Acceptance, Choice, Step 04, The 12 Steps

I Can’t Make A Decision!

February 7, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I make a decision today to read one of the newsletters listed at the Newsletter Archives on this website (www.depressedanon.com.) or the BLOGS from the past week.

“Psychiatrists regard a person’s statement, ‘I can’t make a decision’ as a symptom of an illness, when really it is a reasonable effective defense…if you are trying to shut out all the matters which you find uncontrollable, threatening and confusing, you cannot give those matters the careful scrutiny they need if you are to make a decision about them. They create such turmoil in our mind that you decided that it is best to not decide. You can say ‘I am depressed. I cannot make my decision.’ Spending the day with the blanket over your head is as much a result of a decision as is going out and facing the world.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Most times when I am depressed, I don’t want to think about changing anything. Everything is hopeless and useless anyway so why try and use all that mental energy to sort it all out. This is the type of thinking that continues the fuzziness and the confusion. It is a refuge from having to do something. about where I am today.

But when I decide that I’ve had enough, I get my dander up and declare to myself, and really to the world around me, that I am going to play my cards differently. This is a good place to begin working on the Fourth Step, that “I will make a fearless and moral inventory of myself.”

Meditation

God help us change what needs to be changed today and let us know what it is and what is OK with us as well. Help us sort out the fog and fuzziness of our mind so that your guidance will create in us a desire to help ourselves.”

SOURCES: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. February 7th.

Depressed Anonymous , 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

I’ll do it when I feel better. (2018) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Fellowship, Isolation, Mindfulness, Prayer, Purpose, The 12 Steps, Victim Thinking

Today is your day!

February 5, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

If you are depressed, this is your day. Yesterday is gone forever, except in our memories. Tomorrow is not here yet, except in our imagination. This is all we got. This 24 hour period of time is my time. This is the space in which we will be living for the next 24 hours. For some of us, it won’t pass fast enough. But think about it: we’ve told ourselves thousands of time that we will not face who we are and what we want today but only when we feel like it. I will do it when I feel like it. Sound familiar?

The physical and mental pain of our sadness won’t allow us to think about anything BUT my pain. I feel like I am in a prison and no matter what keys I am supposed to have to get out, nothing will work. I won’t accept that I have options for my release. Once depressed –always depressed, that’s my mantra.

Today is your day. This is the day you are going to make a break ! This is your day to do something different. Namely, to listen for that other voice inside your head. You are going to hear that there is another way out. The lockdown is over. You don’t have to live this way. Isolated. Imprisoned and without hope.

In “I’ll do it when I feel better is written for all of us who are waiting. Waiting. Waiting for what, I ask? Yes, I know what you are waiting for–you are waiting for the depression to just disappear. Poof! And it’s gone. But you and I know better than that. We have been depressed for so long we can’t accept that we can do anything about our life sentence of misery. I have personally been at this struggle for so long that I know something very important about leaving behind the misery of our lives. The fact is that when we begin to take charge of our thoughts, feelings and lives, good things will begin to happen today. How? Talk to a person who has been there and is now recovered-living that life of hope. Read the hopeful material from folks who have successfully found that making today decision day is today.

Let’s be honest. I once faced the same feeling of being hopeless and despair. I never thought that I was able to dig out of the hole that I had been living in. My continuous negative and hopeless thinking eroded all the motivational energy that I might have had to try something that might work for me.

This is your day! You still have hours left in this day to make a decision to start the life that you have been wishing for. Throw the sheets off–get off the couch-call a friend–check out this website depressedanon.com discovering how to get motivated for something that will work for you. Why? Here you will find the written accounts of folks, just like you and me, who have begin to live one day at a time. They are making the most of each day. Many of us begin each 24 hours by saying this prayer, the moment upon awakening:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s similar to putting your toe in the water. Too cold? Too hot? No, just right. Why? Because there is hope here. There are folks here who are available for you to talk with. There is an International online SKYPE group that meets every Sunday. People who need to talk with others about their own recovery using the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous.. People who are in recovery. These are those who are spending today reaching out to others for assistance. They find kindred spirits everywhere.

You can read hopeful stories of people like yourself in Depressed Anonymous who have made a decision to live each day with hope. For example, the following is Gloria’s story of how her “today” was on June 6, 1985. (First meeting of Depressed Anonymous was founded at this time).

“There are four of us who were together first on June 6th, 1985. We have become very good friends. I still remember what the counselor from the very first meeting told us. “I’ve seen people come and go. Some helped, some for just one meeting, some wanting a magic wand waved. It has helped me over the rough spots, and gave me courage to go on as a widow. I have found a peace in life, a special joy in knowing and loving people. In helping others, I have helped myself. I know my background in life has made me depressed at times. My Mother was abusive and I realized later in life that it was an emotional illness. I forgave her.

