All posts by Hugh Smith

I will live in the solution – not the problem

 

 

“Truly, I know this is where the great security lies, being responsible for myself. If all I did was to sit around and say poor me, and woe is me, I am not only making life tough on myself but I am also making life miserable for those around me. This is why I,   as a writer and therapist, and one who has been depressed, know that it is only when I get moving, even though I felt like death,  that I will began to feel  better. I will now make myself feel better. I want to enjoy this world. I am tired of the pain of blaming anyone for my problems because no one is making me live in  the problem. No one is making me feel worthless. I will live in the solution from now on. The solution for me is working my Twelve Step program of recovery and  I am now willing to face the enemy and start the changing process.

Meditation

Faith can move mountains. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened  unto you. I believe this.

SOURCE:  HIGHER  TOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS.  365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step groups. DAP. Louisville. (February 3rd. )

For more information on Depression and the 12 Steps click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at our website www.depressedanon.com.

 

 

 

 

Fear Pulled me off my path

 

The following story ” Fear pulled me off my path.” is reprinted here with the permission of Debra Sanford, the author of A MEDLEY OF DEPRESSION STORIES, pages  62-64. This particular article is one of a total of thirty-five stories featured in the book.

“Fear crushed me lately. I went into such  a dark place I couldn’t see the light. I had truly lost my way, like walking through the house with no electric at night. And having to feel  the furniture to figure out where I was. It was horrible. I cried so  much. I got it in my head that  I had leukemia because, of my severe anemia. All along thinking I was dying of cancer! I was leaving my children and grandkids. There was no hope to be found. In reality nothing had changed. Everything was the same as yesterday. I had a  nice little cottage, plenty of food and bills paid. I had so many friends in my life. But one thing had changed! My thought I was sure I had leukemia because I had the same symptoms. I freaked my self out so bad. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees! Fear is crushing. It drags you unwillingly into a tunnel of darkness. It’s one of the hardest things to come out of by yourself. It changes the playing field in one minute. I found it impossible to hold on to any kind of positive thought that would bring hope. I sobbed on my sofa and began to text my friends my fear dilemma! So many friends called and texted back positive words and even some humor that it made me laugh. There are not enough good things in the world to say about my good friends!! They truly are more valuable than money! About two hours later I began to feel  hope and see the light! They all have been crushed by depression and fear too. So they knew what it would take to pull me out of it. That’s the greatest thing about having friends who have experienced depression. You don’t have to explain it each time to them. They just get it! Fear is a dark monster that bares  no truth. It’s a lie! It hasn’t even come to pass yet, if it ever does. But the hope it steals is measureless!  And it clearly in the mind! The mind begins to run rampant with dark and scary thoughts. It starts to entertain the fear which lies as  it were a solid truth.  Within no time at all the lies  become some kind of reality in our minds, where we actually believe them as they are absolute truths. This is when the pain is at its height! Thus, my sobbing that I was definitely dying from  cancer.  It’s best to avoid fear at all cost. As the initial fear battle begins to distract your mind away from peace, call a friend immediately who is bold and powerful. And let them speak the truth to your mind and heart and loud and clearly! Do what you need to do to escape the “fear forest.”! Because once you allow yourself to entertain those scary thoughts you will be in that dark forest and it’s difficult to get out of it on your own. Call friends immediately for help!”

-Debra, NC

“Fear is crushing. It drags you unwillingly into a tunnel of darkness.”

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone. – Michael John Bobak

How many times have we said “I’ll do it when I feel better(2016). ”  We all know that any new endeavor or activity in our behalf would definitely put us outside our “comfort zone.”  Any movement toward  walking out of our isolation is still too much of a risk. Depressed people do not want to take risks, especially as it involves change of    one’s lifestyle or behaviors.  We feel most comfortable staying parked in neutral! It’s better to know what we have than to  not know and get something for worse. We now know that to make progress in our lives and to live without depression we have to move courageously out of our comfort zone.

The following statement, How Depressed Anonymous Works,  is read at every Depressed Anonymous meeting and we quote it in full.

“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are in a journey of hope and who mutually care about each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a black hole and tired of living.

By our own involvement in the group we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too -I can get better. But we are not the people with the magic pills and the easy formulas for success.  We believe that to get out of the prison  of depression takes time and work.

We have all been  wounded in different degrees by the experience of depression.  We also know that there is a method to regain control over our lives that is practical and workable. It is successful for all those who want to change their lives. Some of us believed that there was no hope and that suicide was the only way out.

In this natural world one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual -that belief is the bottom line for all of us who are depressed and who want to get better. The  more  we attend meetings the more we will learn and see the various ways to escape from depression. We also learn how important it is  to not give up on ourselves.” (Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Page 182. Appendix A.)

