Changing negative addictive habits is possible. It’s called biting the bullet!

William James the author of the classic work, Principles of Psychology shares with us “that  changing habits requires conscious attention, deliberate choices and recurring behavior. “

In The Depressed Anonymous Workbook we find that the same process of change  is submitted to us for changing negative habits. It takes work, time and attention. Conscious attention. Deliberate choosing is a critical part of  changing our addictive behaviors.  Ruminating on negative  self bashing thoughts,  circling  around  and around in our head, must  be interrupted and stopped.  Knowing the difficulty that this poses for any of us who are depressed, we chose a workable plan developed by individuals who were  living out their lives with active life threatening addictions.   Since their attention was drawn repeatedly to their insane thinking and behaviors, they  decided that they must  do something that was sane and had the power to stop the hemorrhaging. Some call it “biting the bullet.”

Many times, when we are depressing ourselves with our negative behaviors, our thinking and spiraling  downward  negative moods, we tell ourselves that if I just  act like they are not there, they’ll go away. We hoped.

But that is not the way it works. In my own life I tried that route.  My motivation was gone. My body lost its power to make any  positive moves toward facing what it was that was slowly imprisoning me. 

In our Workbook, we are faced with the question/statement   stating that “Even though  I may be faced with difficult tasks, it is better to try  to face them than trying to avoid them. Avoiding a task does not give me any opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I might not be able to do everything, but I can do something.

In order for us to escape depression we need to begin to be aware of the process of how people change. The process for change is of the nature of a spiral instead of a straight line. Now that we are willing to risk feeling differently we have been gearing up to improve our situation, one step at a time.  In other words, we are making a very important decision right now about our lives.

1.Awareness Stage: We become conscious that we can’t go on feeling the way we do. Something has to give.

2. Motivating Stage: I am going to prepare myself for a needed changes in my thinking, acting and feeling.

3. Doing Stage: I am going to take charge and be responsible for positive changes that have to be made by me if I am to feel differently.

4. Maintaining Stage: I will continue to seek out and sustain my recovery with people, concepts and my personal working of the Twelve Step program of recovery.

As an example of how to use this four stage recovery format, as presented by the Question and Answer format of the Workbook, one is able to have it serve as an powerful antidote to the progression of one’s depression and isolation.

Let’s say that your dependency needs are keeping you bound up in unhealthy dependent relationships. The real you is now merged into whoever and whatever your dependent need happens to be at the moment. You have lost your self!

Each of the 12 Steps take the participant through the Workbook one Step at a time. The power of each Step will provide a roadmap, with your own depression experience and personal and unique input giving   courage for you to live out your responses in a positive and thoughtful  manner.  You can do it! You will be happy that you did!

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville KY.

You are able to order this Workbook online from the website www.depressedanon.com. Go to The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more information on Depression and 12 Step books.

HOPE

“Hope is the virtue of a heart that doesn’t lock itself into darkness, that doesn’t dwell on the past, does not simply get by in the present, but is  able to see a tomorrow. Hope is the door that opens the future. Hope is a humble, hidden seed of life that, with time, will develop into a large tree –A tiny flicker of light that feeds on hope is enough to shatter the shield of darkness. A single individual is enough for hope to exist, and that individual can be “you.” And then there will be another “you” and another “you” and it turns into an “us.” And so, does hope begin when we have an “us?”  No. Hope begins with one “you.” When there is an “us,” there begins a revolution.”  FRANCIS

COMMENT/ Hugh S.

There is so much power and wisdom in this short quote from Pope Francis. I was struck the first time I moved through line after line of this powerful tribute to hope. The analogy of hope to a large tree, a hidden seed, a flicker of light, a door that opens to the future, all symbols of possibility and of growth.

I believe that each one, like the desert nomad,   starts out seeking hope as  individuals, alone, seeking  a way out of the  desolation that   dries up a thirst for a living water — these were   the pills, the next  therapy, those spiraling negative thoughts, all  mirages, dark phantoms.  Hope was evasive.

