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Missing my sad thoughts

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“Some days I miss my sad thoughts. They are addictive.  They fill a space and meet a requirement of comfort and familiarity. And because humans require and seek a level of comfort and familiarity, the depressed human is no different.  Sadly  (pardon the pun) it’s the sad thoughts that  provide the deep level of comfort is the exact reason that these thoughts  are so familiar. When I  remove the sadness … I have to work to replace that big open field of nothingness left…It feels hard. It feels like work. Pressure and effort…I want to fall back into the sad thinking because I know very well how to form these thoughts and how even to feel them.  Strangely, how to make use of then. They serve a strong purpose. They validate my depression and vice versa. They have lived in me for so long that to have to fill the void of their once lived life in space, feels so hard.  Uncomfortable. My mind is having to accept this new training which  I’m  putting it through. It doesn’t want to change. At first, it is not giving a welcome to  these new positive thoughts. It is a struggle. My mind, lurching restlessly back and forth, I hear the great struggle.: ” I just want to go home to my bed. No, no,  you want to go to the grocery shopping! No, no,  please I need to just lay down . No, I’m leaving the store!! I am so depressed. No, no,  you are going to do your task today because it makes  you feel better.”  And then I tell myself, ” I refuse to be held captive and a victim to this negative dark thinking that is killing me.”

The whole day  continues on like this. It takes time to truly train the mind to accept these incoming positive thoughts…affirmations are a needed daily medicine for the sad mind, and it takes consistency. I ask myself, how bad do I want to feel better? This is the process of healing for my depressed mind and  my feelings.   Now, slowly I miss my sad thoughts less and less.  Now, I continue to  feel the need for  positive affirmations.

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I want to thank Debra S, a member of the Edenton/Elizabeth City, North Carolina,   Depressed Anonymous Group,  for sharing  an excerpt  chapter,  Missing my sad thoughts from her new  book : Depression rides in the hearse. (This work is  available this year).

 

 

 

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Thinking unpleasant thoughts wear me out–until I did this.

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Hello friends

Just a note today to share with you something  that you already know, namely,  how the continuous thinking of unpleasant thoughts wears us out.

One day, quite by accident I discovered a secret. I discovered how my mind was trying to fool me, by making me believe that I was tired, worn out and needed to lie down and just sleep.

So, again, I was wearing myself out with my gloom and doom thoughts when I believed I was too tired to do anything. I suddenly thought, “Hey, wait a minute, I don’t have to keep running from myself and let this fatigue force me down on my back. ” So, what did I do? I went to my computer desk, and began to write. It was like driving through a blasting blizzard with nothing to be seen ahead of more except the hood of my car. I continued to write. The fatigue persisted.  And then gradually with about ten minutes under my belt,  my negative thoughts slowly replaced with thoughts focused on what I was banging out on my keyboard, I felt a resurgence of energy. Now, I wanted to continue to write. Gradually, I began to feel the lightness of hope  coursing through my arteries. It was like someone had turned on the light and gave me the secret to keep on my feet, so to speak, and regain the energy that I wanted to sleep away.

I distracted myself, pulled away from the gloomy thoughts and focused all my attention on creating something brand new.  The pulling away and  knowing   now  that I can walk away from the temptation to surrender myself to that which would have continued to put me down.

Try it. It works for me. It can work for you as well.

Hugh

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Hope

I am choosing to live now-today!

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AFFIRMATION

I am choosing to ask the God of my understanding to help me be open to all the persons like myself who are getting free of their hopelessness.

“Being constantly on guard against the future is exhausting, but it does have the advantage of directing your attention away from the present. Since the past and the future are ideas in our minds we can insist that the past and the future are exactly as we see them.  The trouble with the present is that it has the habit of suggesting that my ideas may not be entirely right.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

To live now takes more courage, on some days more than on others.  What I need to do is to attempt to live right now. The living in the present will make it possible for me to gradually learn some new truths about life and myself.  This opening myself up to the present moment will give me the opportunity to hear how I can live with hope and serenity.

