Sometimes persons tell us that they just get sad for no reason at all. All of a sudden they just feel down and they don’t know why. Many times after reflecting upon the sudden rush of sadness, they realize that it has come from somewhere and they might as well take responsibility for it. and deal with it. One of the best ways to deal with a feeling , especially the unpleasant ones, is to stay with it, feel it and see what it is trying to say to you. When you run from it you lose. Granted, we it won’t be easy and you might not find the source of the sudden sadness at the first glance, but in time you can feel it, deal with it and then discard it. The more you ruminate about how sad you are and then how bad you are for feeling so sad, the more you have begun the downward spiral into physically feeling weak and hopeless. This is the time to call a friend or a member of the group. Just say “Hey, I’m feeling sad and here is the reason why I think I am feeling sad –what do you think? More times than not, your sad feelings will melt away.”
Category Archives: Helpful Thinking
I am grateful, I have a gratitude attitude
Promptly forgive ourselves! Promptly tell a friend, DA group member, co-worker, spouse that you are now trying to live one day, one hour at a time and are depending on the Higher Power to give you the courage to risk thinking hopeful thoughts which have the power to lead yourself back into the community, the family and among friends. Develop a gratitude attitude and thank God for today! This day is all we have. Get involved in your own healing. Start to take on the attitude that if other people can make it then so can I. It’s true – you can make it if you follow the program.
“Human beings are never quite alike, so each of us making an inventory, will need to determine what our individual character defects are. Having found the shoes that fit, we ought to step into them and walk with new confidence that we are at last on the right track.”
RESOURCES: (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 110. Step Ten.
Have a great day today!
All we have is just the 24 hours that we call today. Make good use of them and don’t worry. Be happy.
I made a daily commitment to keep myself connected to hope!
One of the ways I stay connected to the work of recovery is finding those thoughts and meditations which speak peace, truth and hope. For that reason a few years back I decided to develop a daily meditation book for those of us depressed. Everyday I find and reflect upon the healthy thinking of persons who live and walk the Steps. Not only would I be in touch with empowering thoughts, I will also be inspired with words of hope for daily living. I knew that my recovery depended on keeping connected with the Steps, those Twelve Spiritual principles that daily empower me with positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
Staying connected with positive thinking inoculates me from spiraling downward into that abyss of hopelessness. I am grateful that I not only have these daily meditations to keep me sane and sober but that I keep myself focused on that which provides my life with meaning and purpose. For that reason I chose to call this daily meditation Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Some of our Depressed Anonymous groups use these thoughts at their weekly meetings. They also serve as topics for the discussion period in the groups meetings.
I am aware for the first time since I have been working the program of recovery, that my thinking is cylical in that my negative thoughts constantly keep going around and around in circles. I have found that I need to stop my negative self-destructive thinking that has dogged me most of my life. I am able to break the circle of hurt and my own self-inflicted pain and come to my senses. I do have some good things going for me and I plan to use these good character traits as building blocks for a future filled with hope.
I am learning to take good care of myself. I am interested in my own self-care than I am of what others around me want or need. I am not being as selfish as much as I am being concerned about my own growth and development. In the Third Step we declare that “we made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God as we understand God.” To be in the care of someone means that they are concerned about us and are burdened with a concern for us.
MEDITATION
Restore our fortunes O God. Bring back and keep near all those good, empowering thoughts that are producing hope and meaning for that new life that we live everyday. Keep us connected to being connected!
(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications . Louisville.KY. November 14. Pages 186-187.
Order books online from the Depressed Anonymous Bookstore at www.depressedanon.com.
Signs of hope!
