Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Hope, Journaling, Love, The 12 Steps

Being depressed means isolation

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How do I know if I’m depressed?

“Being depressed means isolation – and being cut off from everybody and everything.  It is like being in prison, like a pit where the walls are like soft clay and I cannot climb out. To me the isolation is pre-hell and often I feel so dead inside.  There is an awful feeling, that hole in my soul which is like a clenched fist.   I don’t know where to turn with all the pain and hurt. I can’t imagine anyone hurts the way I do and I hope no one does. I would never want to inflict this pain on anyone, so I tried to hold it inside and it seems like it’s too much to bear, especially alone. This is where Depressed Anonymous comes in – this is where powerlessness and God come in. There was no one to help, even to try to understand before Depressed Anonymous. No one wanted my pain  and others started  to avoid me.  I understand better now, especially since I’ve been around Depressed Anonymous via Hugh and the book Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition and the journaling I’ve done. My hope is that I will be more at peace and will try to use the  specific tools which continue to be  great helps in overcoming depression while  giving me  hope —  just for today.”

Source:  Mary C, Sterling Heights, Michigan.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Visit the Store for more information on Depression and the use of the 12 Steps.

People Pleasing

The joys of approval seeking

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“I  have  observed that many depressed persons, including myself,  are given to approval seeking, some more so than others. It seems fair to call it a kind of emotional dependency. The children are truly and completely dependent on their parents, or whoever is taking  care of them. They have no choice and are helpless. They’d  better have their parents approval or else.

Some of these children carry this kind of dependency right on into adulthood , even to their graves unless they  do the hard work of unlearning it. They have become so unsure of themselves, their opinions, thoughts and skills, that they feel  an imperative urge  to hurry to get someone’s   approval that  they are  doing the right thing and that they are still okay.

When we, the former children,  reach physical maturity, we find that people  soon resent those who become dependent on them. They often become contemptuous of them – leaners, clinging vines, etc.  We literally drive them away from us with our constant demand for reassurance, hanging onto them, and begging them to throw us a few crumbs of approval now  and then. We become fearful of asserting ourselves at all for fear of retaliating,  such as outright ridicule, not being given a seat around the campfire, the doghouse,  prolonged  silent treatment,  or  stopping cooking, etc. How can we avoid this treatment? Please them more, of course? Hardly. That brings only more contempt.

What will become of us? We will spend our lives doing what others want us to do. Not what we want to do. If it gets bad enough, we will have feelings of total worthlessness and self-loathing. Some will reach the point where they would rather die than to continue living with that yoke around their neck.

You can free yourself from this fetter, but it’s really tough depending how bad you are addicted. It will take  determination and sustained effort.  I mean, it’s worth it to finally breathe the air of freedom. And, you gave it to yourself. Start with a proven self-help program like our mutual aid program of Depressed Anonymous.

I include some words by Lao  Tzu, 500 BC, who wrote the  TAO TE CHING.

“Care about people’s approval

and you will be their slave.

 

Must you value what others value

and avoid what they avoid?

How ridiculous!

 

When  you are content to be simply yourself

and don’t compare our compete

everybody will respect you. “okay

Article submitted by Bob P.,  of Evansville, Indiana, who is a founding member of Depressed Anonymous and one whose  friendship and thinking I cherish.  Hugh S.

SOURCE:  SPRING ISSUE OF THE ANTIDEPRESSANT TABLET, 1995.

 

 

DA Literature, Fellowship, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Mindfulness

Today I want to keep the focus on myself

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AFFIRMATION

Today, I’m going to keep the focus on myself and I aim to take responsibility for myself.

“… There is one great advantage about seeing yourself as helpless and in the power of others.  You don’t have to be responsible for yourself. Other people make all the decisions and when things turn out badly you can blame other people. And things always turn out badly. That’s why you always expect the worst.”

REFLECTION

It is when I no longer blame others for my problems that I begin to see that how I turn out is ultimately up to me. My happiness or unhappiness depends on the choices that I make. No one needs to feel sorry for me any longer because I am depressed. I know that I am responsible for me and that I have made the decision to get myself undepressed and to stay undepressed.

It’s most difficult to make decisions when I have hardly the energy to get out of bed in the morning. It’s always difficult to choose one way or the   other because in the past, most of my decisions have usually resulted in failure. Today and everyday I will make the decisions to learn all I can about the various ways that I use the 12 step tools of recovery  to release myself from my hopelessness.

MEDITATION

We now have hope that our expectations will come true for ourselves as we begin   to take responsibility for ourselves.

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Source: Copyright (C) Higher thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for 12 step fellowship groups. (1999) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 64.

HIGHER THOUGHTS IS AVAILABLE ON THE KINDLE  eREADER.

Visit the store for more information on Depressed Anonymous literature.

Mindfulness

Today is all that I have

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Being mindful and being present  in the moment is a real discipline that is hard to acquire. Most times we are thinking about yesterday or we are thinking about tomorrow.  It is very difficult  to stay in the present and to be aware and mindful of our environment, our feelings and what is right in front of us.

