Category Archives: DA Literature

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

We felt trapped

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The following is an excerpt from the recently published work Dep-Anon: A 12 Step Recovery Program for Families and Friends of the Depressed. (2021). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

An obvious fact we have learned is that our depressed loved ones are not as different from us as we would like to believe. When it comes to us, we recognized and admitted to ourselves and others that we were shackled with the same darkness as was our depressed family member. We felt trapped. And what did we do about it? Nothing. We had hit a wall. Amazingly, it is like looking into a mirror, and instead of seeing ourselves. we see our depressed loved one. Do we feel we have lost our very selves in all of the chaos that has been an ongoing part of our lives?

The lesson that family members need to reflect upon, with feedback from their Dep-Anon fellowship, are all the myriad aspects of depression that we discussed in Chapters Six and Seven. Some say that it is like being in an eighty-foot hole with only an eight-foot ladder. Others say that that it is like being in a dark room with no windows and no door and having no way out. But we at Dep-Anon have each other, with a program that works. And we are gradually laying out a path in our life based on the dynamic spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps every day.
Dep-Anon, p.73

The intent of this book is to provide family and friends of the depressed a program that fits the needs for their own lives with an understanding of the nature of depression with its immobilizing effects upon those who experience it.
Dep-Anon will be a source of strength for family members who gather together, just as Depressed Anonymous members gather others like themselves for hope and strength. Basically, and primarily the Dep-Anon fellowship will keep the focus on their own need for healing and “hands off” their depressed loved one –realizing that they can only fix themselves.

If you who are reading this blog today, please know that this book will be a great help for your family and friends in understanding depression and continue to work the Steps for themselves plus keeping the focus on their own recovery.

Hugh S.

RESOURCE

See https://depressedanonymous.org/literature for information on ordering literature.

Copyright (c) Dep-Anon. A 12 Step recovery program for family and friends of the depressed. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Choice, Courage, Depressed Anonymous, Faith, Fellowship, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Hope, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Suffering, Supportive Actions

Willingness to Take Baby Steps

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A common question in other 12 step fellowships is “Are you willing to go to any lengths to achieve recovery?” When thinking about willingness and my depression, I don’t know how well this applied to me. I mean, if I had the willingness to go to any lengths when I was in my deepest darkest depression, I would have just hopped out of bed, embraced the day, and ran a 5K! But that is not how it worked for me!
When I was in the depths of my depression, my willingness had gone out the door. “What was the purpose anyway?” I thought. I didn’t think I could get any better. But Depressed Anonymous showed me that there is hope, and there is a way out. For me, that path to recovery has been a series of baby steps. After coming to meetings, I saw people who were like me; people who really suffered from depression, and I saw that they were recovering. Once I had the realization that there was hope, I needed to ask myself a question. “Just for today, am I willing to take a baby step to help myself recover from depression?”
This was something that I could comprehend and that I thought might be possible. Yes, I can take a baby step and get out of bed. Yes, I can take a baby step and call someone from the fellowship. Yes, I can take a baby step and order the literature, then take another baby step and read a page of the literature. I can answer one question in the workbook today. Yes, I can do one little thing to help myself today!!
That is how my recovery began. That is how I climbed out of that 80-foot hole of depression-one baby step at a time. And the beautiful thing is that I don’t have to do it alone! Honestly, I don’t think I could have done it alone. I tried for years, and although I met with sporadic success, I inevitably fell back into that pit of depression. Today I have the DA fellowship surrounding me. I have a Higher Power. I have a sponsor and friends in the fellowship who help me along my path. I am also here to help others on their path to recovery. Today, I am grateful for the willingness to take baby steps.

DA Literature

How To Find Hope

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How to find hope:

Hope can exist only in a state of uncertainty.
This certainty means total certainty. That security means to be without hope.
The prison of depression is built with the bricks of total certainty.

Certainty. Security. No hope.
To hope means to run the risk of disappointment.
Avoid disappointment. Stay depressed.
To be insecure means not to be in control.
Stay in control. Be depressed.
To be uncertain means to be unsure of the future.
Predict the future with certainty. Stay depressed. Absolute certainty means complete hopelessness. If we want to live fully, we must have freedom, love, and hope. So, life must be an uncertain business. That is what makes it worthwhile.

Source: Depression: The Way Out of Your Prison, (1996) Second Edition Dorothy Rowe.

