, consider new opportunities, and move forward. This is the essence of Radical Acceptance, a core component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that has transformed countless lives.

Researching and writing this article deeply resonated with me. Radical Acceptance was the first DBT technique that truly connected with me because I had come to rely on it in the period immediately following my intent to end my life. It was the foundation that helped me begin the process of healing, giving me the space to understand my emotions instead of being consumed by them. By embracing Radical Acceptance, I found a way to regain control, one moment at a time.

Why Fighting Reality Makes Depression Worse

“I shouldn’t feel like this. This isn’t fair. Why does this keep happening to me?” These thoughts might feel familiar to anyone struggling with depression. It is natural to resist painful emotions, to wish them away, or to believe that if we fight hard enough, we can overcome them by sheer willpower. However, this resistance often has the opposite effect, intensifying our distress and making it even harder to cope. Instead of alleviating suffering, resistance compounds it, leading to frustration, self-blame, and exhaustion.

Radical Acceptance, a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), provides an alternative path—not just conceptually but through empirically validated methods. Numerous studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of DBT in reducing emotional distress, improving distress tolerance, and enhancing emotional regulation. Research, such as a meta-analysis by Valentine, Bankoff, Poulin, Reidler, and Pantalone published in Clinical Psychology Review (2014), has shown that DBT interventions significantly decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety, supporting the role of Radical Acceptance in mental health treatment. 

By incorporating these scientifically-backed techniques, individuals can develop healthier coping mechanisms and build resilience. one of resignation but of acknowledgment. Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, DBT incorporates mindfulness and acceptance strategies rooted in both psychological research and Eastern contemplative practices. Studies have shown that acceptance-based approaches can significantly reduce emotional distress and increase psychological flexibility, making it easier to cope with difficult experiences. By fully recognizing reality without resistance, we can shift our energy from futile struggle to meaningful healing. This article will explore what Radical Acceptance is, how it alleviates depression, how it serves as a foundation for other coping strategies, and practical ways to cultivate and maintain it.

The Science Behind Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Radical Acceptance

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan in the late 1980s as a treatment for individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Over time, research has demonstrated its effectiveness in addressing a range of mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). One of DBT’s core pillars is Radical Acceptance, which has been shown to play a significant role in emotional regulation and distress tolerance.

Research Supporting DBT and Radical Acceptance

Numerous studies support the efficacy of DBT, particularly in reducing emotional distress and improving overall well-being. A 2006 study by Hayes, Luoma, Bond, Masuda, and Lillis published in Behavior Research and Therapy (DOI: 10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006) found that individuals who practiced acceptance-based strategies, including Radical Acceptance, experienced a significant reduction in emotional suffering compared to those who engaged in suppression or avoidance. Similarly, a 2014 meta-analysis in Clinical Psychology Review reported that DBT-based interventions led to improvements in mood regulation and a decrease in self-harming behaviors.

A study conducted by Neacsiu, Rizvi, and Linehan (2010), titled “Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Use as a Mediator and Outcome of Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder,” found that patients who underwent DBT showed greater emotional resilience and improved distress tolerance. Their findings suggest that Radical Acceptance helps individuals break the cycle of avoidance, allowing them to process emotions more effectively rather than getting trapped in self-perpetuating cycles of resistance and frustration. 

The full study is available at https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.06.001. And found that patients who underwent DBT showed greater emotional resilience and improved distress tolerance. Their findings suggest that Radical Acceptance helps individuals break the cycle of avoidance, allowing them to process emotions more effectively rather than getting trapped in self-perpetuating cycles of resistance and frustration.

Why Radical Acceptance Works

From a psychological standpoint, Radical Acceptance reduces what is known as “secondary suffering”—the distress caused by resisting or suppressing emotions. When individuals accept their emotions as they are, they shift their focus from trying to control or eliminate their pain to managing it in healthier ways. This aligns with research in mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which emphasizes the importance of acknowledging emotions without judgment.

