“We are wise to believe it difficult to change, to recognize that character has a forward propulsion which tends to carry it unaltered into the future, but we need not believe it impossible to change. Our present and future choices may take us upon different courses which will in time comprise a different identity….The identity defined by action is not, therefore the whole person. Within us lies the potentiality for change, the freedom to choose other courses…if we then invoke the leopard that can’t change his spots, saying  “That’s the way I am, might as well accept it, ” we abandon the freedom to change and exploit what we have been in the past to avoid responsibility for what we shall we be in the future.

Often  we do not choose, but drift into those modes which eventually define us. Circumstances push and we  yield. We did not choose to be what we have become, but gradually, imperceptibly   become what we are drifting into doing those things we now characteristically do. Freedom is not an objective attribute  of life; alternatives without awareness yield no leeway…” Source: How People Change. Alan Wheelis, Harper and Row, NY. 1973. pp.14-15.

Our  12 Step recovery program  gradually dismembers our  compulsive circle of negative  behaviors  and thinking.

“Now I have to dig in and dismember those core beliefs that keep us repeating the same thinking, the same behavior which can keep us imprisoned in our depression. We have this compulsion to repeat -this ritual of defeat – because, first of all, it is comfortable and secondly it keeps us from having to do something different, namely something that we haven’t done before. We continue to move around in a circle always meeting up with the same me – no major changes evident. If we don’t start the process of change, then not without surprise our life then stays the same. But this also closes the door to the future and with it a sense of hope and relief. It seems that to believe that we have no future and that we will always feel this way can imprison  us as we empower these absolute beliefs that nothing good will ever happen for us.  We are thus chained to our own self will and not only are we imprisoned but we are the jailer as well. The key is in our hands and it is there for the asking.”

Source:  I’ll do it when I feel better.(2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 18.

Use the inventory  below to see if you may be depressed or unhappy. “Circle those that you have experienced  over the past two weeks.”

• Have you had a change in appetite (15 lb. gain or 15 lb. loss in weight?)
• Shifts in sleeping patterns (too much sleep or not enough). Waking up early.
• Tired all the time
• Agitated or increased activity –  always on the go
• Loss of interest in  daily activities and/or decreased sexual drive
• Withdrawing from others and wanting to be alone  most of the time
• Weeping/not being able to cry
• Lapses of memory
• Indecisiveness
• Fear of losing one’s mind
• Reluctance to take risks
• Suicidal thoughts

Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing at least four of these signs of depression for more than two weeks, it’s   recommended  that you  consult  a mental health professional. We also recommend that you attend a Depressed Anonymous meeting.

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

How true. The more we desire to  isolate and hibernate (detaching from others) we realize that something might be  slightly awry. Well. maybe we don’t realize it.  Isn’t  it interesting about our experience of melancholia (depression) that while we are right in the middle of it, something queer begins to dawn on our awareness. For me, this is what happened to me and possibly the same  has happened to you. It felt like  my feet were immersed  in a sea of molasses or that I was walking alone in a thick fog.  And the more I walked along the harder it became to walk along.  My feet were gradually feeling like hundred pound weights with each step slowing  me down to a snails crawl.

Now it’s winter time in our northern hemisphere, which makes it easier for me to hibernate and isolate myself from anything happening outside the four walls of  my life. I am aware that I want to try and figure out how I got into this messy fog as well as asking myself, “Do I really want to leave this cocoon?” Am I able to leave? I feel paralyzed.

I admit my life hasn’t been easy but neither has it been  for  those like me who see isolation and  hibernation  as a way to defend  ourselves from all the feelings of loneliness and personal worthlessness that keep me imprisoned.

I can see it coming. I know the red flags, the signal warnings, telling me about the road that may lie ahead. For those of us who want to  reenter the world of the “living” and walk out into the light, leaving behind the darkness of our very comfortable cocoon, we feel defeated before we take the first step. We think “defeat.”  The battle of thoughts challenge each other in the narrow confines of our mind telling us “I want to stay where I am” or ” I have to move or I will die.”

Maybe we have been at this place many times  before when we just  wanted to leave everything and everybody behind  and shout “leave me alone!”

We have a choice. We can choose life or to just merely exist in  the cave of one’s  own despairing thoughts. So, if you are a bear–stay where you are, please. But if you are not a bear, but a human being, please move your body, make a plan for the days ahead, do something pleasurable everyday. Place it (a pleasurable activity) on a calendar and make sure that you do what you choose to do. Put the plan on the calendar the day before,  and never say, “I’ll do it when I feel better.” That day never comes. You and I know that.

Do it now. Keep it simple. Just do it!!!

If you have a Depressed Anonymous meeting in your community, find out where it is located, the time it happens and then make sure you show up.

And finally, put  a lock on your cave door and never go back!

Hugh

“Any thought that passes the  depressed person’s mind for example, such as feeling worthwhile , good, acceptable to self and others just doesn’t seem to sink in to make that much of a difference to persuade the depressed person to really believe that something good is going to happen to them. The depressed seem to have an emotional and physical reaction, much like having an allergic reaction  to anything that even comes close to having a hope that they will begin to feel better.

The best way to cure an allergy is to stay away from those substances, chemicals  and environments that cause us to have a bad reaction. Once  the allergic reaction sets in, the  depressed again plummets down the endless spiral of hopelessness and helplessness. To have that “vital spiritual experience” called for in Depressed Anonymous is second to none when it comes to getting out of the prison of depression. The fellowship of the program is a “sine qua non” of recovery but without having had that “vital spiritual experience”  it is doubtful whether or not one can stay out of the depression pit for any length of time.  We don’t expect that this means that you have to have reached the highest union with God before you can find relief but it just means that you begin trying out the feeling of turning some of this pain that you feel to the ” care of God as you understand God.” It used to be  major concern of mine that when people came to one meeting but never came back for the second meeting I would worry about why they didn’t come back. But this program doesn’t work that way. For those who expect a quick fix –why not? –      we have been suffering for so long and we want it to stop now! We find out sadly  that it doesn’t work this way. Those who do return –week after week-this is where the success stories lie. These brave souls by their struggles to get better and who begin to share their stories of pain and hurt, release in themselves the force of healing that continues with each passing meeting and with each encounter with other members  story of hope and renewal.

SOURCES:

Depressed Once – Not twice. (2000) The autobiography of the spiritual journey out of the prison of depression. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. (See Appendix: The VITAL SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE)