All posts by Hugh Smith

Anger, Attachment, Choice, Fellowship, Higher Power, Journaling, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

Drinking Depression

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Drinking depression: One man’s story of recovery from alcoholism and depression and the parallels between the two.

I have had experiences with alcohol abuse since childhood. I have also struggled since childhood with depression. I quickly learned to rely on both.

I call this paper “drinking depression” because that’s exactly what I did when I no longer had the alcohol. The following thoughts will express my feelings and the parallels that I have seen between these two addictions.

RELIANCE

There was always an excuse to drink, mostly I was upset with something. I should really say angry, for it was anger at the root of my depression that I was trying to suppress  in medicating myself. Later, I learned to do the same thing with my depression except to be in a depressive state High. I didn’t even have to leave the house and after awhile I didn’t want to break the cycle of reliance that dependency had begun. When I was absorbing alcohol into my blood stream I was now injecting the depression into my soul and absorbing it like a sponge.

FAMILIARITY AND COMFORT

As a recovering alcoholic I can look back on my drinking and see when I took comfort in being drunk because after awhile the numbness became the only way I could feel better because when I was drunk I could retreat into myself and not have to deal with everyday life.

The same escape tool was used in the form of depression. I could ball up like a woolly worm and the outside world was not going to hurt me. However, the more I wallowed in the darkness of my depression the deeper I got stuck in the mud of despair and hopelessness.

DESPERATION

In order to deal with alcoholism and depression I had to hit rock bottom. I had reached a point in both, that I had to call out for help or drown in my addiction. I called on my Higher Power to help me with my depression. With guidance of the holy spirit I am harnessing   my talents now and I am seeing incredible results. My recovery has not been overnight, but it is a day by day and step by step recovery process.

THE PHYSICAL

After some time had passed, the drinking affects the physical body breaking it down. Once I saw a film in which the brain of a heroin addict and the alcoholic were very similar. The depression I experienced also has physical implications. For over twenty years the way my body would respond from too much emotional stress was to pass out. Instead of blacking out from   alcohol I was using depression to numb my brain and myself.

THE SPIRITUAL

When I was drinking I felt alienation and guilt. I felt professing  Christians did not drink  and the more I drank the more guilty I became. I felt that much more distant from God the more I drank and spiraled further down into a cycle of despair.

In my depression I felt God had no time for me and that I was unworthy of his love. Again it was a carousal filled with guilt and anger going round and round so that I couldn’t get off the merry go-round.

SELF ESTEEM

When I was drinking, I was sure that no one cared or understood what I was going through so I had many pity parties and I was the guest of honor. Why should I care if no one else cared- this was my way of thinking.

From painful experiences in my childhood I felt I was of no worth  and just taking up space. It has taken therapy and the support of family and friends to finally look in the mirror and begin to like what I saw.

HOPE

I have been sober over two years although  I often have the desire to drink.  I daily call on my Higher Power for help and march on one day at a time experiencing serenity and a release from my need to  take the first drink.

I have been in therapy for almost a year off and on, although in order to recover one has to stay with it. I have to take my emotional and spiritual healing like my drinking.– one day at a time and know when I can make it because it is only opening the door to the past can the light of the present get rid of the darkness today and have hope for the future.

It is my hope and prayer that this has helped you, the reader,  in some small way. It has helped me by writing about my experiences. May God put walls of protection around you so that the way ahead for you may be crystal clear and that today be your first step towards recovery.

God bless.

—Steve P.  A member of the Louisville Depressed Anonymous Group.

 

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“…you begin to feel a small bit of serenity growing inside of you.”

