Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

It seemed that I was living in another world

September 5, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“it seemed that I was living in another world until one of my parents gave me a phone number of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous meetings plus reading the Depressed Anonymous manual have provided me with the tools to live without being depressed. Most important of all, the Twelve Steps mentioned in the book have made me understand that God (my Higher Power) will give me strength to deal with my depression and got me on with my life and be happy with myself.

The book with its Twelve Steps, has taught me that I am not alone. And that I am not the only one who is suffering from depression. It has taught me to believe more in my Higher Power and let it handle my depression.”

It absolutely feels that we are living in another world when depression takes over our lives. We believed the our immediate reality of this fog that takes over our mind is the only reality that we can ever know. It’s like driving with one’s car lights on low beam. What lies ahead is hidden. Our driving becomes cautious until we are forced to stop. We are hesitant to move further. Fear and anxiety grip our every thought. What danger can lie ahead? We believe there is no escape.

For me, this is my best analogy for my own depression. I too, like the author of the above sentiment (see Depressed Anonymous manual /Personal Stories) who felt completely alone and helpless.

But that is not the end of our stories. Our feeling alone, adrift and living in constant fear comes to an end. By learning about the fellowship of a mutual-aid group that we call Depressed Anonymous and becoming an active member I found new ways to live with hope.

“As these new tools have helped me and will continue to help all those many others who are looking for help out of their own fog. They have taught me not to dwell on my past, to live one day at a time, and to look forward to the future, but not live there. It will take me a long time to deal with depression, but I’m glad that these tools are available. Life can be good for a change. Please don’t give up.”

You are not alone. I am not alone. Those who have shared their own stories of recovery in the Depressed Anonymous manual, (quoted here) all have the same story; I was depressed and now I am not. If you would like to know more about these persons who have shared their stories of hope and serenity, please check out their stories of how they used the tools of recovery to live again with hope. They know that they do not have to feel alone again.

Besides the groups, there are those who may want to use the Home Study Recovery Program kit, comprised of the Depressed Anonymous Manual and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.

These two books, written by those who were depressed and now have made these useful tools available for others like themselves. Recovery means that we can now gain critical self knowledge plus continuing to be motivated to devote personal time and study for our own recovery.

RESOURCES

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

I get depressed for no reason at all

August 30, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Sometimes persons tell us that they get sad for no reason at all. All of a sudden they just feel down and don’t know why. Many times after reflecting upon this sudden rush of sadness, they realize that it has come from somewhere and they might as well take responsibility for it and deal with it. One of the best ways to deal with a feeling, especially the unpleasant ones, is to stay with it, and see what it is trying to say to you. When we run from it we lose. Granted, this won’t be easy and you might not find the source of the sudden sadness at first glance, but in time you can feel it and deal with it and then discard it. The more you ruminate about how sad you are and then how bad you are for feeling so sad, the more you have begun the downward spiral into physically feeling weak and hopeless. This is the time to call a friend or member of the Depressed Anonymous group. Just say: “Hey, I’m feeling sad and here is the reason why I am feeling sad – what do you think?” More times than not, your sad feelings will melt away.

Low moods, if not faced promptly can sometimes spiral into deeper moods, filling us with a sadness that slowly paralyzes our thinking and immobilizes our motivation to perform the most simplest of activities. These low moods carve out a beachhead in our psyche and have their own destructive way with our thoughts and behavior.

In my own case, I would be thinking of nothing in particular when suddenly, like a wave washing over me, I would be drowning in the darkness of these feelings, unaware of their source or able to predict their duration. Seeking relief I would escape to taking to my bed and sleeping.

These feelings, as unpredictable as they are, come from somewhere. Just like the rain, the snow and wind, they all come from somewhere. In truth, there is no mystery here as there source is contained in feelings connected to an event in our recent life and more probably have their origin in an earlier period of our lives.