Today, my solution for creating hope as one person is to continue sharing how the ” shield of darkness” was pierced by that “flicker of light,” the light manifesting in a hope, a belief, like a seed giving me an individual growth spurt, empowered me to go through that door that “opens to a future.”

Hope is “enough to exist in a single individual” and for hope to exist in “you,” and then in another “you” and this turns out into an “us.” 

Francis asks “does hope begin when we have an “us.?” No. Hope begins with one “you.” When there is an “us” there begins a revolution.”

Like all of us who now have hope,  thanks to  the   spiritual principles of the 12 Steps  plus “having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Step Twelve of Depressed Anonymous.

The revolution started when this “you” (Bill. W) and then another “you “(Dr. Bob)” –shared their recovery with another –they became an “us” and  provided hope to the hopeless and the helpless.

Depressed Anonymous is another “us” who this very day is  providing  a door   opening  to a future, that tiny flicker of light that  shatters  the shield of darkness, and that  humble and hidden seed, that with time will develop into a large tree.” This tree represents all those groups (“us” ) branches if you will, that support so many of the alone and solitary people, who are seeking hope, serenity and communityCopyright@depressedanonymo-ln18osjvun.live-website.com.

For more information on how YOU can find hope and join our revolution, please go to www.depressedamnon.com.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.     This work can be ordered online.

I found my depression a comfort

AFFIRMATION

I made a decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understand my God.

“Inside the safety of depression you can refuse to confront all the situations that you find difficult. You can avoid seeing people, going to places and most of all making decisions.” Dorothy Rowe.

It strikes people as a strange thing to say when I tell them I found my depression a comfort. I found it to be a comfort because I didn’t have to make any decsions about anything or anybody. I would just medicate myself with those thoughts of how bad I was and continue to ruminate until I felt completely numb and immobilized. Thanks to the program and its emphasis on personal honesty, the more I get the courage to take charge of my life and change what I knew had to be changed.

Today, I am not going to allow myself to get into addicting to negative and unpleasant thoughts. I am going to risk being myself and step out of the prison of my depression into the fresh air of living with a certain amount of unpredictability and freshness.

Avoidance is a very big reality when you are depressed. I don’t want to see, talk to or have anything to do with anyone else when I am depressed. As I learned through the Twelve Step Program, I am going to have to force myself to get involved with other people if I want to have a chance of ever feeling better.

MEDITATION

“Because of you, O Lord, I wait; you O Lord my God will answer.” Psalm 18 38:16. The more we work our program, God is as near as we are to God. The more we open up our consciousness to the God of our understanding, the more God draws us to himself. We believe that as we wait on the Lord to speak to us, our God will speak to us in some fashion that we will recognize.

RESOURCES

(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. September 24. Page 191.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky.

To order books online from our Bookstore please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at depressedanon.com.

Time on the shelf

If any of our readers here have ever been in prison, the phrase “time on the shelf” refers to the days or years one has left in their sentence to complete before they are released. Good behavior while incarcerated is one of the ways the prisoner can reduce some of that time on the shelf.

A few years ago, a prison staff member and myself spent time setting up Depressed Anonymous meetings in a prison setting. To say the least, it was a sobering experience for myself. It was also a very rewarding experience as well. Rewarding in the sense that there were men wanting to talk about their experience with depression with other fellow prisoners. We had permission from prison Psychiatrist and the Warden. We were given permission to talk and visit with prisoners who wanted to come to the meetings.

Altogether we had three groups of Depressed Anonymous. The groups were facilitated by the staff member, myself and prisoners who already were part of the fellowship, and attended other 12 Step meetings in the prison. AA and NA were an important part of the daily life of any of those who chose to attend this or that fellowship. My point is that they already were working the Steps and attending recovery meetings. They never had been to a DA meeting, sharng their own experiences with depression, until now. Not many of the men had heard of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship till we brought it into their lives.