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“The real risk is when that first inkling comes that because of your active and regular work in the Twelve Step depression group, you begin to feel a small bit of serenity growing inside of you. This is what scares us all. Our guilt, shame, our sadness in life have almost completely shut down our sense of spontaneity and playfulness, so that we are afraid of the new way we are feeling. Our first thought is that it won’t last. That is when we need to face the fear, stay with it, and it will flee. As long as you stay with these unpleasant feelings, keep working on yourself at meetings and telling yourself that you can beat these negative attitudes about yourself, and start to rebuild
your future and your world.
At this time, call a friend and tell them you need help rebuilding instead of allowing your fears to imprison you. You are now using those bricks to build a bridge between you and the other members of the group who want to free themselves from the isolating feelings of sadness and hurt. ”
_______________________________________________________________

COMMENT: As my depression worsened I started to walk 5 miles every day. Walking was one way that I could for a brief time escape thinking about the painful hollowness and meaningless that had gradually taken over my body and mind. It was like I was being sucked down into the darkness of quicksand. And just as I wrote the above account, I remembered so well how I believed the pain would never go away and if it did — when would this happen? But slowly after this continual activity of walking and doing what I had to do to survive, I felt a small glimpse and feeling of lightness. And the first thought that came to mind was that this good feeling wouldn’t last. In reality it was only a brief pause in my pain but I kept on walking. Shortly after that, the lightness and feeling of hope grew stronger and the day finally arrived when the fog, the cloud of hopelessness was gone. I faced my fear. I realized, like all healing, it takes time, work and prayer. Hugh

SOURCE: Copyright(c)Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.Page 93-94.
For more literature on the subject of depression and the 12 Steps please VISIT THE STORE. ***ALL LITERATURE PUBLISHED BY DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS IS WRITTEN BY THOSE WHO WERE DEPRESSED AND IN RECOVERY AND LIVING WITH HOPE AND SERENITY.

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I now have a gratitude attitude!

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“I am rejoicing today as I think about how my life used to be to the way that it is now. I have an attitude of gratitude.”

“Can we actually carry the spirit of gratitude into our daily work? Can we get our newly recognized responsibilities to the world at large? And can we bring new purpose and devotion to the religion of our choice? Can we find a new joy of living in trying to do something about all these things? –The Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions. AA.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

The Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous are the pivotal points of my life now that I am engrossed in the work of recovery. The Twelve Steps are put to use in all affairs of my life today. I always have them to fall back on when I want to sad myself, when I feel myself going back to that old familiar way of thinking negatively about myself. I thank God for the Twelve Steps and the serenity that I have received from the practice of them all in my daily life.

I have a purpose in my life and that is to rejoice at the help I have received since I have been working my program. I rejoice that I am no longer considered helpless, but instead, find hope in each day as it comes along.

MEDITATION
The God of our lives is real to us because the program has allowed us to think of God the way that we want to think of him. We can think of God as our best friend and if I want to put a human face on him, that will work too. The program has truly brought me new joy and devotion to the practice of of religion in some of our lives.

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 207. October 17

Click onto Visit the Store to order this work ( find it on Kindle) and discover other books which will aid in our recovery.

Hope

I choose to live in the security of my hope…

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I choose to live in the security ofg my hope rather than in the fear of life’s possible pain.

 

“Haven’t our sadness and thoughts of unworthiness been our last refuge from having to face ourselves, take charge and accept responsibility for our own lives? For many, just knowing that they might have a choice and be able to choose to feel differently can be a startling revelation. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to stay feeling miserable.”

Hugh Smith. Depressed? Here is a way out! Fount. London. 1991.

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Life is one that provides me with many areas of choice. I can choose to live with the uncertainty of hope or I can stay mired in the despair of having to always have everything predictable. The latter is the hell of depression.

Years back when I gradually noticed that some unknown negative force was causing to spiral me downward into the abyss of nothingness. I had no idea that I had been setting myself up for what I later surmised to be depression. My surmise was right.  I didn’t know   what was happening to me at the time. My compulsive thinking, constantly circling  obsessively in my head  about how worthless I was, all the while setting  myself up for one of the worst  experiences of my life.  Because of my own guilt and shame feelings, and the continued rumination on  those unpleasant emotions   accompanying  them, took its toll on my body,  mind, and I might add, my spirit. My choosing to figure out in my head what was going on with me, all these chaotic feelings sapped the life energy from me. All I wanted to do was sleep. Then I discovered it was almost impossible to rouse myself to get out of bed, and then  go to work. I didn’t choose to depress myself, that would truly be insane, but I did choose to continue beating myself up, like the desert monk, thinking that this would alleviate punishment for whatever I had done that would infringe  on God’s Holy laws.