No longer do I have to choose to live in the encapsulated  and isolated prison of my own fears and prejudice about the past and the future.  The past is always full of hurt and unexpected anger. The future never seems to be without its colossal fears and “what if’s.” Now is the time to accept the fact that I want to change the way I think, act and believe. Right now I am wanting a change and am willing to face the challenges that making changes bring. To do this is called living.

The Third Step tells me that I have made a decision to turn my mind and my will over to the care of God as I understand him. This is the freedom that I am looking for. This is the source of my strength today, namely, these healing Twelve Steps. Granted that I have to clean house and admit that I have unknowingly constructed my own depression  (See Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition)

MEDITATION

I will make a decision. This is the first step in getting free. I make a decision to choose freedom  over the security of isolation and a life that is lived in the past.

SOURCE:  (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of  12 Step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. January 7. Pages 4-5.

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Prayer, Spirituality

Choices: To be or not to be!

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For many, just knowing that they might have a choice and be able to choose to feel differently can be a startling revelation.  I can choose to be happy or I can choose to stay miserable.  ” Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) DAP. Louisville.

The following is a story of how one person, deeply depressed told her story of how by letting go she was able to hang on.  And she not only  was able to hang on but she was able to help others and hang on  and live life to the full.

” I started sleeping more, stayed in bed mostly and let the house and the children go.  I felt empty inside. No one or anything could help me. If I hadn’t thought that suicide was the cardinal sin, I would be dead today. So one night I lay on the floor crying and praying from my heart. In the past when I prayed I wanted God to do all the work, while deep down I  didn’t want to let go of my miserable, yet safe way of life. And as long as I wouldn’t  really let go, God seemed to have no answers for me. This time though, I was at his mercy. Life for me could no longer go on this way. I prayed the most releasing prayer. I offered up my entire self to him. Nothing magical happened after this except the sudden urge to call my Church for Christian counseling. They referred me to this very affordable, warm, lady counselor, who I had seen in the past. She suggested that I start attending Depressed Anonymous,  a Twelve Step meeting. This was a great effort for me. I was SCARED AND SKEPTICAL  Since that first night I’ve been attending weekly Depressed Anonymous meetings and reading Depressed Anonymous literature. I also attend drug free therapy, attend church and church activities and continue to pray and walk regularly.  I know that my life is being richly blessed. I am also using the Depressed Anonymous literature and  listening to the people in the  Depressed Anonymous  meetings where I have received valuable tools which I put to daily use.   The moment that I read that I had a choice to stay in depression, I immediately knew that I could make the choice to get out of my depression.”

And finally, a word from Bill W., the cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous who tells us, “When we look back, we realize that the things  which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.”

SOURCE:  Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Personal Stories section.

NOTE: For more information on a broad variety of subjects dealing with depression and the Twelve Steps click onto the VISIT THE STORE.

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Focus, Journaling, Mutual Aid, Service, Step 12, The 12 Steps

Service Gladly Rendered…

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Carrying the message of hope to those still suffering from depression.

“Service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted with God’s help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self constructed prisons, the surety that we can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things –these are the satisfactions of right living for which no pomp or circumstances, no heap of material possessions, could possibly substitute.” Twelve and Twelve, AA World services. Page 124.

Also, in The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) we read

“The part about carrying the message is so important if we are to remain out of the clutches of depression. It is important to keep in touch with the newcomers and others in the program. It is in this carrying the message that reminds us that we once needed help and it was through the unselfishness of the older members of Depressed Anonymous that got us through our depression.” Page 85.

“We soon discover in the program that no compulsion can be controlled by will power alone. It must be surrendered to the Higher Power or to the care of God of our understanding. It alone can remove in time the burden from our backs. This is the spiritual awakening that keeps us free from sadness as we take the message of healing to others in the group who are new to the program. We admit that we make no promises to anyone and that there will be no magic answer and quick solutions to their saddiction.  No, it all takes time and this is the message of the group. Such slogans as: “Take it easy,” “Keep  it simple,” and “Easy does it” are all meant to help you and me to live one day at a time and continue to try and live with serenity. When we practice these steps on a daily basis, starting our day with asking the Higher Power for guidance for the rest of the day we can then be  assured of God’s presence and help in our lives.”