Furthermore, neuroscience has demonstrated that acceptance-based strategies can reduce activity in the amygdala—the brain’s fear and stress center—while increasing activation in the prefrontal cortex. A study by Goldin et al. (2010) published in Biological Psychiatry found that individuals practicing mindfulness and acceptance techniques showed decreased amygdala reactivity to negative stimuli, suggesting that these strategies enhance emotional regulation by shifting neural activity toward rational processing. This shift enables individuals to respond to distress with greater clarity and emotional control rather than impulsive reactivity. brain’s fear and stress center—while increasing activation in the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking and problem-solving. This shift enables individuals to respond to distress with greater clarity and emotional control rather than impulsive reactivity.

Radical Acceptance, therefore, serves as both a philosophical approach and a scientifically supported method for improving mental health. By embracing reality as it is, individuals can cultivate greater emotional stability, resilience, and overall well-being.

What Is Radical Acceptance?

Radical Acceptance is the practice of fully acknowledging reality as it is, a concept deeply rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. Linehan introduced Radical Acceptance as part of a broader strategy to help individuals regulate emotions and tolerate distress without becoming overwhelmed. Drawing inspiration from both Western cognitive-behavioral therapy and Eastern mindfulness traditions, DBT integrates acceptance-based strategies to help individuals break cycles of avoidance and resistance. This approach has been particularly effective in treating borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety, as it enables individuals to fully engage with their emotions and circumstances without being controlled by them. without trying to deny, minimize, or change it. It is about seeing things clearly and allowing ourselves to experience emotions without judgment or resistance. This does not mean approval of suffering or accepting a miserable fate, but rather recognizing the present moment so that we can respond effectively.

What Radical Acceptance Is Not:

  • Not approving of suffering: Accepting something does not mean we like it or agree with it.
  • Not resigning to a miserable life: It is about reclaiming energy to create change, not giving up.
  • Not ignoring emotions: Acceptance allows emotions to be processed fully, preventing them from overwhelming us.

Resistance vs. Acceptance

Imagine waking up feeling deeply depressed.

  • Resistance Thought: “I hate that I feel this way. I shouldn’t be depressed. Why can’t I just be normal?” This response adds shame and frustration, making emotions feel even heavier.
  • Acceptance Thought: “I feel depressed today. This is my reality right now, and I can work with it.” This response removes unnecessary struggle, creating space for self-compassion and coping strategies.

Radical Acceptance does not eliminate pain, but it prevents additional suffering caused by resistance. By acknowledging our emotions without fighting them, we create a foundation for moving forward.

How to Achieve Radical Acceptance

Cultivating Radical Acceptance is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort and practice. It is not something that happens overnight but a skill that can be developed over time. Here are some key steps to achieve and maintain Radical Acceptance:

1. Acknowledge Reality as It Is

The first step in Radical Acceptance is to simply recognize what is happening in the present moment. This means allowing yourself to see reality without judgment or denial. When you find yourself resisting a situation, pause and remind yourself: This is what is happening right now.

2. Observe Your Thoughts and Emotions Without Judgment

Mindfulness is a crucial part of Radical Acceptance. Practice observing your thoughts and emotions as if you were watching clouds drift across the sky. Instead of getting caught up in judgments like this is terrible or I shouldn’t feel this way, try thinking, I notice that I am feeling sad right now.

3. Use Validation Techniques

Self-validation helps reinforce acceptance by acknowledging that your emotions and reactions make sense given your circumstances. Instead of dismissing your feelings, try statements like:

  • It’s understandable that I feel this way given what I’m going through.
  • This emotion is valid, even if it’s uncomfortable.
  • I can accept that this is how I feel in this moment.

4. Shift from “Why Me?” to “What Now?”

When we resist reality, we often get stuck in self-pity or frustration. Instead of asking Why is this happening to me? shift your focus to What can I do to take care of myself in this moment? This shift in perspective opens the door to constructive action rather than prolonged suffering.

5. Use Acceptance-Focused Mantras

Repeating simple phrases can help reinforce Radical Acceptance, such as:

  • It is what it is.
  • I don’t have to like this to accept it.
  • Fighting reality only increases my suffering.
  • I choose to work with what is, not what I wish it to be.

6. Practice Deep Breathing and Grounding Exercises

Physical techniques can help the body relax into a state of acceptance. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and grounding exercises like focusing on sensory experiences can shift the nervous system from resistance to calm acceptance.