Hugh, for the fellowship

Dep-Anon: Family and friends, Depressed Anonymous, Hope

Depressed? Here is a way out!

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In 1990 the Depressed Anonymous group in Louisville, Kentucky, published the first Depressed Anonymous book, Depressed? Here is a way out! Using the Suggested Twelve Step Program of recovery. The Depressed Anonymous group had formed a year earlier and decided that we needed a written account of the Twelve Steps and their positive effect on our lives. Because depression was the reason for our coming together, just as an alcoholic has the Twelve steps for their recovery, we found the Twelve spiritual principles of the Steps as having the same positive effect. At the time, little did we ever believe that Depressed Anonymous would continue to grow beyond the city limits of Louisville. That was never our intent but only to have something we could use as our own book for study, meetings, and personal reflection. And then, in 1998, the first edition of Depressed Anonymous was published. In 2002 the Depressed Anonymous Workbook was published.

Fast forward to 2021, this June; we have launched our new publication Dep-Anon, a Twelve Step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed. Depressed Anonymous and Dep-Anon are two sides of the same coin. Each group has an integral relationship with the other. Each group member has some effect on the life of the other. Is this not like Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous. Each group is focused on their own lives, using the Twelve Steps as the core for their own recovery. In Al-Anon, they learn that they cannot “fix” the alcoholic family member but only fix themselves. In other words, each needs to “stay in their own lane.”

My critical parent has informed me that this relationship cannot work. Some family members still see us, depressed, as unwilling to go to work, get out of bed – (if you are depressed, you know the drill), etc., etc. Moving my critical parent aside with all their negative thinking, I have decided to develop a Dep=Anon family group manual and put it out there as a published work.

I know it will work as I know Al-Anon works for the family and friends of the alcoholic. Imitation, they say, is the highest form of flattery. So here we are. We hope to have a website, a Dep-Anon family group website, dedicated to the issues faced by depressed family members and providing essential positive information about the nature of depression. No “snap out of it” here. Family members with a depressed loved one will have their own group for support, just as the depressed has Depressed Anonymous.

If you would like to help us in this effort to bring hope to the family and their depressed loved ones, we will be grateful. Also, any thoughts from Depressed Anonymous members or a family with a depressed loved one are most welcome. If you want to help design or develop a website that will be interactive and provide help for all, please let us know at depanon@netpenny.net, providing help to the family and the depressed. The Dep-Anon website will be separate from the Depressed Anonymous website, with its own address.

See https://depressedanonymous.org/literature for information on ordering literature.

Thank you for the fellowship, Hugh

Depressed Anonymous

I have been depressed. Am I a long-hauler?

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Who are the long haulers? This term has arisen out of the common experiences of those persons “who have not fully recovered from Covid-19 weeks or even months after first experiencing symptoms.” Some of those symptoms (which form a syndrome) are loss of taste, smell, fatigue, and shortness of breath. These are just a few of a myriad of experiences of those who have had Covid-19. These experiences last possibly for just a few weeks, for months, or longer.

In reflecting upon my experience with depression, I can identify with the long-hauler description of what I went through. I did feel the awfulness of fatigue. The lack of motivation to get out of bed. Confusion and the inability to concentrate. All of these were present day after day for over a year. These symptoms of depression plagued me every day. I was a long-hauler.

Today, with two vaccines and wearing a mask, I hope that I am protected from catching the Covid virus. I am taking all the precautions that I know how to take, so far, so good.

In our Depressed Anonymous 12 Step fellowship groups, online and f2f groups, of which I am a member, I have heard about how many of us were long-haulers, some for months, some for years, and some for all of their lives. We know there are no vaccines for depression to protect us from past personal traumas, physical abuse, shame, guilt, to mention just a few, but there are ways to take down the symptoms of depression by using the protection and proactive use of our recovery tools.

By our involvement in our mutual aid group, Depressed Anonymous, I can say I am a former long-hauler who has left behind many of those burdens of feeling defeated, helpless and hopeless. That doesn’t mean that I no longer have past feelings pop up in my mind, causing me temporarily to focus on feelings that I thought were gone forever. Now I have the tools, the fellowship of meetings online every day that I hook onto, the literature which I read on a daily basis, plus another human being that like me is a long-hauler and in recovery.

Much like the symptoms associated with PTSD, we no longer pack in our minds those past feelings of doom and gloom, but I find there is a way out of the darkness and have hope. I have faced my fear-filled past terrors and replaced them with feelings of hope, gratitude, and faith in a power that is greater than myself. My long-haling days are in the past.