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 106.

12 Step Meeting, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Miracle Thinking, Purpose

I am investing in myself

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“I am making my recovery my highest priority. I may have been on all the antidepressant medications and I may have seen all the best counselors, psychiatrists and doctors, but now finally, I am going to a room full of depressed people  who understand  me. These people  I discover are investing in themselves. What will I find there? I will find some of the most caring people on the face of the earth. Some of the group will have been coming for months. They say they are having more good days than bad and its getting better.   The more meetings they attend the better they feel and the more support they receive. They are feeling empowered. It’s the miracle  of the group.  Instead of living with a compulsion to  repeat old negative and life negating thoughts and feelings, we now have a compulsion to live with hope plus a desire for a brand new way of  living. We are now about to change  the way we live and not just the way  we talk to ourselves. We are going to get a new life.”

SOURCE: I’ll  do it when I feel better. (2013). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.Page 59

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Mindfulness, Purpose, The 12 Steps

In getting my priorities straight, my depression got better

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CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

On this New Year’s Day, I find that my work for my life today is to reflect on a happy period of my life  where I have experienced   happiness and contentment.  If I can’t remember such a time,  then  I will construct a situation of contentment in my mind  and just imagine it happening right now.

In my relationship to God, I am beginning to realize that it isn’t so much that I don’t believe that I’ll ever feel better, but that I just  can’t know for sure. My first  priority is to admit that I do have a problem and that with God’s help I can get through my depression.

As soon as I give up my victim stance and begin to take responsibility for my feelings and my life, I can start to work as if my recovery is really up to me and that I will in time, succeed in getting out of this deep dark hole that I call depression. My priority  is to begin each day with the conviction that the Twelve Steps will be an aid in getting out of my depression. I know and believe without a doubt that WE have a solution for depression!

MEDITATION

God, we seek your guidance and your strength for our lives. Whatever we have lost or feel we have lost, please heal the holes in our soul and fill  it with your love and peace. In our quiet time today, show us what part of us needs to be healed.”

HAVE A NEW YEAR FILLED WITH PEACE !

VISIT THE STORE TODAY AND DISCOVER THE TOOLS THAT WILL BE THE PATHWAY TO YOUR OWN RECOVERY, DAY AFTER DAY.

An excellent tool that is highly recommended for the Depressed Anonymous  group use or individual study is the HOME STUDY KIT which is composed of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) both published by Depressed Anonymous Publications. These two books give a complete listing of the Twelve Steps and a commentary for each Step. The Workbook provides a coordinated listing of Steps with its appropriate questions related to each Step in the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.

The Promises

Mindfulness, serenity and the present

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Let’s start with the power called The Present. This reality is like the sun, shining  its light on what lies before us in perfect illumination. This is our guide  as we proceed on the path of life. This  light illuminates our mind and where we stand right now. The Present takes in all that we are, where we are and how we are.  If you traverse outside its boundaries, mostly in the yesterdays and the tomorrows of your life then there may be problems.  If you do spend more and more  time in what was and what might be, then the illumination casts its bright light away from the NOW and into a path not yet taken.  All I have is the Present and the NOW. Today is all that I have and the 24 hours that make up this light and darkness of my daily life.

Mindfulness means the awareness with how we live out our lives in this 24 hour time period. To be mindful is to be aware and conscious of all our surroundings, both those  inner and external realities that make up our world. Mindfulness also relates  powerfully to how we talk to ourselves in the Present and in the NOW. Are we aware of our feelings that break through and into our immediate consciousness? What do these many feelings, pleasant and unpleasant tell us about ourselves? Are these feelings fearful? Or are these feelings filled with peace and hope for ourselves in the NOW and in  The Present? And for a time, have we denied these feelings of darkness and despair and managed  to blunt them, numb them with mind altering substances, with numbing thoughts that keep us in the dark?  Is there a way out of this powerlessness? Yes. Simply stated.