Addiction to a depressing way of thinking leads in time to emotional imprisonment and continued unconsciousness that keeps one from trying to have mastery over one’s life and feelings. The feeling that one is powerless doesn’t mean that we have to be the victim of our depression. By the fact that I admit my powerlessness I can direct this new recovery energy of starting over today, and my work in feeling better. My mood gradually increases to the point that I am hopeful. So many who come into our Depressed Anonymous program and who are at various levels of depression can testify to a personal elevated mood. Once they believe that they don’t have to stay depressed and now have a choice to feel better, finding different ways and tools to help themselves out of that boxed in feeling of depression. For many this is the first sign of hope that they have felt for many years — for some — all their lives. I do have a choice in the way I am to feel. I have the key (Depressed Anonymous) for my complete recovery. I know this is true as I continue to spiral upwards into a newfound level of serenity and hope.
Hugh
I practice seeing life as hopeful and filled with promise
“You dismantle your depression by thoroughly examining your own beliefs and how you construct your world. It’s in the way we usually think about ourselves and the world that enables us to predict with accuracy the way things turn out.” Dr. Dorothy Rowe.
In the past I usually predicted gloom and doom about everything that I chose to do. I always felt that whatever I did or whatever I tried to do would end up in the trash. I never felt that I could do anything worthwhile because I never really considered anything I did in the past as being worthwhile. I predicted that nothing would ever turn out for me – and you know, I was right! Now I am predicting success as I am beginning to value myself and the things that I do. I have found with some small experience that the more I predict success, the more that success appears on my horizon. It this what they call a self-fulfilling prophecy?
My depression made me an excellent prognosticator. These things were always bad. I always had cancer, was suffering from a heart attack or had some rare and incurable disease. I was always seeing life from the negative and hopeless side. I was learning that it is only when I practice seeing life as hopeful and filled with promise, that I discover my mood beginning to lift. I am feeling more cheerful like when I used to have hope in my life but took it for granted.”
MEDITATION
WE TRUST OUR GOD, TO LET US SEE LIFE AS IT IS AND NOT AS WE USUALLY THINK OF IT WHEN WE ARE DEPRESSED. I SEE LIFE WITH PROMISE AND POSSIBILITIES.
Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY.
Copyright(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
Walking in another’s shoes
Family members also feel guilty about the situation and feelings of their depressed loved one. They somehow feel they have played a part in the melancholia and so are to blame. That is exactly what we don’t want to produce in the family member, more guilt and shame.
Walking a mile in another’s shoes is good advice today. Unless a family member has ever been depressed – then it won’t do to wish that their loved one would just think more happy thoughts or just pray more or just get out and get busy. All these suggestions fit someone who might be sad or unhappy –but they don’t apply to a person who has a mood disorder –like the deep immobilizing mood of depression.
When I was depressed I became overwhelmed by all the situations and circumstances surrounding me til I became consumed by them. They became all ever conscious, these thoughts that I could no longer keep at bay –like a lion tamer wielding chair and whip –poised for action against an angry lion.
Many times the stigma of a family member who is experiencing is often enough for a family to avoid the subject. They pretend it isn’t there. In a way it is like the behavior of those people who live within an abusive relationship, or with a practicing alcoholic, or a verbally abusive spouse. There is an elephant sitting in the living room and everyone quietly walks around it. Nobody wants to talk about the problem that lies in the center of the family.
Gradually a vicious cycle of negative feelings and behaviors manifest in the family members. They feel isolated, resentful, angry or despairing, and this complicates the sense of isolation, guilt or hopelessness.
I believe that DEP-ANON will be or can be a great resource of strength for those members of the family who live with the depressed day after day. They too must begin to work on the 12 Steps, one after another so they can begin, in a supportive group context, facing the fact that that their feelings about their loved one have resulted in them feeling hopeless and helpless. This is the first step for all of us in recovery, to admit that we are powerless over the behavior of a loved one depressed. Once the 12 spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous are interiorized in our hearts and minds, and actively operating in our own daily lives, we will see progress. Not only will we change but so will all members of the family. The DEP-ANON group provides the whole family an opportunity to experience a new found peace and wellness.
Copyright(c) DEP-ANON family group manual: A 12 Step support group for families and friends of the depressed. (1999) Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.
