Category Archives: Stinking Thinking

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Egoism, Fellowship, Hope

I have a program that works!

December 4, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

I am learning today how to think in more positive terms about myself.

“Once we admit that our depressed thinking is what conditions us to see our world as a hopeless place to live, the more we will try to change the way we think.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

When I was able to admit that I have need of improvement for some area of my life, things begin to happen. I believe that now I have a program in front of me that can help me to feel better, the more I use it on a daily basis. As one member of the Twelve Step group, Depressed Anonymous points out, “I had to go and open that door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life.” Now that we admit we need help, help is on the way.”

It is always difficult to change. Millions of others are leading lives of peace, sobriety and hope as they place their trust in their Higher Power and commit themselves to learning how to get better. They are learning that by having faith in God, themselves and the fellowship of the group, life does indeed get better. I am going to get better, the more I work and live the Twelve Steps.

MEDITATION

O God, we know that our hope in you will make it possible for us to find hope in our lives every day. That’s a Promise.

RESOURCE

(c)Higher Thoughts for down days. DAP. December 4th, Pages 198-199.

Ordering Online is possible from this website @ The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore.

Compulsion

The compulsive nature of depression

November 4, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“Given the need for control in all people to one degree or another, it is not at all surprising to discover that compulsive patterns are often related to depression. Compulsive patterns are by their very nature attempts to control anxiety, fear, doubt, and of course depression through establishing a repetitive and even ritualistic way of managing aspects of one’s experience.

Consider some common patterns of the compulsive personality. Such individuals are characterized as being highly moralistic and judgmental, excessively preoccupied with rules and protocol, and emotionally distant. Why the preoccupation with rules and judgments? The tendency to feel out of control (and thus anxious, afraid, doubtful, and depressed) is very strong if every detail of every experience that life has to offer is not covered in the rule book…When a person requires or expects others to follow his or her rules, he or she is inevitably disappointed, angry, and hurt when they do not. When a person adheres to a rigid rule system for managing the unpredictable and often different things that are a part of life, the ability to adapt flexibility as times and rules change is underdeveloped…it is these types of rigidities –that can get and keep depression going…Given the involvement of early learnings about control, power, responsibility, and other issues central to depression it can be a useful assignment to have the client identify his or her values that underlie the range of choices likely to be perceived by him or her. This exercise is called “Me Mapping.” Thus the client is required to think about the positions of each of the people that played a significant role in his or her development. The client can consciously discover how readily such positions can be identified and may likewise discover how readily such positions can be identified and may likewise discover that their positions are unknown. Either outcomes provides for interesting and useful discoveries. The individual who under controls situations is the person in the helpless “victim” mid set. When opportunities arise in which the individual could act in a specific way in order to favorably influence the outcome of a situation or escape a hazard, he or she does not act…The individual who over controls situations will attempt to exert control over situations that are, in fact, beyond the range of his or her influence. For such individuals, there is a blurring of the lines between hope and reality. The individual may know what he or she wants and will attempt to attain it, only to become increasingly stressed and depressed as the goal slips further and further away. By interpreting the inability to attain the goal as evidence of personal failure than as having attempted to reach a goal outside the sphere of one’s influence, depression is a predictable consequence. “

SOURCE: (c) Copyright. When Living Hurts. Michael D. Yapko. Psychology Press. (1988 . pp.104, 105, 106. 117.

Anxiety, Fear

Discover how our anxiety creates a “first fear” and “second fear”

October 15, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Depression usually carries with it a large dose of anxiousness. I don’t know how anxiety affects others, I do know this, it’s usually a large part of one’s depression experience.

My strategy was to run away from it and not face or accept it for what it is: that is moving my body, walking away and changing the mental channels in my mind. While this is going on in my head I would let the “first fear” overcome me with the “second fear.” What happens at this point is best illustrated with a personal example.

A few years back, I was in the dentist’s chair needing some teeth to have fillings. The Doc gave me a few shots of novacane, lowered the lights and left the room indicating he would return in a few minutes.

As the novacane began to take its numbing effect I noticed that I couldn’t feel my tongue. That is when the “first fear” reared its ugly head. I immediately started thinking I could swallow my tongue and choke to death. The more I imagined that horrible scenario and continuing “listening into ” my own thinking the “second fear” smashed into my mind, like a bull in the proverbial china shop.