One of the three groups met in the mess hall. Another on a stair well. And one met in a conference room. Space was limited. With all of this the men came faithfully to the meetings. What impressed me the most was the honesty of those participating. What they were sharing was held in confidence by each group member. It was a sacred trust for the members to keep confidential anything and everything that was shared in the group.

For a DA member to share anything in the prison yard that was shared inside the group would defiitely not bode well for the person talking outside the group. Every man knew this rule had no exceptions.

One of the most discussed issues among the men was how sad they were and how their past was not only locking themselves in prison – it also locked some men out of seeing their children grow up without them. Many times their girlfriends would drop the man for someone else on the outside. Some were saddened by the fact that no one contacted them from home. No one from home came to visit them. This was the greatest pain.

Feelings of anger and despair continued to eat them up. It was here in the group that this emotion poured out of their hearts and souls like molten rivers of despair.

Women with small children, mothers of sons incarcerated, women with boyfriends and husbands managed to meet on any occasion that was permissible.

For myself, this whole prison experience was bitter sweet in that 1) the prison authorities allowed us in two times a week for our meetings, and secondly 2) the therapeutic salve of free sharing about hurts and loss of control, gave each man a sense that he was not alone. The actions that brought him to prison in the first place, gave him time to get some help with all the pain and loss of control over his life that was in his face on a daily basis. I could feel in each group an invisible bonding between each other who were gradually coming to “believe that a power greater than themselves could restore them to sanity.” (Step Two)

Some of the best expressions of freedom I found in a prison at Depressed Anonymous meetings. The freedom experienced by these men, by their group meetings happened in spite of steel bars, locked wards, locked cells and prison guards. Twice a week, for an hour and a half, these men talked of personal remorse, the darkness in their own lives and how the Steps and the spiritual principles continued to provide hope and way out of their own feelings of despair and hopelessness.

Because of what I experienced with prisoners personally over a three year period I know the change that resulted in my own life and the life of those incarcerated, the same positive results, can be replicated with any and all those incarcerated.

***Submitted by Hugh S, a member of Depressed Anonymous in Louisville, KY.

If you, the reader, have knowledge of any man or women incarcerated and facing time on the shelf, please let me know. We will send them a copy of the Depressed Anonymous Manual and Workbook.

Anytime I get a call for material it comes from the prisoners themselves. We will write to whomever you choose, and send our 12 Step literature. Free of charge.

Our email is depanon@netpenny.net or you can write to us as a comment at our website www.depressedanon.com. We want to hear from you.

Hugh

God is truly walking with me

“One of the Steps that I decided to take to get out of my depression was to get myself involved in my Twelve Step spiritual program. It was hard at first to get involved with the program because I didn’t and wasn’t able to have immediate relief from my sadness. I wanted this program to work right now. I wanted someone to say, hang on and in a day or two it will start to work. Instead, I hear that the more meetings I attend, the more I listen and share at my meetings, the more my  attitudes about God will start to change and I will understand how God is truly walking wih me out of this prison of sadness, one day at a time.”

RESOURCE

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 157. An excerpt from the meditation for  September 23.

Can I think my way out of depression?

 That very question is one which I myself have asked. It would have been neat if I could have just  set my mind to it and   deciding not to pay any attention to  those never ending  ruminations about my life and all those  crazy thoughts and  painful feelings that came to roost in my mind.  They were unending.  You know, sort of dig a hole and bury your head in it. Hoping against hope that all the noise would just stop. It got worse. I told myself–it’s only going to get worse. It did!

It was strange  how the more I didn’t want to have these thoughts  live in my head, day after day, the more my mood continued spiraling  down into that abyss where no kind word, no positive thinking, nor pleasant future for myself   dwelt.  My thoughts turned angry and my mood was  at a   ground zero. 

Now what do I do I thought to myself? What can I do? All these thoughts were accompanied with an anxiety that seemed to envelop my whole body and turned  my insides into  to what felt like a shaking bowl of jelly. At this point,  my mind was  not thinking of anything, but being  fixated on how rotten I was feeling. Again, what can I do? How to get this constant agitation  and jitteriness  removed? And how did it get this way in the first place. No answers.

