DA Literature, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, The 12 Steps

Who Am I? What Do I Want? Who Is My God?

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AFFIRMATION

I am going to give up my narrow, judgmental and perfectionistic way of thinking and behaving. I will live in a spirit of hope today!

“Then we see that we cannot go on living like a child, expecting some parents, be it our own parents, or our lover…to save us and protect us, and crying in anguish and anger because this magical parent does not come.  Instead, at the bottom of the pit, we take charge of our lives.” (7)

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

My parents were who they were and they did what they did because of what their parents did or did not provide for them.  Alice Miller tells us that it is not so important what our parents did to us as what we do with the information as to how our parents treated us.  I am sure both are important and so today I am going to get in touch with the fact that my parents aren’t perfect, that some of what they did doesn’t deserve to be honored. I need to respect them because they are fellow  human beings. But today, I will begin to sort out my feelings for my parents, stepparents/guardians when I was young.

So often my life is filled with the anguish of trying to sort out who I am and what exactly is my role in the world.  I feel that I don’t have an identity and that I don’t know who I am. This is the worst feeling of all  – that I don’t know who I really am,.’

MEDITATION

God of all creation, respect our wish to discover who we are and what we are about while we are here on your earth. Give us hope that you will and can speak to us as you speak to others. Speak to us about  our truth and so help us find ourselves. We surrender to your will and we hear from others that this does work in getting on with a life filled with serenity and hope.”

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SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days (1993, 1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 100-101.

Choice, Fellowship, Focus, Purpose

I CHOOSE TO THINK ABOUT THOSE GOOD THINGS THAT I SEE IN MYSELF.

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AFFIRMATION

I am making a choice now to like myself and focus in  on only the good things that I see in myself. I am imagining happy situations from my past and putting myself in the happy picture so that now I can feel happy.

“Proving yourself to be a man or woman can be a positive activity of learning, exploring and discovering who you are, or it can be the meager, self-destroying activity of trying to hide what is experienced  as essential worthlessness.” (4)

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

When I attempt to avoid my feelings and to dig in deeper to what I am experiencing in the here and now, I pass up a golden opportunity for growing and for being more human.  It is only in the here and now that I live and breathe. When I try to avoid what I am feeling and continue my frenzied feeding on all the bad things that I accuse myself of, I find that my feelings of sadness get even worse.

Now, today, I am taking the risk of being responsible for my own recovery. I know that it is difficult to change my way of thinking negative thoughts. If I change it often, in time I will cling not to the awful things I say about myself but I will hang onto the positive statements I am now making about myself.

I need today to engage in activity of the positive type. I want to start a daily exercise program.  I want to write down a list of five positive qualities that I would like to have and then imagine myself possessing these qualities. (By this same time tomorrow on May 20,  we will have our five positive qualities written down and we will reflect on what we have written down. We will have more discussion on choices and feelings tomorrow here at this BLOG).

MEDITATION

God, come to our assistance and help us discover your way out of this darkness. We trust that you will there  for sure  right at this moment. We will have courage!

SOURCE: Copyright(c) Higher thoughts for down days:365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. May 19. Page 102.  (See website VISIT THE STORE  for more DA literature.)

Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship

I HAVE CHOICES

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“Depressed Anonymous bases its healing and recovery on the premise that once depressed persons admit that they are out of control, even for some to the point of having attempted suicide, they then come to believe that a Power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity, while  at the same time making a decision to turn their minds over to the care of God, as they understand God.

The important thing is not so much whether depression is or is not an illness or a mental disorder, but that people have to take responsibility for themselves and their feelings.  So many people think that since they are patients of a doctor, they must just sit back and wait for the medicine to kick in.  The doctor will be doing these people a great favor to ask them what has been going on in their families, their work, or with those whom they love.  The depressed consumer of medical and mental health services might then get it that maybe they have a choice on whether they stay depressed or not.  The consumer might also begin to work on themselves, knowing that everything they can do to take care of themselves will gradually eliminate the symptoms that we call depression.

So often, those depressed are living out of step with their own expectations or the expectations of others, sometimes stemming back to early childhood.  It would be great if the many people on antidepressant medication would start talking about why they depressed themselves in the first place. The pain might disappear with the medication, but the experience is still part of their lives and memories. Unless one talks about the experience then the depression symptoms will indeed re-appear.”:

SOURCE: Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd Edition. (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville Ky   Page 168.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, Honesty, Mutual Aid, Purpose, The 12 Steps

Higher Thoughts for Down days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for 12 Step Fellowship Groups

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May 15

  AFFIRMATION

I will forgive myself for my past faults, mistakes and live just for today and try not to be afraid.