Hugh, for the fellowship

Community building, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Helpful, Higher Power, Mutual Aid, Purpose, Stress

DA fellowship as my scaffolding 

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Some great advice I got from my sponsor was to “find my help and use my help.”  Often times my help comes in the form of DA members.  Over the last two years I’ve spent time at meetings and on the phone in between meetings with members of the fellowship, and they have become an important part of my recovery.  I have built up a network of people around me, much like one uses scaffolding to build a new structure.  I have been built anew by the steps and the help of the DA fellowship.  Now, when life presents me with problems and struggles that previously felt unmanageable and too overwhelming to deal with, I have a support structure in place that I can lean upon.  I have found my help and now I know how to use that help.  All I have to do is pick up the phone and reach out to my DA fellowship.  Through their help, the help of my Higher Power, and the steps, I will be guided to sanity and solutions.

DA Literature, Dep-Anon: Family and friends

The Depressed Anonymous group and the Dep-Anon family group – a symbiotic relationship

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The dictionary indicates that Symbiosis or symbiotic is the intimate living together of two kinds of organisms, especially if such associations are of mutual advantage. 2. A similar relationship of mutual interdependence.

The Depressed Anonymous fellowship and the Dep-Anon family group fellowship working separately while building families together. These two very essential recovery groups are symbiotic in that they are two kinds of organizations, especially associations of mutual advantage to each other.

Depressed Anonymous is a 12 Step support group for individuals depressed. Dep-Aon is a 12 Step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed. These two recovery groups have an important symbiotic relationship, as they both concern a family member. When one member grows strong, of either group, both groups are influenced in some way, either directly or indirectly by a member’s recovery efforts. A symbiotic relationship can create new healthy areas of relationship in both the Dep-Anon and the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. Our two fellowships will be equally advantaged by having as their central focus the spiritual principles of the Steps as well as the belief in a power greater than themselves.

As the Dep-Anon family group strengthens all the family members, the depressed also find support from their fellowship, Depressed Anonymous, which gradually releases them from the grip of despair and hopelessness. No more is the family concerned about their depressed loved one or try to fix or change their behaviors and thinking. They finally see that the best way for a person to change, especially the depressed is to take a “hands off” attitude while placing their attention on their own problems and begin to fix in themselves what needs to be fixed. The discovery that they cannot cure the depressed loved one, only learn how to cope with it, no longer criticizing the depressed or cajoling them. The family develops a new understanding of the nature of depression and by sharing, discovers their concerns at Dep-Anon meetings while discussing the power of the 12 steps together with their fellowship.

If the group members make the 12 Steps, the spiritual principles a big part of their daily lives and thinking, they will grow. They grow separately, but in the unity of each fellowship, they begin to manifest their strength by their serenity and their willingness to dig deeper into themselves, taking care of their own lives. Family members gather together to help each other and find peace and understanding what depression is all about. The depressed member helps the other members of their group begin to look at how their lives, with their mistaken beliefs about themselves, and how these thoughts and behaviors have kept them isolated from family and friends. The family finds that they have no access to the key that will free their family member out of their emotional and physical lockdown. I believe it is clear how the two groups are entwined together, not only by the fact of a family member’s depression, like the two sides of a coin, but by the fact that this is “family” and all wanting the best outcome for their loved one.

We propose that all those with whom we have a relationship, a sponsor, co-sponsor, or fellow members, encourage us to use the DA Workbook, either as members of the Dep-Anon family or Depressed Anonymous. We take a full look at ourselves and not others. As family members, we see that the only one that we can change is ourselves. To believe that is a lesson well learned.

By now, we realize that we are focused on our own recovery and that we are never alone. We learn who we are by being in the group and sharing our lives. The power of the group is experienced as we go through the Steps, learning not only how depression has crippled countless lives but continues to even threaten and take lives.

It becomes evident that the well-being and growth of either or both groups continue to emerge stronger by having a direct advantage by “by all of us staying in our own lane” and keeping the focus on our own recovery. We continue to learn that the group is our “miracle.” Not just for today, but every day forward.
Copyright@Hugh S.