My course is set for an uncharterd sea. – Dante
For any of us who have a friend or a family member suffering from depression, Dante’s words ring true, as we set sail in an unchartered sea attempting to set them free from their misery and pain.
In Speaking of Sadness, Chapter six,the author, David A. Karp, a sociologist, speaks about Family and Friends of the depressed and how they establish sympathy boundaries in their interactions with them.
The opening paragraph in this chapter quotes a therapist, named Mark, who shares his thoughts on how overwhelming it actually is to deal with someone’s depression — especially that of a friend or relative.
“The thing about depression is that it is overwhelming and anyone who takes it on is going to lose. As a family member and /or friend –anyone who is close –is too overwhelming. And the only way to deal with someone else’s depression is to maintain your own life and to understand that person and emphasize and be there as you can be. But to recognize that fundamentally it’s their experience and you’re not going to shift it. All you can do as a friend is to allow it to happen and to be there again and again and again. ”
When all is said and done it is my own experience that tells me that when I gave them some tools to work with their own experiences, that this was a non-threatening, not in your face attempt to force a change of behavior. Some thoughts that people tell the depressed are “just snap out of it” or “say a prayer” and everything will be better and you will be happy. But the more we tried to force our solutions on them, the more they retreated into their isolation.
INTRODUCTION TO DEP-ANON, A SUPPORT GROUP FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF THE DEPRESSED.
Scores of books have been written on the subject of depression. If you are like most of us, we have all run after and read the latest work on depression. We are looking for clues to see just what is wrong with our loved one and what it is that they face and struggle with. We want to learn how to help.
The DEP-ANON program is very much like AL-ANON where family members and friends gather to help each other learn how to detach and cope with opioid addictions and alcoholism. In the same way, DEP-ANON is an effort of family and friends learning how to live with and cope with their depressed loved ones.
At a planning meeting for DEP-ANON family members were asked to list all the feelings they experienced living with a depressed loved one. These discussions brought out some surprising facts.
When family members were asked to prioritize, describe and list which feelings they experienced most often and most intensly, the following are those which they documented:
- Feeling overwhelmed and burdened by a family member’s depression.
- Feelings of helplessness
- Anxiety about the situation and not knowing what to do about the feelings they were experiencing.
- Feeling emotionally drained.
- Feeling inadequate faced with a loved one’s immobility and lack of motivation to get out of bed.
- Feeling anger and frustrated at the depressed.
- Feeling inadequate.
These are just some of the feelings which family members listed indicating they felt as helpless and hopeless as the people whom they were trying to help.
Now that we learn that the depressed and family members and friends suffer from the same problems of the depressed–isolated, alone and helpless. But the thing that we have going for us is the same thing that the depressed have going for them. We have choices. We can begin to be proactive in our own healing and recovery. We have a program of recovery using the Twelve Steps. We now know, as a family member that we are not alone, in a small boat, being tossed about in a turbulent sea.
Together, not to complain or blame but to face our common problems and pain and live in the solution of a program based on spiritual principles, just like the depressed who can get help with their group Depressed Anonymous. One of the more important things for a family member is knowing that their loved one cannot simply think themselves out of their sad moods and isolation.
In both the DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS and DEP-ANON groups there is a place where experiences, strength and hope can be shard with each other. It is in these two recovery groups, one for the depressed and one for the depressed family member, where both can come and talk freely about their path out of helplessness and the feelings of being overwhelmed. In both groups, with time and work they can discover how to use the tools to live through the trauma of depression and the ongoing acceptance and understanding provided by family and friends of the depressed.
It is a fact that the more supportive a family member is of their depressed member the sooner that family member will recover. This recovery is strengthened by looking at our own lives, dealing with the ongoing frustrations and letting go of our need to fix the other. And like AL-ANON it is in the letting go of the other and their depression but taking care of our own lives. We soon learn that we have no control over other’s feelings and emotions. We learn that all we can do is be there, again, again and again. At the same time, like the depressed, get involved with the recovery tools of Depressed Anonymous, go to meetings, pray and join with others like oneself. We want to find solutions and keep the focus on these solutions – not the problem of others.