Did I choose to be depressed? Well yes, in a certain unconscious way, but in no way am I blaming myself.  It was not until  I took responsibility for the fact that I had to do something to pull myself out of this personal life mess, that began to motivate me to do something. To talk to someone. To get moving. And so I chose to walk everyday, even if my body told me to stay in bed.  And I chose the right way out of my depression by something as simple as a daily walk. And then, forming a group of men and women who  felt free to share their own stories about their depression. It was then the amazing revelation came to me—I was not alone. I took charge and of my life, continued to feel the sadness lift from my shoulders and I was no longer depressed. It took over a year to be free. It took time and group and individual work. I finally realized that I was being given those tools to recognize  the “red flags” which ignites  the deadly spiral of hopelessness and misery.

Now I know not to beat myself up and end up shaming myself. By choosing this new way of thinking and feeling and sharing them with the group or my sponsor I don’t shut myself down and isolate. That is deadly.   I now have hope. I choose to find out how I got where I am and take responsibility for getting myself well. Make your decision today. Choose hope!

Hugh

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Who was that masked man?

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Remember that line? How many years was it that these familiar words were spoken by the man on the white horse, wearing white and who wore a black mask?   And after he did his good deed, people would ask each other: “Who was that masked man?”

After he came to the rescue of whom ever needed help at the moment, you could always depend on—The Lone Ranger and his sidekick Tonto. There you have it. I was watching one of the innumerable reruns that appear on one of the cable channels  while waiting for my appointment with the doctor last week.

A lot of us when depressed also know the feeling of wearing a mask when we are out with others, either socially or at work. The mask that I wore when I was depressed was to always have a fake smile pasted on my face. When asked, “how you doing” I always responded with a cheerful response.  “I’m fine.” I always had to be cheerful while dying inside.  I didn’t want to go around with a sad face, spreading gloom all about. But the real reason for the fake smile was to hide. I couldn’t let anyone in on my secret.  I in no way would I let others know the daily tug of war  that was going on inside me. Just to move about or just to be sociable was my main effort during the day. No one was to know my secret.

I tried to fake it till  I made it. Well, that didn’t work. It just made it worse. I felt that the real me was being hidden deeper  inside of me and I had no idea how to take the mask off, reveal who I was, and move on with my life. I just wanted ,to shout out to the  world  that ” I’m dying inside.”

It was when I discovered the “miracle of the group” and  the power of the spiritual principles of the 12 steps,  was I able to take off my mask. In the Depressed Anonymous fellowship I learned how to be the “real me” and no longer be afraid to tell who I  really was. I was able to do this  over time, with work  and with meetings and doing an online Step Study program with a member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship where I became more confident and self assured that I was OK the way that I was. I wasn’t going crazy or losing my mind.  I now had no fear of telling others how depressed I was.  I began sharing  how for many years I had isolated myself, all the time beating my self up in my head.

When there is no Depressed Anonymous meeting in your area you too can find help online with a directed Depressed Anonymous online support Self study, program which includes both a Workbook and Manual (see Home Study Kit ). By using the Workbook and the Manual together, you can find the answers you may be looking for, with the direction of a sponsor. A member of our online Self Study program tells us how it has changed her life.  Also we utilize the wonderful SKYPE program to communicate with others around the world.

Helen, a member of the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous tells us  in her personal story in our Depressed Anonymous book(Manual)  that

“I also had to get my priorities straight. I put a  lot of importance on things that were not important, or what somebody else might say about me. I was afraid to change. I was afraid that I would change into a person that would be selfish and uncaring, but it didn’t happen that way. I found a different way to go about it. In getting my priorities straight, I discovered that if a person doesn’t accept me the way I am, then that  doesn’t matter. I am going to do the best that I can. If someone else can’t handle that I am awful sorry about that, but it has to be. I want everyone to approve of me, but  I am just not going to do that. I am not going to please everyone. I got to take  care of myself. I was so busy trying to  please everyone else that I wasn’t taking care of my own needs. At the time I was doing it, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. Now I won’t deliberately hurt anyone else , but I am going to take care of myself.

