I get it!

December 26, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

It took awhile, but finally I “got it.”

In the work Depressed Anonymous, which provides a step by step commentary for individuals and group members, Dr. Dorothy Rowe points out that if you want to get yourself depressed this is what you must do. You must hold these six options as if they were real, absolute and immutable truths

No matter how good and nice I appear to be, I am really bad, evil, valueless, and unacceptable to myself and others.
Other people are such that I must fear, hate or envy them.
Life is terrible and death is worse.
Only bad things happened to me in the past and only bad things will happen to me in the future.
Anger is evil.
I must never forgive, least of all myself.

What I envision as the best possible world for the depressed and to prevent relapse and recurrence is a model that may include the medication treatment, the psychotherapy interaction between therapist and client and then the holistic model of the mutual aid group, to name a few. What happens in the group support system is basically a replication of what happens in a person’s childhood environment. We can determine if trust is there, can the child have the assumed permission to show initiative, is the child made to feel safe and can the child venture out beyond the boundaries of his home and feel safe? Or does he come from a home which is closed and the world perceived as enemy and unsafe- indeed a setup for a mistrustful attitude about life. All this comes into play in early childhood development. We need to look again at anything in a child’s life where he/she experienced a loss, a separation or a life filled with anger and hurt.

The community in which the child is raised presents all types of messages and this in the beginning is how he or she sees the world. Chemicals in the brain don’t produce thoughts that say ” I’m worthless or unacceptable,” etc. It’s more the messages that one receives when one is in the formative years of one’s life that may predict how one perceives his or her future.”

You might want to ask yourself this question: What messages did you receive as a child growing up. Did you feel that the messages you received give you freedom to explore the world and your environment, or did you feel unsafe and insecure?

SOURCES:
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville. KY
(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 25-26.

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What we seek-seeks us

December 20, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I think we have all heard the saying “when the student is ready the teacher arrives.” I believe that’s true. They call it synchronicity. It’s like persons who have dreams. How many young people dream that when they get older they are going to be a baseball player, an actor, great pianist etc? It works out that what we hold onto — holds onto us.

But to get where we want to go includes pain and struggle. We have to pay some price-sometimes a large price and sometimes even to the point of giving up our lives. There will be obstacles along our way and we try and handle them as best we can with the resources that we have at the time.

But let me say this, no matter how bad things get, there is usually a path laid out before us, where we can find what we have been looking for. I think the same happens when we experience depression and live with that sinking mood of feeling helpless and hopeless. But there is always hope. We learn how to use the tools for change and recovery. (See Personal Stories in Depressed Anonymous).

And we know that “change” is painful. The first step is really the beginning of the end of our pain. By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins the release from our pain. This is the paradox of letting go as we have learned from Step Three which suggests that we “make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” From this point on, as we follow the Twelve Step path of freedom from depression, we begin to believe that there is a chance for me to get well.

That’s a Promise of the Twelve Steps. Get on board and find what you are looking for.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

Kindness

Having the right tools helps me get the job done.

December 18, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

TOOLS FOR RECOVERY FROM DEPRESSION

Whenever I have a job to do I make sure that I have the right tool. When I want to saw a board I make sure that I am cutting the right length We all know the carpenter’s rule about “measure twice and saw once.” How many times have I made the mistake of not getting the proper length before I sawed.

In life there is a another rule about thinking before you leap. Think about the consequences of one’s actions before you act. Look at the blueprint before you build. Check your resources before you buy something. It’s all about having the right tools in life before you start to build a life of character and possibilities for yourself. Having the right tools will definitely get you where you want to go.

Now let’s talk a bit about life’s tools and check out how we are using the tools at our disposal. I would think that because you have come to our site which deals with depression that you are also looking for the tools that will get you where you want to go. You and I want to have the tools which will help us remove the pain, the feeling isolated and even angry at where we find ourselves today.

With the right tools, the right thinking and behavior tools, you will be able to construct the new you. That is a given! Many others are using these tools and you can read all about them in Depressed Anonymous, published by Depressed Anonymous Publications. There is a whole chapter in this book of persons who tell us who the tools of recovery saved their lives and gave them daily hope.

One of the major areas in our lives that change quickly by our attendance at the group meetings is that we pity ourselves less and less. We begin to be grateful for all that we have and all that we are. We begin to see that once we start getting connected to others like ourselves on a regular basis, through our Deporessed Anonymous meetings, we now are listened to by others and we are validated. We don’t hear “snap out of it” at our meetings. Suddenly our years of self-pity, isolation and desolation have been cashed in for a currency that buys us a new competency, a new identity, autonomy and a burgeoning inter relatedness with others. We are connected. We are not alone.