There is truth that our body remembers situations from the past that we have not consciously thought about in years. It’s much like the deja vu experiences we have while at a certain place or life situation and it feels like we have been there before. We might think that we have been there – done that

A client once shared with me how he always felt sad when the cold winter season rolled around and he would become begin to feel sad and alone. As he told his story of growing up he mentioned how every February his mother would hole up in her bedroom and tell them “I am sick. I am afraid I am going to die.” Resultant from this personal experience of his fear that his mother was dying, every February or around that same time, his body would connect him with the sadness and fear felt when he was a child alone with his own fears, and would repeat in his body the same fears he had felt then. It wasn’t about the cold of winter but it was about those sad feelings coming to life at this particular season of his life. The body might remember everything while the mind and feelings remain submerged and hidden. Like a plant which bloom year after year.

In The Depressed Anonymous Workbook we read how early childhood memories connected to our deepest feelings can resurface as we gain adulthood. Because of a painful and meaningful loss of a loved one that was never discussed or talked about as we grew up, the feelings continue to remain and fester, like a wound that doesn’t heal.

Is there someone who was close to you as a child who died but whom you did not grieve or shed a tear for because you were still too young to say that you missed their love and their presence. All of a sudden they were gone and you got on with your life, but your body remembered that this person was once a meaningful part of your life. This might take some investigative work on your part, but we would well to talk to family and friends and see if there were deaths around the time that you were growing up and which you are now unaware, but might have effected your parents or guardians perceptions of life and so affected you.

To discover more effective ways to handle and deal with our feelings, please consider these two books written and published by members of the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship. Click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more details on ordering online.

These books can be a great source of help in dis-mantling our own depression and providing the tools to get our lives back on track. Please click onto www.depressedanon.com for more detailed information on ways to find the help you are seeking.

Sources:

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, © 2011, Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville KY. Step 10 – Page 90.
The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, © 2001, Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Louisville, KY. Page 75. Step 10.1

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

Mary will do one activity today that can give her hope

August 29, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Today, Mary, a member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship shares some of her personal thoughts about her recovery. In one of the personal stories from Depressed Anonymous (2011) she shares

“Today I can experience hope. I will believe I can live this day with pleasant thoughts. I will do one activity that will give me hope and light for today.”

Mary continues to make her remarkable recovery by being part of a fellowship where all members have an opportunity for learning how to use the tools which will deliver them from the pain and isolation of their depression.

She continues to tell us that “today I will not dwell on the past and the losses that have occurred.”

Of the many areas of her life that she reflects on in her story, she shares that instead of thinking about the past and the harm that her losses have cost her personally, she now examines the possibilities which her new program of hope is providing for healing and a new way of looking at life and her role in it.

In the Depressed Anonymous fellowship Mary is learning to accept the fact that she doesn’t have to stay depressed. Now, today, her group is encouraging her to be part of a hopeful journey shared by all its members. One of its main messages is to live one day at a time; to live with the belief that as other members of the group tell their stories of how they escaped the trauma and pain of depression, so too can she. It is a fact that by following and incorporating the Twelve Spiritual principles of the Steps in her own life — this is what has brought her to the point of recovery for herself and many others.

Mary now has a plan that works. She wants to tell others about how she has been willing, open and honest about having that great need to believe in something so much bigger than herself or her depression. She has had a spiritual awakening, releasing in her a new peace and a new purpose, not only for her own recovery but for those many others like herself who are seeking a solution, focused on a new depression-free way to live.

She now believes that living out the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous in her own life is what has brought her to this place of freedom from fear and despair.

RESOURCE

For more information on Depressed Anonymous and the Twelve Steps please click onto depressedanon.com and learn more about the program that has given Mary life. You can also order online.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Personal Stories. Pgs.134-135.

Depressed Anonymous

Linda’s compulsive overeating took her to the edge

August 22, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Read Linda’s solution to her compulsive overeating as she explains below in her Personal Story.