“Even without using not forgiving as a way of controlling people, taking other people’s thoughtless slights and bad temper personally and vowing never to forgive them soon leads to loneliness….If you see forgiving as something you ought not do, then when you do something wrong, you must not forgive yourself.” (7)

CLARIFICATION IOF THOUGHT

Today, I am becoming more aware of how I cannot control life because life is so broad and expansive.  The area that I do control is quite small when compared to all areas of my life. To live means to let life happen and life is spontaneous. The more we try to control our relationships, our friends and what happens  to us we short circuit any serendipitous intervention into our life today by our Higher Power.

The best place for me to experience  life and the stories of others like myself is at Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, Al-Anon meetings, Dep-Anon Family  Group  meetings, Depressed Anonymous meetings and the many other Twelve Step program meetings.

One of those absolute truths that live in every cell of our bodies when  we are depressed is that I can never forgive myself – nor anyone else for that matter. It is this absolute truth that we hold about ourselves that continually imprisons us in our depression.

MEDITATION

Just for today, we are going to really attempt to forgive ourselves for what happened to us yesterday and act as if today, the first day and only day of our lives, that I will be a new me. We are beginning life all over today. God, let your peace fill us now, and forever.”

Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Kentucky  Page 99.

Belief, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship

DRINKING AND DEPRESSION DON’T MIX!

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The following account is to be found in the PERSONAL STORIES section of DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS, 3rd Edition (2011). Pages 124-125. DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS PUBLICATIONS. Louisville, KY.

It wasn’t until 1993 that I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and got into therapy, which has been amazingly helpful. I’m growing and dealing with the death of my Mother and with alcohol. My hobbies, like gardening and my writing give me joy and are therapeutic.  I’ve been working the Twelve Steps with an open mind that every day things will get better. If a problem does occur the Higher Power will give me the answer and the strength to deal with it, and not to run away or shut it away like before.

Depression is something that’s so overwhelming. For me, it’s like crawling from beneath the earth and facing the light with fear that no one would understand how I feel. When in depression, isolation would follow as my only friend, but actually, it was my own worst enemy. I should have been opening up to someone. Instead I shut myself off from the world.

Through therapy, a belief in my self, and encouragement, facing each day doesn’t seem  as difficult.

Working my Twelve Steps of DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS and reading  HIGHER THOUGHTS FOR DOWN DAYS gives me reassurance that we are not alone. I now appreciate what I do have when I work through the program.

Through prayer and appreciation, I realize that there’s more to life than alcohol and that I kissed a chunk of my life away because of it.

Now I’m gaining much more through life than ever. Being sober, I see my life as a gift and not as a heavy burden.

by Rheatha

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Isolation

WE FEEL A CHANGE OCCURRING

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“Our continual saddening ourselves pushes away from any form of pleasant interaction with others and continually builds the  wall higher for our depression.  This is the purpose of our continually making conscious contact with the God of our understanding.  I do believe, and I speak from my own experience that the Higher Power respects our surrender and our letting it take charge of our lives.  It is amazing how in our recovery, our feelings start to thaw out.  We feel some emotions, and the healing begins.  For us who are depressing ourselves, we can learn that the best  way to break free from this chronic sadness is just to admit that we are responsible for our sadness and then pray to God that we want to be serene and happy. We just pray to be free, and gradually with small steps and subtle changes taking place inside ourselves, we feel a change occurring.

Every so often, we come in contact with a person, place or circumstance that causes us some uncomfortableness and we start to withdraw into the comfort of our depression. It is here that we have dumped our trust of the Higher Power and choose the comfort of our sadness instead.

After falling back into our old comfortable habit of depressing ourselves, we then realize we have gotten ourselves right back where we started –depressed and feeing isolated. We realize  that all we have  is today. As Alcoholics Anonymous points out:  “The poorest person has no less and the wealthiest ha no more  –each of us has but one day.  What we do with it is our own business, and how we use it is up to us individually. ”

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Source: Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd Edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. (1998, 2008, 2011)Louisville KY.  Page 96/Step Eleven of the Twelve Steps.

Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Prayer

MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION! MOVE THE BODY AND THE MIND WILL FOLLOW.