Speaking for myself and the many, many folks who now are mindful of another way of thinking about their selves and what is going on in and around them have experienced this  bright light. A path is revealed. All of us who have been in the darkness are finding hope, serenity and the stepping stones to help us to continually  walk with hope. We are mindful  NOW of how to live in the Present and how to gradually walk this wide road with so  many other mindful travelers. Because we have been willing to see where this light leads us, we NOW know that healing is ours and that we are never alone. We have risked living in the light –refused to live in the darkness of the past and march on today using as our guide the Twelve Steps of recovery. I am now mindful of a Power greater than myself. Because I came to believe in a power greater than myself (finally- tired of living in the hell of despair)  I “surrendered”  and made a “decision to turn  my  life and will over to the god of my understanding.”

So, in order to be free of unconscious living I am always mindful (at least I try to be) of the work to be done that lies right in front of me. I’m sticking to the plan.

I  am mindful of all the “red flags” that warn me of potential dangers that could throw me back into those life threatening days of depression. I am mindful that when my mind turns to resentments, self-pity, hopelessness, hostility toward others,  and negative thinking and isolating behaviors, that I need to get back into the bright light of hope, serenity, prayer,  a daily meditation(Higher Thoughts for Down days)  and the Fellowship of our mutual help support group, Depressed Anonymous. I also talk with a group member of the fellowship whom we call a sponsor.

All of what I have written above can produce what all of us are yearning for, namely, that peace that rests the mind and relaxes the body. Serenity is what we want. We want to leave the mess of our lives, get a grip on  how to change it, and choose to live with hope. Oh, there will be problems, as always, but now we have the mindfulness, to recognize where  lies the hope and  the freedom for living…in the NOW, with Mindfulness!

Do you want to live in the Present, in the NOW, with mindfulness and serenity?  Please think about doing what I have done and as has countless others, to be a part of this great human fellowship bound together by our living out the Promises of the Twelve Steps.

I hope to meet you along this path someday. Please join us!

Hugh

SOURCE: Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011).  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE  STORE : Check out the literature for more help on how to be part of this fellowship.

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I learn that I am not alone…

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CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

“It doesn’t ever do anyone any good to call someone a saddict –they usually will come into our group because they feel that their lives are out of control and they are in need of some sort of help.  Most who come will be seeking some sort of immediate relief from their pain and that is surely understandable. They usually won’t be back as they find that there will be work involved in getting out of the prison of depression. Only those who repeat their visits to the meetings, week after week, are the ones who show marked signs of improvement as they gradually learn to use new tools of recovery that they learn about from other members of the group.

One of the better ways to gain hope is to listen to the stories of those people  who are working the Twelve Step program and getting better. These real life stories are the best antidote to despair because I learn that I am not alone, and that I can make it like those others who are working the Steps.

MEDITATION

God, help us know how to respond to your love and let us know how to love ourselves  today.”

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. December 30. Page 258.

Copyright(c)   Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. See Personal Stories of Depressed Anonymous members on pages 110-152.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Focus, Higher Power, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid

I believe that misery is an option

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“If surrender of our wills to the ‘care of God’ is of the essence of the spiritual life, for anyone who truly desires to free themselves from a chronic and compulsive behavior such as depression, then the Twelve Steps can be your stepping stones to the path of a hope filled life.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I used to hear the word “surrender” as it made me feel like I was in the hands and under the total domination of another.  It was like I had no control whatsoever as to what I was to do or what I was to be. I was blind to the fact that in reality I had already surrendered my life to my sadness so that whenever I wanted to hide, or isolate myself, I just saddened myself and  so didn’t have to feel anything. I am surrendering to the God of my understanding;  slowly my life is filling with light and hope and this is what I really want for myself. I am finding that the ‘care of God’ is much better than anything I could ever  wished for.  My life is one filled with hope rather than being hopeless.

The spiritual life for me is filled with the excitement of knowing that  this God of mine, as I understand him, is  today wanting to lead me further into the light of his healing power. My spiritual life is filled  now with a close and personal relationship with a God who loves and guides me on a minute-to-minute basis.

MEDITATION

We are going to get as close to God today as we choose to get.

SOURCE:  Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 257-258. December 29.