We now can speak about our experience with depression in the past tense. We now can share how we have the tools of self care whereby we can dig out and begin to construct an edifice of hope that will last the rest of our life. As long as we continue to use the tools of the program we are bound to feel differently as well as think differently.” Source: I’ll do it when I feel better (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisvile. KY. The Feelings of Uselessness and Self-Pity Disappear. #6. The Promises of Depressed Anonymous.

NOTE: For more information on tools for recovery please go to MENU on Home Page and Click onto the drop down menu item TOOLS OF RECOVERY

Fellowship

Our relationship with others will improve. Now isn’t that a good thing?

December 17, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Why shouldn’t our relationships with other people improve? After we have begun to put into place our daily program of recovery, through prayer and meditation we now are expectant and hopeful. We reflect upon each step, and we complete a piece of the structure that in time will be the new me. I think that one of the more critical areas to mend in our lives is the thinking part of ourselves. So, from the start we need to promote to those persons depressed to get involved in as much physical activity as possible, for example, walk, express personal feelings to others, go to meetings, talk with each other on the phone with supportive people. In other words, get connected as much as possible. Most importantly we discover at our group meetings that there are many persons, much like ourselves and at the same level of recovery. We know we are not alone.

”’Once the newcomers hear the before and after of our lives it will make it easier for them to believe us when they experience our own enthusiasm and cheerfulness. ”

SOURCES: Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Miracle Thinking

Misery is an option

December 14, 2018 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

” We must be willing to let go of all thoughts that tell us that we will never get well. These are the same thought that have imprisoned us over the years. We now listen to the God of our understanding and proceed with the belief that what we hold about the world on the outside of us is determined and governed by the world that is lived within us.

We are in a brand new way, on a new path, and find ourselves committed to a fresh belief that something powerful is starting to blossom within me. A peace that surpasses all understanding is beginning to be born as we learn to relax and wait and listen for that still small voice. We pray that the God of our understanding make a way out of this desert of misery just as it has already created a way for those of us who live in the fellowship. Our thoughts move inside us with light and peace. ”

Bill W., tells us

“We are sure God would like us to see us happy, joyous and free. Hence, we cannot subscribe to the belief that this life necessarily has to be a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it became clear that most of the time we had made our own misery.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

By Hugh, a member of Depressed Anonymous

I realized that with time and work on myself, I gradually realized that I didn’t have to live with the self-bashing thoughts that continually circled around in my head. It was only til I got involved with the 12 Step program of recovery that my mind found peace and calm. The ruminations and my up and down erratic thinking began to smooth out while my moods began spiraling upwards and my self-worth went up as well.

It was a fact that my ruminations were an effort by my mind to find the answer to why I was so depressed. It was like a dog chasing its tail. Let me tell you, that gets old after awhile. When my physical self began to wear down I knew I needed help. No longer did I want to keep myself in a “misery mode” and so I did something that I never did before. I reached out to a 12 Step mutual aid group in my community and there I found a way out of the misery thoughts that kept circling in my mind. The Depressed Anonymous group provided me with a miracle, namely., that I could come and share my pain and my isolation with folks just like myself. They were becoming free and they promised me the same freedom. Now I have the tools for overcoming my sadness and misery. That was 33 years ago. They promised me I could change. They were right.

Copyright (c) As Bill Sees it: The way of life….selected writings of A.A.’ s co-founder. AA World Services. NY. Page 218.

Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 52-53. (Promise #12.)

NOTE\\\\\\\////////// For more information, see the Newsletter Archives, the Tools for recovery , follow the Blog posts, as well as check out the DA literature at the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore.

The Promises

Someone, somebody greater than myself is guiding me

December 13, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

This I believe is at the core of our recovery and restoration. It is precisely at the moment in our lives that we realize that somebody, someone greater than myself is guiding me. This someone is not forcing us but is guiding us through our darkness. It is lighting our path so we neither stumble nor regress into our old ways of thinking and behaving. It is with this in mind that we continually redirect our attention to have that desire to do its will.

Before we discovered the program of Depressed Anonymous we were convinced that the only chance that we had to get better was to wait while the drugs kicked in and then everything would be alright. But now we are certain that our ability to get well is based on how much we develop the belief that we can choose how we feel and think. Indeed, we are now convinced that we can either sad ourselves or choose not to sad ourselves. The community and common bonds of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship produce a feeling that as other member of the group are recovering, so can I.”

SOURCE: The Promises of Depressed Anonymous # 12. We would suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

This excerpt is found in the Depressed Anonymous Publication, I’ll do it when I feel better.(2017) The Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 51-52.