I will continue t attend Depressed Anonymous. Every time is different and who knows what mystery each group holds? One never knows who needs me, who needs a smile or a hug or who needs to feel that they are not alone, or who needs to know that there is a God who loves all. ”

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (1998, 2008, 2011) Depressed Annonymous Publications. Louisville.KY. (Personal Stories section. Page 141/In helping others I helped my self).

“On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives. Free us of these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives. If we have to determine which course to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then we relax, and take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile.

We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we are shown all through the day what our next step will be, asking especially for freedom from damaging self-will.” Bill W.

TODAY IS YOUR DAY! WHAT CAN YOU MAKE OF IT?

For more information please contact: depanon@netpenny.net.

www. depessedanon.com for BLOGS and information about depression and recovery tools.

Visit the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more information on how to order books online

SOURCES: (Copyright) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (1998, 2008, 2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

(Copyright) I’ll do it when I feel better. Hugh Smith (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Page 101. Louisville. KY. (Quote from As Bill Sees it. The AA Way of Life… selected writings of A.A.’s co-Founder. AA World Services Inc., New York. 1967. Page 243.)

Belief, Hope

Change always involves uncertainty.

February 2, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“…Terrible though the prison of depression is, it seems to be a refuge from still greater horrors. You are afraid that you could plunge further into bottomless depths of complete destruction, madness and death…”

“Dangers, perhaps even great dangers, threaten you if you leave your prison of depression for the ordinary world. There you might have to change, and change is always involves uncertainty. The good thing about being depressed is that you can make every day the same. You can be sure of what is going to happen. You can ward off all those people and events that expect a response from you. Your prison life has a regular routine, and like any long term prisoner, you grow accustomed to the prison’s security and predictability. The prison of depression may not be comfortable, but at least it is safe.”

Note: The two books referenced below will present to you the many ways to overcome depression.

Depression: The Way out of your prison. Dorothy Rowe. 1983. Routledge and Kegan Paul. London. Page 127.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky

VISIT THE STORE AT THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS BOOKSTORE FOR BOOKS DEALING DEPRESSION AND SPIRITUALITY.

12 Step Meeting

International Online Depressed Anonymous SKYPE meeting on Sunday

February 2, 2019 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

NOTICE: Whenever a blog post mentions an online meeting be sure to consult the page Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings for the most up to date and correct information. If the blog post is more than a few days old there is a chance it could be incorrect.

INTERNATIONAL ONLINE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS SKYPE MEETING ON SUNDAYS OF THE MONTH.

For information about the Online Group, please use the following information below if you would like to join this Depressed Anonymous Online Group.

The emailaccount address that you will contact is depanon@Hotmail.com. You can send a request to be connected to the group on SKYPE and a member of DA will send you time of meeting. You will need to get the exact time (with appropriate time zone).

If you are experiencing difficulty gaining access to the group please email us here at depanon@netpenny.net.

I hope that you will be able to be an active participant in this mutual support group.

Hugh

Fear

What I have to fear most is being completely isolated by my fear

February 1, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I am willing to allow God as I understand God to demonstrate his will for me today. “We never apologize for God. Instead we can let God demonstrate through us what he can do. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he could have us be. At once we commence to outgrow fear.” Bill W.

If I have been sad most of my life, I surely understand what fear is. Fear is at the core of my depression so that “Other people are such that I must fear, hare and envy them.” Dr. Dorothy Rowe.

Isolated by my fear pushes me to risk choosing life or living with hope and serenity or life imprisonment behind the bars of my own insecurity and self- created isolation. And after I admit to another human being the low opinion that I have of myself or had of myself, my recovery begins. I slowly reveal who I am to others in my group.

Apologize means to make amends. To make amends means to change. I need to forgive myself, first of all, for not being the perfect person I thought that I needed to be.

Higher Power I place my trust in you! We haven’t been able to trust much in the past but now, thanks to each other’s encouragement we will begin to trust that you will protect and help us through those times we fear most. ”

Question: Has your fear kept you from living life? Has your fear kept you from being and achieving things that would have brought you personal joy and happiness?

Source: Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and Meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Page 20. February 1.

Negativity

Negative thinking can keep me depressed

January 31, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

When I am depressed. I do not think clearly. I feel like I’m worthless and that no one really likes me. I feel like there is nothing that I can do.

I keep telling myself these negative thoughts:

I’m helpless.

I have no control.

I can’t get going and I have no motivation energy.

Things are always bad and they won’t get better.

