Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

Increase activity-decrease depression. Set goals for your recovery and you will reap its rewards

January 21, 2019 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

One of the greatest lessons I learned was about setting goals. When I would isolate and withdraw from life, friends and family, is when my depression began to deepen and worsen.

If you stop taking care of yourself and retreat from living, you will find yourself boxed in and all alone. I remember well when I would withdraw trying to figure out what I could do to relieve my deep sadness. Usually my thinking took the easy way out. I would tell myself that I would do it when I felt better. ( “I’ll do it when I felt better.”)

This excuse was a way out for me, because I would never have to do anything because I would never feel better. It was only when bad went to worse that I began to realize that the only way out was up. Instead of spiraling down I needed to spiral up.

When I set a goal to find help, I started to work on my recovery using the tools of Depressed Anonymous. That is, I would use the Depressed Anonymous Workbook, and answer one or two questions every day—one week I could only answer three of the questions a day. I took it one step at a time. Some days, I just felt like hanging it up. A mantra that I kept repeating to myself was that nothing was happening. I was still depressed. No change.

An amazing thing happened. Even though my goals were small to start with, I did believe that this activity was gradually bringing me closer to who I really am and who I wanted to be. Nothing happened overnight. It was a day by day struggle. But as I moved through this workbook, I discovered that there were some other exercises that I could accomplish. I looked at the Depressed Anonymous website, and found ten or more ways to get involved with my own recovery. The one that appealed to me was the one tool called exercise. I thought, that is definitely one that I don’t have the energy for. Then I rethought my decision . I had heard that when you are depressed, set a small goal in which you find a bit more challenging, like walking and do that every day. So I forced myself to walk, just as I was forcing myself to read Depressed Anonymous literature I now was setting aside time to walk every morning. It was like I was in a high hurdles race, moving over obstacles placed there by my mind and moving over them one at a time.

I learned that there is physical activity as well as mental activity. By committing myself to these small steps, one at a time, I gradually found myself a bit more hopeful. I was gradually reaping the rewards of moving on and through my depression resistance — no longer staying parked in neutral.

I was getting my life in gear. Eventually I started to attend Depressed Anonymous meetings and set the goal of going to meetings every week. Gradually I was aware of something positive shifting in my life–I was actually beginning to look forward to continuing my activities and began participating in life once again. My mind fog had finally melted away.

The lesson here for me and it will be the same for you is to start with small goals, add a goal as you move along, and you will find that you now have developed a workable program of recovery that can get you through every day of your life. Oh, sure there will be other obstacles and hurdles to overcome in your life, but my point is that you will have what you need to stay on your feet and move forward in hope because you got skin in the game.

Depressed Anonymous Member

SOURCES: I’LL DO IT WHEN I FEEL BETTER. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.Ky.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky

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Forgiveness

I refuse to beat myself up today

January 20, 2019 Hugh Smith 5 Comments

AFFIRMATION

I REFUSE TO BEAT MYSELF UP TODAY.

“Basically, I am questioning whether in the experience of depression there is an order of events similar to the order in a physical illness. For instance, the presence of a measles virus is followed by a symptom of chills, fever, and red macules. In a depression, it is said that there is a metabolic change which is followed by the symptoms of a despairing in mood, guilt, loss of confidence, loss of sexual drive and other symptoms. Could not there be another order of events such as a person sees himself and his worlds in such a way that he finds himself unable to escape from his isolation which itself intensifies his fear? The fear and the isolation, if prolonged, produce metabolic changes, which can, to some extent, be mitigated by physical means.”

REFLECTION

Any feeling that I experience over any length of time is bound to have some physiological effect upon my body. This holds true whether the feeling or emotion is a pleasant or unpleasant one. Fear and anxiety, guilt and worry are all bound to complicate the way the mind processes attitudes in the inner intricate mechanisms of the human brain or animal brain. To lose anything that I have taken into myself and made it something precious to myself will be sorely missed when it is lost. And so any fear of the future can in time make me feel desolate, despondent, and despairing. What mitigates these fears is the distraction of myself from the all-encompassing feeling of despair, by believing that with time and work, and with a desire to feel, I can choose to feel better.

I think that as I gradually pull away from my addiction to sadness I begin to feel a shift in the way I perceive the world that I live in. As I begin to live with more hope, my perception is not so colored by my repetitive negative thoughts that I formerly bashed myself with , but now I have substituted them with new and life-giving positive thoughts.

MEDITATION

“God, and I make a majority” is a saying that has meaning for many of us. We know that as we yield our desires, whether it is to get a loved one back or to escape some future tragedy, the Higher Power will, in its own way and in its own time, allow us to get through whatever we need to get through.”

