Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

The Life model and its four characteristics

All living creatures have four essential characteristics. These four are:

  1. Identity
  2. Autonomy
  3. Competency
  4. Interconnectedness with all other living beings

But when we are depressed we gradually begin to feel that we really have no identity. We believe that there is nothing about me that is good. I feel worthless, unacceptable to myself and others. I think of myself as a depressive. I am always depressed. That its my identity. But much like the alcoholic, overeater, we are more than our label as a depressive. We have confined ourselves into a corner feeling that I have nothing to give. So many of us depended on our roles in life, the job that we went to every day, a parent now left with an empty nest. All these changes created a formidable challenge and vacuum in our lives. All losses in our lives have a great impact on who we are as living creatures.

Because of depressive thinking, our behavior and thinking has caused us to isolate, to feel abandoned. Because of continually trying to figure out why we are depressed, (paralysis of analysis) this faulty thinking has sapped us of our energy, so that we are no longer able to get out of bed in the morning… go to work, meet with friends or family. We no longer have the motivation to act on our own behalf. We know that our autonomy is what enables us to do one thing or the other. We are individuals at the same time part of the human community. Our own autonomy is now so frozen and lacking any motivation that we are even feeling unable to make any sort of decision.

Our level of feeling and having a competency is gone. We feel useless and weak. We are purposeless and find no meaning in our lives. What once used to keep us alive and motivated–such experiences as losing a job, a divorce, a death of a loved one, retirement and other lost roles and relationships gradually diminish our ability to function with a hope for a brighter future.

And finally interconnectedness is life. All life on this earth interconnected. Our life support system is other living creatures. We are a veritable web of living organisms. What keeps all of us alive is this relationship with each other, and the mutuality and synergism of the whole tribe, clan, family, all alive because of those members who make up each dynamic group.

Finally, from a depressed person’s perspective, all these characteristics provided for us by the Life Model also serve as areas of concern when we begin to look more closely at our own lives.

We see how we have gradually lost our identity, no longer able to get motivated because of lack or a real or perceived loss of having any competencies or meaningful roles to play in our communities and families. Because of the growing inability to make any decisions which stymies any desire or motivation to act in our own behalf, sabotages our efforts to be self directing and autonomous.

Because of our isolation and feelings of meaningless for where we are now, our sense of being part of any purposeful relationships, is nil. The more we cut off our interconnectedness with others, not only do our social skills begin to wither, but the meaning that life provides by its connectedness becomes less and less available.

So, what can you and I do if depressed, as most, if not all of these life situations can be a positive for us if we begin to look for a community which can give us support, fellowship and acceptance. It’s my sincere belief that a 12 step Support group for any of us can give us the direction and the hope that each of us are looking for as members of the human community.

What do you think?

Hugh

Life can be good for a change, I am not alone

The following account is taken from the personal stories section of Depressed Anonymous.

“It seemed  that I was living in another world until one of my parents gave me a phone number of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous meetings, plus reading the Depressed Anonymous manual  have  provided me with the tools to live without being depressed. Most important of all, the Twelve Steps mentioned in the book have made me understand that God (my Higher Power)  will give me strength to deal with my depression and get on with my life and be happy with myself.

The book with its Twelve Steps,  has taught me that I am not alone. And that I am not the only one who is suffering from depression. It has brought me to believe more in my Higher Power and to let it handle my depression.

I read the Depressed Anonymous manual, go the counseling, and attend the Depressed Anonymous meetings. The meetings are a must, I need them to survive. The support group’s meetings help  each other by listening, talking, expressing their feelings, and give support  on how to cope with depression. By letting my Higher Power help  me, I am beginning to feel free from  depression. I am not so nervous and tensed up. My Christian inner faith is getting stronger. I am not so stressed out and I am beginning to get confidence in myself. I still have trouble with  my sleep pattern and I am getting some motivation back. I have learned how to handle anxiety by taking deep breaths when I am nervous or troubled. This was  suggested by my therapist. I am also learning how to stand up for myself.

