Category Archives: The 12 Steps

Serenity, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 04, Step 05, Step 06, Step 07, Step 08, Step 09, Step 10, Step 11, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Strands vs. Steps

August 4, 2020 Bill R 1 Comment

OK we all know the metaphor of the steps. They are an ever increasing ascent into sobriety. But is that the only metaphor that we can use for recovery?

I think not. I’m a big fan of trivia, and I have a thirst for the esoteric. One image that comes to my mind about recovery is the act of rope making. Thread is woven together to make yarn. Yarn is woven together to make twine. Twine is woven together to make rope. As the strands come together the result becomes stronger and stronger.

We start off with Step One, our first thread of recovery. It is the beginning of our recovery and a necessary part of it. Admitting powerlessness is a difficult undertaking. I think I have power: I am the master of my domain. Nothing is further from the truth. We can quibble over whether powerlessness is 0% power or is it 1% power, or some other single digit percentage of power. The bottom line is that we have very little power in our lives. Admitting powerlessness is a turning point in recovery. Something, somewhere, a power exists, but it is definitely not within us. Powerlessness is not the same as helplessness or hopelessness. It means that we are fallible and flawed beings. That is not a condemnation of our state of being, merely a statement of truth that we are fallible and that we need help.

Step Two is then woven in with Step One. Step One is still there, but we are now adding the additional wisdom of another spiritual principle. The most beautiful words in the English language are “Came to believe”. We see that there is a way out of our pit of depression. This power, this Higher Power can restore us to sanity. What does sanity mean? Well let’s look it up:

sanity – the quality or state of being sane
sane – proceeding from a sound mind
Source – https://www.merriam-webster.com

Can we say that being in a state of depression is “proceeding from a sound mind”? I would say it is not.

Step Three is then woven with the other 2 strands. Turning our will and lives over to the care of the God¹ of Our Understanding is a very hard idea to wrap your mind around. There is a saying in recovery: “Surrender to win”. Surrender is not about giving up. It’s about accepting fully to your current reality. You need help and your Higher Power can help if you’re willing. Remember that it is God’s will and not your will. You have it within your right to ask for things, but it is up to God¹ to decide what is going to come to fruition.

Step Four is then woven in with the preceding strands. Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves is a difficult task, but a necessary one. We need to put down on paper what we have done, both right and wrong. Don’t just include your liabilities, but also include your assets. You haven’t been all bad, and neither are you all right. Have the courage to write is all down. You won’t die because of it.

“Admitting to God¹, ourselves, and another human being…” is necessary as well. Step Five is about humility and sharing deeply about ourselves with another. Some people say: “I don’t want to confess my sins to another”. Confessing is not about supplicating yourself on the altar of forgiveness to escape damnation. The origin of the word confession is “testifying to the truth”. State clearly and concisely what has brought you to the state of depression.

Now that we have taken our inventory we can follow the guidelines of Step Six and make a list of all of our shortcomings. We can surrender these to the God¹ of our understanding and become entirely ready to have Him² remove them. This is not about beating yourself up, it’s about having the humility to admit where you have fallen short.

Which brings us to Step Seven: “Humbly asked Him² to remove our shortcomings.” We can ask to have our character defects removed, but it is up to Him² to decide which character defects will be removed. When asking to have your shortcomings removed end your petition with “Thy will, not mine be done”. Which ones will be removed is not up to you, it is up to Him².

Step Eight is about making a list of all persons we have harmed. We don’t have anything else to do just yet. We are merely making a list. Don’t get ahead of yourself, you are not at Step 9. Focus on making the list.

“Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”. Step Nine can be very frightening. If you are afraid to start making amends then I suggest that you talk to your sponsor. You may have created a terrible situation in your mind that you discover after talking with your sponsor that you don’t need to make amends to that person. Don’t avoid this step – it has amazing healing ability. A weight will be lifted from your shoulders. Making amends is not about begging for forgiveness. It’s about admitting what you did hurt another person, and that you are striving not to make that mistake any more. You can start with the easy amends and work your way towards the more difficult ones.