For more information on dealing with depression with the spiritual principles of recovery click onto VISIT THE STORE( The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore) and order online.

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pgs. 12-13.

Acceptance

I am tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired!

January 7, 2019 Hugh Smith 2 Comments

Where does one go or what does one do to rid themselves of being sick and tired? How often do I hear clients come and tell me that they are here in my office because they are just too sick and tired of being sick and tired. They tell me they just had to make a decision to do something about their feeling bad all the time. Question: Have you ever felt this way? I admit that I have, more than a few times in my life. And every time that I did feel this way I just wanted to go lie down and die. But they didn’t make an “easy to swallow” pill or a medicine to take “for those times when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.” If they had I would had bought a jar full of them.

Where do you go for help when you feel this bad? Or do you smoke, overdose, feel suicidal when you feel this awful? Or maybe there might have been a person with whom you could have shared your story. You know, like getting it off your chest to feel better. Pause. There is a problem here. Sure, I could have talked with a number of people about feeling the way that I did–but in my case I saw the world as filled with hundreds of monads, like desert nomads, all walking around but without any direction or purpose — or a way out of their desperation.

Deserts don’t usually have road signs stuck in the sand showing the way to hither and yon. No, it is only by dogged perseverance and most probably “providence” that we find a door out there, on which is scratched the words ‘a safe place for those who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.'( These doors belong to AA, DA, ACA, AL-ANON, DEP-ANON and so many more ). We stumble through the doorway and join with those other nomads sitting in a large round circle, each sharing how they came to be free of ‘feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.’

I ask the brethren seated there “Am I in the right place?”

“Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired ” they asked in unison.

Sheepishly, I replied , “Yes. I am .”

“Then, join us.”

***

Now, these 30 years plus, no longer feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. If YOU happen to be looking for a 12 step fellowship group meeting for yourself you might not see the words “If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired” scratched on the door, you’ll know that you are in the right place! Walk ins welcome!

Hugh (Depressed Anonymous Member).

VISIT THE STORE for more information on Depression and the Twelve Steps. Order online.

The Promises

Did you ever feel that your depression would come back and swallow you up? This question had been asked of me many times.

January 5, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

That question comes to most of us I would think who have been depressed. It crossed my mind the day I felt better. My mood lightened up momentarily. It was a flashback to the time–a year and half before — when my life was running on a flat trajectory and life was good. And then, suddenly, with this heightened mood flashed the frightening message on my mental screen, “yes, but it’s not going to last!” That was the message that suddenly knocked me to the ground causing my mood to plummet to the pits. . And here I was I thought, back to square one. The thought came to me as I continued my walking–a practice that I started a year before, and which gave an incentive for me to keep trying to move beyond the grip of whatever had me by the throat. Because I did continue to walk I gradually restored that brief momentarily heightened mood which has endured to this day. My life did take a turn for the better because now I found out that there were areas in my life that I needed to change.

The fact is that those of us who have had only one experience with depression will most likely not have another one. Thank goodness, that happens to be true in my own case. But after involving myself in a Twelve Step Support group, where I found acceptance for my story of pain and isolation, plus the tools that were used for freeing myself from depression. I have been using these same tools for more than 30 years.

I also discovered by my participation in Depressed Anonymous that by sharing with the groups which I attended, that these meetings and the work that I was doing on my own recovery, gave me the freedom which the Promises of the Steps had provided me.

Jonathon Rottenberg, in his very hopeful and helpful book, The Depths, he tells us his deep feelings about depression. He tells us why we are losing the fight against depression:

“We are losing the fight against depression in part because our fundamental description of it –as reflecting defects is wrong. The first step to finding more effective solutions is getting that fundamental description right, and my book is one effort toward that end. Finally, I am skeptical of any easy, one -size- fits all solution for depression, and you should be too. The genre of self-help for depression is littered with well intentioned books that overpromise solutions and false hopes. It would be nice to defeat your depression in ten easy steps, but rarely is it so easy. Books that over promise solutions produce frustrated, disappointed, and demoralized readers and damage the credibility of experts. I haven’t written a self-help book, or at least not in the usual sense.”

Even so, Jonathon has given us a helpful read and one which someone depressed or not depressed can gain a positive take on depression with helpful ways to spiral upward instead of downward.

“What you seek, will seek you.”

Acceptance, Relapse Prevention

I get it!

December 26, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

It took awhile, but finally I “got it.”

In the work Depressed Anonymous, which provides a step by step commentary for individuals and group members, Dr. Dorothy Rowe points out that if you want to get yourself depressed this is what you must do. You must hold these six options as if they were real, absolute and immutable truths

No matter how good and nice I appear to be, I am really bad, evil, valueless, and unacceptable to myself and others.
Other people are such that I must fear, hate or envy them.
Life is terrible and death is worse.
Only bad things happened to me in the past and only bad things will happen to me in the future.
Anger is evil.
I must never forgive, least of all myself.