7. Accept Incrementally When Full Acceptance Feels Impossible

Sometimes, fully accepting a painful situation feels overwhelming. In such cases, break it down into smaller steps:

  • Instead of saying I fully accept my depression, start with I accept that I am feeling depressed at this moment.
  • Take acceptance one moment at a time, allowing yourself to adjust gradually.

Using Radical Acceptance as a Springboard for Recovery

Radical Acceptance is not about surrendering to suffering but about using it as a foundation for change. Once we accept a situation fully, we can better understand it. And with understanding comes clarity—allowing us to process emotions, work through pain, and begin healing. Acceptance grants us the mental space to focus on solutions, whether that means seeking professional help, using coping strategies, or simply finding small ways to re-engage with life.

To accept something is to enable ourselves to understand it, and to understand it is to equip ourselves with the tools to move forward. When we remove resistance, we create space for growth, healing, and recovery. By embracing Radical Acceptance, we set the groundwork for transformation, allowing us to regain control over our emotional and mental well-being.

The Power of Letting Go of Resistance

Depression is painful enough on its own, and resisting reality only adds to the suffering. Many individuals believe that if they resist, deny, or fight against what they feel, they can somehow force it to disappear. However, this struggle often leads to greater frustration and self-defeating thoughts. Letting go of resistance does not mean embracing passivity—it means allowing reality to be what it is without additional self-imposed suffering.

When we stop fighting against reality, we gain the power to change it. This is the paradox of Radical Acceptance: when we let go of resistance, we open ourselves to new possibilities, emotional healing, and the ability to take purposeful steps forward. The journey to healing begins with a simple but profound truth—acceptance is the first step toward lasting change.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

Was I losing my mind?

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My thinking started to change around the time that I found myself unable to execute simple activities, like getting out of bed.

I found that my mind was no longer calling the shots. All I wanted to do was sleep. Getting out of bed and going to work was the last thing I wanted to do.
That was then.
This is now.

“came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.”

In the second step we are reminded again that in order to begin the process of recovering from our sadness we begin to look into our lives where we need to find our sense of self and our power.

Our depression used to be our power in that it kept us shackled in depression, a veritable prison of despair and isolation. Now we see that the light is about to shine on us and we can develop our belief in a power greater than ourselves who will deliver us for hope.

To believe that I might gain deliverance from my depression is something that I am beginning to live with for the first time in years. I want to believe that with time, work amid discussion, I will
free myself from this depression.

I need now to write down a list of the things I want to believe in for the present and future so that I might hope that my life will be different.”

Copyright (c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.(2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Hugh S

Belief, Believing Is Seeing, Faith, Miracle Thinking, Mutual Aid, Prayer

A Better Gift

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Sometimes it comes to our mind that we have prayed a long time and still it seems that we do not have what we ask for. But we should not be too depressed on this account, for I am sure, according to our Lord’s meaning, that either we are waiting for a better occasion, or more grace, or a better gift.
– Julian of Norwich

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Community building, Fellowship, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Honesty, Mutual Aid, Powerlessness, Serenity, The 12 Steps

The Real Deal

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One of my favorite TV shows is the Antique Roadshow. Every piece of furniture, painting, pottery, etc., brought to the show, has its own unique history. Each piece is appraised as to its present value by professional art dealers. That is the basis of the show, to help people discover how much that old letter, old painting or anything else that they bring to the show. seeking its worth. They can discover if their painting is an original, the real deal, or just a copy, or even a forgery. It is rare that an original masterpiece is ever discovered. Even so, there are times when a very valuable piece is discovered. People who come to show their articles, know that they can at least find out if they have something of value.

In ancient Rome, there were many sculptors, who sculpted pieces of artistic beauty. At times, when a sculptor’s chisel took too much granite off his work of art, he would cover his mistake with wax. So, if an artist wanted to sell his piece of art, it had to be noted that the piece was sincere, that is, without wax. No covering up mistakes.

So when I say that I am sincere, I am telling you that I am telling the truth. I am telling you that there is no coverup in what I am saying. (sine cera in Latin = without wax). In other words, it’s the real deal.