Immediately, my mind began to speed up with more disastrous thoughts, my palms becoming sweaty, my heart rate accelerating. I panicked and was ready to yell for the Doc to rescue me before I actually did swallow my tongue, which I could no longer feel.

In the midst of this chaos and anxiety, I suddenly remembered what a Dr. Claire Weekes, taught us to do at this most anxious time. (Hope and Help for your nerves.) She wrote that what was happening to me is what happens to all of us, when the “first fear” is “listened into” and the avalanche of the spiraling downward fearful thinking paralyzes us. We run away from the anxiety and put mental energy into fighting the fear. She tells us to “float” past the disturbing thoughts, refuse to listen into fear causing even more fear, the “second fear.”

At this point in the midst of my panic I started to talking to myself and telling myself that what was happening was uncomfortable, but NOT life threatening. I kept repeating this mantra with its calming words till slowly my heart rate began to slow, my palms no longer were sweating and by continuing to repeat the words, “it’s uncomfortable, but not life threatening.” my whole body returned to a calm and relaxed state. I had almost scared myself to death.

The Doc comes back, turns the lights up and asks me cheerfully “how are things going?” Sheepishly, I answered clumsily with my thick tongue “just fine.” If he only knew.

After putting into play the steps of faceing, accepting, floating and letting time pass, you will with practice find a helpful way to regain your composure. For me, repeating my own mantra, and turning on my own accepting and not fighting my physical symptoms of panic, I was able to calm myself with a reassurance that all would be well.

Dr. Claire Weekes, MD. Hope and Help for your Nerves: End Anxiety Now. 1969. Berkley. Imprint of Penguin Random House. NY.NY.

For more information about depression and anxiety please read the following:

Compulsion

Ruminating about ruminating is like a dog chasing its tail

July 8, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

How can I “fix” my incessant need to ruminate? How can I get out of this vicious cycle and put my mind on a different track. This is a small matter when you are changing the track on you CD player. You just click onto the next track and start playing. Not so easy with the human mind and the compulsive nature of ruminating.

Clinicians now have certain practical remedies for their patients who ruminate obsessively about a life situation. Their mind gets stuck on a single thought, idea or even a past life event. They go round and round without ever reaching a conclusion pro or con about the situation that they are cycling about. It’s much like the definition of “worry” which compares it to sitting in a rockling chair –you’re moving but you aren’t going anywhere.

Many times feeling guilty and ruminating round and round about one’s guilty action, thought or behavior has the same effect without ever resolving it in one way or the other. Just thinking about a problem without taking action on changing it, goes nowhere. The one thing that ruminating can do is to gradually help dig your depression hole deeper.

In my own case, this whole process of ruminating on a particular life issue, gradually spiraled me downward into a hole where I was unable to dig myself out. I was in this hole for more than a year and it was only until I made a decision to motivate myself into action did I begin to see daylight. From that one experience of meeting depression face to face did I learn a great lesson, namely that if I wanted to quit chasing my thoughts which led me to nowhere, then I must stop the chasing. Simple. Stop the chase.

Well, I might have learned that to begin to replace the chase with hopeful thoughts, hopeful people and people who knew a great way to leave the chase. The whole idea was to chase after ways to break up the chain of despairing thoughts and my own inaction. First of all, I had to protect myself from being vulnerable to every catastrophic thought that flew randomly into my head, I had to move out of my isolation and get with a support group who all, as one were spiraling upward and on past their hole digging and into the light of day.

If you stay alone, you will feel alone. And if you feel alone you will hop into that old familiar rocking chair and continue to rock yourself into nowhere. I know. Been there. Done that!

Chase with hope. Chase and start to spiral upwards thinking hopeful outcomes for your own life. Listen to the members of the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship and learn new ways, new ideas, and have the new found beliefs that make your life filled with possibilities you never dreamed of.

And when my feelings turn downward, that is my clue, for me to call a friend in the Fellowship, get back to my daily routine of exercise and prayerful meditation, and most importantly get to a meeting. In this crazy depressed world of ours, here is a place where sanity, serenity and hope can be found. Trust me.

Read the book that is giving hope to those who reach out for that one of a kind book Depressed Anonymous that will not only inspire you but provide you with a daily plan on ways to make your life so much better. And if you need a hopeful thought on a daily basis read (c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days. Both are available online.