What I envision as the best possible world for the depressed and to prevent relapse and recurrence is a model that may include the medication treatment, the psychotherapy interaction between therapist and client and then the holistic model of the mutual aid group, to name a few. What happens in the group support system is basically a replication of what happens in a person’s childhood environment. We can determine if trust is there, can the child have the assumed permission to show initiative, is the child made to feel safe and can the child venture out beyond the boundaries of his home and feel safe? Or does he come from a home which is closed and the world perceived as enemy and unsafe- indeed a setup for a mistrustful attitude about life. All this comes into play in early childhood development. We need to look again at anything in a child’s life where he/she experienced a loss, a separation or a life filled with anger and hurt.

The community in which the child is raised presents all types of messages and this in the beginning is how he or she sees the world. Chemicals in the brain don’t produce thoughts that say ” I’m worthless or unacceptable,” etc. It’s more the messages that one receives when one is in the formative years of one’s life that may predict how one perceives his or her future.”

You might want to ask yourself this question: What messages did you receive as a child growing up. Did you feel that the messages you received give you freedom to explore the world and your environment, or did you feel unsafe and insecure?

SOURCES:
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville. KY
(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 25-26.

Kindness

Having the right tools helps me get the job done.

December 18, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

TOOLS FOR RECOVERY FROM DEPRESSION

Whenever I have a job to do I make sure that I have the right tool. When I want to saw a board I make sure that I am cutting the right length We all know the carpenter’s rule about “measure twice and saw once.” How many times have I made the mistake of not getting the proper length before I sawed.

In life there is a another rule about thinking before you leap. Think about the consequences of one’s actions before you act. Look at the blueprint before you build. Check your resources before you buy something. It’s all about having the right tools in life before you start to build a life of character and possibilities for yourself. Having the right tools will definitely get you where you want to go.

Now let’s talk a bit about life’s tools and check out how we are using the tools at our disposal. I would think that because you have come to our site which deals with depression that you are also looking for the tools that will get you where you want to go. You and I want to have the tools which will help us remove the pain, the feeling isolated and even angry at where we find ourselves today.

With the right tools, the right thinking and behavior tools, you will be able to construct the new you. That is a given! Many others are using these tools and you can read all about them in Depressed Anonymous, published by Depressed Anonymous Publications. There is a whole chapter in this book of persons who tell us who the tools of recovery saved their lives and gave them daily hope.

One of the major areas in our lives that change quickly by our attendance at the group meetings is that we pity ourselves less and less. We begin to be grateful for all that we have and all that we are. We begin to see that once we start getting connected to others like ourselves on a regular basis, through our Deporessed Anonymous meetings, we now are listened to by others and we are validated. We don’t hear “snap out of it” at our meetings. Suddenly our years of self-pity, isolation and desolation have been cashed in for a currency that buys us a new competency, a new identity, autonomy and a burgeoning inter relatedness with others. We are connected. We are not alone.

We now can speak about our experience with depression in the past tense. We now can share how we have the tools of self care whereby we can dig out and begin to construct an edifice of hope that will last the rest of our life. As long as we continue to use the tools of the program we are bound to feel differently as well as think differently.” Source: I’ll do it when I feel better (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisvile. KY. The Feelings of Uselessness and Self-Pity Disappear. #6. The Promises of Depressed Anonymous.

NOTE: For more information on tools for recovery please go to MENU on Home Page and Click onto the drop down menu item TOOLS OF RECOVERY

Miracle Thinking

Misery is an option

December 14, 2018 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

” We must be willing to let go of all thoughts that tell us that we will never get well. These are the same thought that have imprisoned us over the years. We now listen to the God of our understanding and proceed with the belief that what we hold about the world on the outside of us is determined and governed by the world that is lived within us.

We are in a brand new way, on a new path, and find ourselves committed to a fresh belief that something powerful is starting to blossom within me. A peace that surpasses all understanding is beginning to be born as we learn to relax and wait and listen for that still small voice. We pray that the God of our understanding make a way out of this desert of misery just as it has already created a way for those of us who live in the fellowship. Our thoughts move inside us with light and peace. ”

Bill W., tells us

“We are sure God would like us to see us happy, joyous and free. Hence, we cannot subscribe to the belief that this life necessarily has to be a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it became clear that most of the time we had made our own misery.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

By Hugh, a member of Depressed Anonymous

I realized that with time and work on myself, I gradually realized that I didn’t have to live with the self-bashing thoughts that continually circled around in my head. It was only til I got involved with the 12 Step program of recovery that my mind found peace and calm. The ruminations and my up and down erratic thinking began to smooth out while my moods began spiraling upwards and my self-worth went up as well.