  I told myself. Nothing can help me. I might as well give up– throw in the towel. Even my thinking was changing. I couldn’t read with any comprehension or even   wanting  to do the most common of my normal  daily activities.  All my thoughts seemed   like sand slipping through my fingers. I was losing my grip on reality. Was I losing my mind?

I knew that I couldn’t lie in bed all day and do nothing. I knew that my mind was not coming up with any solutions that would ignite my motivation to move. “That’s it”  I said to myself. I got to get moving. And so that is what I did. I started to move the body–and gradually my mind began to work, but I had to prime the mental machinery to get it operative once again. I made up my mind that I must walk myself out  of the  mental and physical mess that I was in. I knew that if I just moved the body my mind would follow–at least that is what I was hoping would happen. And after a year or so, my mind did began to work. My thoughts gradually became clearer  and by taking care of my body’s physical needs (exercise) my mind welcomed this healthy change. I also had my support group Depressed Anonymous help me at our meetings. I could call them anytime and get some help. I WAS NOT ALONE.

I noticed that gradually my low mood was spiraling upwards and my mood  began lifting  the fog that had me confused and dazed and immobile. 

Did I think my way out of depression? I don’t think so. What did happen  is that over time I learned how to create my own  “red flags”  alerting  me when I discovered   my thinking was getting off track. Now these “red flags ” pop up in my mind when old negative thoughts, negative behaviors and irrational thoughts want to start their cycling around in my head.  The old habits that create depression die hard. Now I  use  my many tools (see Tools for Recovery at site menu)  that defend me against  relapsing and spiraling out of control. In other words, I have brought a new and sane balance into my life and my thinking.

Before, when I was depressed, my mind was filled with horrible  thoughts,  suicidal thoughts and  my thinking was getting more and more erratic. In fact, the mind was telling me all sort of negative lies about myself–which I believed. I felt worthless and helpless in the midst of this  negativity,  an unyielding, relentless, and pounding me down tsunami-like, till   I was flat on my back.

My mind has learned a lot since those days when I was a prisoner of my own fears. My thinking no longer focuses on what is negative  about myself. Now I am  focused on what I like about myself and ways that will help me grow and be of help  to others just like me.  Now it’s all about the progress I am making on a daily basis and not worrying about  being perfect.

One of our best tools is to use the Depressed Anonymous Workbook where I can go through each of the 12 Steps and relate my own depression experience to myself, my past and discover reasons  how I got depressed in the first place. Questions in this book prepare us to make discoveries about ourselves and our lives which we never gave much thought previous to our getting into reovery.

I cannot think myself out of depression. I know that now. I tried that route. Funny thing though, is that I always came back to where I started with no more answers than when I started. It’s like a dog chasing its tail.

  (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
(c) Home Study Program of Recovery. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

          For more information on  Depressed Anonymous Fellowship publications, please check out the Depressed Anonymous Publications  Bookstore. Ordering online is available.

 

 

 

 

I need to keep the focus on HOPE!

“Making direct amends and taking a personal inventory continues our progress in the program and helps free us from all the hurts of the past. We know now that we can’t afford to think long about real or imagined hurts, or we will throw ourselves back into saddening ourselves once again.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT                                                       

 One of the things that is toxic to the depressed person is a negative thought. This  thought continues to grow, once nurtured by my attention and rumination, into a large and uncontrolled wild weed taking all the attention from the good things happening in my life. I know that I can no longer give into that first thought that I keep allowing to pound me into the ground.  My negative thinking is very much akin to drinking for the alcoholic. Once I give into that first moment of self-bashing, the depression spiral begins.

     Hurts form my past continue to grow  stronger the more I  allow them to dominate my thinking and my behavior. Hurts are best eradicated when I deal with them openly and honestly.

MEDITATION

   Our spirit hopes in God as we begin today with a prayer and a belief that this day can be a good one  like all the good days that I have had in my past.   (Personal comment).

