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I learn that I am not alone…

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CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

“It doesn’t ever do anyone any good to call someone a saddict –they usually will come into our group because they feel that their lives are out of control and they are in need of some sort of help.  Most who come will be seeking some sort of immediate relief from their pain and that is surely understandable. They usually won’t be back as they find that there will be work involved in getting out of the prison of depression. Only those who repeat their visits to the meetings, week after week, are the ones who show marked signs of improvement as they gradually learn to use new tools of recovery that they learn about from other members of the group.

One of the better ways to gain hope is to listen to the stories of those people  who are working the Twelve Step program and getting better. These real life stories are the best antidote to despair because I learn that I am not alone, and that I can make it like those others who are working the Steps.

MEDITATION

God, help us know how to respond to your love and let us know how to love ourselves  today.”

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. December 30. Page 258.

Copyright(c)   Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. See Personal Stories of Depressed Anonymous members on pages 110-152.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Focus, Higher Power, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid

I believe that misery is an option

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“If surrender of our wills to the ‘care of God’ is of the essence of the spiritual life, for anyone who truly desires to free themselves from a chronic and compulsive behavior such as depression, then the Twelve Steps can be your stepping stones to the path of a hope filled life.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I used to hear the word “surrender” as it made me feel like I was in the hands and under the total domination of another.  It was like I had no control whatsoever as to what I was to do or what I was to be. I was blind to the fact that in reality I had already surrendered my life to my sadness so that whenever I wanted to hide, or isolate myself, I just saddened myself and  so didn’t have to feel anything. I am surrendering to the God of my understanding;  slowly my life is filling with light and hope and this is what I really want for myself. I am finding that the ‘care of God’ is much better than anything I could ever  wished for.  My life is one filled with hope rather than being hopeless.

The spiritual life for me is filled with the excitement of knowing that  this God of mine, as I understand him, is  today wanting to lead me further into the light of his healing power. My spiritual life is filled  now with a close and personal relationship with a God who loves and guides me on a minute-to-minute basis.

MEDITATION

We are going to get as close to God today as we choose to get.

SOURCE:  Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 257-258. December 29.

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“This self-pity never brings us into any personal sense of peace…”

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“The depression is so bad at times that we feel no one would ever understand how we feel unless of course they have been there.  We just have about given up on our God, church, family and friends as allies on our behalf.  We feel resentments and anger toward people for not feeling more sympathetic toward our never ending sadness. We feel people aren’t kind and don’t treat us with the  same respect that they do other people such as a diabetic, insomniac or arthritic person.  Most people don’t want anything to do with us because they get tired of our moaning, groaning and pessimistic way of looking at life.  Why shouldn’t they?  Life is tough enough without  having to  be subjected to another’s gloom and doom.  But this is the place where we  recognize the difference between ourselves and others, and of course we think our lot is always the worst of all.  This self-pity never brings us into any personal sense of peace, but has just the opposite affect in that it helps perpetuate  the myth that depression floats in like a dark cloud over which we have no control. We need to tell our spouse, family and friends that we want to start again and begin to take charge of our lives and start to chip away at our sadness.  We won’t blame our need to sad ourselves on what my wife,/husband did  or do not do for us, or what a friend said or didn’t say.  We finally have to take the bull by the horns much like the recovering alcoholic, overeater, gambler or smoker, and admit that it is  “I” that has the problem and that it no longer does any good to blame others  for my problem. Once I admit that I am addicted to depressing myself, then I can begin  to walk through the door of the prison that binds me. I must realize the fact that my depression will only get worse unless  I put a stop to all the ill thinking, feeling and acting out behavior that keeps me perpetually locked into my sadness.”

SOURCE:  Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 86-87.

Comment

How true it is that only unless one has experienced depression  personally do you know how it feels. It does take one to know one. This is why our 12 Step fellowship of Depressed Anonymous makes it possible for those of us who are or were depressed to find a group of people who know what we  feel and what we are talking about. There is hope here.

Hugh

Fellowship

With a little help from my friends…

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I believe that many of us will remember well the Beatles song “With a little help from my friends.” I can reminisce with a big gratitude for the many friends who  have walked with me on my journey of recovery.

In the beginning of our fellowship (1985) known then and now as Depressed Anonymous, I can think of the many people who joined with me in getting the word out that there was hope for people depressed. It all started as a pilot project while I was earning my Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology at the university of Evansville, Indiana.

