Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

When the student is ready the teacher arrives

May 18, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

My shame of not being in control of my life has paradoxically placed me in more of a state of powerlessness, feeling hopeless and helpless.

“…that’s the way it is with depression –over the years you get comfortable with being miserable, which doesn’t mean you like it, but that you’re just too afraid to risk feeling different.

Now that I have admitted I am having a difficult time living, I wanting to learn some new avenues that will make my life more enjoyable and more livable.

I know now that at this point that I think my life is at its lowest point – that is when this program of recovery came into my life. I believe with the Psalmist that who said that we need to commit ourselves to God, trust in God, and that the God of my understanding will act in my behalf.

When I learn to let go of all those persons, mental images, past hurtful situations and memories, the better I am able to let God control my life. I find this “letting go” a fearsome project. I nevertheless find that I must do it– if I want to find hope .

Some of the major ways people help build the walls of their depression are to consider themselves worthless. They won’t allow themselves to get angry. They can’t forgive themselves or others, and they believe that life is hard and death is worse. Also, they believe that since bad things happened to them in the past bad things are bound to happen to them in the future.”

Resources:

(C)) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 7.

See the Home Study project for more information for working with another for one’s recovery.

Fellowship, Hope, Service, Spirituality, Step 01, The 12 Steps

Stepping out of hopelessness

May 15, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

One of the greatest feelings I experienced in confronting my depression was that I began to have hope. I began to believe what others were saying about the Steps. They were telling me that the plan that they followed everyday of their lives was giving them a positive feeling that they were going to step out of the swamp of sadness and hopelessness. In fact, those who spoke these encouraging words already were manifesting the strength and power of the 12 Steps in their own lives. I was one of these people.

A question that continued to cross my mind during my period of pain and isolation was basically “is life worth living.” Many folks depressed still debate this question in their minds. And far too many have provided us their answer that “life is not worth it.”

This has been my mission over these past years to show by example of other’s recovery (plus my own) that with appropriate faith, work and the spiritual tools, life can be good again. There is a faith, a strong indomitable spirit at the core of every human being, that hope is available to all who seek it.” What you seek, will seek you.” It’s almost akin to the belief in Karma–as you give out so will you receive back–in some way, at some time in your own life experiences. I don’t know how or why, but I do know that it just works out that way.

When I was first introduced to the 12 Steps, I came to my first meeting, willing to learn what I could to recover fully from my addiction. I had to have hope that something would work. It would have to work for me. And members of this 12 Step group presented me stories, facts and situations where persons completely down and out, physically, mentally and spiritually found hope in the confusion and despair of their own hopelessness and became free.

No longer did we feel hopeless of finding a way out of what was killing us. Yes, “we” found a way out. The plan was before us and the group was behind us as we plodded along, each of us supporting the other til we finally completed our Steps. We now share how our stepping into hope continues to be the North star for me these past thirty plus years for my own life.

Is life worth living? For many years now I discovered how a faith, a strong belief in my Higher Power, and a bonded group of men and women have continued to travel the same path as my own.

If you want more information about our group Depressed Anonymous please check out our website at www.depressedanon.com for a full explanation of who we are and what we do. You’ll want to step out with us.

Faith, Fellowship

Having a secure base in life.

May 10, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

After ten years of repeated meeting with the depressed of Depressed Anonymous meetings, it’s clear that the meetings create a secure base for those who in their childhood had neither kindness nor the life-giving warmth and affection of a loving family.

People who keep coming back to Depressed Anonymous continue to grow and become aware of the inner change taking place week after week.They find not only attention to their story, but find that they are loved and cared for at the same time. Possibly for the first time they find that they look forward to each weekly meeting and become attached to the positive feelings that emerge inside themselves they continue to share the story of their pain. In time, they share how their week is suddenly being filled with more good days than bad. It also becomes obvious to the participants that childhood behavior and experiences are carried right on into adult life. Trusting is such a hazard for the depressed because every person is different. You can’t trust your environment because it could suddenly shift and you would be without a certainty that you were bad and worthless.

The meetings gradually present to you an opportunity to be someone worthwhile and valued. Your starting and risking information about yourself begins the construction of a new and secure you. The Depressed Anonymous group becomes for possibly the first time in your life, a very secure and stable environment where you can share, trust and grow.”

–Anonymous

Fellowship, Spirituality

The prescription for sanity in one’s life.

