Thank you.
That very question is one which I myself have asked. It would have been neat if I could have just set my mind to it and deciding not to pay any attention to those never ending ruminations about my life and all those crazy thoughts and painful feelings that came to roost in my mind. They were unending. You know, sort of dig a hole and bury your head in it. Hoping against hope that all the noise would just stop. It got worse. I told myself–it’s only going to get worse. It did!
It was strange how the more I didn’t want to have these thoughts live in my head, day after day, the more my mood continued spiraling down into that abyss where no kind word, no positive thinking, nor pleasant future for myself dwelt. My thoughts turned angry and my mood was at a ground zero.
Now what do I do I thought to myself? What can I do? All these thoughts were accompanied with an anxiety that seemed to envelop my whole body and turned my insides into to what felt like a shaking bowl of jelly. At this point, my mind was not thinking of anything, but being fixated on how rotten I was feeling. Again, what can I do? How to get this constant agitation and jitteriness removed? And how did it get this way in the first place. No answers.
I told myself. Nothing can help me. I might as well give up– throw in the towel. Even my thinking was changing. I couldn’t read with any comprehension or even wanting to do the most common of my normal daily activities. All my thoughts seemed like sand slipping through my fingers. I was losing my grip on reality. Was I losing my mind?
I knew that I couldn’t lie in bed all day and do nothing. I knew that my mind was not coming up with any solutions that would ignite my motivation to move. “That’s it” I said to myself. I got to get moving. And so that is what I did. I started to move the body–and gradually my mind began to work, but I had to prime the mental machinery to get it operative once again. I made up my mind that I must walk myself out of the mental and physical mess that I was in. I knew that if I just moved the body my mind would follow–at least that is what I was hoping would happen. And after a year or so, my mind did began to work. My thoughts gradually became clearer and by taking care of my body’s physical needs (exercise) my mind welcomed this healthy change. I also had my support group Depressed Anonymous help me at our meetings. I could call them anytime and get some help. I WAS NOT ALONE.
I noticed that gradually my low mood was spiraling upwards and my mood began lifting the fog that had me confused and dazed and immobile.
Did I think my way out of depression? I don’t think so. What did happen is that over time I learned how to create my own “red flags” alerting me when I discovered my thinking was getting off track. Now these “red flags ” pop up in my mind when old negative thoughts, negative behaviors and irrational thoughts want to start their cycling around in my head. The old habits that create depression die hard. Now I use my many tools (see Tools for Recovery at site menu) that defend me against relapsing and spiraling out of control. In other words, I have brought a new and sane balance into my life and my thinking.
Before, when I was depressed, my mind was filled with horrible thoughts, suicidal thoughts and my thinking was getting more and more erratic. In fact, the mind was telling me all sort of negative lies about myself–which I believed. I felt worthless and helpless in the midst of this negativity, an unyielding, relentless, and pounding me down tsunami-like, till I was flat on my back.
My mind has learned a lot since those days when I was a prisoner of my own fears. My thinking no longer focuses on what is negative about myself. Now I am focused on what I like about myself and ways that will help me grow and be of help to others just like me. Now it’s all about the progress I am making on a daily basis and not worrying about being perfect.
One of our best tools is to use the Depressed Anonymous Workbook where I can go through each of the 12 Steps and relate my own depression experience to myself, my past and discover reasons how I got depressed in the first place. Questions in this book prepare us to make discoveries about ourselves and our lives which we never gave much thought previous to our getting into reovery.
I cannot think myself out of depression. I know that now. I tried that route. Funny thing though, is that I always came back to where I started with no more answers than when I started. It’s like a dog chasing its tail.
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
(c) Home Study Program of Recovery. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.
For more information on Depressed Anonymous Fellowship publications, please check out the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore. Ordering online is available.
“One of the cardinal features of depression is inevitable fatigue. I’m always wondering, when people say to severely depressed patients, “You need exercise.” Well, yeah, it’s hard enough to exercise when your not depressed, right.” Charles Nemerdoff M.D. quoted in an interview in Psychiatric Times, April 30, 2018.
When I read this comment by Dr. Nemerdoff I tended to agree. When I reflected upon my own experience with depression and the “inevitable fatigue” being a big part of my own symptoms of depression, I felt I had to take action. I began taking action as soon as I realized that if I didn’t force myself to get out of bed and get to work, I would lose my job.
Granted, I didn’t intend to run a marathon, or start a daily jog around my neighborhood. The first thing that I had to do was not argue with myself, to get out of bed and do something. I did not want to get out of bed. I felt I was paralyzed and unable to motivate myself for such a monumental decision.
But force myself I did. I quit the head dialogue at each move of my body as it rolled slowly out of the sack. The body said “no;” the mind said “yes you are!” And it was here that I learnt a great lesson and that was to “MOVE THE BODY AND THE MIND WILL FOLLOW,.”