Fellowship, Grief, Hope

I have learned and I have grown

June 25, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“As I began working on the abuse issues in therapy, the pieces of my life began to fall together in a way they never could have before, as I had never dealt with this catastrophic event. In the book, Depressed? Here is a way out! the author talks about how people find their time of depression to be one of the great gifts in their life. The first time I read this, I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever heard. Yet during this time of depression, I have learned and I have grown. I have come to understand myself and my God in a way I never could before.

It has been many years now. Life is starting to come together for me again, one day at a time by the grace of God and the fellowship of this program. From the very first time I walked through the doors of Depressed Anonymous I knew that I was in the right place. Having been an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for so many years, I was already a firm believer in the Twelve Steps. I attended meetings, I worked the Steps with my sponsor. I used the Depressed Anonymous phone list and talked to people about my pain and my day to day problems. I read the book and followed the suggestions in it.

With God, through Depressed Anonymous, this program and the fellowship literally carried me through the darkest time of my life and God did not let me die. I have truly experienced the ‘miracle of the group.’ I have heard it said that sometimes God’s greatest miracles are unanswered prayers. I believe it. After all, I am one.”

–Anonymous

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 119-120.

Fellowship, Negativity, The 12 Steps

Magic wands and silver bullets are not available here

May 31, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

“…seeing and talking to other people are amongst the most helpful experiences for depressed people generally.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

What a novel thought: a depressed person talking to another depressed person. When I tell people I am going to a Depressed Anonymous meeting their first response is “Isn’t that depressing?” “Actually,” I respond, “it isn’t.” I know from my experiences in other 12 Step groups how sharing with persons who have the same problems as my own, is always helpful and therapeutic.

“It takes one to know one” as the saying goes. The reason that meetings with the depressed are not depressing is that all of us speak the same language. All of us come with a HOPE that they can find a way out of the isolation and pain. The depressed person is discovering meetings which are hopeful and solution focused. No “poor me” attitudes here. No ” pity party” going on here.

I find the meetings upbeat and focus on the solution. The solutions are found in the 12 Steps; spiritual principles presenting a Step by Step plan for recovery and freedom from sadness and isolation. At the core of these meetings is a belief in a power greater than ourselves, who is restoring us to sanity. This power, for some, is the group meeting and while for others it is a being called God, the God of our understanding.

How Depressed Anonymous Works.

At each Depressed Anonymous meeting the following message is read to the group by a volunteer:

“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are on a journey of hope and who mutually care for each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a black hole and tired of living.

By our involvement in the group, we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too. I can get better. But we are not the people with the magic pills and the easy formulas for success. We believe that to get out of the prison of depression takes time and work.

We all have been wounded in different degrees by the experience of depression. We also know that there is a method to regain control over our lives that is practical and workable. It is successful for all those who want to change their lives. Some of us believed that there was no hope and that suicide was the only way out.

In this natural world, one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual – that belief is the bottom line for all of us who are depressed and who want to get better. The more we attend meetings, the more we will learn and see the various ways to escape from depression. We also learn how important it is not to give up on ourselves.”

RESOURCES

(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

(c) Believing is seeing:15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Hugh Smith (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. .

Please VISIT THE STORE @THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS BOOKSTORE if you would like to order online any of the books listed here.

Addiction, Fellowship, Serenity, Step 02, The 12 Steps

I Was On The Verge Of Sanity!

April 14, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Yes, on the verge of sanity is the way I look at it. My life up to a certain point was not really insane –it just felt like it. You might recognize the feeling. You keep doing the same insane things over and over again and expecting different results. How is it that you and I are so good at this, that is, allowing our mind to chase us around in circles never finding a way out .

If you have been in a 12 step program for any length of time, you can see some of what I mean. Just by reading and looking closely at each of the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps you gradually become conscious of the dysfunctional way that you are living out your life.

The insanity begins to show itself for what it is –it is as it were exposed by the voices of the other members of the group. These men and women who have by now are discovering the core issues of their own insane ways of thinking and behaviors. As it states so pointedly in Step Two of the recovery program that we “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

The members of the Depressed Anonymous group meetings have gradually painted a portrait of what insanity looks like. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. It’s when a member of the group, in detail fashion, shares with us how growing up he was told over and over again how “He would never amount to anything.” And guess what? He believed it! This prediction was fulfilled for everything that he put his hand to in life.