Resources

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups.   Depressed Anonymous, Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 154. September 17.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville, Ky.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Putting power into my life

Yesterday’s blog spoke about the “lack of power” in one’s life.  Most persons are looking for getting some power in their lives. Power to get out of bed. The power to feel better. The power to overcome the feeling of powerlessness. The power to break out of our  prison of depression.  The power to find a way to have some peace and happiness in my life.

In the beginning of the book, titled Depressed Anonymous, there  are  articles  written by two different therapists who share their views on how the Twelve Steps have helped their counselees work their way out of depression.  They are sharing how a   program of recovery, with the spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous, modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps, are the basis of recovery from depression for the counselee.

As a therapist myself  I have found that the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship is a power that  gradually can pivot the counselee from sadness to hope. The group provides individuals with  new tools, giving power to their search for freedom and serenity.  No longer do they  feel alone and isolated.  We know that a sure-fire way to remain in a state of depression  lockdown is to isolate oneself from loved ones and life in general. By using the “Big Book” of Depressed  Anonymous  in the group  and with a therapist we discover a powerful truth that provides the impetus   for  continuing  on with our search for hope, recovery for  our own mental wellness.

 We begin to live in the present,   believing  that yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow  hasn’t yet arrived. All we have is the now. No one can promise us a tomorrow – so let’s live for today–one day at a time.

 Denise shares how  her client , “spent his time alone and many countless hours thinking of all the disappointments in his life, which continually reinforced his depression. Then he started going to DA and found that through being with other people like himself, he didn’t feel as  alone as he did before.  He started sharing his pain, and found understanding and support. Then I noticed his face began to soften, and he started smiling more. He also found help spiritually from DA, for he started working the Twelve Steps, and as a result, he started trusting God more for his healing. He is one of the many persons I’ve worked with who have found  help and encouragement through  attending Depressed Anonymous.”  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 29/ Therapists views on Depressed Anonymous, pages 26-29.

 Denise, as one of the therapists who has shared her views on Depressed Anonymous and who makes good use of the Depressed Anonymous group structure  discovers  how  a group program  can position a counselee into a fellowship with  people who are having the same experiences.  They no longer feel alone and isolated,  knowing  that they are  being provided with a program recommended by their therapist that works. By working with the therapist and the DA fellowship in tandem with each other, they find everyone is on the same page.  Not only does the powerful message that the counselee receives validate his/her recovery   experience with depression, but it will tie  in   with the  counselor’s treatment plan of recovery. It’s a win-win situation all the way!

If a therapist wants to give their clients another source of help, they might think about referring them to a mutual aid group such as Depressed Anonymous. And if the person reading this does have a therapist they would do well to advise their therapist  how much more the therapy experience would be enriched for the counselee.

Not only do we see how depression is becoming a  problem of epidemic proportions in all societies around the world, we believe that we have a positive approach to helping those who are still suffering  from depression.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, 2nd edition (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

All books can be ordered  online.

 

 

Lack of power was our dilemma

 

 “We have emphasized  willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things  which we have admitted are objectionable? Can God  take them all –every one? Do  we still cling to something of which we will not let go. We ask God to help us to be willing. When ready we say something like this: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen!”

  We know that our willpower alone can’t get us out of this prison of depression, but only a belief in a force or power greater than ourselves. So by working Step Six ( “We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character),  we continue to be in God’s will and let God help us discover and root out those defects of character that keep us prisoner.

‘So many people choose the predictableness of misery to the risky feeling of being unsure and scared over the new and faint feelings of lightness and cheer. As the depressed person gradually begins to knock down the wall of his/her denial that he/she is addicted to sadness whenever life gets stressful, this is in itself is  the starting point in the recovery process…”

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Page 55.

  Lack of power that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live and it had to be  a Power greater than ourselves.”

RESOURCES

(c)Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 65.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville,  KY.

Hope is just a few steps away!