I always encouraged my clients (as a therapist) to do some physical activity–baby steps if you will. But let the body take the lead of the mind and move. Move a little bit. Then move a little bit more. When I started to walk on a daily basis, I gradually was glad that I was out walking. It took a struggle to move out of bed but in time it became easier. And so to this day, I am still walking, at least 30 minutes a day. And everything has improved in my life physically and mentally.
Yes, fatigue is a big part of depression I agree. But now, even doctors in the UK are prescribing physical activity for their patients to get involved with. They get a script from their doctor to get out and exercise. Yes, it’s difficult–yes, it’s hard to get ourselves motivated, but yes, it’s a good way to regain some hope in your life as you gradually lose those stressful feelings set up in your body over time.
Go slow—but GO!!!
Hugh
AFFIRMATION
I am not going to let my mind drift out of where I want it to go.
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
I know from the way that I live out my life, the way I think, act, and believe, my life is far from simple. I have created this monster called depression because of my fears, anger and general feelings of disgust about myself. I do know that it is by admitting that my life has been very complicated, my thinking centered on my unworthiness, that I became depressed. I want to learn how to keep my life simple. I plan to do that by, first of all, admitting that I am powerless over my depression and that my life is unmanageable. I also believe that I can get out of this mess by focusing on respected and workable solutions rather than keeping focused on my ever present difficulties.”
COPYRIGHT (C) Higher Thoughts for Down Days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for member of 12 Step fellowship groups. Louisville, KY. June 26th. Page128.
“As I began working on the abuse issues in therapy, the pieces of my life began to fall together in a way they never could have before, as I had never dealt with this catastrophic event. In the book, Depressed? Here is a way out! the author talks about how people find their time of depression to be one of the great gifts in their life. The first time I read this, I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever heard. Yet during this time of depression, I have learned and I have grown. I have come to understand myself and my God in a way I never could before.
It has been many years now. Life is starting to come together for me again, one day at a time by the grace of God and the fellowship of this program. From the very first time I walked through the doors of Depressed Anonymous I knew that I was in the right place. Having been an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for so many years, I was already a firm believer in the Twelve Steps. I attended meetings, I worked the Steps with my sponsor. I used the Depressed Anonymous phone list and talked to people about my pain and my day to day problems. I read the book and followed the suggestions in it.
With God, through Depressed Anonymous, this program and the fellowship literally carried me through the darkest time of my life and God did not let me die. I have truly experienced the ‘miracle of the group.’ I have heard it said that sometimes God’s greatest miracles are unanswered prayers. I believe it. After all, I am one.”
–Anonymous
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 119-120.
A Depressed Anonymous member shares their story (A victim of my own mind #9 ) of recovery in Depressed Anonymous. The following is an excerpt.
“I had always known that I was hard on myself. I reamed myself every time something bad had happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me? Or “I don’t understand how I can be nice and people still keep hurting me.” Or “Why isn’t God looking after me.” But for some reason when I realized I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden it made sense.
If I tell myself negative things, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing I feel nothing. So, if I tell myself positive things, eventually I’ll have to feel positive.”
Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (1998, 2008, 2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. (Excerpt from Personal Stories section).
AFFIRMATION
“…seeing and talking to other people are amongst the most helpful experiences for depressed people generally.”
CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT
What a novel thought: a depressed person talking to another depressed person. When I tell people I am going to a Depressed Anonymous meeting their first response is “Isn’t that depressing?” “Actually,” I respond, “it isn’t.” I know from my experiences in other 12 Step groups how sharing with persons who have the same problems as my own, is always helpful and therapeutic.
“It takes one to know one” as the saying goes. The reason that meetings with the depressed are not depressing is that all of us speak the same language. All of us come with a HOPE that they can find a way out of the isolation and pain. The depressed person is discovering meetings which are hopeful and solution focused. No “poor me” attitudes here. No ” pity party” going on here.
I find the meetings upbeat and focus on the solution. The solutions are found in the 12 Steps; spiritual principles presenting a Step by Step plan for recovery and freedom from sadness and isolation. At the core of these meetings is a belief in a power greater than ourselves, who is restoring us to sanity. This power, for some, is the group meeting and while for others it is a being called God, the God of our understanding.
How Depressed Anonymous Works.
At each Depressed Anonymous meeting the following message is read to the group by a volunteer:
“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are on a journey of hope and who mutually care for each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a black hole and tired of living.
By our involvement in the group, we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too. I can get better. But we are not the people with the magic pills and the easy formulas for success. We believe that to get out of the prison of depression takes time and work.
We all have been wounded in different degrees by the experience of depression. We also know that there is a method to regain control over our lives that is practical and workable. It is successful for all those who want to change their lives. Some of us believed that there was no hope and that suicide was the only way out.
In this natural world, one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual – that belief is the bottom line for all of us who are depressed and who want to get better. The more we attend meetings, the more we will learn and see the various ways to escape from depression. We also learn how important it is not to give up on ourselves.”
RESOURCES
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 156-157.