May 8, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

This idea of choosing sanity is what we desire. Who would ever choose insanity? But, believe it or not, people choose insanity all the time. You remember the saying, “doing the same thing over and over again is insanity.” If you are honest with yourself, I think you might remember a time when you yourself kept doing something that was assuredly insane. Today, if you can honestly say that you always choose sanity, then my response to you is that is a good thing. I am happy for you.

In our 12 Step program of recovery we learn about the 2nd Step, “Came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.” Now for most of us, like it says in the 12 &12 and 12 Traditions, written by Bill W., co-founder of AA, sanity “means soundness of mind.” Now here is the point, when I was in the throes of depression, I was scared and I really did think that I was losing my mind. I could not concentrate. My feelings and emotions were flowing through me like a river overflowing its banks. My thoughts always circled back on themselves, making a tight grip-like on every thought that flowed from my mind. I was in a circular round dance – without a partner. I would try to think my way out of my depression. What was happening to me I thought? The more I thought, the more I got tangled up in my own mental fog. After the mental wrestling which went on in my mind, hour after hour and day after day, I begin to wonder if there was any way out of this labyrinth. The paths led to places which indicated that there was no exit. I began to believe there was no way out and so my daily recourse/solution was to sleep. Sleep was the only thing that would deaden the assault on my mind.

Many times my own mind goes back to the time when as a therapist I tried to help others break down their life choices into small pieces. When I was depressed, all I could think of was a wall, a huge wall that would show up, every time I wanted to go and try to figure out a solution for my problem. And it was here that I would continue the insane banging my head against a wall that would not let me gain entrance. But when I began to break the symptoms of my depression into smaller parts and take a closer look at where the solutions might lie. I discovered a way out of my own prison by this method and it gradually provided hope for me. I discovered that what I needed to do was to utilize some of these ” tools ” as a way out of the prison of depression and gave me a gradual exit out of my prison. Instead of going over and over in my mind on how bad or worthless I was, I began to cut off these self-bashing thoughts with hopeful designs on making a new me. No more was I engaged in that insane circular thinking that provided no solutions, but instead, always sent me right back to square one from where I started. Insanity! It was like a dog chasing its tail. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sorry, it doesn’t happen that way when we are with a group of people at a Depressed Anonymous meeting. We all have experienced the type of thinking that puts us deeper in the lowest mood possible. It is the group experience and the spiritual principles of the Steps that help us to spiral upwards into wholeness and sanity.

One of the great lessons that I have learned over the years is listening to those persons who share their stories of hope. They tell the stories of their own recovery sharing with us how they used all the “tools” at their disposal for their own recovery

.(See Tools of Recovery at our website Menu where you will find a list of many of the effective tools for extricating oneself from depression. You will be able to use ” sane” tools as a means of rejecting the insanity of our own lives and making sense out of how to live a life without depression. A life with hope. It happens.)

Also read the many stories in our Depressed Anonymous “Big Book” Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY). Personal testimonies section.

More information at the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore.

Order are accepted online.

The Promises

We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. PROMISE #3/13.

May 4, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Many of us have lived with guilt, shame and regret for our past. Until we got down to business – that is taken a moral inventory – did we desire that the God of our understanding help us see what we needed to do to forgive our selves and get on with our lives.

As the Promises state in so simple a manner, this does not mean that “oh well we made some mistakes so let’s just forget about everything that happened in the past.” We can spend a lot of wasted time wallowing in the self-pity that occupies our addiction. We also might regret all the time we have spent staring at a blank wall, alone and trying to figure out in the circling of our thought the “whys” of our immobility, passivity and pain.

It is in Steps Four and Five where our past regrets are played out and dealt with. Once we have made a list of all our resentments and fears and spoke of them to a trusted friend we can begin to feel a new sense of freedom.

When we suppress a negative emotion an refuse to deal with it, either consciously or unconsciously, it becomes one of those blocks that form the walls of our personal prison. This unexpressed emotions can foster and boil over so that our energy level is dissipated, scattered . We find ourselves and our will weakened. We discover that with the internal war raging inside of us we, can hardly find the energy to get to work and /or roll ourselves out of bed a morning. The pain from depression freezes all efforts at mobility.

We discover that our ability to make ourselves do something is now beyond our personal strength and power. We have become helpless. We also discover that we are powerless. Our will power has no control over our feeling depressed,

How do we know that this particular Promise will come true for me? The only thing that we can rely on is our own experience. Our experience tells us that the more we live non the solution of the Promises of Depressed Anonymous that the serenity and peace is ours for the moment.

