All posts by Hugh Smith

12 Step Meeting, Counseling, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Helpful Thinking, Hope, Love, Mutual Aid, Purpose, Service, Supportive Actions, The 12 Steps

I Wanted To Get Well

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NOTICE: Whenever a blog post mentions an online meeting be sure to consult the page Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings for the most up to date and correct information. If the blog post is more than a few days old there is a chance it could be incorrect.

The following is part of the written testimony of Helen who found a solution to her life problems.

The title of her story is: ‘I have to take responsibility for my own life.’ You can read her whole story, one of many personal stories of recovery from depression in Depressed Anonymous, Third Edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.Ky. Pages 145-148.

Helen knew that she needed help after two yeas of sleepless nights. She knew that someone had to help her. She tells us that she found a card at the back of a phone book which read “Depressed Center”. It had a phone number and that was all. I talked to the man on the other end of the phone. She made an appointment with the man and made herself go see him. “I thank God that I did. I thank God that I went for help. She tells us that it was a new beginning for her. I wanted to get well so badly. I do think that people do want to change. I went in with the attitude that I have to get well. I heard things about counselors that scared me, but this was just all the old negative feelings that caught up with me and boxed me in. I got better and started to think differently. I started to get rid of some of my negative thinking. I began to feel better and continued to see my counselor. I started in Depressed Anonymous a few weeks later.”

I remember Helen very well, as her story is so much like so many of our own stories. She was very sure that by her wanting to get well she was willing to do all it took for her to get well. She had to eliminate her negative thinking and by doing so she began to feel better.

I highly recommend that you read this story as it is an inspiration. Helen illustrates a way out of depression that really works. Her life is a living example of what you do and what you believe is the key to recovery. She shows us that you first have to take the key, put it into the door and turn the key. When you you accomplish this feat, you are on your way! You will recover!

For those of you who want to turn the key in your own life, please check out the HOME STUDY KIT at depressedanon.com website and get started on your own recovery. You can also join a Depressed Anonymous online Skype meeting. Check out Meetings at the DA Homepage menu section for the link that will take you to these meetings. The books which are needed for your recovery can be downloaded as eBOOKS from our online bookstore.

Hugh, for the fellowship

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship, Mutual Aid

There is hope…and we do recover! Join online Skype meeting today!

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NOTICE: Whenever a blog post mentions an online meeting be sure to consult the page Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings for the most up to date and correct information. If the blog post is more than a few days old there is a chance it could be incorrect.

Start off the new year 2021 by attending a live 12 Step Depressed Anonymous meeting today. Meetings are everyday–11:30 AM CST and 12:30PM EST.
Discover recovery right here on your device and be part of a network of hope.
Hope to meet you at a meeting today.
Click onto www.depressedanon.com at homepage & go to Menu item MEETINGS – the drop down menu will lead you to the link and online meeting time and place.

You are not alone. Welcome

Hugh for the fellowship.

Helpful Thinking

What is the best way for family members to help their depressed loved one?

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Thanks to members of a family, a mother and daughter attending a Depressed Anonymous meeting for the first time, were given tools helping them understand their father and mother’s husband who was isolating and depressed. It was at this meeting with me after the meeting, that they discovered that the parent and daughter were both experiencing some of the same feelings as was their loved one.

It was At this juncture of our discussion together that we knew at that point that family members needed to learn more about depression.

It was there that the initial program of Dep-Anon had its origin. They saw how their loved one was isolating and resistant to any or all of our solutions or efforts to budge them into recovery. The more we cajoled them the more this made matters worse.

Little did we realize that by continuing on this path of negative emotions directed toward our loved one that this would push the depressed family member further away from us. Our efforts continued to be self defeating.

We learned a very important message: We needed to back off, take care of ourselves, learn as much as we could about depression and leave our loved one alone. We also discovered that we needed a group much like Al-Anon in nature. We figured some out and that was we had to take care of ourselves and let the depressed take care of themselves. We truly were powerless to change them. We had to learn a new way. We found it important that we ourselves use the same program of recovery as our family member uses at their Depressed Anonymous group. We call it Dep-Anon. Yes, we had now found a way for ourselves to use the same spiritual principles which the Al-Anon family uses as they start taking care of themselves and let go of trying to regulate and control a family member’s drinking. We began to understand that we must try to change ourselves first, before we try and change someone else. We must fix ourselves and learn exactly how and what depression can do and does do to our family member.