This kind of negative or distorted thinking includes more than self-criticism. It is a negative view of the world and the future as well as a negative view of the self. This way of thinking is a well established habit. The more self-critical and helpless I feel the more miserable I am. The more miserable I am, the more depressed I feel. How can I stop this cycle? If I could keep the negative thought from crowding my mind I might be able to remember my good qualities. For example, I know that I am helpful, generous, flexible, and have a warm smile. I am truthful, caring, considerate of others, responsible. and thoughtful .

We want to foucs today on the connection bretween what I think and the way it makes me feel. The task will be to practice changing what I think in order to feel better. (See the Depressed Anonymous Publication : I’ll do it when I feel better (2016). Louisville. KY.

What I think determines what I feel. Thoughts produce feelings, feelings cause moods and moods cause behaviors.

It is sometimes hard to recognize the connection between what I think and how I feel. So, it may help to think about simple examples.

EXAMPLE:

If I showed a spider to five people, one might scream, one might back away, one might poke it to get it to spin a web, one might put it by the fish pond so its web would catch mosquitoes, one might get a magnifying glass to look at the exquisite markings on its back. All of the responses, though different, resulted from what the person Thought about spiders.

The one who screamed THOUGHT spider bites were fatal.

The one who backed away THOUGHT “Be careful!”. He was mistrustful of what kind it was.

The one who poked it was curious. His THOUGHT was “what will it do!?”

The person who put it by the pond THOUGHT it was a useful insect.

The person who got the magnifying glass THOUGHT it was beautiful.

In each of these cases, the person could probably say th e spider caused the response when, in fact, what they THOUGHT about spiders determined how they responded and how they felt.

Similarly, what I think about myself, and how I believe I should behave, determines what I do and how I feel.

One of the goals of this session today and tomorrow is to stop the negative, self-defacing thoughts and beliefs that may result in symptoms of depression and replace them with useful, positive, constructive thinking.

One of the first steps is to become aware of all the different kinds of self-critical thoughts that cause trouble. Following are some examples of situations and reactions.

EXAMPLES:

Situation: I didn’t get Sue’s invitation to the party

Negative thoughts: No one likes me.

Feelings and reactions: Rejection and depression. I won’t talk to her tomorrow.

EXERCISE # 1

In the following situations, look at the possible negative thoughts that might explain the person’s feelings and actions.

A man’s neighbor came over to ask if he could borrow a shovel. The man took him to the garage to get the shovel. The garage was cluttered with junk and tools. After some digging around he finally found the shovel to loan to his friend. His negative thought might be: (circle one of the below).

How embarrassing to have my neighbor see this messy garage.
I should keep this place clean all the time.
It’s terrible to be so unorganized The man had “rules” that he thought he should follow. It wasn’t right to not always live up to his own values. Therefore, he was embarrassed by the clu tter in his garage. He was sure the neighbor would think less of him. When in fact the neighbor was thinking “Gee, this guy must be OK, his garage looks just like mine.”

Tomorrow we will continue our discussion on our important topic of how I think determines how I feel and respond to life situations and environments.

SOURCES: I’ll do it when I feel better(2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Quotations from A University of Oregon Doctoral Dissertation:A Depression Workbook.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Journaling

Depressed Anonymous offers a Home Study as an alternative path for recovery:

January 29, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

An alternative path: The Depressed Anonymous Home Study Program of Recovery has been offered for those who cannot find a Depressed Anonymous group in their area. One of the drawbacks to finding a Depressed Anonymous meeting in one’s community is the nature of the problem in that depression has our life shut down. Depression is such that it isolates and immobilizes. We don’t want to move out of our comfort zone. We’ll take care of our problem when we feel better. But we never feel better and so stay in our isolation. It is only when we feel we have to get help that we move toward a solution for our depression or whatever it is we have.

Depression is not a substance addiction problem, even though we modeled our program on the 12 spiritual principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Like so many problems facing our modern society, many people have put the power of these principles to work in their own lives, be that of overeating, opioids addiction and a plethora of compulsive behaviors, phobias and so on.

Depressed Anonymous formed as a mutual aid group where others, like ourselves, have come together, utilizing the 12 Steps of recovery and have found a way out of their depression.

When people ask us for a group in their area more times than not we suggest they use the tools that we offer at our site and come together and form their own group. But for those who cannot do this, for all sorts of reasons, find themselves without the help that they are looking for.