It was a fact that my ruminations were an effort by my mind to find the answer to why I was so depressed. It was like a dog chasing its tail. Let me tell you, that gets old after awhile. When my physical self began to wear down I knew I needed help. No longer did I want to keep myself in a “misery mode” and so I did something that I never did before. I reached out to a 12 Step mutual aid group in my community and there I found a way out of the misery thoughts that kept circling in my mind. The Depressed Anonymous group provided me with a miracle, namely., that I could come and share my pain and my isolation with folks just like myself. They were becoming free and they promised me the same freedom. Now I have the tools for overcoming my sadness and misery. That was 33 years ago. They promised me I could change. They were right.

Copyright (c) As Bill Sees it: The way of life….selected writings of A.A.’ s co-founder. AA World Services. NY. Page 218.

Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 52-53. (Promise #12.)

NOTE\\\\\\\////////// For more information, see the Newsletter Archives, the Tools for recovery , follow the Blog posts, as well as check out the DA literature at the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore.

The Promises

Someone, somebody greater than myself is guiding me

December 13, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

This I believe is at the core of our recovery and restoration. It is precisely at the moment in our lives that we realize that somebody, someone greater than myself is guiding me. This someone is not forcing us but is guiding us through our darkness. It is lighting our path so we neither stumble nor regress into our old ways of thinking and behaving. It is with this in mind that we continually redirect our attention to have that desire to do its will.

Before we discovered the program of Depressed Anonymous we were convinced that the only chance that we had to get better was to wait while the drugs kicked in and then everything would be alright. But now we are certain that our ability to get well is based on how much we develop the belief that we can choose how we feel and think. Indeed, we are now convinced that we can either sad ourselves or choose not to sad ourselves. The community and common bonds of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship produce a feeling that as other member of the group are recovering, so can I.”

SOURCE: The Promises of Depressed Anonymous # 12. We would suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

This excerpt is found in the Depressed Anonymous Publication, I’ll do it when I feel better.(2017) The Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 51-52.

The Promises

Intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us

December 11, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

From the Promises of Depressed Anonymous #11.

As my mind began to heal and my thoughts became more lucid, it became apparent that something inside of me is changing. Depression, when you begin to examine the various symptoms up close and deal with them, the experience becomes less threatening. Some say that depression is a collection of behaviors that are brought into play to defend us against things that are too painful to face. Also, depression results when a love object is lost through death or that one feels abandoned. We have become so at one with our lost love, that we mourn the death of part of us. The love object and ourselves has become one. I believe we use the word co-dependence today.

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression. The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought. I began to worry that I was losing my mind. I often asked myself if I was going to survive. But now my ability to handle situations in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance at meetings. I was also making a daily time for prayer and meditation and began to feel that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically active, i.e., going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. I began working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook and reading my 12 step literature.

The behavior is where my freedom and hope begins. And yes, I do feel lousy at times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to prevent me from even thinking that I could choose to feel differently.”

Sources:
Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 50-51.
Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

NOTE: More to come tomorrow on how to respect our “gut” feelings and handle those difficult situations that come up in our lives.

Choice, Fellowship

The “noise” of my depression decreases…

November 17, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I accept and believe that however hopeless everything appears right now, I will make a decision to recover from my depression. I am not helpless. I will make a choice to get better.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT.

The “noise” of my depression decreases the more I am able to share my feelings of anxiety, hurt and helplessness with others. I am not going too far to say that “all my sadness is gone,” but I am saying it seems to help to talk about my fears and anxieties. I can do this sharing within a Depressed Anonymous group, by journaling or talking with my sponsor. I am noticing that my life improves in relationships, the more that I force myself to get connected with others who are suffering from depression just as I am.

I accept myself now that I feel that I am depressed. I now have a definite way out of my sadness. I don’t have to be this way all my life, I tell myself. I believe that I can accept the fact of the way that I feel and that I can choose to feel something other than the misery of my sadness. I am no longer going to run and hide whenever something or someone appears on the horizon of my life that I don’t like. I accept the fact that I am going to choose to feel better today. I am going to spiral up instead of down.

Meditation

God, you created us with strengths and a predisposition of sorts that set us up to be a depressed person. We can’t choose the family we are born into, but we can choose to find out how to get in touch with those persons who seek health, our 12 Step family of Depressed Anonymous.

Personal comments

Source: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Kentucky . Page 228.

Please VISIT THE BOOKSTORE here for more helpful literature on ways to use the 12 Steps to overcome depression. Orders online are possible.

Hope is just a few steps away!