All these new tools have helped me  and will continue to do so. They also taught me not to dwell on my past, to live one day at a time, and to look toward to the future, but not live there.  It will take me a long time to deal with depression, but I am glad that these tools are available. Life can be good for a change. Please don’t give up.”

– Anonymous member of Depressed Anonymous Fellowship.

SOURCE:  (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages. 148-149.

Change always involves uncertainty.

 

 

“I know that a number of people who are first introduced to the Twelve Step program of recovery wonder what their sadness has to do with  the spiritual program of Twelve Steps that originated for alcoholics. I might be depressed but I am surely not a drunk. Sometimes you will hear a new member of the group say that they never committed any wrongs against anyone, so why  do they need to make amends.  (See Step Ten). For many persons, the loss of a love, the death of a spouse, the end of a lifetime career  can produce a spiraling sense of despair in  in people  whose whole lives have centered on someone else’s feelings rather than their own. Their lives are lived for someone else rather being lived for their own self. When that other person is lost, they feel lost and abandoned. This is precisely  the point– the need to make amends for erroneously thinking that someone else can satisfy all their wants and desires. In making amends, we begin to take responsibility for our thoughts  and feelings, and when these have hurt others we need to do something about them.”

SOURCE: Page 86. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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On page 71 of The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2001) Depressed Anonymous Publications, we discover further positive insights about living our lives with spontaneity and hope.

Dorothy Rowe in her Award Winning book, Depression: The way out of your prison, tells us the following:

Dangers, perhaps even greater dangers, threaten you if you leave your prison of depression for the ordinary world. There you might have to change, and change always involves uncertainty. The good thing about being depressed is that you can make everyday the same. You can be sure of what is going to happen. You can ward off all those people and events that expect a response from you. Your prison life has a regular routine, and like any long term prisoner,  you grow  accustomed to the jail’s security and predictability. The prison of depression may not be comfortable, but it is at least safe.”  Page 127.

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NOTE TO THE READER

One of the most valuable ways to deal with the pain and isolation of one’s depression experience is to utilize our latest tools in freeing ourselves from the prison of depression.

Our Publisher (DAP) has provided those who wish to learn more about themselves a HOME STUDY KIT where a person can begin  sorting out what makes them tick. The two works, include both the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition Manual and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook.

These two works have been written and organized by those of us who know what depression feels like and the potential risk to life that it presents.  We’ve been there.

In one of our first Depressed Anonymous  meetings, the group who were members of the Fellowship became  part of writing the commentary on the  12 Steps which resulted in our manual Depressed Anonymous. All these were persons working their way out of depression and who shared their story in the personal story section of  the DA Manual. There are 31 testimonies total.  In other words, our material is one of the very few that are written by persons depressed and who have  freed themselves from the shackles of the depression prison.

If you want to begin your own personal recovery from depression the HOME STUDY KIT combo is what you are looking for.  And possibly you and a friend, a therapist, pastor, family member may like to work with you  as you move on and through the depression experience.

You can put your online  order in today at our literature STORE.  You will also be able to communicate online at our website www.depressedanon.com and FIND HELP with our  BLOG provided by WordPress.com.

 

 

“You become what you do!”

How often have I heard this said about those of us who are involved with the  spiritual principles of the 12 Steps of recovery.  You become what you do. You become what you think. And your behavior promotes a habitual way to act. By doing the same thing time after time promotes a habit.   Good habits   builds our strengths.

One of the recommendations often heard at our meetings is that we  want to  attend as many meetings as possible when we enter through that door of our 12 step recovery. And when we have admitted that our life is out of control and unmanageable it is then that we learn how to begin a new way of living and have a life filled with hope. We call this the time of surrender.