The feelings of uselessness and self-pity disappear
One of the major areas that changes quickly by our attendance at the group meetings of Depressed Anonymous is that we pity ourselves less and less. We begin to be grateful for all that we have and all that we are. We begin to see that once we atart getting connected to others like ourselves on a regular basis, through our Depressed Anonymous meetings, we now are listened to by others on a regular basis. and we are validated. We don’t hear “snap out of it” here.
Suddenly, our years of self-pity, isolation and desolation have been cashed in for a currency that buys us a new competency, a new identity, an autonomy and a burgeoning interrelatedness with others.
We now speak about our experiences with depression in the past tense. We now can share how we have the tools of self care (See Tools for recovery at Homepage Menu ) whereby we can dig out and begin to construct an edifice of hope that will last the rest of our lives. As long as we continue to use the tools of the program we are bound to feel different.
We know that feeling sorry for ourselves promotes a greater attention to and for the problem, while attention to how our experiences can help others promotes not only our own well being but that of others.
As we learn how the program works -and this only happens primarily by attending meetings. The solutions and ideas help us all to become more active in the pursuit of our own serenity as promised by the fellowship.
When we were depressing ourselves we felt not only useless, but unacceptable to ourselves and to others. It seems that the harder we pushed to fight against depression the sadder we became. When we begin to feel differently we also began to believe differently. We learn how to become more hopeful and helpful.
Why do I continue the work of bringing hope to those still suffering? What motivates me to continue to try and help others? What has made the change in my life where now I want to share what I know and how I feel? Basically, I know that the program of recovery works. I no longer feel powerless over my depression, that I can do nothing about my depression. I have seen that the major solution for my symptoms of depression is in the doing and in the feeling and the expressing of my feelings with others in the group. In DA, people speak my language. We see how useless it is to waste time looking back over our shoulders to see if the dark shadow of my own inner fears is going to overtake me again. I now have attained small amounts of hope and strength as I go from day to day. I am prepared for those moments of despair that can overtake me and cause me to feel paralyzed and out of control.
In the first Step “we admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Self-pity is that feeling where we continue to go over and over again all the hurts that have put us where we are today!
We waste hours and days in our self-wallowing. With the program of recovery at our fingertips we can now see a way out of our depression.
We are never alone and with the Promises of Depressed Anonymous, we now see that all things are possible for us today and everyday of our lives. You will not only regain a sense of finding yourself useful but Depressed Anonymous will show you how your own battle with depression can give hope to those still suffering.
(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous: Planting a Seedbed of Hope. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Promise # 6 of 12 Promises.
I am not about to give up on myself
“Until we have actually been depressed, we do not realize that there is a great difference between being depressed and being unhappy. When we are unhappy, no matter what horrific things have happened to us, we still feel in contact with the rest of the world. When other people offer comfort and love we can feel it’s warmth and support us. When we are depressed we feel cut off from the rest of the world.”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
I admit to taking full responsibility for my detachment from my world and also from my very self. It seems that by numbing my grief over those matters lost in my past life, this has caused myself to be depressed. By burying what needed to be faced and mourned, I am making a stand to face the depression that I have created over the years. I am going to care for myself and make the effort to hope that this twenty-four hour period I call today, is one of rebirth and movement toward others.
Many times I wish I was merely unhappy rather than depressed. I can handle being unhappy, depression is a different story. I am not about to give up on myself as I step out of depression and begin to take responsibility for my recovery today. Because I have ‘made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him’ my life is already starting to show the signs of a positive nature.”
MEDITATION
The God of our understanding is truly alive in our lives and we feel that we are still in the early days of our studies, as we attend the school of the Spirit of God, as we search God’s will for our lives. God has given me hope that my depressed days are going to be less and less. God has given us hope.
Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. (October 21).