This is where the Depressed Anonymous Home Study comes in to help. With this program, a person can use the Depressed Anonymous Manual and Workbook. They also can be provided with a sponsor to work their program online. The program is conducted via emails between the Home Study participant and the sponsor. The 12 Steps are examined and applied to one’s own experience with depression by answering the questions provided by Home Study. From having a positive experience with the Home Study Program of Recovery some of the participants have begun a Depressed Anonymous program in their own community. Before the Home Study Program of Recovery there were no DA groups in their home community. After the Home Study Program was used , and a thorough study of the Steps was accomplished , a group was set in motion. Sometimes a therapist was obtained who helped the participant work the Steps. Sometimes a member of another 12 Step fellowship could help share how their own involvement with the Steps provided them a release from their addiction.

To learn more about the Home Study Program we have given you some resources at our website www.depressedanon.com for your examination

Kim shares her own experiences with the Home Study Program in Volume #1 Fall Issue of the DA Newsletter. She tells us about the “before” of working the Steps and the “after” of completing the Home Study an how it freed her from the captivity of depression and isolation. Please read it–be inspired as was I. Her story is to be found at the NEWSLETTER ARCHIVES on the Home Page Menu list.

Also, a full explanation of the HSP and what it is about, is explained at the Depressed Anonymous Home Page Menu-See HOME STUDY PROGRAM.

Depressed Anonymous groups also use the HOME STUDY as the basis for the STEP STUDY home group.re are different and creative ways to use this tool for recovery from depression. Also remember that there is available a sponsor to help the participant work through each of the Steps.

NOTE: I f you desire to start a group in your community is also advisable to have worked all the steps yourself. We can then share that we have worked through all the Steps and that we have a Sponsor.

A member of a newly formed Depressed Anonymous group in an international community is now started with the Home Study and will be the first member of the group to go through all the Steps with a Sponsor. Congratulations to her and her group. It is a positive that the questions contained in the Workbook have a unique relationship to one’s own life as the steps are applied to one’s own life situations.

You can contact us at depanon@netpenny.net. Thank you!

Focus

Change the view of yourself. Reframe!

January 23, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

It is not the facts about myself that results in higher self-esteem – it’s how I view the facts (how I hink abut them).

Some of the very most accomplished people still have low or poor self esteem.

For example:

Some people view Bob Dylan as the greatest, most talented folk singer of the day, others hear his voice and songs and think he is unbearable.

Some people love to hang out at (put your own favorite restaurant here) and others wouldn’t put a foot in the place.

It isn’t whether we are good or bad, talented or untalented, attractive or unattractive.

Self-worth comes from the view we have of ourselves.

+When I am depressed I have a negative, punishing, self critical view of myself. It’s as if I have on dark glasses and I see everything about myself as ‘dark’ and negative. But when I am less depressed I see myself much clearer.

I’m not as critical and judgemental about myself. It’s as if I have on clear, clean glasses.

REFRAMING

Reframing is simply selecting another way of looking at something. It’s a little different from self-defense but similar.

The following a examples of how to reframe my negative view of myself to something positive..

1. Stubborn can be determined.

2. Emotional can be passionate, caring.

3. Loner can be Independent

4. Inconsiderate may instead be purposeful.

5. In decisive could be considered careful.

6. Hyper Is energetic.

7. Unpredictable may be accommodating

8.. Pushy can also be forceful.

9. Dependent may be cooperative

10. Critical my be discriminating

EXERCISE

Cover the right column. In the left column CIRCLE all of the negative view words that you apply to yourself. Do that.
Now remove the cover and CIRCLE all of the corresponding words in the right column which are positive non-judgmental views of the same behavior and qualities.
To get used to thinking about yourself in positive terms, read the circled words in the right column out loud and say “I am……” before each of these characteristics.

Part II:

The following is a partial list of additional positive personality characteristics. Circle the ones that apply to you. At the bottom are some blank lines. Add some other good qualities that you can add to the list.

Thoughtful

Courteous

Polite

Helper

Persistent

Forceful

Emotional Diligent

Friendly

Determined

Cheerful

Truthful Adaptable

Gentle

Sensitive

Courageous

Enthusiastic

Hard working

Creative

Compassionate

If you circled less than five of these qualities, select someone from your support group, family member and ask them to help you find others in the list that apply to you.

III. Pick three positive qualities from the previous lists and write examples of when you showed the quality:

I am _________________________________________________________________________and I showed that when I____________________________________________________________________________.

I am also _____________________________________________________________________and I know that when I ______________________________________________________________________________.

In addition, I am ___________________________________________________ and I showed that when I____________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________..

Source: Doctoral dissertation from Oregon Univ.

NOTE: Tomorrow, more thoughts on building self-esteem.

Fellowship, Hope

Increase activity-decrease depression. Set goals for your recovery and you will reap its rewards

January 21, 2019 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

One of the greatest lessons I learned was about setting goals. When I would isolate and withdraw from life, friends and family, is when my depression began to deepen and worsen.