When I finally faced my addictions, it was then that I knew I had to surrender,  to make possible a new life, that new way of living  that had been promised me by those of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship.  And what did I do? First of all I attended Depressed Anonymous meetings, week after week, read all the  literature that was available to me, got  a sponsor,(someone who would mentor me through the Steps, ), made a place in my day for prayer and mediation so that the God of my understanding would continually nudge and guide me to right living and peace of mind. And just like it was promised to me, I  found peace of mind  and freedom from the pain of depression.  I just knew that now I had found a way to have hope plus that  community of people, who  just like myself,  were walking the same path as I was. I was no longer alone!

In our manual , Depressed Anonymous,  we can read how about  those of us who became what they were willing to do to find a way out of their depression.   In  my own life, I found the fog of confusion and pain gradually disappearing,  not overnight, but as I continued to practice the spiritual principles of the 12 steps.  The group meetings plus the daily reading of  the Depressed Anonymous literature will always  work its daily miracle in our lives.

I became what I did to get well! So can you become what you do and what you want to be.

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COPYRIGHT  (C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

COPYRIGHT(C) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Also available one can use the Home Study Combo (DA MANUAL AND  WORKBOOK) for help when there is no DA group in your locality. There is always the ongoing support from the fellowship for guidance and hope.

For more information about who we are and what we do,  go to www.depressedanon.com. Also visit the store here for all the literature that can  be ordered online.

 

 

 

The ladder that goes nowhere

 

In our back yard, we have a 20 foot extension ladder leaning against my Granddaughter’s dollhouse.  Since we really don’t have a use for it now, we just stood it up against the dollhouse. till  the time comes when we do need it.

This early morning, watching the sun brighten the Eastern horizon, I thought about our ladder that goes nowhere.

It’s neither helping anyone go  up or go down. No purpose presently. I thought about  this ladder, standing so proudly at a slant , just waiting to be put to the use  for which it was created. But the strange fact is  that it stopped short in mid air.  It had no real purpose –not until someone had to go up, step by step, to accomplish some  intended goal.

Somehow this ladder standing there was ready for action, that is., as soon as someone needed to go up. It came to me suddenly how when I was depressed–I was like this ladder, standing up, but with no plan to go anywhere.  I was motionless. I felt helpless and hopeless.  And in my situation, not going anywhere, not changing my position in anyway at all, had created my indecision about direction ,  and I was baffled.

When I was depressed I journeyed to the top of the ladder, and  knew that I had to take some action. I had to lower myself, step by step, until I hit ground zero. It was then that  I made  my  first decision to see where I wanted to go and then go do it. I know I wanted to go where the steps promised to lead me, namely to a new life lived with  hope

At ground zero I admitted that I needed help. A ladder that was headed nowhere was not going to get it for me. I knew that my life as unmanageable and that I was ;powerless. I had had it with all these ladders in my life that went nowhere.  Thee were  moments when I felt in control, in charge of my life.  Again, there I was at the top of the ladder, having everything in life except a way out of my life threatening sadness.  This continued to  lead me to feel that my life was meaningless.  I had lost hope in the things, with my power-seeking  and the belief that I was really something. And like  the Greek myth of Sisyphus rolling a rock up the hill and  only to find it rolling back down the hill.  He repeated the same ritual–up again and then down again. It always remained the same. No change.

But then I found the real step ladder that was going somewhere. It was taking me up to a level where  I had  never been before. The ladder took me up step by step, gave me the courage to find myself, gave my life  meaning and continues to this day  to provide me with hope and serenity for the first time in my life. Everyone who uses these step ladders will come to  realize how each step that I take leads me to another step and the next step provides me with just another reason to keep on climbing.

If you feel that the ladder that you are climbing doesn’t take you anywhere positive, it’s time to go down to ground zero, and climb onto the ladder that goes somewhere. For me this ladder is the mutual aid group which we know as Depressed Anonymous.

If you want to hear how other persons have climbed this step ladder that goes somewhere then take a look at the personal stories in our manual Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville.