Because of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and my being part of the fellowship, I was restored to sanity by using the recovery plan of the Twelve Steps. The spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps gave me a lifeline  as  did the fellowship of those many others who like me needed to be freed from the addictive and life crushing disease we call alcoholism.

In 1985 we began a program that we called Depressed Anonymous. Because of our anonymity as members of this new fellowship others would soon  recognize   us  as a program of recovery using the spiritual principles of 12 Step recovery to help us leave the prison of depression.

In 1990, because of friends who believed in what we were doing, I was able to gather the funds to publish our first book, Depressed Anonymous. In this book,  members of our first Depressed Anonymous group in Louisville, Kentucky  were able to take each of the Twelve Steps, give their own reflections on the Step, record a summary of their discussions,   then move onto the next Step. When each of the Steps were thoroughly discussed, the summaries were edited for clarity  and then made ready for publication. The fellowship now had the means to make available to others “still suffering” from depression  a program of recovery based on the Steps. Our initial work, now in its 3rd edition,(2011)  continues to help persons depressed find hope in  our Step by Step recovery program.

The following quote from the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous  may be helpful to you now as you have just  read a very short history of our Fellowship and the origins of our first Big Book publication, Depressed Anonymous. Again, let us say that do not have the magic pills nor the easy formulas for success.  To get well takes work and time.

Even though you may not be afflicted with the addiction of alcoholism, we believe what Alcoholics Anonymous speaks about also applies  to those who suffer from depression.  Our fellowship of Depressed   Anonymous  brings  hope to the hopeless and those feeling there is no hope.

Now let’s read what Bill W., a co-founder of AA who writes  in the AA Big Book (pages 162-164) to those who want what all of us want who suffer from life threatening addictions:

”  We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that.” But you can. You can forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor.

And so can you,  though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.

Still you may say, “but I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote  this book.” We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him.  He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.  Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of The Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you – until then.”

The writer is a member of Depressed Anonymous and with a little help from his program friends (30 years) , is sober and sane…today!

Fellowship, Mutual Aid, Service

We want to think in terms of responsibilities and connections

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We have to acknowledge humbly that I am the one who is having the harsh and negative thoughts  about myself and that I alone must take responsibility for the feelings that I have about myself.  I can’t continue to blame others for my depression and still think that I will feel better. Dorothy Rowe says that instead of blaming someone else or making someone else the scapegoat of our problems, we need to put aside blame and guilt and think in terms of responsibilities and connections. What she means here is that when she has dealt with depressed  people, they seem as if they are carrying the  weight of the world and feel responsible for everyone and everything except themselves. She says that when  it comes to themselves they see themselves as totally powerless. We  need to look at what is happening  in the here and now and take responsibility for our lives, without  living in the fear of tomorrow and the hurts of yesterday. Humbly ask God to help you live in the now, even if that means living with the temporary horrible pain of depression.”

_________________________________________________

SOURCES:     Copyright (c)Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 73-74.

Copyright (c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Copyright (c) I’ll do it when I feel better (2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Copyright (c) Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression.(2014) Louisville.

Copyright (c) Depressed Once – Not twice: The spiritual autobiography of a journey out of depression.  (2000) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE STORE for publications on the subject of Depression and 12 Steps.

Acceptance, Compulsion

Spirituality requires risk

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Alcoholism (depression) and addiction , characterized as they are by the rigid clinging of obsession and compulsion, help us to understand the experience of release. Perhaps the greatest paradox in the story of spirituality is the mystical insight that we are able to experience release only if we let ourselves go. This is the paradox of surrender. Surrender begins with the acceptance that we are not in control of the matter at hand –in fact, we are not in absolute control of anything. Thus the experience of surrender involves the “letting in” of reality that becomes possible only when we are ready to “let go” of our illusions and pretensions (our unreality).

If surrender is the act of “letting go” the experience of conversion can be understood as the hinge on which the act swings – it is the turning point, the turning from “denial” as a way of seeing things to acceptance of the reality revealed in surrender. The self-centeredness that reflects a false relationship with reality, and that false relationship begins with distorted seeing, with some kind of false understanding about the nature of reality and our relationship with it. Breaking through that denial and confronting reality is what members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Depressed Anonymous mean by “hitting bottom.”

The experience or release most frequently comes at the point of exhaustion, at the moment when we “give up” our efforts to just be…

What blocks release more than anything else is the refusal to “let go” that comes from the demand for security, for certainty, for assured results. Release, like spirituality, requires risk.”