We have discovered that it is when we begin to live in the solution that our solution focused program leads us past the fear of what might happen to the serenity of the present moment. Our freedom begins when we start to reflect consciously on what is happening now at this very moment, I have noticed that it is when I become conscious about what I am feeling – the direct result of my thinking –it is at that moment that I make conscious decisions to bring myself back to the present. ”

(c) The Promises of Depressed Anonymous : Planting a seedbed of hope.(2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. 40241. # 3/12 Promises.

12 Step Meeting, Belief, DA Literature, Fellowship

I’m on a personal journey of transformation! Today!

April 30, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I can do almost anything to feel better and more alive. All I need to do is believe that I can do it. I want to believe.

“Through the Twelve Step program of recovery, I have been on a journey of transformation from the familiar life of drudgery, gloom and desperation, to discovering a new freedom and a new happiness – something I didn’t know existed.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

This is the real world, the 12 Step program for healing and gradual abstinence from hiding the pressure that builds from inside and pushes me to want to withdraw and isolate myself. I am more sure today than I was yesterday. The more I work my 12 Step program I feel better. I also believe that the more I begin to take charge of areas of my life, like exercising, getting a hobby, and moving about, the speedier will be my recovery.

From childhood, I had a scarce amount of love and nurturing. I know that I can find the freedom to live and feel differently than I did in the past. Today presents me with a clean slate –a new beginning, if you will. Granted my yesterdays are always there, but my today is what really counts. This is the exciting part of living with hope. Life is a challenge and I need to forgive myself for all my yesterdays and live right now as if it is the first day of my life.

MEDITATION

God, make peace and serenity the by-word of our lives and efforts this day. We know that you are here – closer to us than the light in our eyes. We again trust you so that we can live this unpredictable life with hope and trust in you. (Personal comments).

(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days:365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for all members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Belief

What are my priorities and why is it important to know this?

April 29, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I know that in time and with care, for myself, I am going to believe that I am truly living the way the God of my understanding wants me to live. We need to know what our priorities are. If you don’t already know this question about yourself, you can work it out by becoming something that is important to you and asking., “Why is this important?”

CLARFICATION OF THOUGHT

I came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity is really one of my belief priorities and one which brings me a certain amount of serenity everyday. I know and believe that this is what is most important to me in my life. In my efforts to free myself from the fear and insecurity of depression, I am living in the solution instead of in the problem.

I only want to do what I believe will allow me to live with a desire to do God’s will. He will not let me fall back again into the false comfort of my attachments to depression. So much of my attachment to these ongoing negative thoughts about myself and my future seemed to flow so naturally into my thoughts. They have all been brought to light and are daily exposed. I am trading them in for thoughts which are new and unfamiliar, but healthier, as I now live with gratitude.

MEDITATION
We need your help now God. We seem to believe that it is all too much for us to bear with so many disappointment and burdens. We feel a bit like Job, the Bible character . We will attempt for just twenty-four hours to hang onto our faith that you God will bring me through our darkness today. (Personal reflection).

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 70 -71.

Acceptance, Faith, Fellowship, Higher Power

I am part of something bigger than myself.

April 26, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

By being in a recovery group I am able to beat loneliness.

In the group, I established myself and I got some positive feedback from others who watched me grow and who have seen the genuine change I have made personally. I am gradually throwing off my personal war with sadness. The real support comes when I begin to learn that members of the group have the same problems that I have. This helps me trust others with the story of my life. These people are the ones who want to hear my story of how depression almost cost me my life. Now, my life is freeing me from my need to sad myself.

I feel more able to attach myself to the group now that I know that they are struggling with the same depression that I struggle with. I no longer have to fight this battle on my own.

MEDITATION

God you are our rock and our refuge, on you I place all my trust. We know and believe easier now than before, that God has something good in store for us today.”

Source:

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 69. April 26.

Fellowship, Mindfulness, Purpose, The 12 Steps

Motivation Follows Action!

April 20, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Why do I continue the work of bringing hope to those still suffering? What motivates me to continue to try and help others? What has made the change in my life where now I want to share what I know and what I feel. Basically, I know that the program of recovery works. I no longer feel powerless over my depression. In DA group meetings members speak my language. We see how useless it is to waste time looking back over our shoulder to see if the dark shadow of my own inner fears is going to overtake me. I now have attained small amounts of hope and strength as I go from day to day. I am prepared for those moments of despair that at times overtake me and cause me to feel paralyzed and out of control.