– Helen.

Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Page  148. (Personal Stories section).

Choice

The Life model and its four characteristics

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All living creatures have four essential characteristics. These four are:

  1. Identity
  2. Autonomy
  3. Competency
  4. Interconnectedness with all other living beings

But when we are depressed we gradually begin to feel that we really have no identity. We believe that there is nothing about me that is good. I feel worthless, unacceptable to myself and others. I think of myself as a depressive. I am always depressed. That its my identity. But much like the alcoholic, overeater, we are more than our label as a depressive. We have confined ourselves into a corner feeling that I have nothing to give. So many of us depended on our roles in life, the job that we went to every day, a parent now left with an empty nest. All these changes created a formidable challenge and vacuum in our lives. All losses in our lives have a great impact on who we are as living creatures.

Because of depressive thinking, our behavior and thinking has caused us to isolate, to feel abandoned. Because of continually trying to figure out why we are depressed, (paralysis of analysis) this faulty thinking has sapped us of our energy, so that we are no longer able to get out of bed in the morning… go to work, meet with friends or family. We no longer have the motivation to act on our own behalf. We know that our autonomy is what enables us to do one thing or the other. We are individuals at the same time part of the human community. Our own autonomy is now so frozen and lacking any motivation that we are even feeling unable to make any sort of decision.

Our level of feeling and having a competency is gone. We feel useless and weak. We are purposeless and find no meaning in our lives. What once used to keep us alive and motivated–such experiences as losing a job, a divorce, a death of a loved one, retirement and other lost roles and relationships gradually diminish our ability to function with a hope for a brighter future.

And finally interconnectedness is life. All life on this earth interconnected. Our life support system is other living creatures. We are a veritable web of living organisms. What keeps all of us alive is this relationship with each other, and the mutuality and synergism of the whole tribe, clan, family, all alive because of those members who make up each dynamic group.

Finally, from a depressed person’s perspective, all these characteristics provided for us by the Life Model also serve as areas of concern when we begin to look more closely at our own lives.

We see how we have gradually lost our identity, no longer able to get motivated because of lack or a real or perceived loss of having any competencies or meaningful roles to play in our communities and families. Because of the growing inability to make any decisions which stymies any desire or motivation to act in our own behalf, sabotages our efforts to be self directing and autonomous.

Because of our isolation and feelings of meaningless for where we are now, our sense of being part of any purposeful relationships, is nil. The more we cut off our interconnectedness with others, not only do our social skills begin to wither, but the meaning that life provides by its connectedness becomes less and less available.

So, what can you and I do if depressed, as most, if not all of these life situations can be a positive for us if we begin to look for a community which can give us support, fellowship and acceptance. It’s my sincere belief that a 12 step Support group for any of us can give us the direction and the hope that each of us are looking for as members of the human community.

What do you think?

Hugh

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, DA Literature, Fellowship, Focus

Life can be good for a change, I am not alone

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The following account is taken from the personal stories section of Depressed Anonymous.

“It seemed  that I was living in another world until one of my parents gave me a phone number of Depressed Anonymous. The Depressed Anonymous meetings, plus reading the Depressed Anonymous manual  have  provided me with the tools to live without being depressed. Most important of all, the Twelve Steps mentioned in the book have made me understand that God (my Higher Power)  will give me strength to deal with my depression and get on with my life and be happy with myself.

The book with its Twelve Steps,  has taught me that I am not alone. And that I am not the only one who is suffering from depression. It has brought me to believe more in my Higher Power and to let it handle my depression.