Step Ten is the next strand: “Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” The longer you are in recovery the more prompt prompt becomes. It’s all about not creating a further wrong that needs to be fixed with another Step 9. Admit you were at fault. You will be glad you did.

If you’re in a hole, quit digging.
– Will Rogers

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God¹…” brings us to Step Eleven. It’s all about seeking that deeper relationship with your Higher Power. The seeking is what is important. There will be times you feel connected to your Higher Power and there will be times that you are in a dark night of the soul and you don’t feel the presence of your Higher Power. Don’t beat yourself up that your relationship with your Higher Power ebbs and flows. That’s what it does.

Yes it is important that you have had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. The critical thing with Step Twelve is “..we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.” Be of service to others. Help someone else. Not for accolades, but rather to pay your blessings forward that you have been pardoned from the prison of depression.

You have woven a rope of recovery. It is so much stronger than the single thread that you began with. You are free from depression, and with this rope you can move great obstacles in your life.

Notes:

Here I mean whatever you conceive your Higher Power to be. It could be God, or Jesus, or Allah, or Buddha, or Universal Truth, or Love, or any other conception. Your conception of your Higher Power is yours and yours alone. It is just a whole lot easier to write it in the shorthand term God. Please don’t be offended.
Using the pronoun Him does not mean that God is definitively masculine, it’s just a shorthand way of referring to your Higher Power. Please don’t be offended.

Belief, Believing Is Seeing, Fear, Fellowship, Mindfulness, Purpose, Step 04, Step 10, The 12 Steps

I will make a daily inventory of all my strengths

June 15, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Believing Is Seeing: 15 Ways To Leave The Prison Of Depression – Eleven

I will make a daily inventory of all my positive strengths. I tended to magnify the worst in everything in my life and make mountains out of molehills. I will focus on my stars and not my scars.

“One of the problems of being depressed is that every circumstance and situation is filled with potential hurt and disappointment. The depressed person has a tendency to think in patterns of despair, hurt, and disappointment. It appears to be a proven fact that the more a person keeps their fears and anxious thoughts to themselves, this can cause the mountain to grow larger. But by sharing these fears and thoughts with others, either by writing them out, as in a daily journal, or group discussion (like on SKYPE and ZOOM) we soon discover that our fears are not as big as we thought. The expression of fear many times decreased the size of their fear. Now that we are accepting ourselves we can begin to see that we possess the strength and persistence to tackle whatever obstacle lies ahead.

One of the features that stands out in our lives when depressed is we see everything in dark colors. Nothing looks hopeful. There does not appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel – except that it might be an oncoming freight train. We feel that we do not have a friend in the world. We feel that we’ll never feel good again. The list goes on and on.

What may be of some help is to take out pen and pencil and begin writing down your good points that you feel are your strengths. We have already done this, but it still remains an excellent exercise no matter how often you do it.

What do you remember as strengths before being aware that you are depressed? Going to Depressed Anonymous meetings has the potential to restore your sense of proportion about your strong points. At the meetings your friends in the fellowship will begin to tell you are showing improvement the more you are participating in the meetings. To listen to those who themselves are working the program and who share their lives week after week, you begin to realize that you too can begin to feel differently. Today can be a new start and yes, you do have it within yourself to be that person who is reversing old negative patterns of thinking and replacing them with thoughts of hope and optimism. You now believe that there is hope for yourself. Right now your strength seems to be that of maintaining a habitual way of thinking thoughts of hope. By the fact that you are reading this, takes the strength to want to feel good and continue to maintain a positive recovery. Begin now and reflect on your strengths. Believe that you have a way to maintain a personal persistence and desire to continue with gratitude for this new feeling of hope.”

NOTE: Take your pen and/or pencil and begin writing your thoughts down in response to the questions posed in the DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS WORKBOOK. Depressed Anonymous Publications.

Resources

These basic books of the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship can be ordered online.

See: www.depressedanon.com

Literature Available

To receive a mailing of Depressed Anonymous literature, send a Self addressed stamped envelope to: DAP, Box 465, Pewee Valley, Kentucky. 40056.