SOURCE: The Spirituality of Imperfection. (1992) Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketchum. Bantam, NY. , Page 173.

12 Step Meeting, Miracle Thinking

How Depressed Anonymous Works

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This  following is read at each and every meeting of Depressed Anonymous.

“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are on a journey of  hope  and who mutually care for each other.  You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a  black hole and tired of living.

By our involvement in the group, we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too – I can get better. But we are not the  people with the magic pills and the easy formula for success. We believe that to get out of the prison of depression takes time and work.

We all have been wounded in different degrees by the experience of depression. We also know that there is a method to regain control over our lives that is practical and workable.  It is successful for all those who want to change their lives. Some of us believed that there was no hope and that suicide was the only way out.

In this natural world, one of the first laws is that all growth is gradual – that belief is the bottom line for all of us who are depressed and who want to get better.  The more we attend meetings, the more we will learn and see the various ways to escape from depression. We also learn how important it is not to give up on ourselves.”

SOURCE:   Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

12 Step Meeting, Belief

Depression dies in the light of discussion

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One of the 15 Statements of Belief in  Believing is Seeing : 15 ways to leave the prison of depression, tells us  in Statement # 9 that ” Withdrawing from friends and other social contacts is the first clue that you are slipping back into the isolation and pain of depression. Move toward a friend, get a sponsor and  go to a 12 Step  meeting. Ask your Higher Power for that nudge that can guide you onto the appropriate path.”

There are two times that we need to go to a meeting. One, when we don’t want to go to a meeting and secondly when we want to go to a meeting. From my own personal experience I can share with you that it’s when I go to my meetings that I am always able to come away from  it with something positive to think about.  I can always say that I feel better after a DA meeting. I know in my heart that when I just want to sit at home by myself and ruminate within my own head all the horrible things that have happened to me, are about to happen to me and are happening to me now, the more I find that I depress myself.

It’s our addictive thinking, our compulsive way of processing negative information,  which means that we habitually store the negative and dump the positive inflow of information and that gets us wanting to fall back into the old habit of staying isolated and avoiding others. We might fool ourselves and say that people have nothing to offer me so that I distance myself from everyone. Part of my nature when depressed is to avoid and distance myself from whatever I feel is threatening, like a child afraid of the dark.

I can only do what God wants me to do and I find out what this is by spending time alone with my God in meditation.  Whatever we do, we need to know that our isolation and our withdrawing from friends and family, is an environment by which our depression can grow strong. Depression dies in the light of discussion.

SOURCES:

Copyright (c)Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2015) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, L0uisville.

Copyright (c)Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step Fellowship groups. ( 1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

 VISIT THE STORE FOR MORE LITERATURE.

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How can I change?

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“We are wise to believe it difficult to change, to recognize that character has a forward propulsion which tends to carry it unaltered into the future, but we need not believe it impossible to change. Our present and future choices may take us upon different courses which will in time comprise a different identity….The identity defined by action is not, therefore the whole person. Within us lies the potentiality for change, the freedom to choose other courses…if we then invoke the leopard that can’t change his spots, saying  “That’s the way I am, might as well accept it, ” we abandon the freedom to change and exploit what we have been in the past to avoid responsibility for what we shall we be in the future.

Often  we do not choose, but drift into those modes which eventually define us. Circumstances push and we  yield. We did not choose to be what we have become, but gradually, imperceptibly   become what we are drifting into doing those things we now characteristically do. Freedom is not an objective attribute  of life; alternatives without awareness yield no leeway…” Source: How People Change. Alan Wheelis, Harper and Row, NY. 1973. pp.14-15.

Our  12 Step recovery program  gradually dismembers our  compulsive circle of negative  behaviors  and thinking.

“Now I have to dig in and dismember those core beliefs that keep us repeating the same thinking, the same behavior which can keep us imprisoned in our depression. We have this compulsion to repeat -this ritual of defeat – because, first of all, it is comfortable and secondly it keeps us from having to do something different, namely something that we haven’t done before. We continue to move around in a circle always meeting up with the same me – no major changes evident. If we don’t start the process of change, then not without surprise our life then stays the same. But this also closes the door to the future and with it a sense of hope and relief. It seems that to believe that we have no future and that we will always feel this way can imprison  us as we empower these absolute beliefs that nothing good will ever happen for us.  We are thus chained to our own self will and not only are we imprisoned but we are the jailer as well. The key is in our hands and it is there for the asking.”

Source:  I’ll do it when I feel better.(2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 18.

Hope is just a few steps away!