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Yes, motivation follows action. I have discovered that by pressing on with an activity even while feeling sad and hopeless pays off in big dividends. I am speaking in terms of my own personal experience. When it became impossible to move my body out of bed in the morning I forced myself to get up –drive to a place where I could walk –and started walking.  I truly felt like a Forrest Gump(see movie) as I have continued this “moving the body” program these past 30 years or so. I gradually ended up with a lightness of spirit and I started to deal with the guilt, shame and other stuff that I continually ruminated  about. This ruminating, in a short time completely immobilized me physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Sue shares her personal story in Depressed Anonymous (pages 144-145) telling us that “Action does precede motivation” and I began working at a local zoo.  It is a beautiful place (and safe from muggers too). I began  talking with people and learned about classes there to become a docent (volunteer teacher). I enrolled and graduated. This gave me a new purpose in life. I get great joy from working there doing outreaches to schools, nursing homes and hospitals. I have made friends with both animals and humans. There isn’t a day that I go to talk that I don’t get thanks by someone, a visitor, or employee (or sometimes an animal)

My family hasn’t changed (although my Mother commented on the change in my face), but I have.  In this, the Serenity Prayer really helps. I know that I can’t change them, but I have new friends and a real support system so that doesn’t matter so much to me now.

Whoever you are, you who are reading this: Believe! The first Three Steps are the most important. Walking or other exercise is important.  Staying with it is also important. Going to meetings and participating is important, but above all else, faith is important. Faith will truly move mountains.”

–by SUE

Acceptance, Belief, Fellowship, Focus, Honesty, Negativity, The 12 Steps

Keeping Our Dark Thoughts Out Into The Open

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” Most of us need the fellowship of the group to keep ourselves honest and in recovery and our dark thoughts out in the open.”

I believe that keeping our dark thoughts in the open  is a must for those of us who are depressed. How often when I was feeling sad and without motivation to just go to my bed and sleep.  I couldn’t continue with  the dark thoughts that kept cycling around in my head. They each would take me right back to  where they started. I always ended up back at hopelessness and despair.

This being open, willing and honest with others  in the group is the beginning of a new adventure. The fellowship provides us with that opportunity to get out in the open those very same dark thoughts that forced us down and into the pit. Were they thoughts of guilt, shame or despair? Where they the hopeless thoughts of killing ourselves? Whatever the dark thoughts, I know from my own experiences in recovery that by bringing them (dark thoughts) into the light — the shame that they once made us feel begins to be diminished. When I tell members of our group that I once tried to kill myself, no one falls out of their chair. No one looks down on me–because, just possibly, there are other members of the group who have had the same experiences as have I.

By coming week after week to the group and feeling that those gathered in the group are in the same boat or have the same experiences, does make it easier for me to  trust them with my story–no matter how dark and shameful.   And as it says in our Depressed Anonymous (3rd edition)  big book, “Remarkable things happen to us when we are willing to admit defeat and talk about our powerlessness over our depression and how our lives had become unmanageable. This first step is the beginning of the flight of steps that takes us up and into our new way of living. At our fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, we talk hope, we act hopeful, and we think hope..” Pages 106-107. Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville.

Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Victim Thinking

A VICTIM IN MY OWN MIND

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-A personal story of a Depressed Anonymous member

“Depression was something that I grew up with.  I really had no idea that I had it until my senior year in college. It started with my parents divorce  and ended with me totally losing control over everything in  my life. I couldn’t decide what career I wanted, but hated every job I could think of. I couldn’t decide what city or state to live in, so I kept moving, hoping that the next place I lived in would make me happy. Eventually, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to die or live.   I cried at the drop of a hat, but still found enough rage inside to push the people I loved as far away from me as possible.

I knew that I needed help. I have been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing seemed to work or last.  This time, I have been in counseling about two months. I was sick and tired of being like this. I wanted a life and I wanted to be happy.  Every week, someone would notice a change in me, but I still felt the same. Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100 mph), it occurred to me that I was making myself miserable.

I had always known  that I was hard on myself. I reamed my self every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me? “Why isn’t God looking out after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all I would have to so is stop doing it! All of a sudden it made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing.  So if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I have to feel positive.

Of course. I ‘m still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope.  So I remind myself of something positive every day. and that’s what I’m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know.

I’m slowly finding out that my life is not as horrible as I’ve made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again–and that simply is not true.  Yes, my past was horrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me. There is no magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what they wish their life could be  — so do it!  Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind anymore. I’m more than ready for the good things!  With love and hope. ”

SOURCE : (Copyright) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd Edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville  Pages 120-121/Personal Stories # 9.

Hope is just a few steps away!