The material can be used as “handouts” at your local Depressed Anonymous meetings.

Fellowship, Journaling, Purpose, The 12 Steps

Recovery people delight in how they are becoming more assertive

May 20, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“Responsibility is the name of the game in recovery and it is here that we need to focus our attention. As we get into a discussion with other people who are depressed – much like ourselves – we see that they talk about feeling better while at the same time acting on their own behalf. These people who are doing better are also taking responsibility on their own behalf. Those who are doing better are also talking about taking charge of their lives and doing things for themselves instead of constantly trying to please others. In fact at DA meetings the recovering people often delight at how assertive they are becoming now that they have gained a sense of recovery over their lives. They are now committed to their own recovery. People who want to change begin to swallow their pride and ask for help. They begin to get in touch with their feelings and feel! This is truth and this is getting in touch with one’s own best self.”

COPYRIGHT(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY 40241. (Page 91. Step Ten)

Step 11

We do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light…

May 9, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“We do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Carl Jung

My reply to Jung’s statement is one of affirmation. I too believe, after these years of living the 12 Steps of recovery and sharing with members of our fellowship, alone and in meetings, that consciousness is the pathway to our “who I am” identity.

In Step Eleven we say that we

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry it out.”

Let me also remind that those of us who have journeyed out of the darkness of depression, that we come out of this darkness with a new energy, a new resolve to live our lives with more circumspect and freedom. And paradoxically we come out with a resolve, almost a militancy of spirit, to bring others along with us.

I have tried over the years to find one’s way out of the gloom and the doom, and that includes my own journey today. It made me strong. I was given a gift, call it recovery. You and I who are on this amazing journey, have been blessed by giving our “here I am ” response. We are sent out. Our love and compassion for those “still suffering” is contagious. From the telling of “how it was” is now the “how it is.” It is good.

Jung got it right!

Prayer, Step 03

Third step prayer

May 8, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

For those of us participating in Depressed Anonymous online group meetings, here is a wonderful prayer that inspires us to bring hope to those still suffering.

“God I offer myself to You – to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may I bear witness to those I would help of your Power, Your Love and Your Way of life. May I do Your will always.”

Purpose, The 12 Steps

Our whole outlook and attitude upon life changes. A sense of purpose transforms us.

February 25, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

To really believe, possibly for the first time in one’s life that I can free myself from the prison of depression and begin to feel better. I know I’m needing to be proactive in my efforts at self recovery. But what causes our outlook and attitude to emerge?

I have to begin to believe that hope and healing is possible. Once we have gone through some painful inner changes, such as dealing with our character defects and our isolating tendencies we see there is a way out. We have to have a positive attitude that will move and motivate us to want to go get to the next step. Watching someone actually take these steps week after week and watch that feeling of wellness rise up in them and can promote a belief that with work and time, their lives do improve. Soon we see that a sense of purpose begins to manifest itself the more time and work, into our personal recovery.

A door opens ever slightly, and there appears a potential route to freedom. A way out! I do believe that when my hope and faith and recovery rises, my symptoms of depression go down.”

Resource:

Order online from The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at our website www.depressedanon.com.

Journaling, Purpose, The 12 Steps

How to work the 12 Step program of recovery and put them to use in your everyday life

January 28, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

When someone new comes to a Depressed Anonymous meeting they will hear about people in the group working on the 12 Steps. What this means is that since the group of people are into working the 12 Steps they intend to live out what the Steps mean.

The first Step that all of us make when we walked through that door into our first DA meeting was our admission that we were helpless over our depression. We needed help.

We need to admit that at the present time our will power is powerless over this constant sadness and emptiness that we have been carrying around most of our lives. We just need to talk to someone who will understand us and respect us and not tell us to “snap out of” our depression.

Working the 12 Steps means reading all we can about the Steps and how these Steps relate to my own sense of aloneness and sadness. The manual, Depressed Anonymous is specifically designed to help the depressed person learn about each Step is treated with it’s own chapter in the book.