If you stop taking care of yourself and retreat from living, you will find yourself boxed in and all alone. I remember well when I would withdraw trying to figure out what I could do to relieve my deep sadness. Usually my thinking took the easy way out. I would tell myself that I would do it when I felt better. ( “I’ll do it when I felt better.”)

This excuse was a way out for me, because I would never have to do anything because I would never feel better. It was only when bad went to worse that I began to realize that the only way out was up. Instead of spiraling down I needed to spiral up.

When I set a goal to find help, I started to work on my recovery using the tools of Depressed Anonymous. That is, I would use the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, and answer one or two questions every day—one week I could only answer three of the questions a day. I took it one step at a time. Some days, I just felt like hanging it up. A mantra that I kept repeating to myself was that nothing was happening. I was still depressed. No change.

An amazing thing happened. Even though my goals were small to start with, I did believe that this activity was gradually bringing me closer to who I really am and who I wanted to be. Nothing happened overnight. It was a day by day struggle. But as I moved through this workbook, I discovered that there were some other exercises that I could accomplish. I looked at the Depressed Anonymous website, and found ten or more ways to get involved with my own recovery. The one that appealed to me was the one tool called exercise. I thought, that is definitely one that I don’t have the energy for. Then I rethought my decision . I had heard that when you are depressed, set a small goal in which you find a bit more challenging, like walking and do that every day. So I forced myself to walk, just as I was forcing myself to read Depressed Anonymous literature I now was setting aside time to walk every morning. It was like I was in a high hurdles race, moving over obstacles placed there by my mind and moving over them one at a time.

I learned that there is physical activity as well as mental activity. By committing myself to these small steps, one at a time, I gradually found myself a bit more hopeful. I was gradually reaping the rewards of moving on and through my depression resistance — no longer staying parked in neutral.

I was getting my life in gear. Eventually I started to attend Depressed Anonymous meetings and set the goal of going to meetings every week. Gradually I was aware of something positive shifting in my life–I was actually beginning to look forward to continuing my activities and began participating in life once again. My mind fog had finally melted away.

The lesson here for me and it will be the same for you is to start with small goals, add a goal as you move along, and you will find that you now have developed a workable program of recovery that can get you through every day of your life. Oh, sure there will be other obstacles and hurdles to overcome in your life, but my point is that you will have what you need to stay on your feet and move forward in hope because you got skin in the game.

Depressed Anonymous Member

SOURCES: I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETTER. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.Ky.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky

VISIT THE STORE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Forgiveness

I refuse to beat myself up today

January 20, 2019 Hugh Smith 5 Comments

AFFIRMATION

I REFUSE TO BEAT MYSELF UP TODAY.

“Basically, I am questioning whether in the experience of depression there is an order of events similar to the order in a physical illness. For instance, the presence of a measles virus is followed by a symptom of chills, fever, and red macules. In a depression, it is said that there is a metabolic change which is followed by the symptoms of a despairing in mood, guilt, loss of confidence, loss of sexual drive and other symptoms. Could not there be another order of events such as a person sees himself and his worlds in such a way that he finds himself unable to escape from his isolation which itself intensifies his fear? The fear and the isolation, if prolonged, produce metabolic changes, which can, to some extent, be mitigated by physical means.”

REFLECTION

Any feeling that I experience over any length of time is bound to have some physiological effect upon my body. This holds true whether the feeling or emotion is a pleasant or unpleasant one. Fear and anxiety, guilt and worry are all bound to complicate the way the mind processes attitudes in the inner intricate mechanisms of the human brain or animal brain. To lose anything that I have taken into myself and made it something precious to myself will be sorely missed when it is lost. And so any fear of the future can in time make me feel desolate, despondent, and despairing. What mitigates these fears is the distraction of myself from the all-encompassing feeling of despair, by believing that with time and work, and with a desire to feel, I can choose to feel better.

I think that as I gradually pull away from my addiction to sadness I begin to feel a shift in the way I perceive the world that I live in. As I begin to live with more hope, my perception is not so colored by my repetitive negative thoughts that I formerly bashed myself with , but now I have substituted them with new and life-giving positive thoughts.

MEDITATION

“God, and I make a majority” is a saying that has meaning for many of us. We know that as we yield our desires, whether it is to get a loved one back or to escape some future tragedy, the Higher Power will, in its own way and in its own time, allow us to get through whatever we need to get through.”

For more information on dealing with depression with the spiritual principles of recovery click onto VISIT THE STORE( The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore) and order online.

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pgs. 12-13.

Hope is just a few steps away!