VISIT THE STORE  and learn how to get on our ladder and step up to a place where you always wanted to go!

You can order our literature  online.

 

 

 

 

I learned to be good to myself

 

 

“I really can’t remember for sure how I became involved in Depressed Anonymous. I believe that a coworker told me about a professor at the University  who had students who were helping people in the psychology field and who wanted to know if I would be a volunteer to help start this new self-help group. And it was free! What do I have to lose? I have seen doctors, took the prescribed drugs and still ended up on the same old merry-go-round of ups and downs and “hangovers” from the drug. I joined a small group at first. We talked, set weekly goals, took short  walks, visited with friends or enjoyed a cup of coffee to relax. We had to do something for herself. I had to learn to be good to myself, instead of nurturing everyone else. I found a good doctor who gave me a lot of good advice about “pampering” myself more. It had not been easy. I read self-help books, positive thinking books and worked hard on my way of thinking for years. I’m a natural born worrier, so things always seem worse than they really were. So after four marriages, I finally sat back and took a good look at myself. Why was I making these bad choices in keeping my head messed up? After staying for single eight years and working on myself daily, I am now remarried and happy. I have two daughters, two grandsons who are my pride and joy. I work with the elderly at a nursing home and manage to keep busy and happy.”

One of the things that came to me in reading Margie’s story was that she learned how to be good to herself. Why wouldn’t she when she finally got a handle on her depression and learnt how to deal with   trying situations that at one time had her baffled. She found that depression was not to be her lifelong companion and the source of her self-pity and despair.

As a fact, I know personally that those of us who have used  the 12 spiritual principles of the 12 steps, have found the key that unlocks our prison door of hopelessness and helplessness.

I hope that you might look at this wonderful tool which can release you  from the darkness  of a life lived in a continuous state of melancholia.

Our Home Self Study Kit, comprised of our manual, Depressed Anonymous  plus the Depressed Anonymous Workbook will enable  you to dig into the reasons for your own depression while at the same time  learn more about your own self from the study of the Depressed Anonymous Workbook. This adventure can all be carried out in the privacy of your home.  Who knows, it might lead you to want to help others  who are depressed and who have no one to help them. As we all know –it takes one to know one!

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. (Margie shares her story. Personal stories section. Page 131.)

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NOTE Please go to our literature selections at VISIT THE STORE, here at this site, and find out more about the HOME SELF STUDY KIT. You can order online.

 

Good stress and bad stress

 

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

“There is good stress and bad stress. Good stress challenges us to live each day with enthusiasm and hope as we go  about our daily routine.  Bad stress  is that which causes us to worry, be concerned about  things which we have no control over and generally  causes us to feel tired.  By following our 12 step program  of recovery, we discover that our life can have hope and purpose.

We believe that the God of our understanding makes it possible for us to gradually eradicate our need to worry  and distress ourselves. I am like the addict who continually needs to medicate their feelings of helplessness and hopelessness by saddening  myself when things look bleak and out of control. With the help of my Higher Power, I believe I can begin to feel better as I take the proper means to take care of my physical health.”

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pg. 159. August 8th.

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The following is an example of a member of Depressed Anonymous turning  their bad stress  into good stress:

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression. The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed of a morning as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought.  I began to worry that I was losing my mind and I often asked myself if I was going to survive.  But now my ability to handle situations in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance at meetings, and by making a daily time for prayer and meditation and a feeling that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically active, i.e., going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. Working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook, reading my 12 step literature.

This is where my freedom begins.  And yes, I do feel lousy at times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make choices in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to prevent me from even thinking that I could choose to feel differently.”

SOURCE: I’ll do it when I feel better. (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 50-51.

Please Visit the Store for more information.