All of us, who do have a family member as part of the fabric of our lives, can now look to Dep-Anon, a 12 Step family group, formed to not only help ourselves but also for us to participate as a member of a larger group of family members, who now together are learning ways to care for themselves.
Hugh

DA Literature

A Lack Of Knowledge Of Depression

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One of the major areas of concern by family members was the fact that there was a great lack of understanding of what depression is, and how if effects the depressed person. One of the members of Dep-Anon mentioned that the night before the meeting she and her daughter talked for hours and came to quite an understanding what the daughter was experiencing. Was it the fact that the mother was joining Dep-Anon, and going for help, that motivated her to sit down and try to understand just what the experience of depression is all about?

We came away from the first meeting of Dep-Anon with a fairly good map of what the landscape would look like as we charted a beginning course for the support group for family members and friends of the depressed.

One of the obstacles associated with the recovery of a family member depressed is that the family normally does not have a clue as to the nature of depression and how deadly it can be. Because of their lack of knowledge of the causes and negative outcomes of the depression experience, the whole family is put at a disadvantage, making it imperative that the whole family be on the same page when seeking help–firstly for themselves within the family support group of Dep-Anon. The depressed family member can seek help within it’s own support group, Depressed Anonymous.

Just as the family learns about the disease of alcoholism, in an effort to better understand their loved one, so too the family of the depressed learns about depression. Dep–Anon, can be likened to Al-Anon in the sense that both have support groups in which families together can be source of strength, help and hope for each other.

It has been my pressing concern over these many years as a practicing mental health therapist, to do more to help family members be part of the conversation with the mental and medical health professionals when it comes to dealing with a depressed loved one. Also, it has been an ultimate concern of mine to support setting up Depressed Anonymous groups while at the same time encouraging Dep-Anon twelve step groups for family members with a depressed loved one.

In the next few weeks, Depressed Anonymous Publications, will be sharing information when the Dep-Anon book will be available. Hopefully, sometime by the middle of January, 2021.

Hugh S., for the Fellowship

Depressed Anonymous

A victim in my own mind

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Depression was something that I grew up with. I really had no idea that I had it until my senior year in college. It started with my parents’ divorce and ended with me totally losing control over everything in my life. I couldn’t decide what career I wanted, but hated every job that I could think of. I couldn’t decide what city or state to live in, so I kept moving, hoping that the next place I lived would make me happy. Eventually, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to live or to die. I cried at the drop of a hat but still found enough rage inside of me to push the people I loved as far away from me as possible.

I knew that I needed help. I have been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing ever seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being like this. I wanted a life and I wanted to be happy. Every week someone would notice a change in me, but I still felt the same. Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100 mph) it occurred to me that I was making myself miserable.

I had always known that I was hard on myself. I reamed myself every time something had happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden it all made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing. So, if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I have to feel positive.

Of course I’m still waiting it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope. It’s not that hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive every day and that’s what I’m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know…”

Read The rest of the story tomorrow
— A Depressed Anonymous Member.

(Copyright) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 120-121. Personal Stories.

Fellowship, Mutual Aid

Connect, Connect, Connect

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The message is clear: Get connected!

Of the many discussions that center on the subject of depression, there appears to be a paucity of references to depression and its relationship to society.

“No man is an island”, says the poet John Donne. We live in a society where we find ourselves saturated with every form of electronic communication systems and are able to communicate with anyone, anywhere in the world. In a certain paradoxical way we are at the same time appearing to be moving toward greater isolation and human disconnection (the present pandemic has made the situation 100 times worse).The paradox of our times is that the more we are able to communicate with each other, it seems the more isolated we have become from each other. The number of people depressed is of epidemic proportions and how can this be, we may ask, as there are now so many of us who are connected via the Internet, email, and social online groups as well as other sophisticated forms of communications.