(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
(c) Believing is seeing:15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Hugh Smith (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. .
Please VISIT THE STORE @THE DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS BOOKSTORE if you would like to order online any of the books listed here.
I have observed that many depressed persons, including me, are given to approval seeking, some more so than others. It seems fair to call it a kind of emotional dependency. Little children are truly and completely dependent on their parents or whoever is taking care of them. They have no choice and are helpless. They’d better have their parents approval or else.
Some of these children carry this kind of dependency right into adulthood, even to their graves unless they do the hard work of unlearning it. They have become so unsure of themselves, their opinions, thoughts and skills, that they feel an imperative urge to get someone’s approval that they are doing the right thing and that they are still OK.
When we, the former children, reach physical maturity, we find that people soon resent those who become dependent on them. They often become contemptuous of them – leaners, clinging vines, etc. We literally drive them away from us with our constant demand for reassurance, hanging onto them, and begging them to throw us a few crumbs of approval now and them. We become fearful of asserting ourselves at all, for fear of retaliating with outright ridicule, not being given a seat around the campfire, prolonged silent treatment, or stopping cooking for us, etc. How can we avoid this treatment? Please them more, of course? Hardly. That brings us more contempt.
What will become of us? We will spend our lives doing what others want us to do. Not what we want to do. If it gets bad enough, we will have feelings of total worthlessness and self-loathing. Some will reach the point where they would rather die than to continue living with that yoke around their neck.
You can free yourself from this fetter, but it’s really rough depending how badly you are addicted. It will take determination and sustained effort. It’s worth it to finally breath the air of freedom. And you, give it to yourself. Start with a proven self-help program like Depressed Anonymous. Here you will learn how to prize yourself.
I include some words by Lao Tzu, 500 BC, who wrote the TAO TE CHING.
“Care about people’s approval
and you will be their slave.
Must you value what others value
and avoid what they avoid?
How ridiculous!
When you are content to be simple yourself
and don’t compare of compete
everybody will respect you. ”
(c) Quote from The Antidepressant Tablet.
NOTE : Bob P., author, of Evansville, Indiana, is founding member of Depressed Anonymous and one whose friendship I cherish. (Hugh S.)
Depressed Anonymous bases its healing and recovery on the premise that once depressed persons admit they are out of control, even to the extent of attempting suicide, they come to believe that a power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity, while at the same time, making a decision to turn their minds and wills over to the care of God, as they understand God,
The God, as we under stand God, is what appeals to more and more persons as we admit our helplessness over our compulsive, depressive thoughts, actions, or behaviors. We feel we have lost all control over everything including our thinking. The depressed person is aware that their unpleasant thinking is a cyclical and spiraling process where there is never a respite. This obsession, driven by one’s one feelings of guilt, shame and worthlessness is the fuel that that continues our own isolation. This experience is not so much a psychopathology as it is a way for the human spirit to comfort itself. The depression is more of a disease of isolation and being disconnected than a biological disorder.
The Twelve Step program helps people to become God conscious. It is in working the program while making no excuses for the spiritual nature of our recovery. We can begin to attribute our new found sense of hope and peace to the Higher Power. For the active member of Depressed Anonymous, there begins to glimmer in the distance the bright light of hope.
By recognizing how it feels to be depressed, more people will have the help and guidance that will get them through their depression. Lives will be saved as well. Besides reading the Twelve Steps at each meeting, the group learns on a firsthand basis about the “miracle of the group.” It is in the sharing and getting connected with the other members of the group where one’s recovery begins.
RESOURCES:
(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Pages 162-163.
(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
Please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more information on Depression, spirituality and recovery.
AFFIRMATION
“One of the most important things to remember in the midst of depression is that it won’t last forever, that there is hope for you to begin to feel better. We won’t tell you to SNAP OUT OF IT (who have never experienced depression) like other folks, because we are not turning something on and off like a water faucet. Just as it took years to get where you are now, it takes time to get better and air out your sad thoughts as well.” D. Rowe
I know that in our program of recovery we try and live one day at a time. This is not easy for someone who usually wants to know the outcome for something that might happen ten years from now, not to mention the need to try and make right something not done properly ten years from our past. When I work my program I want to work on myself, finding serenity in knowing that in time and with patient work I can begin to feel better. There are just too many success stories of how people get better when they work their Twelve Step recovery program.
Forever is a word that hardly is heard in a Depressed Anonymous meeting. I intend to try and live just for today. I accept that I am depressed but that I do have a choice to find my way out of this sadness. I also believe that it is irrational to think that this sadness can last forever. The more I change the way I think and behave the more positive will my attitude be about my recovery.
MEDITATION
Our Higher Power, or our God as we understand God, is guiding and leading us toward a life free from sadness. We intend to place more of our trust in its hands. (Personal comments).
RESOURCES
(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step Fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.
(C) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. (May 21, page 103.)
Note. To discover more literature about depression and recovery please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at VISIT THE STORE. All literature can be ordered online.