At one point in her compulsive eating, suicide came to be a welcome thought. No more pain she thought. Eventually she realized that no amount of food could fill that hole in her soul. When she weighed more than 150 pounds in ten years, she was terrified. She was scared. But as she said, she really wanted to live. So what were her choices? What could she do?

“Then a friend told me about Depressed Anonymous and I was so desperate that I went. To my surprise, these wonderful people accepted me, all of me, for myself. They encouraged me right from the start. They were open and honest about their pain and consistently reassured me that I could make it. But I would have to work very hard, because you have to really fight depression – negative thoughts replaced by positive thoughts -action to create motivation. Most of all, I had to surrender to God, quit controlling everything and everyone, including God. Let go and let God. So I started reading the Twelve Steps. At first I was really rebellious, so much so that I didn’t go back for two weeks. I was too depressed, but inside I knew the Steps had the key to get me out of this prison. They pointed me to my Higher Power, which unashamedly is Jesus Christ. Now I attend every meeting, sharing the things I learned and the times I fail (which are still quite a few) into depression. But it is working, and I could not be writing this right now if it was not for the love and the support of these very special people. As a matter of fact, I told them once a week was not enough for me. The leader suggested that I start another one, which is just what I have done. I now attend the meetings twice a week–twice is nice.”

To sum it up, Depressed Anonymous has pointed to the only hope there is – our Higher Power is the only way out. Our Higher Power is the key, the life, and the hope. And once I have been able to admit that, every one in the group has been very loving and supportive. After all, they have all been where I am today.”

Linda

Resource

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Personal Stories. Pages 116-117.

Depressed Anonymous

Barbara comes out of the closet

August 21, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

One of the major concerns of persons depressed is to tell someone that they are depressed. Sorry to say, but somehow being depressed is not ok. This feeling, though real and painful, sometimes precludes these same people from getting the help they need. All this is because of the shame and guilt that is part of living with depression. And no one wants to have the label “mental illness” attached to their feeling depressed and alone because of the stigma attached to depression.

Barbara was very fortunate in that her psychiatrist recommended Depressed Anonymous. Here is what she had to say about her experience.

“My psychiatrist recommended Depressed Anonymous for depression. I began going to these meetings and obtained immediate support and acceptance. I cannot say enough for the Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous (and my weekly therapist concurs). Neither can I say enough about the unquestioning acceptance I felt at my first meeting. They kept saying to attend six meetings before making a final decision. Well, I didn’t need six meetings before making a final decision as to whether or not the meetings were for me.

I have found the community as a whole is very supportive of this group. Individuals are a little reluctant to “come out of the closet” because of the stigma associated with depression. There is a tremendous amount of gratification that comes from helping someone that would not have otherwise known of this help.

Encouragement from someone else is essential …I highly recommend this to anyone who has a strong desire, determination, and perseverance.”

For more about Barbara’s story of recovery and many more stories of restoration please check out (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Personal Stories section. Pgs. 104-152.

Please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore to order online. Go to www.depressedanon.com for more information about the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship.

Depressed Anonymous

Sue “gets it”

August 19, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

In Sue’s account of how Depressed Anonymous has helped carry her through a tough time in her life, she tells us that “if we stop struggling in the water and just give up and lie on your back, you will float.”

Earlier in her story she tells us that “It was no trouble for me to realize that I was powerless over depression and that my life was unmanageable(Step 1). By looking at the faces and talking with the other members, I could see that they had obtained peace (Step 2). From there, Step 3 – turning my will an life over to the care of God-was easy…”

And in her sharing her own journey out of depression she wraps up her testimony with this invitation: “Whoever you are, you who are reading this: Believe! The first three Steps are the most important. Walking or other exercise is important. Staying with it is also important. Going to meetings and participating is important, but above all else, faith is important. Faith will truly move mountains!”

Sue and so many others are eager to share their stories of recovery from depression. They have wanted their own personal stories of recovery included in the “Big Book” of Depressed Anonymous and to encourage others who are still suffering from depression. Help is available. You will be happy that you did.