This brings me to the point of the essay, namely, that if our world needs anything, it needs a world where people can get connected, network, form real communities where people know us and truly care about us. We all want a real live community – a face to face community where we can share, we can cry and we can laugh and where we can actually touch each other. Even though these modern ways of communicating are tremendous helps in moving past our isolation and into the real world they cannot end there.

A prisoner once mentioned that he considered depression not as a chemical imbalance but rather more of a “living imbalance.”
Resource

Personal Comment:
This essay was written in 2013 and as it was true then it is true now, in spades. Ironically, the present pandemic (Covid-19) has isolated us in so many ways and from so many family and friends (to include greater than 250,000 deaths in the USA) we all are using electronic means to keep alive and in touch with our 12 Step fellowship groups as well as family and friends.

This pandemic is wreaking havoc on every member of our societies, here and worldwide. This out of control virus is also wreaking its deadly grip upon those in our communities who are already burdened with their own mental health issues. Most of us need someone to share how bad we feel and how blue this ongoing isolation has deepened a hopeless mood in ourselves and others.

But there is hope – and we will recover. This is going to be my mantra as I try and live each day at a time. I only have 24 hrs and I will try and keep my hope alive in the present. My prayer is that you do the same.

Hugh

Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better.(2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications.Louisville, KY. pgs.62-63.

Acceptance, Mindfulness

…understand what is happening to you

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UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU

Cohen and Taylor recently surveyed the studies of psychological survival and concluded that repeated affirmation by survivors suggest the first rule of any handbook on survival : understand what is happening to you.
(Cohen, S., and Taylor, L. (1972). Psychological Survival. The Experience of Long Term Imprisonment. Penguin. p.138. )

“The same rule applies for those who wish to survive the experience of depression. Ultimately, so many depressed people, when they try to discover what is happening to them, are told that they have an illness which only a doctor can understand. Books on depression are rarely enlightening. What one needs in this situation is someone to talk with, someone who will not give advice and produce solutions, but who with help to unravel the complexities of one’s thinking and feeling and to look at possible alternatives, someone whose presence ensures that the isolation is not complete.” (Rowe, Dorothy.(1988) Choosing Not Losing:The experience of depression. Fontana. London. p.341.)

It is my belief, after these many years of being in a Depressed Anonymous group and as an active participant, I did learn that I no longer needed to be alone and isolate myself from my world, my family and friends. Over time and with the help of the group, the complexities and dead-ends of my thinking and feeling, were brought to bear, time and time again, on seeing myself in a different light. It was in the group where I learned that “free and truthful discussion is only possible between people who see each other as equal members of the human race…Until we learn to talk together without fear we shall not be able to progress in understanding the human race and the world.” p.343.

Hugh

Affirmations, Belief, Choice, Courage, Exercise, Faith, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Mutual Aid, Necessity, Positivity, Purpose, Step 03

I will keep physically fit. Exercise is my priority now!

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MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION

AFFIRMATION
I promise myself that I will walk today to regain a positive feeling about myself and my world.
Keep physically fit. It is a must for us who are and have been depressed. Walking not only restore harmony to the body, it likewise restores my self-esteem and self confidence. Remember that motivation follows action.

REFLECTION
How can motivation follow action? Isn’t it the other way around, namely that action follows motivation? In a sense the criticism is true, but in another sense, it isn’t quite that accurate. When speaking about the paralysis of depression the individual’s motivation is almost completely nonexistent. That is why it is important for me, a depressed person to force myself to get moving -that’s right, force myself into an activity because even though I say “I will do it when I feel better.” I never usually feel better. So I need to find that point in my day, when I feel better and get out in the air and walk, if nothing else, it tends to distract from my wanting to sad myself.
When I take care of myself physically and begin giving myself p[permission to express my feelings, especially the unpleasant ones, I begin to speak more assertively and begin to like myself.

MEDITATION
Today, help me sort out what needs to be thrown away and what we need to keep. Help us keep those memories that had love attached to them.

RESOURCES
Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 Step fellowship groups. (2002)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 150-151.

Copyright(c) Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Chapter Six. Pages 33-36.