 JIM MOVES OUT  OF THE COMFORT ZONE

“…The group members all expressed to Jim ( a new member to  DA) how they each had made a  mental decision to turn their lives and their depression over to the Higher Power because they had no place to go but up. It was this  to the Higher Power or God as we understood God that was the beginning of the overcoming of some people’s addiction to the comfort of their depression. They are now ready and willing to live with some hope. In time Jim got in touch with his anger and shared it with people who accepted it, and so was able gradually to move out of the shell that kept him from the hope that life would ever be different for him. The depressed person just believed and takes on faith that he/she will always be depressed and sad. Now that negative belief of being depressed forever has  to be reframed and we have to tell ourselves that if we have a positive faith our life will be better and we will begin to see changes. Many times we get what we choose when it comes to our personal feelings.”

Depressed Anonymous. Pages 57-58.

In the Chapter Eleven we read more about  the COMFORT ZONE

” Every so often we come into contact with a person, place or circumstance that causes some uncomfortableness and we start to withdraw into the comfort of our depression. It is here that we have dumped our trust  of the Higher Power and choose the comfort of our sadness  instead.” DA. Page 112.

“…For us who find sadness our second nature we at times continue to revert to the comfort of old familiar negative thinking and are in actuality returning to self destructive activity. Sadness is overcome by hope.” DA. Page 124.

For the 31 Personal Stories of those persons who no long find depression a comfort and have since left the prison of their own depression, please click onto our Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore and read for yourself the amazing stories of these 31 people in Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville. Personal Stories, pages 128-176.

For those who would like to order any of our publications, you now can order online.

“It’s decision time. Do it now!”

Not all large decisions can be made by simply listing the pro’s and the con’s of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the  voice of intuition. If in meditation, that voice is persistent enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that, rather than upon logic.

“If, after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance and, when possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more knowledge of our situation,  logic and intuition may well agree upon a right course.

“But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear, Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience.”  Bill W., As Bill  Sees  It. , Page 202.   Co-founder of AA.

Depressed Anonymous Manual  and Decision Making

“God’s will is hard to determine at times-especially at such critical times as now when we want to give up on ourselves. This is the time to  give up our will and say “God, you take it – I’ve had it! You do the leading now!” And you know, God will. You will begin to get more honest with yourself as you begin  to look a little more closely at why you have been depressed  for most of your  life. And I might add here that for many of the members of Depressed Anonymous they seem to have been depressed from the moment of their conception. Even though many people come to Depressed Anonymous to help them through times of significant loss in their life, such as the death of a spouse, the breakup of a relationship , the loss of a job or loss of self esteem, many others are attempting to relearn how to act more  wisely and treat themselves kindly. Depressed people don’t know how to have fun or even how to plan a pleasant activity.  It’s  completely out of their experience. They spend most of their time beating themselves for all their real or imagined mistakes in their lives.”  Depressed Anonymous,  3rd edition. (2011 ) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 46.

For more information on the 12 steps and depression please click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at this site.

 

I am learning how to reinforce my own worth!

AFFIRMATION

I am getting healthier the more I realize that I don’t have to feel the way I feel and I have the option to feel content and even smile today if I so desire. I will act like I want.  I will  smile even though I don’t feel like smiling.

If you have made yourself a martyr to your unappreciative family, remember the principle of partial reinforcement and apply it to your family. If you are always at their beck and call trying to meet their every demand, they will not appreciate you, but once they find that they cannot rely on you to meet ther demands, they will appreciate what you do for them.” (7)

RELECTION/CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know that so often those who are codependent and live all the time in everyone else’s feelings need remember that the real maturity and happiness lies in being there for me not for  everyone else. I think that this reflection points out the fact that I need to reinforce my own worth by going to meetings, actively getting involved with my own recovery and putting this recovery over anything or anyone else. If I am going to begin to be a pleasant person, I will want to learn how to be pleasant to myself.

Now is the time and this is the program where I want to detach from other people’s opinions of myself and start to reflect on my own opinions about myself.  When I am depressed, I know that I haven’t been able to get angry, nor able to forgive anyone, much less to forgive myself. I feel totally cheerless. I meet my own demands and continue to work the Steps so as to get in  touch with what I need to do  to reinforce positive concepts that I am forming about myself. I need to get prepared for a new day today.

“We are now on a different basis: the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust God rather than on our finite selves, just to the extent that we do as we think God would have us do., and humbly rely on him, does he enable us to match calamity with serenity.” (As Bill sees it, p.265).

MEDIATION

When we gradually work our way to our real self we get closer to the God who made us.

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of the 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed  Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 14, 15.

 

You see yourself as a healer instead of victim!