In our recovery program, Depressed Anonymous, we thrive by being sincere. We learn that it is when we admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable, that we began to thrive and freed ourselves from the prison of depression.

Please come and join us in this Depressed Anonymous Fellowship. It is here where we can share our past mistakes and shortcomings – and our strengths – no more wax jobs – and find peace abd strength with folks just like ourselves.

DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS
Our website at DepressedAnonymous.org, will provide you with all necessary information, directing you to our online daily ZOOM meetings. We offer two meetings a day. You are always welcome!

HUGH S., for the DA Fellowship

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Hope, Mutual Aid, Pain

So, I admit that I am depressed? Now what do I do?

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“The first thing that I would do, would be to check out our Depressed Anonymous website @depresedanon.com. It is Here that you will be able to participate every day, with people just like yourself, who are seeking hope, and healing. This mutually supportive fellowship will lead you out of the prison of your depression and open your life up to hope, healing, and lasting friendships.

Even though we have a need to be by ourselves, and stay apart from human contact, we also have a need to be in contact with others. For to be in contact with others means that we will have to take some risks to make some choices. But when I am depressed and alone. I don’t have to make as many choices or take any action except to keep isolating myself and staying apart.”

Copyright (C) Depressed Anonymous Publications. (2002) Louisville, KY

Community building, DA Literature, Higher Power, Honesty, Hope, Mutual Aid, Serenity, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03

My mind has a mind of its own

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One of our family’s favorite camping areas, is a small park that provides many positive experiences for those who love the outdoors. In fact, just the name of the park, brings to mind the days of the past. The park’s name, Buffalo Trace, let us know that thousands of buffalo roamed through this area, years ago, following a beaten path, that led to the open plains of the Dakotas. Even today, there is a physical trace of the path that once saw the presence of these large and majestic animals, crossing the continent of the United States.

Just like the physical trace of those many buffalo, moving along their annual travels, our human brain also creates familiar mind paths. All living beings are creatures of habit.

For example, because of a construction detour, I was forced to take a different route home from work. Guess what happens? My mind’s GPS is confused, everything looks different. Our mental map has changed. This new route to get home, has now been turned into a labyrinth, making a familiar way to return home, now becomes a major problem.

I like to think of our mind as the executor of various tasks, mental, emotional and physical, motivating us to accomplish the need at hand. But, if the human mind, continues to bombard us with those negative thoughts telling us how worthless and hopeless we are, over time, it becomes a veritable impossibility to make a change. Our continued negative thinking, has created a pattern of thinking about ourselves, which holds no hope for change. It is like our mind has created a neurological rut, where the mind has no choice but to stay the course. That is, to stay in the rut, to stay depressed, as there is no way out.

For any of us, to even think of changing one’s mind and behavior, can in itself, be frightening. The motivation and energy needed to change is no longer available. To change our hopeless thinking has reduced us to feel like a robot, losing our autonomy and all formerly meaningful relationships. A false belief has been created in our mind that there is no way out. We begin spiraling downward into that abyss of darkness and annihilation.

What we are describing here is a metaphor for all addictions, be that of a mind altering drug or a process addiction where the mind follows a thinking pattern, which fills our mind with painful thoughts, that we are hopeless, unacceptable to ourselves and others. We are initially unaware that this negative and self-bashing addictive form of thinking and feeling, is potentially a life threatening trap. This mind of our own, which now has become our misguided fellow traveler, tells us there is no hope and that we are powerless! We take this as a truth. We now feel like the hole in the doughnut. Empty, alone, and living as a prisoner of one’s own mind.

So, our mind does have a mind of its own, and when it veers off the path of sanity, of honesty and a willingness to want to change, we discover sadly that we have been led to a place where thriving is not a personal option. The good news for us is that my mind can choose a road that provides freedom and restoration. In time, and with help, I have come to the absolute truth, that our minds do have a mind of their own. I am grateful that I have made the right choice–a choice that says, “I Came to believe that a power, (an eternal MIND) greater than ourselves, that could restore us to sanity.”

“Hope is the oxygen for the soul.”

Hugh S., for the fellowship.