No pain – no gain! We pay a price to free ourselves from any and all addictions

 

First of all we know that the first step to freeing ourselves from the deadly clutches of any and all addictions is to ADMIT that our life is out of control, unmanageable and that  we are powerless  over what has us by the throat! Our lives have hit the wall and there is no place to go but to seek HELP. Humbling it is. To ask for help. But it is absolutely necessary if we are to free ourselves from the pain of any addiction.

I am speaking from my own experience with that deadly and scary reality that we all know as  depression. I finally came to the frightful reality that if I wanted my life back then I would have to do something that I had never done before.  I had to admit that I was beat. I had it. My life was a mess and I had created it by gradually drifting away from taking care of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual life. Just by my admission that my life was in shambles, I realized, begrudgingly, that I had to take full responsibility for cleaning up the mess. And where was I to find that  solution to the cancer-like illness  which was eating me up with each depressed and hopeless breath?

From Alcoholics Anonymous I found my solution. They told me that my pain was the door that I had to go through if I was ever to find any peace for my troubled life.  And so I went through that door which opened me up to hope and belief that there truly was a way the  out of the daily mental grind of sadness and despair. It came  to me that the fellowship of those using and working the 12 Steps of recovery  had all found a home.

“There was a time when we ignored trouble , hoping it would go away. Or, in fear and in depression, we ran from it, but found  it was still with us. Often, full of unreason, bitterness, and blame, we fought back. These mistaken attitudes, powered by alcohol, guaranteed the destruction, unless they were altered.

Bill W., continues sharing,     “Then came A.A. Here we learned that trouble was really a fact of life for everybody – a fact , that had to be understood and dealt with. Surprisingly, we found that our troubles could under  God’s grace, be converted into unimagined blessings.”

“Indeed, that was the essence of A.A. itself: trouble accepted, trouble squarely faced with calm courage, trouble lessened and often transcended. This was the A.A. story, and we became a part of it. Such demonstrations  became our stock in trade for the next sufferer.”

Because of my own terrible pain of an insufferable depression I founded a group centered on the 12 Steps  and which made these spiritual principles part and parcel of my daily life.  This group is aptly called Depressed Anonymous.

Yes, I still have troubles, but now I can help others by sharing my own story of hope and serenity . Even though we may not be alcoholics, we can have a hope that these Steps can help me as well to leave the prison of depression.

For more information about who we are and what we are about please take a look at the menu that appears on the first page of our website Depressed Anonymous.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook  tells us  how “Where humility had formerly  stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity.

This improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come out of painful ego puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems.

We fled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to deal with the fact  of suffering. Then in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets.  We heard story  after story  of how humility  had brought strength out  of weakness. In  every case pain had been the price of admission into a new life.  But this  admission price  had purchased more than we expected. It bought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to  be a  healer of pain. We began to fear pain less and  desire  humility more than ever. ”

Are you will to pay the price?

SOURCES:    As Bill sees it: The A.A. Way of life…selected writings of A.A.’s co-founder. Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc., New York.

  The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. pg.60-61.

                           Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition.(2011 Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

For more literature please VISIT THE STORE. Also note that the HOME STUDY SELF HELP STUDY combo can be purchased together. All purchases can be made online at this site.

 

I am certain that our life doesn’t always have to remain the same

I am willing to live in the uncertain moment and focus on the now, not yesterday’s  now or tomorrow’s now.

“So  if we are to make changes in our lives we must be courageous. Such courage can be found relatively easily in two kinds of situations. When we are certain that the new situation in which we shall find ourselves will bring us every advantage and happiness.

  1. When we are certain that the situation we are leaving is totally and absolutely  bad.

2. Thus, if the new situation promises perfection, or if the old situation is totally imperfect, we have  certainty, and, if there is one thing you crave when you are depressed, it is certainty.”

Copyright(c) Breaking the Bonds –Dorothy Rowe

“The only certainty that I have today is that if I want to free myself from  the attachment that I have to sadness, I must be willing to risk giving up the certainty that my life will always remain the same. I know that it is only by living with some uncertainty, that my life can be lived with any hope.”    Copyright (c)  Higher Thoughts for Down Days.