“The Twelve Steps work for those who work the program and who try to live one day at a time. Many times we have been so scared of being  rejected that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt.   We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives were jinxed. But now we can begin to feel hopeful when other members of the group shake their heads in knowing approval of what we are saying when we tell our story. Most have been where we have been where  and we are now. And the more we make an effort to come to meetings  regularly, the more we will find members of the group telling us how they are seeing a change in the way we act, talk, and look. We will accept the group’s comments as being true and honestly expressed. These people speak our language and they all have been wher e we are now. You gradually begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim the more you work this program and get excited about the possibility of helping others. When you start reaching out  to others in the group, it is at this point that you are carrying the message of hope to others. You have a future with Depressed  Anonymous. ”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 105.

“I thought I was losing my mind.” Is depression a mental illness?

“You don’t even know what it’s like to live with a mental illness  the way I do -depression is a very real thing.”

Depression is nothing to scoff at. However, in this day and age of political correcteness, fear of unintentionally offending someone and overall awareness of a  widespread amount of topics, the aforementioned statement certainly begs the question: is depression an mental illness?

According to the The Mental Health Foundation, “Depression is a common mental disorder that causes people to experience a depressed mood, loss of interst in pleasant things, feelings of guilt or low self worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration.

So clearly not a mental illness, correct? Well, then, what makes this so?  What differentiates the two?

As Psych Central puts it, “A disorder simply means something that is out of the ordinary, which depression, and other mental disorders are. They are more specifically a cluster of symptoms that research has shown to correlate highly with a specific emotional state.”

Thus, “mental disorder” or “emotional irregularities” if we know Psych Central’s logic, and other commonly thought of “mental disorders”  in popular culture are actually in reality, including bipolar disorder (yes, it’s in the name, but it’s still often mistaken for an illness) and anxiety,

So   what marks the difference between disease and  a disorder, mental or not?

As Psych Central puts it, “Diseases are manifestations of a problem with some physical organ or component within the body.And while the brain is also an organ, it is one of the least understood and easily the most complex organ in the body. Researchers and doctors refer to a diseased organ when  something is wrong with it. (Via a Cat scan or x-ray or laboratory test). But with our brains, we have no test to say, “Hey, there’s something clearly wrong here.”

So, even though depression is a horrible reality that often feels like its own disease, it is but a disorder, and we should let the world know this , especially when Tumblr tries to pull  the “mental illness” card. Mental conditions such as Alzheimers are formerly recognized as mental illnesses, and Alzheimer’s is certainly something that should not be romanticized or used to portray heroism of sorts.

Either way, both mental disorders and diseases are very real realities, but we shouldn’t let then stop us. We can only  get through life as we usually do, one day at a time.

Check out more information on the topic here (https://mental health.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression) and  here (https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-depression-if-not-a-mental-illness/).

SOURCES

Grohol, J.M. What is depression if not an illness? Psych Central(https://psychcentralmental. com/lib/what is depression-if-not-a-mental-illness/)/Depression: The Mental Health  Foundation (https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/d/depression) HOME

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Copyright(c) Lydia Abedeen Aug 16, 2017 1:15PM  @Lydia_abedeen (https://witter.com/lydia_abedeen)

 

Why does the dog chase it’s tail?

Good question. It could be for many reasons. It might have fleas. It might have gotten hurt in some way. It itches. The reasons can go on and on.

I  suggest that one of the reasons may be that the dog is unaware that its  tail is part of the dog. It is an attachment which comes with the dog. However, no matter how fast and furious the dog chases its tail the dog will never get hold of it. I gather it soon discovers this important fact!Anyway, why think about this fact here?  What has this to do with the information we normally share here at our Depressed Anonymous website.

So often as a   therapist  I have  heard  how some persons believe that their depression just came out of the blue.  You know, like the rain, snow, and stormy weather.  And ironically, I felt the same way. I just couldn’t understand how  it was that I felt so bad with no prior  warning.

In our manual Depressed Anonymous I give the reader a brief account of my own experiences with depression and how I always felt that this plague of the spirit just happened. I too felt that It just came out of the blue for no apparent reason.

Here is a little bit of what I wrote in the introduction to Depressed Anonymous and I want to share this with you now.

What it was like. More than ten years ago, I began to notice that something was very wrong with the way I was feeling. I can tell you exactly the place and the time when this terrible sadness began to swallow me up;. I felt myself, without warning, sliding down and into the dark pit from which I was not able to climb out for a year of painful months. Feelings of inner pain and numbness descended upon me, and began to rule my life.

At the time, I thought that this descent into hell came from “out of the blue” but, like all feelings we experience, I knew that because of situations in my personal past, my emotional reservoir was overdrawn. My reactions to these situations had allowed thoughts and feelings to accumulate a wealth of debt whose note had come due.

“…Looking back over my life and experiences, I discovered that my thoughts produced the feelings, the feelings produced moods and the moods produced my behaviors. The mind-body connection is never as much in evidence as it is in the human experience that we label  depression.”