For more about how to leave the prison of your own depression, please go to a Depressed Anonymous meeting near you or click onto THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS BOOKSTORE and discover how you can find the help that can set you free. The Twelve Steps provide each of us with a plan, a map if you will, that if followed, will provide the stepping stones to set you on your new life path!

All the books published by Depressed Anonymous are actually written by those who have been depressed –been there and done that.

The Promises

I no longer have to endure like a passive victim

August 15, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Victim or survivor? Which shall it be? How can I be a survivor when I can hardly motivate myself to do anything, just anything positive to kick start my recovery. What is the first thing that has to happen for me to get on the road to recovery.

For my own life, the motivator was to face the fact that something physical was happening to me as I was finding myself in a continual funk. Since we are of one piece, the fatigue that came from just the simple process of thinking began to affect my whole body. I found that my thinking became obsessive and compulsively totally centered on my life’s losses plus the shame and guilt that accompanied them. I felt like the guy who is walking around with the sign on his back saying “kick me.” In my mind there was no way out. I was in lockdown. I was down on my luck and flat on my back.

It was then that I knew I had to make a decision–get up and move or stay down and die. I got back up on my feet and decided to move. I really had not a clue where I was headed but I knew that doing nothing was not the answer. It was then that I went to a Twelve Step meeting, developed by persons like me, depressed and flat on their backs. But there was a major difference between them and myself. These folks had a solution. They explained how their own way out was to get connected with those like themselves (depressed), flee their isolation and start using a plan that promised hope and freedom from the prison bars of their own depression.

These folks wrote a book, it is called Depressed Anonymous and presents us with a plan that works. The plan is filled with hope. And if there is no Depressed Anonymous in your community you can use the Home Study Kit for your personal guide.

You will discover that your recovery commitment to yourself has placed you on the recovery road. The Promises of Depressed Anonymous as outlined in our program will bring you to a new place, an horizon where your life appears filled with the light of hope. You will become a survivor. If you want to learn more about who we are and what we can achieve as part of the fellowship, you will find the tools that will bring a change about in your own life which will bring you in contact with others like ourselves but also will bring hope and serenity. For information that will inspire you and guide you for what works for us, and for you, is to go to our Homepage at depressedanon.com where you will find a list of articles and info, plus books written by those of us who have been depressed, but now live to help others like ourselves. We’ve been there –done that. Now we live one day at a time with hope and freedom.

Resource

Depressed Anonymous

My problem is that I always want to please others

August 13, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“A member of our Depressed Anonymous group said that her father was very authoritarian and strict. She said that she was always trying to please him and do the best she could with everything he wanted. She said that she could never do things well enough to please him. Even today, she still tries to please others, but because of her perfectionistic nature finds herself always inadequate and never satisfied with her self. This produces a feeling of loss as she feels guilty over losing control over those situations in which she wants to excel. She also feels resentments towards other people as they never seem to notice all her outstanding qualities.”

Pleasing others goes nowhere for many of us, usually the results that we hoped for don’t happen. We think that if we please others they will automatically like us more. One result of trying to please others is how we lose something of ourselves in the process. The result here is that we just want to kick ourselves because the person we want to please could care less how we feel. In other words we gradually begin to feel belittled. We don’t measure up to what we had hoped others would think of us.

What results are resentments. We resent others because they aren’t able to see the great person we think we are. Again, the cycle gets repeated, please others, and nothing positive happens as to how others see us.

We feel we are not perfect enough, good enough or unable to measure up to others expectations of us. Which may not be true at all. So, in time, we might be fortunate enough to see the connection between trying to please Daddy and never quite gaining the affection and support from him that she had desired. What we learn in childhood gets amplified many times over as we carry these perfectionistic feelings into our adult life.

In the final analysis, we find ourselves feeling dependent on others for our self worth and value. Our value is only proportionate to the amount of acceptance that we receive from someone else.