In order to have a change of feelings we have to work the Steps, which means putting them into practice in all our daily affairs. It means that we have to try and live out the message of the Steps one day at a time.

A person needs to take each Step and reflect on how that particular Step speaks to our own life. If a Step that we are studying is unclear as to how it applies to us then we need to bring that up in a group discussion so that other members can share how that Step has been applied to their own lives. Sometimes persons who have been in recovery for a long time have more experiences with the Steps and they can share how this or that Step has helped them. We know that at the DA meetings there are people who are each at different levels of the understanding of the Steps.

Steps Four and Five really have to be faced head-on if our depression is to go away. Step four and five are all about cleaning house. We must square off with ourselves and begin the rooting out processes that will in time free us from our sadness and our “feeling less than” as a depressed person. So often a person depressed is afraid, panic stricken really, in facing some issues that were never their fault in the first place.

It is possible that our anger hasn’t as yet been released over some things that have been done to us as children.

Step Twelve speaks about practicing these principles in all of our affairs – that means exactly what it says – we have to practice these Steps day by day. We have to say I’m sorry as soon as I am aware that I have said or done anything that is out of the way. We again need to study each Step, tear it apart and get every ounce of truth from the Step as it relates to ourselves. We then write down how each of them has a special application for my life. We also have a practice of finding quality time everyday of our lives for making room to listen to our Higher Power, or God as we understand God and how that power is going to operate in our lives today and everyday. It is like we must learn to let go and let God operate in our lives.

For all of us who have had a dependency on depression and sadness, it is hard to let go of the sadness and thinking that somehow gave us an identity to our lives. Depression can serve as a safe defense and haven againt the uinpredictableness in our lives.

Practicing these principles in al our affairs or as we say “walking the talk and working the Steps” means that we have to be ever mindful through our times of prayer and meditation, which is a way to find out what God’s will for us is for my life. Hope appears on the horizon.

Practicing these Steps, for me, means they will promote an ever growing awareness that the Higher Power is leading me according to its will and promise.

RESOURCE:

(c)Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Ordering online is possible through this website at www.depressedanon.com.

The 12 Steps

You can learn a new way of escaping sadness

January 20, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

In an earlier edition of our Antidepressant Tablet Newsletter there was a piece about depression being a comfort to some depressed persons. When talking about getting in touch with our feelings and regaining our equilibrium, this is what might be said:

How many times have we heard this from those who are depressed. Our future blogs will talk about the “comfort” of depression.

Many depressed people say that this feeling of worthlessness and hollowness is all that they have ever known. In fact, they tell us that “since it is all that I have ever known, I’m too scared to feel something different.” In other words, their feelings of sadness is like a lifelong friend, accompanying ever step of the way and so to change now is asking the impossible. Their whole identity has been centered on how bad they always feel. Even though they are sick and tired of being sick and tired, they cling onto their familiar and secure sadness. This is all they know and can’t trust themselves to surrender this debilitating sadness and attempt to feel something different. It is a risk to try and feel cheerful. Being sad all the time is predictable – at least they know what they have. Getting oneself undepressed is almost too frightening for them to think about, much less spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to escape it.

How can I help myself out of this pit if I believe that what I have is better than what I might get. I recommend first of all that a person believing their life is unmanageable and out of control because of their depression, begin to search out alternate ways to get one’s life back on track. We understand how your compulsion to depress yourself might make you feel secure but it does make for a life lived in misery and fear. You want to admit that you no longer want to live this way. You have to say that you are now wiling to listen to other people and find out how they are able to risk feeling something other than sadness. You know that the only thing to lose by your desire to quit saddening yourself, is the fear of the unknown. If you have felt this sadness, all or most of your life, you without doubt can learn a new way to escape the personal sadness and constant fatigue which has disconnected you from yourself, family and friends.

We have a lesson plan, and escape route if you will. It is right in front of us. In plain sight. We call it the 12 principles of Depressed Anonymous. Believing is seeing.

Hugh

Hope, The 12 Steps

What is a sponsor?