How about this one handed out to me by my teacher when I was in the third grade, namely “you will never be smart like your brother or your uncle ( a bible expert).”

She was right. I began to live with the shame of being inferior, the prediction of this authority figure gradually working its way into my subconscious from that moment on. I still remember feeling the flesh of my face turning red hot just thinking about that moment so many years back. Sharing this with the group and a therapist finally removed the scourge that it became in my life. I must have unconsciously worked against this false belief because later I earned a Master’s Degree and later a Doctoral degree.

Julia calls Depressed Anonymous a miracle. So far, she tells us that

“so far the most grabbing element of Depressed Anonymous has been the parts of the book where the author refers to the depressed person as a saddict, that is, a person attached or addicted even to sad and hopeless thoughts. Boy, did I ever see myself in these sections. Since then, I have learned to control my thought process. Now, very seldom do sad thoughts creep in. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the first time I saw the description of a saddict, a light went on in my head. The actual miracle took place at that moment. And the beauty of the whole thing is that thinking positive thoughts becomes easier and easier, automatic, then ecstatic at times.

But it is not all that easy. I followed the Steps also. I work at them often. For just as sure as your mind is on the automatic positive gear, it can easily slip back to negativism without the proper maintenance , which includes weekly( not just regular) attendance at meetings, and the knowledge and practice of the Twelve Steps as well as for those that need it, medication plus therapy as recommended by your doctor. ” (C) Julia, Depressed Anonymous Personal Stories

Good luck! And if just one other person reaches the point where I am,then there is a hope that life can be different for you as well.”

Note: When I became aware of how to live on the verge of sanity and then start living a live of serenity I began sharing with others about the miracle of Depressed Anonymous. Now that I am feeling sane I just hope that you put this plan. that works, into your daily life.

Submitted by Julia, a member of Depressed Anonymous, writing her Personal Story in the Personal Stories section of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY Page 122.

For more stories please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at our website www. depressedanon.com. You can order online.

Victim Thinking

I refuse to be a victim

April 11, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

” It has been my experience that those who come to at least six Depressed Anonymous meetings in a row or more can discover how their lives take on a new hope with a spiritual outlook they never imagined possible. So, if you find yourself depressed and want to do something about it–make a decision today to feel better and attend a meeting near you. If a group is not available -read the DA literature.

So many times I have found persons who tell me that they didn’t really know that they had a choice. Namely, they hadn’t heard that there was a way to get yourself out of depression with work, time and a step by step program. They hadn’t heard someone say that now you have a choice to get out of your depression. We see this happen all the time at the Depressed Anonymous meetings.

The First Step of Depressed A nonymous says that” we admitted that we were powerless over depression and that our lives had become unmanageable.” We know and believe that we are no longer victims.

“Now that I have admitted that I am powerless over my depression I don’t do myself any good blaming myself with those daily reminders of how bad and unacceptable I am. I now am conscious of a new path out of my misery.”

SOURCE: (C) BELIEVING IS SEEING: 15 WAYS TO LEAVE THE PRISON OF DEPRESSION (2015) Hugh Smith Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY.

Fear, Fellowship, Hope, Purpose

I believe that my life is going to get better! Hope is a hard habit to break!

March 31, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

How often have I heard these powerful words at one of our group Depressed Anonymous meetings. In fact, it is oftener than one would think, seeing where most of the group members have been before opening the door into our fellowship.

Not only have we heard powerful stories of recovery but we also witness them with own eyes. By coming to meetings week after week, we begin to see the truth of the Promises as laid out for each of us who take that first step into recovery. In Higher Thoughts for Down Days I read that I am going to be secure in my belief that my life is going to get better.

Today is the day. Doing your best, living each day to the fullest is the art of living. Yesterday is gone forever, and we don’t know whether we will be here tomorrow. If we do a good job of living today, and if tomorrow does comes for us, then the chances are we will do a good job when it arrives – so why worry about it?

This makes sense to me. What about you? I know that the more I share myself with others, be that with my DA sponsor or with other members of our fellowship, that my life is beginning to change for the better. Also, the more I share with others the more spontaneous I become, and there are now some bright periods of my life beginning to appear in my life.