My own experience with depression plus the  fear that my depression pain would always be with me, had me totally imprisoned.  In  fact, it was this fear which got me motivated to change – to do anything that could  release me from its deadly clutches. I didn’t have a clue  why I wanted to sleep all the time, sudden loss of memory, unable to concentrate, thinking hopeless thoughts, always wanting to sleep and a rapid weight loss. I felt that I had fallen into some deep and dark pit.

I was no longer my “happy go lucky self.” Always positive and upbeat.  Always feeling confident. And then, the fog began to settle in on my life. My mind was like it was made out of cotton. Also, like many people who suffer the same as myself, the symptoms are all pretty much the same, and with different intensities.  And for some, the painful and hopeless feelings of depression can be a real life threatening situation.  That is why I write this BLOG, to give others hope that they too don’t have to go it alone. We, the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous are here to help. You are not alone!

In time, all I wanted to do after a days work, was to come home and go to bed. I was beginning to feel more and more isolated as my world  became uninteresting and without appeal. All the pleasant things and activities which in the past had energized me,  had all  lost their power to lift my spirits. I felt paralyzed. And worthless.

In a short period  of time, I grew frightened as to what my life was becoming as I grew more and more isolated. Since I didn’t know what I had I didn’t really know what to do.

I got motivated. I walked everyday. Five miles. Every day. No change came right away. Then those insidious thoughts such as “you are losing your mind, ” or “you’re going crazy. You have a brain cancer which is making you feel sad, hopeless and helpless.”

After many months, and many miles, I felt that the mental fog and physical  pain was gradually disappearing until one day I realized that I began to feel like my old self , with hope and the old familiar upbeat feeling that I had always lived with. My first thought when this happened, the fog lifting, I told myself “this won’t last.” And I was right. It didn’t. But I kept on walking and the fog completely disappeared over time. I was free once again. It was like a night and day experience all bundled up together in my brain. Finally, with work,  time and talking to the  fellowship members of Depressed Anonymous, I found the necessary tools to keep me from relapsing.  And now, others are learning how they too can follow our path and get the relief and the answers they need to work their way out of depression.

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You can read more of my own thoughts about how to leave the prison of one’s own depression in DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS, 3rd edition. (2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Now you can have a renewed sense of purpose for your life! This is a Promise!

The   Fifteenth (15) Way out of the prison of depression.

BELIEVING IS SEEING.

Excerpts.

Depressed Anonymous believes that we are not to think of ourselves as “depressives” or permanent sufferers of depression. We believe that we can move out of our depression and help others out of their depression. To label ourselves as “depressives” is counterproductive to our own recovery. We will not define ourselves solely by our painful and personal experience with depression.  We are not victims. We also believe that once you have worked your way through and out of depression that you will continue to receive our support and appreciation. You can continue your recovery by reaching out to those persons still suffering from their depression.

We don’t have the magic pills and the easy formulas for success. We do admit that the time you spend in the group might seem wasted and of no avail in terms of removing quickly the pain of depression. But if you stay with the program and make as many of the meetings as possible, plus reading the literature, you will in time discover that your feelings and depressed moods will gradually be diminished.  Freedom from isolation, fear and pain will now grow, like a beautiful plant, well watered and nurtured with love and care.

If you are presently reading this, and happen to be depressed you might not believe it can be done. This is usually the reaction from those of us who have not found any solution to our everlasting sadness. But if you keep coming back to meetings and live out the beliefs listed here, plus putting them into practice, you will find a change occurring in yourself. The good news is that over time you will be experiencing a new feeling and a new view of the world, yourself and the future, one day at a time. You will  discover that you not only now have a renewed sense of purpose for your life, but your life continues to grow brighter. That’s a promise!

BELIEVE!!! 

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 69-71.