For more insights into how “pleasing others” may continue to plague us into our adult lives and spiral us down into those dark moods we call depression, it is in looking at ourselves from various vantage points that we will learn how to prize ourselves as well as learn the many different ways that we can feel empowered instead of weak and worthless.

The way out of these feelings which imprison us can all be dealt with in the context of learning and living out the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous. Also the Depressed Anonymous meetings, regularly attended, will give you the positive feelings that will gradually help you to learn how to please yourself, instead of trying to please others.

Resource

Exercise

Physical activity/Exercise

August 11, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“One of the cardinal features of depression is inevitable fatigue. I’m always wondering, when people say to severely depressed patients, “You need exercise.” Well, yeah, it’s hard enough to exercise when your not depressed, right.” Charles Nemerdoff M.D. quoted in an interview in Psychiatric Times, April 30, 2018.

When I read this comment by Dr. Nemerdoff I tended to agree. When I reflected upon my own experience with depression and the “inevitable fatigue” being a big part of my own symptoms of depression, I felt I had to take action. I began taking action as soon as I realized that if I didn’t force myself to get out of bed and get to work, I would lose my job.

Granted, I didn’t intend to run a marathon, or start a daily jog around my neighborhood. The first thing that I had to do was not argue with myself, to get out of bed and do something. I did not want to get out of bed. I felt I was paralyzed and unable to motivate myself for such a monumental decision.

But force myself I did. I quit the head dialogue at each move of my body as it rolled slowly out of the sack. The body said “no;” the mind said “yes you are!” And it was here that I learnt a great lesson and that was to “MOVE THE BODY AND THE MIND WILL FOLLOW,.”

I always encouraged my clients (as a therapist) to do some physical activity–baby steps if you will. But let the body take the lead of the mind and move. Move a little bit. Then move a little bit more. When I started to walk on a daily basis, I gradually was glad that I was out walking. It took a struggle to move out of bed but in time it became easier. And so to this day, I am still walking, at least 30 minutes a day. And everything has improved in my life physically and mentally.

Yes, fatigue is a big part of depression I agree. But now, even doctors in the UK are prescribing physical activity for their patients to get involved with. They get a script from their doctor to get out and exercise. Yes, it’s difficult–yes, it’s hard to get ourselves motivated, but yes, it’s a good way to regain some hope in your life as you gradually lose those stressful feelings set up in your body over time.

Go slow—but GO!!!

Hugh

Uncategorized

I place myself in a straightjacket…

August 9, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I will make an effort to hold at a minimum my expectations of other people, places and things.

The standard which your conscience demands is perfection. You who believe that you are irredeemably imperfect will accept less that perfection. Only perfection, you think, will overcome your sense of badness. Your disgust with yourself is mirrored in your disgust with the world. The world, you believe, ought to be perfect.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

In my efforts to make a moral and fearless inventory of my life, I find that somewhere along in my development, for me to please those significant others in my life, I had to accomplish things perfectly. My C’s in school always had to be an A. D’s always were not enough. I was taught to believe that that if I was a good person, then I would always be a happy person. It seems the harder I try, the worse my life goes.

Dorothy Rowe in Breaking the Bonds says that “fearing imperfection, you become angry.” It is in these unrealistic goals that I set for myself that makes my life so rigid and demanding. I place myself in a straightjacket when I demand perfection of myself.”

Once I surrender my need to achieve perfection and just work toward progress, the happier I truly become. To admit that I am imperfect frees me to be less stressed and more secure with just the way I am.

MEDITATION

In our fellowship with our Higher Power, we know that we are always accepted the way we are. We believed that when it is said that God is perfect, and we must be perfect like Him, that what is meant is our heart should be full of mercy and kindness. God is merciful and kind to us. We should strive to love ourselves as we are loved.

RESOURCES
(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. August 9. Page 131.

Hope is just a few steps away!