I read the Depressed Anonymous manual, go the counseling, and attend the Depressed Anonymous meetings. The meetings are a must, I need them to survive. The support group’s meetings help  each other by listening, talking, expressing their feelings, and give support  on how to cope with depression. By letting my Higher Power help  me, I am beginning to feel free from  depression. I am not so nervous and tensed up. My Christian inner faith is getting stronger. I am not so stressed out and I am beginning to get confidence in myself. I still have trouble with  my sleep pattern and I am getting some motivation back. I have learned how to handle anxiety by taking deep breaths when I am nervous or troubled. This was  suggested by my therapist. I am also learning how to stand up for myself.

All these new tools have helped me  and will continue to do so. They also taught me not to dwell on my past, to live one day at a time, and to look toward to the future, but not live there.  It will take me a long time to deal with depression, but I am glad that these tools are available. Life can be good for a change. Please don’t give up.”

– Anonymous member of Depressed Anonymous Fellowship.

SOURCE:  (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages. 148-149.

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

I saw a lonely bird this morning sitting by itself on my backyard fence

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I want to share my reflections that I had this morning during my quiet time. As the eastern sky filled the horizon with the light of a morning sun my attention rested upon the silent figure of a bird alone on my backyard fence. It was motionless. Even though many of my backyard friends already were out and about my solitary bird continued to remain  motionless as if it was in a deep trance.

Why I thought  was this bird sitting all alone this morning? Usually, at least it was my understanding that  that animals, insects and  all other four legged and two legged creatures liked to stick together. You can count us in this category as well. We are all pretty much social  creatures.

I must guess that even the hermit crab isn’t a hermit 24/7. But not knowing much about hermit crabs I would think they have some sort of gratifying social life. What do you think. Maybe someone reading this could shed some light  on this matter. Thanks in advance.

Now back  to this lonely bird. How do I know it’s lonely.  I don’t,  but seeing a bird that usually is pretty busy in the morning, got my attention this morning. Was the bird sad? Not feeling well? Just isolating himself to try and get his head together? Beats me as there is nothing wrong in trying to at least think about what’s up with this bird.

Is our friend the lonely bird ending up this morning in that closed system which is  depression. Let’s be honest here. One of the areas of my own depression was the way I talked to myself.  My thinking was my problem. My thinking changed the way I felt and the way I was feeling influenced my moods, and my moods influenced directly my behavior. And possibly I could venture to say that my friend this morning mimicked my own life when I was depressing myself. My thinking began to isolate me as I tried to figure out the reasons I was  depressed. But most of all my negative thinking, hour after hour, day after day all came with these  deep and sad feelings attached to them.

I guilted myself time and again with my irrational thinking so that  my whole physical  self began to shut down. I felt all alone, helpless and hopelesss.  I thought I was all alone. And  I just wonder if this bird this morning was feeling the same things I was feeling. All alone with no one to befriend him or understand.

As we continue to sort out, and separate the various areas of our lives, that  is, our depression symptoms, we find that if we can put effort into looking at the way we think, which decidedly  influences all our behaviors, we can pry open and gain entrance to the hidden source, with the other negative symptoms, such as the way we feel, think,  and  these areas (symptoms) taken as one piece, we find constructs  the way we live out our lives. We are alone and we are  isolated from any social life that would bring us into contact with others.

We know that  this symptom of irrational thinking gradually pushes us  deeper down into the direction of despair. Sometimes completing suicide. We want  to get off the fence of indecision, seek help for our mistaken beliefs about our self, again that is  feeling worthless, self bashing, feeling we are a failure, losing a  love, all these thoughts and feelings. All these   need to be brought out into the open and shared.

By examining the way we think, preferably in a group of persons just like ourselves there are those persons and others like them,  who are found at every Depressed Anonymous meeting. For me the best way to break out of this deadly closed system of depression is to get off the fence and begin to open up your life  to those who are now no longer alone, no longer living in fear, no longer imprisoned by the way they  live, think and feel.

I hope that you might find help in the Depressed Anonymous Home Study kit where you will be able to find your mind and heart motivated to open up, examining areas of your life , looking at yourself square in the face,   discovering  and using the tools which can  set you free.

Hugh

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MOTIVATION: An entry portal into the closed system of depression.