Please join with us at our daily program of recovery at: depressdanon.com. You will be happy that you made the right choice!

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Courage, Fellowship, Hope, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Purpose, Spirituality, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03

Depression is a process addiction

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Depression is a process addiction, just as alcoholism is a substance addiction.

A process addiction is when a person is addicted to a particular behavior. When we speak about one addiction, like the process addiction of depression, we can include them all. We are learning that the Twelve Step program of recovery can be used to overcome negative thinking and compulsive/addictive behavior for the person who sincerely wants to get emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy.

Our Depressed Anonymous fellowship is based on a hope that no matter how bad we feel, no matter how isolated we are, or how painful we feel, we do recover.

We discover that all our negative thinking, feeling and behaviors will no longer keep us captive, isolated and in the prison of our depression. We gradually begin to change the way we think and feel, learning how to motivate ourselves, using the Spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps, and begin to get active in our own recovery. Motivation follows action!

The main positive effect of making the Steps an integral part of our daily Lives is that people can come together and find the support of their Depressed Anonymous fellowship. They in turn will find the emotional nurturing acceptance of their group and learn the social skills that can help them gradually enter life again; with hope and a heightened spirit. Once people realize that they are not alone and that they hope that they too will feel better. The beauty of a self-help group is that a person feels acceptance from the group. No one is there to tell them to “snap out of it” or that depression is all in your mind.

Finally, we see our closed system of depression, with its negative addictive thinking, feelings of despair, coupled with those behaviors which keep us afraid and anxious, gradually are being dismantled. We discover that we have choices. We don’t have to stay isolated. Our positive thinking begins to show us a way out of a system that has had us bullied into submission. Our minds are now processing hope and possibilities for a new life of freedom.

Hugh S., for the fellowship

Fellowship, Higher Power, Hope, Mutual Aid

Summertime and the living is ………

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Happy June, companions of my heart!

How joyous am I to share my DA recovery here with all of you!!  I know that Summer is a time to be a little laid-back, to take it just a little easy.  Oh I do so love losing all those layers, the hats, gloves, and all that jazzzzzz…..  Yes, Summer is my lovely season, and recovery is my day-by-day diary.

Recovery, that one-day-at-a-time recovery is like a Lady Justice, blind-folded and at the ready for every new day’s work and wonders.   And although I may be or feel “blind-folded,”  because of this Spiritual Program, the sponsors, the meetings, the Co-Sponsor Step Study groups, all the tools and the brilliant, informative, transformative readings and interchanges, I am not blind-sided.  I will repeat that:  I am not blind-sided.

For me, the crux is the Steps and sharing my recovery with all of you.  I feel/know I am not only not alone, it is not me and my Higher Power  but me, HP, and all of you:    God as You: the most sincere, authentic, heart-felt, hard-working recovering brothers and sisters ever.  With complete earnest I say that I can be glad of my depression because without it, I would never have known this remedy:  your kindness, your perception, your  care.  I would never have traded roads from in-the-dark  diminutive,  to in-the-light expansive.  I am truly blessed.  The promises are my anchor and you all are my buoy.  Thank you for this exquisite fellowship, your love, your light, your caring. I will be holding your hands in my heart until we meet again.

Doreen from Boston.

Courage, Fellowship, Hope, Isolation, Mutual Aid, People Pleasing, Prayer, Step 04, Step 05

Are you driving with your brakes on?

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I have been known to drive with my brakes on at times. It sure slows things down. Anyway, here is a thought from Anthony De Mallo who shares some positive thoughts on how to navigate through the tough times in our lives.

When you get rid of your fear of failure, your tension about succeeding… you can be yourself. Relax. You’ll no longer be driving with your brakes on.
Anthony De Mallo

When we are depressed, we isolate, we abandon ourselves to what others think about us, who we should be, a life that is lived as someone that we are not. If you can’t be free of what others want you to be, you’ll spend time with the brakes on, afraid to make courageous choice to change!

Depressed Anonymous, is a 12 Step fellowship where we learn how to relax, see ourselves as we really are, restored, and ready for a new adventure, as we thrive and continually prize our newly restored self.

Hugh S., for the fellowship