That is why saying the Serenity Prayer is so important  for each of us in recovery.  We are  to be mindful of the possibilities and the potential of how we can change.  At one time we felt this  was an impossible task.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I think with the reality of depression engulfing and imprisoning our thoughts day after day, we believed that there was no way out. That is why I have always maintained that to leave  the prison of depression takes time, work and I might add, discipline.  I would also like to add another point, that in the midst of all of this, we definitely  need to choose  to be positive,  as much is this is possible,  and to find ways to overcome  the debilitating experience of depression.

What I’m talking about here is how we need to take responsibility for our present situation  and get busy looking at the various avenues that may provide us healing.

Many times people depressed because of the intolerable pain that accompanies the sadness look for the easier and more comfortable way to escape.  I think we all know what those ways end up being. Most of the time, at least in the beginning of my depression experience, I tried to think my way out the box that I was in. Of course, this is like the dog chasing its tail. I always ended up at the same place at where I started.

For me, knowing that it was either do or die, stay depressed or get better. So, I made a decision  to get better. And after a year and a half of taking responsibility for my physical  and mental health, I gradually walked out of the fog which   made my life miserable, and that  coupled  with the false belief   that I would never get better.

By being mindful of the continued possibility that I just might get better, I found this to be  validated by people that I came to know  as members of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. It was at every meeting  where I heard positive,  constructive, and hopeful stories from folks who had  gradually worked themselves out  of the prison of depression.  Granted,  sometimes, we heard stories from those who are new to our program, who had been shamed by family members, friends who told them  that it was all in their head –  namely, blaming them for not being able to quote “snap out of”  the mental paralysis that had them by the throat. It’s like  people were telling them  that all they had to do was to think positive thoughts, or say a prayer, and presto! the debilitating pain would disappear.  Instead of saying things to support the depressed person, the depressed person was stigmatized  for being depressed. It was almost like they were saying we like being depressed. It was like saying we were lazy and  that’s why we were depressed. Most people never have a clue what we go through–or go through when depressed.

Finally, that is why a group such as Depressed Anonymous is such a viable fellowship  where folks  can  come  and learn   how to use the tools for escaping the life-threatening reality  called depression.  Actually,  Depressed Anonymous, is a peer to peer group of people  who all share in the pain of depression  as well as   use the tools to work themselves out of the problem.  We are no longer alone. We are given the pathways on how to find serenity,  hope and fellowship. We all know how isolating ourselves from others turns out to be one of the major causes  of deepening  the pain of depression and for some  to take their own lives.

If you are looking for a solution for your life and a way of out of depression you need to take a look at what we have to offer. We offer hope and a step by step program of recovery. ..plus what is most need, a fellowship where folks like you and me no longer are alone.

Depressed Anonymous has produced a book where our recovery program is outlined step by step for climbing out of the  prison of depression. Please Visit the Store here at our site for  information about literature offered. One can order online.

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.

 

 

 

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship

“WE HAVE THE TOOLS TO BEGIN THE WORK OF CHANGING BEHAVIORS FOSTERED BY DEPRESSION.”

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THE BEAST

“… We are also under an increasing obligation to confront our illness, seek the proper treatments, and to the extent we can, begin the work of changing the behaviors fostered by depression. This is not blaming the victim; it is – to use a trendy phrase – empowering the victim.  To  fail at this is, to surrender to the devouring  self-pity this illness can engender, violates an unwritten law of society which needs all the talents and energies of every member.  To remain a victim of depression when I’ve been given the tools to be healthy, or at least healthier, means that I am withholding a part of me from people who might need what ever I have to give.”

SOURCE: THE BEAST.  A reckoning with depression. Tracy Thompson. G. P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, 1995. Page 13.

TOOLS FOR THE DEPRESSED

We recommend the HOME STUDY KIT, comprised of the Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition manual (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky.

VISIT THE STORE FOR FURTHER DETAILS ON THESE TOOLS — PRODUCED BY THOSE WHO LIVE OUT THE PROGRAM OF RECOVERY IN THEIR  OWN LIVES.

The Promises

I am learning how to walk again

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It has been a while. It’s good to get back   here and continue  discussing some of the issues facing myself and my recovery from pneumonia.     The main reason I’ve not written these past weeks  is because I was in the hospital with a serious pneumonia.  Finally, I was released on this past Tuesday, and was able to return home. Because I was in the hospital nine days my ability to walk was challenged.    It’s like I had to learn how to walk all over again. So now, today, I am gradually feeling better and feeling more strength come back to my legs.

I had a  lot of time to think, laying in bed  and waiting for the next shot,  blood being drawn, temperature taken, plus  anything else that they could think to do to me. It took a week of tests  to determine that not only were my lungs severely  affected but the fact that my heart was severely affected as well.  I think they call it erratic heartbeat. So now I came home with medicine that will help remedy the situation of the erratic heartbeat and having the lungs work the way they should.   Now I can go back to work and try to lead a normal life again.