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As we have been discussing ( 9/13-9/14) the Closed System of depression we are listing the issues that are part of each of the depression syndrome . Today I will  focus my thoughts on how our motivation energy can break into the closed system and influence the whole circle of symptoms that make up the system. Divide and conquer.

We will take a negative issue and turn it into a positive mantra. When we are depressed, we don’t have the energy to do anything positive that would help us break the bonds of the sadness. That is why the saying MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION is such an important part of my thinking and recovery.  This commitment to begin taking  responsibility for my recovery, prompts me to take a look at those  issues  of my life,  which have kept me imprisoned and feeling hopeless.

First of all we are getting g motivated to look at what our day is to look like. Instead of lying in bed most of the day, and staying isolated,  we are  going to write down–yes write down- what we can do today to help us feel hopeful. Just doing this small little exercise may be the jump start that we need to get moving and active. Move the body and the mind will follow.  I know this as fact. When I finally hit bottom, in every which way, I made the decision to do something that might help me get better. I began to walk every morning–rain or shine–and the more I got out early in the morning my motivation grew stronger.  In my work, I’ll do it when I feel better (2016) paints a picture of many of us who say this to  ourselves,  then we never feel betterenough to get active . I didn’t feel better at first, but, like a muscle that is continually used,  becomes stronger.

Planning ahead for the next 24 hours is a good way to live just for today and not live in the future tomorrows and the yesterdays. As you and I know, this is the problem, we don’t want to plan ahead. Why, we might ask.  “I don’t have any hope that I will feel better–none at all.”  When you are down in the pits, and the darkness shuts out the light, nothing seems hopeful. “Why plan? It won’t work for me.”

Have you ever dreaded the weekends when there are two days with nothing to do but stay at home and suffer. I found that if I became creative, and wrote down what I planned or wanted to do for the weekend , hour by hour, and actually did what I planned, this in itself would be a motivator to get active. We all need to plan something positive in our lives –and this applies especially on those days when we may not be working but have found ourselves alone and isolated staring at the walls.

Plan your day or it will plan you! Is this what is happening in your life? Don’t beat yourself up with the cycling thoughts that you will never get out of this dark pit, that the future is too bleak. Iinstead focus on the possibility that something good can happen for you.  I know. I thought I was losing my mind because I couldn’t concentrate on or remember any thing  that I might have just read. Somehow though, the exercise, the distractions as I went round and round inside the mall, all kept at bay that terrible hollow feeling that kept gnawing in my gut. I didn’t give up. I kept on walking. I surely felt like Forrest Gump. But  my motivation to keep on walking worked.

And now some reflections on the above statements. You can see from what I have written that the more motivated I became the more my thinking became clearer and positive.  Also, my behavior brought me out of isolation so that I got  better at making decisions for myself and my day. I had the choice to stay alone and isolated or get out of myself and talk to friends. This is why those of us who are in the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous receive daily support when we need it as well as gaining new insights from members of the group who are walking the same steps as am I.

Motivation has  a large role to play in my life. The closed system no longer has me isolated and hopeless, but now, by dealing with the symptoms of my illness, they cannot keep me in “lockdown.” The system is no longer closed. We have pried it open.

Believe that you–that you now have the key to serenity. You can see the symptoms, and you can turn the negatives of each around so that by doing  the opposite of the negative your own life can be  turned into a positive adventure. You would do well to read a book written by the depressed  titled Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) , published by Depressed Anonymous Publications.  A HOME STUDY KIT IS ALSO AVAILABLE. Visit the store here for more info.

Copyright (c)  Depressed Anonymous

 

Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook

Discovering the closed system of depression with its multiple entry points – locating the chinks in the armor

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The closed system of depression with its multiple entry points. (chinks in the armor).

A previous entry or blog spoke about the various entry points of depression symptoms and how they all act together to form a syndrome. Basically, a syndrome is a number of symptoms occurring together characterizing a specific disease or condition. For us, and those of us who may be depressed, this is an important issue to take notice of and spending time reflecting on it. Learning more about depression as a closed system with multiple symptoms can have a positive impact on how we go about dealing with them in our recovery program of the 12 steps. In time you will learn more about the Depressed Anonymous fellowship and their use of the 12 principles (steps) of recovery.