I believe that by living in the present reduces my trust in the past fears of yesterday or the anxious moments I thought I needed for tomorrow.

Knowing that others, who are just like me, can make it through the day with a greater amount of serenity and peace as they try to live in today-just for the next 24 hours.

We all believe that the more we turn our minds and wills toward God, the more God will turn his love and will for us in unmistaken ways and with our belief that God is truly with us.

AS Brad Cohen tells us in that great Hallmark Movie, FRONT OF THE CLASS, “Hope is hard to break.”

Hopeful people gather together on every continent on this planet. Their hope stems from a strong belief that with God’s help and support from their fellow members of DA (Or any other 12 Step mutual aid group) they become energized by people feeling better and coming more energized about trying to live their life with purpose and meaning.

Every Depressed Anonymous meeting starts with a statement on How Depressed Anonymous Works:

” You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are on a journey of hope and who mutually care for each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a black hole and tired of living. ”

In the Big Book of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, you can read story after story of those persons who have escaped from the prison of their isolation. These stories tell each of us that there is hope and you can have it too. If it has taken you a lifetime to find a healing way out of your depression, you then can appreciate those others who have made it-all now living with hope and trust.

SOURCES

(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville. Ky. (Personal stories section).

(C)I’ll do it when I feel better. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky.

(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups. (1998) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Acceptance, DA Literature, Fear, Fellowship, Spirituality, Victim Thinking

Healthy Adulthood? What is it?

March 19, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Saint-Exupery, in The Little Prince said “that to be a man, a woman, an adult, is to accept responsibility. And during those years that are bracketed by the dawning of conscience and end of adolescence (seven to ten) we must be slowly expanding the dominion of what we can be responsible for – becoming our own grownup.”

A Higher Thought for Today/ March 19.

AFFIRMATION

Remove the letters “d”, “e”, and “I” from the word depression and I have “press on’!

“The idea that we have to be responsible for ourselves and that the ways of the world are neither good nor just, is too terrifying for you to contemplate. You cannot tolerate such uncertainty. You do not trust yourself, so how can you take responsibility for your self? ” Bill W.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I don’t like facing the fact that ultimately I am the one responsible for myself, no one else. It appears to me that I have to take care of myself, depend on my Higher Power for direction, and go from there. My Higher Power isn’t going to do it all. I know that I have to do all that I can to restore my life and my feelings. God is the rudder to my boat and I have to put my oars into the water if I am to get moving in the right direction.

I am attempting, day by day, to tolerate the unpredictableness of my life and gradually learn new ways to cope with uncertainty. While I am depressing myself, I want everything to be perfect and under my control. I know now that I will be happier when I learn how to tolerate a pleasant mood without telling myself that it will not last!

MEDITATION

We believe that the closer that we come to God, as we understand God, as we understand Him, the closer our God draws to us. We believe that whatever we want changed in our life, this can best be accomplished by approaching the God of our understanding and letting the power greater than ourselves steer us across the stormy sea.”

SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for Members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. (1997) Pages 47-48. Louisville. Ky.

RESPONSIBILITIES AND CONNECTIONS
We have to acknowledge that I am the one who is having the harsh and negative thoughts about myself, and that I alone must take responsibility for the feelings that I have about myself. I can’t continue to blame others for my depression and still think that I will feel better. Dorothy Rowe says that instead of blaming someone else or making someone else the scapegoat of our problems, we need to put aside blame and guilt and think in terns of responsibilities and connections. What she means here is that when she has dealt with depressed persons, they seem as though they are carrying the weight of the world and feel responsible for everyone and everything except themselves. She says that when it comes to themselves they se themselves as totally powerless. We need to look at what is happening in the here and now and take responsibility for our lives, without living in the fear of tomorrow and the hurt of yesterday, Humbly ask God to help you live in the now, even if that means living with the temporary horrible pain of depression.”

Source: Depressed Anonymous 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. pp. 73-74.

NOTE: Click onto www. depressedanon.com where you can order ONLINE informative and helpful 12 Step literature. At the Home Page Menu please click onto VISIT THE STORE, and go to THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS BOOKSTORE.

To contact us please use this email depanon@netpenny.net .

Hope is just a few steps away!