RESOURCES

  • Copyright(c) Dep-Anon is a 12 Step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed. (2021) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY
  • Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd Edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY

NOTE: Both of these publications can be ordered online at VISIT THE STORE at this site www.depessedanon.com

Acceptance, Avoidance, Depressed Anonymous, Focus, Helpful Thinking, Higher Power, Necessity, Step 02, Step 03

Keeping my Higher Power Highest

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Throughout my life, different things have been my Higher Power.  A certain job that I loved and prioritized above all else, or the person I was dating.  When I was in active addiction, different substances were a higher power.  Before recovery, the looming black cloud of deep depression was a higher power.  

Once I got into recovery and the steps, I was encouraged to find a true Higher Power, or God of my understanding – a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity.  In other words, Step 2.  I can honestly say that after many months of praying and working the steps, this Power relieved me of the obsession to drink and helped me to recover from the hopeless dark pit of deep depression. 

My challenge today, now that I am not in that deep dark hole of depression, is to keep my Higher Power the highest priority in my life.  For example, I recently started a short term job in a field that I am very passionate about.  It has been very demanding and time consuming, and I’m finding that this position is consuming my thoughts, actions, and life.  When I talked to my sponsor about this, she asked “So, has this job has become your Higher Power?”  I realized she was right!  Where was God in my life?  In my thoughts?  How can I be working Step 3 if I am not cognizant of my Higher Power and turning my will and my life over to His care?  I realized this job had become my priority in life, instead of my Higher Power and my recovery.  I am grateful for this reminder, so that I can get back on track.  I know that when I don’t place my Higher Power and my recovery first in my life, I start to slip back into old thinking patterns and old behaviors, which for me will lead me back into depression. 

Thank you, God, that You are always there for me, ready and willing to help me, no matter how many times I stray.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous

POLAND: Depressed Anonymous groups publish Depressed Anonymous, 3rd Edition and Workbook into the Polish language

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Congratulations to the Depressed Anonymous fellowship in Poland. We received the first edition of both the Depressed Anonymous 3rd Edition and the Depressed Anonymous Workbook published in the Polish language. The Depressed Anonymous fellowship groups are taking this major step in providing the original DA texts in the heart language of the Polish people.

We wish them all well–one day at a time.

Hugh, for our fellowship.

Dep-Anon: Family and friends

Dep-Anon’s message to families and friends of the depressed

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The following statements are the worst things to say to someone who is depressed.

It’s all in your mind.
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
You have so many things to be thankful for; why are you depressed?
You have It so good; why aren’t you happy?
Well, at least it’s not that bad.
There are a lot of people worse off than you.
Hae you got tired of all this “me-me” stuff?
Everybody has a bad day now and then.
You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it.
You don’t look depressed.

This excerpt is from the recently published book Dep-Anon: A 12 step recovery program for families and friends of the depressed (2021) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 99-100.

Dep-Anon is a support group for the family and friends of the depressed. This recovery program is much like Al-Anon, promoting health and healing for the family and friends of the depressed. We do this by focusing on ourselves, using all the tools for maintaining our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health.

Over the years, I continue my work with the depressed and with the families and friends of the depressed. I see a great need to offer help for the depressed and their families. Many people do not have an accurate understanding of the nature of depression with its debilitating and isolating effect upon the human mind and physical wellness of the depressed.

– Dep-Anon, P.7

We cannot change anyone but ourselves. Our spiritual principles of the 12 Steps will provide us with a spiritual power we recognize as more powerful than ourselves. And we will, invest in this power, promoting a faith that will keep our focus on ourselves and not the futility of our trying to “fix” them.

– Dep-Anon, Pages 4-5

I see the Dep-Anon program as a powerful resource and tool, as families of the depressed come together as a 12 Step fellowship group, supporting each other, discovering the nature of depression and how it affects the mind and life of their loved ones.

If we want the support of our family during our darkest hours, I will hope that this work of Dep-Anon would inspire families to come together, learn how no human being can ever “snap out of depression” having the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps to guide them along the way. The Depressed Anonymous fellowship and the Dep-Anon family group fellowship are two sides of the same coin. Being in one fellowship will, without doubt, strengthen the members in the other fellowship. With both groups finding answers to their lives while making the Steps part of their daily lives, there is no place to go except up and together –as family.

Copyright(c) Dep-Anon is a 12 Step Recovery Program for families and friends of the depressed. (2021) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Visit the Literature Section at this site to learn more about our work Dep-Anon. Visit the Store and discover literature pertaining solely to depression and the 12 Steps. All books are available online.