Over all, I realized in a new way the brevity of life and how much little time   we have on this earth.  So, I am thankful and grateful that I can continue my work supporting people who are depressed, suicidal and  looking for hope. By the fact that I’ve been there many years ago, that is, depressed, I feel I have something important to give to you. And what I have to give  to you is hope. Not a false hope. Not empty promises contrived and meaningless. But hope that gives life and a positive stamp on all that you are. We are more than our experience of depression.    I want to give to you  the legs that will help you walk  along this road,  and show others how you got where you are today.

When I first admitted to others and myself back in 1985 that my life was out of control so that I felt hollow and empty inside.   I could see that there were no purpose in my life and all that I needed to do was to get up off the ground , dust myself off and began to walk. I  began to walk with others like me who needed not only fellowship but who also needed a spiritual belief which they could put their trust in. They wanted  a God that would help them– not judge them but would support them in learning how to walk again. I call this fellowship Depressed Anonymous, a mutual aid group  using the 12 step program of recovery. A program that leads us   step-by-step in a new way of living and a new way walking. We are walking with  purpose. We are walking with direction. And we all are walking with the hand of God on our shoulders. You too can walk. You can walk out of your depression. It’ll take time and work. But just like   now,  my legs inactive for more than a week,   the leg muscles   atrophied and weakened me. This is somewhat  an  example  of  what happens to us  when we are depressed. Many of us cannot  get out of bed in the morning.  Our sadness has immobilized us. It has taken away our motivation to walk.   Today, now we have a way to walk.  A new and hopeful way of looking at ourselves.

If you want to  learn more about our way of walking  with others and so  gain support and aid from others — then you might want to look at our menu on our website here  and  read some of our blogs. You might also want to get to know more about who we are what we do. In fact,  you might also  look at some of our literature that give details about others   like ourselves who are bedridden, and were  unable to walk. Now they are walking. We are walking with hope and that passionate focus on staying upright and moving forward.

I just want to say thank you for reading this is short account of my journey in  life where  I learned how to walk again. So pray for me as I pray for you, and maybe  we will have our paths cross and we will together  be able to continue to support each other with our  thoughts, love and prayers. Please come back again,  and join us at this place.  We want to hear from you and how you too want to learn how to walk using the 12 steps or recovery. We are with you!

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SOURCE:  (c)  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Fellowship, Mutual Aid

Friends are good medicine

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Research continues to show how friends or social support can play a significant  role in maintaining good health.  One of  the studies published in 1992,   in  the  Journal of the American Medical Society, examined 1,368  heart patients over time. The Duke University study found that those persons who lacked a spouse or confident were three times as likely to die within five years of diagnosis than those who  were married or had a close friend.

In an article on the study, ( in New York Times of February 5, 1992, page’s C – 12), it was noted that the Duke University researchers had concluded, ” a support group may be as effective as costly medical treatment. Simply put, having someone to talk to is very powerful medicine.” American self-help clearinghouse, Denville, NJ 07834.

As any member of a 12 step support group, or mutual aid group can testify, just being able to share one’s own story with others like ourselves,  can produce healing and hope. To know that we no longer have to suffer alone is in  itself a great source of hope!

Courage

The courage to live

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DEPRESSION AND SECURITY

“Being depressed is a state of great security. Jackie said, ” I go very quiet. I don’t want to know anybody. Very angry. I get very hurtful, not intentional hurt.  But that’s the only way I can get through to people, so they don’t get any closer. If I hurt them, they’ll stay away and therefore I can be on my own  in this depression, and hide behind the mask and just solely by hurting people, being quiet, feeling angry  inside and putting the barrier up, that’s how I could keep people away, which I feel helps me in  the state of depression… I used to feel safe within the blackness. A fear of being with people. Being really frightened  of everything and everybody around you. It’s just so painful. You feel drained of everything. Hiding behind the mask is putting yourself away from the outside world, the world you were frightened of stepping into, the people still seeing you with that smile, the joking, laughing, and that is where the mask comes on.  Behind that mask, I am suffering hurt, pain, rejection, helplessness, but behind the mask and shutting myself within four walls I feel secure, because none of the outside world can come in unless I let them hurt me.

Because depression gives a feeling of security, the depressed person can feel very much in control. (We are always capable  of  being two contrary things at once.  Depression is always a state of complete helplessness and complete control.)  A depressed person can take great pride in being in control. ”

SOURCE:

COPYRIGHT(c) Beyond Fear. Dr. Dorothy Rowe, Fontana, London, 1987, PP. 307 – 308.

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      Remember this…

NOT EVERYTHING FACED CAN BE CHANGED, BUT

NOTHING CAN  BE CHANGED UNTIL IT IS FACED!

Hope is just a few steps away!