Kindness

We learn to be nice

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Are you a “nice” guy or gal? Is there a relationship between wanting to be “nice” and being “co-dependent”? I think so. And why is being nice so important? Is it that if you weren’t nice, people wouldn’t like you anymore? Is this a possibility?

Personally, I had found myself being “nice” when I was boiling with anger at something someone said or did. All this with a smile on my face. Crazy? What makes us want to be “nice” when inside we are ready to blow our top?

Here are some of my thoughts about being “nice.” For example, I want to be a good guy. If I am not agreeable, I may lose a friendship or a relationship. So, in the process of being agreeable, we lose a piece of who we are and the values that we espouse.
How can I be “nice” and still be honest?

For more about being “nice,” click on the blog at the Archives for September 3rd, 2015. https://depressedanonymous.org/1091/
Also, check out the word Anger at Categories.

12 Step Meeting, Community building, Mutual Aid

A Pressing Concern

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My pressing concern over these many years as a practicing mental health therapist is to do more to help family members be part of the conversation with medical and mental health professionals when dealing with a depressed loved one. I continue to help setting up Depressed Anonymous groups, while encouraging Dep-Anon Twelve Step groups for those who have a depressed member in their family.

Dep-Anon, a 12 Step Recovery program for Families and Friends of the Depressed, was published on June the 24th, 2021, by Depressed Anonymous Publications. This 117-page book includes Chapter topics that can promote an understanding of the nature of depression, dismissing those negative beliefs that not only are incorrect, and damaging they continue to cast a stigma upon those who are depressed. These attitudes will do nothing but further isolate the depressed. NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!

The Dep-Anon Family group can be that healthy connection between the depressed and the family. The family members will learn to help the depressed; they must and not the depressed. Each of the book’s 12 Chapters will present useful information on the nature of depression while including a commentary for each of the 12 spiritual principles (Steps) of Dep-Anon. In addition, each Chapter will provide the family groups with discussion questions that will enrich the Dep-Anon fellowship. Finally, the groups will help each other cope with their own emotions and provide an ongoing pathway for their emotional growth and balance.

The depressed loved one has their own fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, which helps them focus on their own recovery, and their family has Dep-Anon, which helps family focus on what needs a focus in their own lives.

The Dep-Anon family group might end up being the best advocate/friend for the depressed, fostering understanding and acceptance instead of the negative beliefs that had once made the situation seem hopeless.

Hugh, for the fellowships

Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Courage

Be yourself, everyone else is taken – Oscar Wilde

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I agree. Be yourself. Who else can we be? That is a great question. Oscar Wilde got it right. How many times do you and I try to be something that we are not?
Many times, in the past we may have tried to please everyone. We lived our life – well, not really, as much of our living depended on other’s approval of what we said and did. Other people’s opinion of us was more important than our own. Remember the old saying that “Other people were living in our head rent free!” How true. We always depended on others to tell us how we felt. Is this not insane?
Yes, it is!
Today is different for those of us who have gradually erected boundaries on our behaviors and thinking about ourselves – not some other person’s opinion of us. I gradually became myself the more I interacted with those persons who accepted me the way I am. They didn’t attempt to change me. They laid out for me a plan to be myself. That plan is the Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous in which I am able to identify my strong points and work on my defects of character. The virtual DA meetings plus face-to-face meetings with people like myself, continue to help me grow and thrive and be myself.
Yes, Oscar was right, that “everyone else is taken”. Why continue to be someone else when being yourself is authentic “you.”
The Depressed Anonymous fellowship grows authentic relationships where you can be yourself, today, tomorrow, and the next day.
Hugh

Isolation

Unsocial Distancing

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NOTICE: Whenever a blog post mentions an online meeting be sure to consult the page Online Depressed Anonymous Meetings for the most up to date and correct information. If the blog post is more than a few days old there is a chance it could be incorrect.

The pandemic is over for most of us as are the mandatory “lockdowns” and “wearing of masks” protocols.

Social distancing has always been part of my daily life when I was depressed. The “lockdowns’ just continued to push me further down onto the pit. Now that we are free to move around and do all those normal things that were familiar to us in pre-pandemic times my normal thing was unsocial distancing. I spent my time isolating myself from family and friends. If a family member tried to get hold of me, I would not answer the phone. I could put on a fake smile at work, but all was back to my unsocial distancing as soon as I got home from work.

In order to have hope, I make sure I attend a virtual Depressed Anonymous meeting. I make sure I step up and share my lack of hope and frustration with my fellowship group. In time, I am finding with group support, that my unsocial distancing is gradually lessening.

Now I have a “red flag” come up in my mind when I want to go home and sleep, hide and not answer the phone. The old mantra “I’ll do it when I feel better,” is ignored. I talk and share in the group and/or with my sponsor those unsocial thoughts pushing me to withdraw and isolate, behind the invisible prison bars of fear and anxiety. Go ahead–get social!

Now is the time to build a bridge –form new friendships –find hope. It’s as close as the keyboard in front of you.

Go to our website depressedanonymous.org, click on the menu MEETINGS and click on Virtual 12 Step Depressed Anonymous Meeting “Journey of Hope” at Skype://join.skype.com/ a link will be provided for you to enter a meeting. )

Hugh

12 Step Meeting, Community building, Fellowship, Mutual Aid

DA Virtual Conference 2021 recordings available

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The conference ran successfully! The five sessions were recorded, but I have not yet received one of the recordings. I have posted the ones I have available and I will post the missing one when I receive it.

There is a link found under the Tools for Recovery menu item that reads Depressed Anonymous Conference Recordings.

Enjoy.

Yours in recovery, Bill R.

Hope

Pick up the bow

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We are all flawed. That’s not an indictment, merely a fact.

Food for thought: the word sin is not about eternal damnation. The origin of the word is either Hebrew or Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke) and it comes from archery meaning ‘to miss the mark’ – to not hit the bullseye.

We all fall short of God’s ideal. Pick up the bow and shoot another arrow. Try to get closer to the mark. We don’t need to be perfect, we merely need to strive to do better.

Hope is just a few steps away!