In another chapter of the Depressed Anonymous book we hear Mary tell us how  she felt about her own depression experience:

“…Because of shame, Mary was never able to share her story with any of  her friends. In time, she began to think that  her feelings were disloyal to her parents, whom she felt she had to love because they were her parents.  She said she got confused because they seemed to want her around sometimes but at other times they told her what a worthless and lazy girl she was. The thing that hurt most, she said, is that she believed them. So now she wonders how this Fifth Step  applies to her when it’s her parents who need to admit their wrongs to her. Mary was puzzled. All she wants to do is to get over some of the anger that she still holds for the way her parents neglected her when she was growing up. She says that every time  she goes back home a sadness just seems to come over her -as though out of the blue -and for no apparent reason. She also says that her stomach gets all  knotted up.”

And now, why do we seem to have a mental disconnect between our  life losses and the depth of pain that we are presently suffering?

The author gives an explanation here:

“To have lost a parent  early in life, either through death or divorce can have a serious effect on the life of  a young child. Early losses in life cause a lot of hurt later on in life and many people  think that their depression just happens, out of the blue without rhyme or reason, but usually there IS  a reason and most probably it is buried deep in the unconscious because it has been too painful to look at.  It is in sharing with a trusted friend, group member or therapist that you can gradually let out the bits of the secret that has been under lock and key for years. It is also when we can be in contact with persons we trust that the hurts of the past can be revealed.”

And finally to answer our questions: why does the dog chase his tail? I honestly don’t have a clue. But what I do know that when I was depressed   I could sit and think for hours about why I   felt so miserable –but   never coming up  with the reason. No matter what avenue I went down trying to understand my present pain, I really  couldn’t stop chasing false leads and dead ends of why I was so despairing of relief.

Later, with a mind cleared of the fog of sadness, and with a new ability to process where I had been in my life, I finally began to see that nothing just  comes out of the blue. There is always a reason.

*************************************

If you would like to read more of how other members of Depressed Anonymous share their stories of recovery  in our Depressed Anonymous manual  and how they found their way out of depression.  They all discovered how their symptoms of depression didn’t just  come out of the blue.

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 20,67, 79.

Visit The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore here at this site depressedanon.comOne may order online.

I will face my fears!

I will take another small step in my own recovery  and face any uncomfortable  fears that arises. I will face it and let go.

“I had to surrender to God, quit controlling everything and everyone, including God.  Let go and let God.” (8 )

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

To think of letting go of my depression is like telling a drowning man to let go of his life jacket. When we have been depressed for so many years and this is all we know, we don’t know what to make of someone telling us to let go and surrender this experience to God.

I also know that for me to be in control, either by my sadness at home or my attempts to control every member of the family, I know that this keeps me from having to face all the pain in my own life. My thoughts don’t flow the way other peoples’ thoughts flow. My thoughts continually flow in a stream of heavy blackness. The blackness has always been part of my life and I feel that there is no way to escape it.  The only way out for me now is to “admit that I am powerless over my depression and that my life is unmanageable.”

I know that in the program there is much talk about giving over one’s life to a Higher Power and letting it guide us.  It’s somewhat like we are going down the road of life and we see a large narrow bridge which is spanning a river before us. We see the bridge and  can even see the other side but instead of crossing over we get out of our car, go down the embankment and begin to swim across to the other side. Depression and our own feelings of unworthiness won’t allow us to risk a way out of our sadness. Like so many life situations, the answers are hidden there in plain sight.

 

MEDITATION

We used to believe that our God was a God of wrath. We needed to believe that,  because we were feeling so bad, evil, worthless and unacceptable about ourselves. Now we believe God’s supply of love is endless. (See Step #3).

Being part of something bigger than ourselves is the secret!

I have always felt that the best way to try and live a life of peace and hope, especially when I was depressed, was  to be part of a group.  The group of my choice was  the Depressed Anonymous meeting.   It was at these meetings, plus reading the literature, written by those who  themselves had been depressed, all together provided me with the tools, the keys to leaving the barred doors of the prison of my depression.

In our world today, where we have the most technically advanced   communication tools ever used by humanity, we seem to understand each other less. A paradox if there ever was one.

In  this age of “selfies” and  less face to face communications between people makes communication even more difficult. If I am depressed my usual behavior is to go and isolate myself. It is in the isolation that my depression deepens and gets worse.

” It is recommended that you  commit to reading everything that you can pertaining to the 12 Steps, the Depressed Anonymous fellowship and how to feel better yourself.  You may want to   read some of the past issues of  the Newsletters at our website (depressedanon.com) plus past posts of which there are about 700 plus.

All this information will bring you up to speed as to who we are and what we are about. Let us know if there are any questions that we might be able to answer for you. We will be more than happy to help you.

Hugh