In the first step “we admitted we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable.” It is a paradox that it is in the admission of our lives being out of control that we began to take control of our lives.”

It was an interesting fact that in the very beginning of my recovery that I received a very important message… that if I was to get well I had to motivate myself to do something. I had to get in motion. That sounds simple enough doesn’t it? I must stop the isolating of myself and get to work on ways that would gradually lead myself out of despair and hopelessness, and deadly inactivity.

The first thing that I began to do each and everyday was to start walking. I just knew that the inner war that was waged with every step that I took was the message that “walking would not do me any good” would almost completely scuttle my best intentions to complete my walks. The odd thing about it was that, almost without fail, if I could just continue on and walk at least for 15 minutes and ignore the messages “that I was too tired to walk this morning” my body began to get into a rhythm. I would feel content to finish my walks. And ironically, there is not a day that goes by, when I start my walk that I don’t feel the lethergy and resistance to continue my walking. Then as always, after about 10-15 minutes into my walking, I feel a rush, an energy spurt, to continue walking. Other walkers have told me that they have the same experience. It must have something to do with the human body, with all its members working together and harmonically working in sync with each other.

I just add the above note to let others know that your body will repel the healthy attempt to move out of its isolation. It’s the force of one’s motivation powered by action that will in time help us all do one of the more beneficial exercises that our body can undertake, namely to walk.

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Addiction, Fellowship, Serenity, Step 02, The 12 Steps

I Was On The Verge Of Sanity!

April 14, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Yes, on the verge of sanity is the way I look at it. My life up to a certain point was not really insane –it just felt like it. You might recognize the feeling. You keep doing the same insane things over and over again and expecting different results. How is it that you and I are so good at this, that is, allowing our mind to chase us around in circles never finding a way out .

If you have been in a 12 step program for any length of time, you can see some of what I mean. Just by reading and looking closely at each of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps you gradually become conscious of the dysfunctional way that you are living out your life.

The insanity begins to show itself for what it is –it is as it were exposed by the voices of the other members of the group. These men and women who have by now are discovering the core issues of their own insane ways of thinking and behaviors. As it states so pointedly in Step Two of the recovery program that we “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

The members of the Depressed Anonymous group meetings have gradually painted a portrait of what insanity looks like. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. It’s when a member of the group, in detail fashion, shares with us how growing up he was told over and over again how “He would never amount to anything.” And guess what? He believed it! This prediction was fulfilled for everything that he put his hand to in life.

How about this one handed out to me by my teacher when I was in the third grade, namely “you will never be smart like your brother or your uncle ( a bible expert).”

She was right. I began to live with the shame of being inferior, the prediction of this authority figure gradually working its way into my subconscious from that moment on. I still remember feeling the flesh of my face turning red hot just thinking about that moment so many years back. Sharing this with the group and a therapist finally removed the scourge that it became in my life. I must have unconsciously worked against this false belief because later I earned a Master’s Degree and later a Doctoral degree.

Julia calls Depressed Anonymous a miracle. So far, she tells us that

“so far the most grabbing element of Depressed Anonymous has been the parts of the book where the author refers to the depressed person as a saddict, that is, a person attached or addicted even to sad and hopeless thoughts. Boy, did I ever see myself in these sections. Since then, I have learned to control my thought process. Now, very seldom do sad thoughts creep in. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the first time I saw the description of a saddict, a light went on in my head. The actual miracle took place at that moment. And the beauty of the whole thing is that thinking positive thoughts becomes easier and easier, automatic, then ecstatic at times.

But it is not all that easy. I followed the Steps also. I work at them often. For just as sure as your mind is on the automatic positive gear, it can easily slip back to negativism without the proper maintenance , which includes weekly( not just regular) attendance at meetings, and the knowledge and practice of the Twelve Steps as well as for those that need it, medication plus therapy as recommended by your doctor. ” (C) Julia, Depressed Anonymous Personal Stories

Good luck! And if just one other person reaches the point where I am,then there is a hope that life can be different for you as well.”

Note: When I became aware of how to live on the verge of sanity and then start living a live of serenity I began sharing with others about the miracle of Depressed Anonymous. Now that I am feeling sane I just hope that you put this plan. that works, into your daily life.

Submitted by Julia, a member of Depressed Anonymous, writing her Personal Story in the Personal Stories section of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY Page 122.

For more stories please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at our website www. depressedanon.com. You can order online.

Hope is just a few steps away!