January 9, 2020 Hugh Smith 2 Comments

SPONSORSHIP IN 12 STEP PROGRAMS OF RECOVERY

A sponsor, when speaking about 12 Step programs of recovery is a mutual and confidential sharing between two members. A sponsor is a person with whom a member can discuss personal problems or questions, and who will share their experience, strength, and hope in working the program. It is strongly recommended that the person you choose as a sponsor has completed a Fourth and Fifth Step.

Is having a sponsor required? No. Although it is strongly recommended.

Sponsorship is not a relationship to be undertaken lightly. It is good to give it some thought before making the commitment. No one is a perfect sponsor, but avoiding sponsorship denies us a valuable experience for growth. Sponsorship is a form of Twelfth Step service and a way of expressing gratitude for what we have gained in the program.

In finding a Sponsor look for one who:

Has what we want.
Lives in the solution.
Walks the walk.
Has a sponsor.
Emphasizes the Steps.
Has more time in recovery that I do.
Frequency of contact.
Has worked more Steps than we have.
Is available for telephone calls and meetings.
Emphasizes spiritual aspect of the program.
Gender is the same as ours.

Sponsorship is not a permanent relationship. It is okay to change sponsors when felt that the relationship no longer meets our needs. Sponsees deserve to know that they are welcome to change Sponsors whenever they want. Sponsors and sponsees make this point clear at the initial onset of the relationship. Terminate any relationship that is endangering your own recovery. If after thoughtful consideration one person decides to end a sponsorship relationship, it is recommended that the situation be approached with honesty and love.

Benefits of Sponsorship

Sponsors can learn too. The newest member can give insights to those who have been in the program for months or years. The exchange between sponsor and sponsee is a form of communication, which will instruct and nourish both persons.

We are all seeking peace of mind. Having and being a sponsor are important steps towards that goal and becoming what our Higher Power wants us to be –loving and serene people comfortable with ourselves and the world.

Interview the potential sponsor

Discuss mutual expectations. If we discuss our mutual expectations at the beginning, the Sponsorship will go more smoothly. Our goal in interviewing a potential sponsor is to determine how well we will work together. It is possible to have more than one sponsor.

RESOURCE:

“SPONSORSHIP” is a publication of Depressed Anonymous Program of Recovery. This brochure is readily available to all members of the Depressed Anonymous Fellowship as well as the Dep-Anon family and friends fellowship.

“Sponsorship” is a publication of the Depressed Anonymous Publications office, based in Louisville, KY.

Choice, Faith, Fellowship, Isolation, Journaling, Mindfulness, The 12 Steps

My Feelings Are Becoming Unfrozen

January 4, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

“I pray that God will give me the courage to live today with hope – hope that God’s leading will take me past the dead end of despair.

If we want to live life fully we must have freedom, love and hope. Life must be an uncertain business. This is what makes it worthwhile.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know how the feelings of depression, and the deadness and greyness of my sadness keep me holed up in the narrow confines of my dark past. Today my feelings are gradually becoming unfrozen as I attempt new things, new connections with other persons. These cause me to reconsider that a life lived in unpredictableness is a risky but nevertheless a healthy way to live my life.

Since I hold on to the belief that since bad things happened to me in the past, bad things will happen to me in the future. I need to live each new day with the belief that I can change the way I think, feel and act. I know now that I am not mentally ill nor am I losing my mind when I am depressed. I want to live just for today to try to learn how to face the uncertainties of today. Life is unpredictable . To have any certainty that it will be other than that is clearly an illusion, and for sure one is being set up for many a disappointment.

MEDITATION

We see that it is only in risking., that is, getting a different map, a map that shows a number of different routes instead of the one that leads us down the road to narrow isolation and despair. I ask the God of my understanding to lead me according to it’s guidance. Hopefully the road that leads to hope and serenity.

RESOURCES

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications . Louisville. KY. (January 5th).

Check out VISIT THE STORE for more material that can be ordered online.

Believing Is Seeing: 15 Ways To Leave The Prison Of Depression – Eleven

Resources

Literature Available

Hope is just a few steps away!