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Feel empowered! Go to a Depressed Anonymous meeting

December 12, 2018 Hugh Smith 4 Comments

The group meeting is where trust and openness is promoted among the fellowship. My defenses gradually lessen at every meeting and now I find myself speaking about myself. I now believe that with my new openness no one will discredit or abandon me. I now feel secure in this new fellowship of persons who are just like me. I can live in hope and not despair. I learn that trust leads to freedom.

In the personal testimony portion of the Depressed Anonymous Manual, on pages 110-152, a Depressed Anonymous member, Starr, shares how the group meeting gives a feeling of empowerment to those who want to share their story as a person that has suffered depression since childhood.

I can say that until you start to open up, share your hurts and feelings, listen to members of the group, watching them as they grow from the support of the group, you will not be able to get out of the prison of your depression.”

SOURCES:
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Please VISIT THE STORE and discover other publications at the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore. You can order all material online.

The Promises

Intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us

December 11, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

From the Promises of Depressed Anonymous #11.

As my mind began to heal and my thoughts became more lucid, it became apparent that something inside of me is changing. Depression, when you begin to examine the various symptoms up close and deal with them, the experience becomes less threatening. Some say that depression is a collection of behaviors that are brought into play to defend us against things that are too painful to face. Also, depression results when a love object is lost through death or that one feels abandoned. We have become so at one with our lost love, that we mourn the death of part of us. The love object and ourselves has become one. I believe we use the word co-dependence today.

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression. The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought. I began to worry that I was losing my mind. I often asked myself if I was going to survive. But now my ability to handle situations in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance at meetings. I was also making a daily time for prayer and meditation and began to feel that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically active, i.e., going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. I began working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook and reading my 12 step literature.

The behavior is where my freedom and hope begins. And yes, I do feel lousy at times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to prevent me from even thinking that I could choose to feel differently.”

Sources:
Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 50-51.
Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

NOTE: More to come tomorrow on how to respect our “gut” feelings and handle those difficult situations that come up in our lives.

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Loosening our grip on the life of the depressed loved one !

December 10, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

” A major element of our personal renewal in this program of recovery is the gradual “loosening of our grip” on the life of the our depressed loved one. We have learned the hard truth that it is in “giving up control” of what is to happen to our loved one. The only way our loved one is to get better, is for each of us in our own way to support their efforts at getting connected with life, others and those like themselves. in a Depressed Anonymous Group.

The paradox here is that the times that we spend taking care of ourselves has an inverse effect on the condition and recovery rate of our beloved one. We only win the fight with depression by not fighting. The proof here is that the more we promote a positive emotional and upbeat home environment and trying ourselves to understand depression the more we will assume a new sense of identity and be a survivor instead of a victim.”

See The Dep-Anon Family Group Manual (2000). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Fellowship

We are not passive victims.

December 6, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

In our mutual aid group, Depressed Anonymous, we soon learn that to get well we have to begin to believe that we are not passive victims of depression which comes out of the blue and bites us. We are not talking about a cold and/or the flu. We learn that we have to be responsible for our own health and healing. We have to learn that motivation follows action. I will not blame myself for being depressed but I do have to take responsibility for my own health now that I know what I have. We are responsible for the depression because it has made its home in us and has crippled us for months, and yes, for years.

We can learn how to go from being a patient to be in charge of our own feelings and health. It could be well to take a look at our childhood and early life relationships; especially infancy and early childhood relationships. Even more importantly it’s important to look at how secure was our early growing up environment. Were we loved? Were we cherished by our parents. Was there drinking in the home? Was there abuse? Were we ignored? If you had parents who said you were worthless, unsuitable and told that you were no good, then this has without an ounce of doubt, influenced you in deep and deleterious ways today.

Also, we know that one major manifestation of depression is what we call Obsessive Compulsive behavior – namely, that ritual attempt to reduce stress by repetitive rituals such as hand washing, checking doors to make sure they have been locked and stove burners, to make sure that they have been turned off. All of this is a person’s ritualistic attempt at reducing stress. Allied with this disability is perfectionism where a person who is obsessive-compulsive also has a hyper moral sensitivity.”

Finally, one might add that our mind follows a familiar track, circling around and around in our head attempting to figure out how we ever got depressed in the first place. This type of circular thinking usually brings us back to the same starting point. We are no further out of the woods than when we started. The side effect of this rumination is that we are mentally and physically exhausted. Fatigue is one of our biggest problems when we are depressed.

A bigger solution is to follow and use the Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous and become proactive in your own recovery.

Hope is just a few steps away!