Presently I want to share with you more information as to what makes up the closed system of depression. I think the more we take apart the various elements that make up the syndrome (symptoms) of depression, we are able to focus on one symptom at a time or more. This is what I mean by widening the chink in the armor of our depression. Each one will provide an entry to the particular area that we believe has the greatest responsibility for our being depressed.

Let’s go through the five (5) major areas and see how they each make up this closed system. We discover that symptoms feed on each other and produces a gradual paralysis of will and body which keeps us isolated and disconnected from family, friends and others. It also produces a lethargy where we no longer have regard for ourselves, our health or our future.

I will list the five (5) areas where we can begin to zero in on and list the characteristics of each separate symptom and see which of the five – possibly all of them – have had the principal role in our being disconnected from life and a daily activity.

THINKING

+mistaken beliefs+ feeling worthless+ guilt+ self-accusation+ self-dislike+ failure+ self-hatred + suicidal ideas+ feeling hopeless and helpless+ out of control+ self-pity

PHYSIOLOGICAL

+Insomnia+ decrease in sexual libido+ activity level is zero+ no concentration+ memory loss+ fatigue and bored+ weight loss/gain+ irritable

MOTIVATION

+difficulty planning for the day/future+ no desire for any pleasurable activity+ future looks bleak+ nothing ever works out+ failing at all jobs/projects

BEHAVIOR

+social withdrawal+ work retardation+ low or no interaction with others+ not involved in pleasant activities+ weight loss/gain+ excessive drinking/eating/sleeping

FEELINGS/EMOTIONS

fear+ sad+ angry+lonely+ irritable+ apathetic+ irritable+ loss of sexual activity+ loss of interest in activities that once gave pleasure+ tired all the time+ crying spells+ hopeless+ helpless and bored

We see that in one area of the symptoms the same issue will appear in the other lists of the depression syndrome.

In order to widen the chink in the armor of your own depression please go through each of the five lists and circle those particular items which apply specifically to your own experience with depression.

One of the five areas listed most probably will produce for you that entry point where you can begin to work on the areas that you have circled as having the greatest part in your sadness. Since each symptom affects the other four (4) one can begin to see how the individual issues cycle around and back and forth clamping down, not only the physical person but all the other areas of one daily life.

Here is the strategy for all of us: when we get to working on the various issues in the symptom that has the most issues circled – that in itself will disrupt all the other symptoms so that what happens in one will affect positively all the other. The negative synergism of the whole syndrome-depression – will be shaken and affected by the positive action or changes of just one of the symptoms. And the more we open up an area – our physiological level of inactivity – and set up a regular and daily exercise routine – this will reverberate to all the other four major symptoms. (A personal note here: when I could no longer get out of bed in the morning to go to my job I made a commitment – thinking and motivational – to get up and walk every day – whether I wanted to do it or not.) And it really worked as my mood was better by the mid-day. I no longer felt helpless but I was actually doing something – motivational area affected my mood – the feeling symptom – my behavior as I was not indecisive about exercise – I made a decision to continue to move my body and walk which influenced my thinking positively.

Finally, the closed system of depression has turned into an open and fluid cycle where the negativity of the system has been challenged. Instead of these single deficits of each of the symptoms we now have positive options we can begin with the belief that I too can get better just as others in our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous have broken the bonds of depression and are living lives of serenity and hope.

The 12 Steps and the working the Steps in a group or with the Home Study Workbook and manual will produce a hopeful change as each area, the thinking, the physiological, the motivational, the feelings, and behavior all will be turned into positives and so change our very closed and negative system into a hopeful and positive experience, day after day.

For a deeper look into the open system of hope and healing going to our Depressed Anonymous Workbook for opening and seeing for yourself how thinking more positively and getting motivated to free oneself from depression actually works. VISIT THE STORE for more information.

© 2017 Depressed Anonymous

The Fellowship of Depressed Anonymous