Category Archives: Choice

Acceptance, Choice, Courage

I have to take responsibility for my own life

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The following  excerpt is  about Helen’s  recovery  from depression.  Helen  is   a member of Depressed Anonymous  and her account is one of 31 Personal Stories contained in the Personal  Stories section of Depressed Anonymous.

” You don’t get better overnight but you do get much better. I was as down the muck as far as I could go. I had to go open the door for the first time because there was no other place to go. I had already used up all the hiding places in my life. I still have many problems like anyone else, but when I need sleep very badly, I turn the problem over to the Higher Power and go to sleep. I can always pick life up the next morning. Somehow, it all  gets done. Nothing so bad has happened to me. I’ve troubles trying to figure out what I’m exactly supposed to do. I’m sure God points me in the right direction. Sometimes I miss a message, but it will come to me eventually what God wants for me. All you have to do is reach out and get it. My faith is stronger now on God that has ever been in my life because I need that companion in my life. It is there for all of us if we just reach out and take it.

Now that I look back and see the way I was and see how I am now, I can’t believe that I ever knew that other person. This person is different altogether. I like the person now very much. I’m so thankful to the group. They are just wonderful. They are my family. They are my Depressed Anonymous family. Also I have my church family. It is a wonderful feeling to know there is a Higher Power  that  can help you through these things. At first, I thought: ” I doubt the that very much. ”  when everyone was talking about the Higher Power and peace in my life. Then  it  happened to me.  Every few days, the world dumps down on you and beast you down. That’s just life.  I always think to myself that there is that extra strength that I didn’t have before. I feel that everything is going to be OK with me. I have that peace now myself.

It can’t happen overnight. I know what the people who come to Depressed Anonymous for the first time feel. When you go through the long weeks and days to give it all you’ve got, it will happen to you just as it happened to me. There is no magic your. There is no magic pill. It is a long process. It will happen and does happen. It is so much better than staying in a dark hole and not getting anything out of life. No longer could I blame this one or that one for causing me pain. I know that it was me that was beating myself up.  I was unequipped to handle the problems of my life without the Higher Power, without the tools and material to build a better life which I received from Depressed Anonymous.

I also had to get my priorities straight. But it didn’t happen that way. I just found a different way to go about it. And getting my priorities straight, I discovered that if a person does accept me the way I am, then that doesn’t matter. I’m going to do the best I can. If someone else can’t  handle that, I’m awfully sorry about that, but it has to be. I want everyone to approve of  me, but I’m just not going to do that. I’m not going to please everyone. I have got to take care of myself. I was so busy trying to please everyone else that I wasn’t taking care of my own needs. At the time I was doing it, I didn’t realize that I was doing it. Now I won’t  deliberately hurt anyone else, but I’m going to take care of myself.

Helen

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SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 145-148.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

These two works, the HOME STUDY KIT,  is a coordinated  process which utilizes both books to help that person who wants to dig deeper into   areas of depression and will provide   an understanding of what depression is. and how to deal with it on a personal basis.

For more information about the HOME STUDY KIT, please VISIT THE STORE where both books can be ordered online.

 

Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Isolation, Purpose, Serenity, The 12 Steps

In telling my story I feel hopeful!

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It would not seem like a big deal to share our experience with depression at a Depressed Anonymous mutual aid support group. But the surprise comes as we share our own personal journey with others.   We discover that no one drops out of their seats as they hear a new member  tell of their suicide attempts, or the   shame and guilt over the  crazy things I have done in  the past.

There is a freedom that accompanies our story telling because we are hearing ourselves share very personal  things about our past. Once we get started sharing our story   we may feel that we  are letting ourselves be vulnerable.

In our Depressed Anonymous Big Book, 3rd edition, we hear the author tell us the following.

“Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional  potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives jinxed.”

And here is the surprise  I referred to earlier: there is no criticism of what we share.  Everyone in the group thanks us for sharing our  story. We now know that most of the fellowship have experienced some of the same behaviors and feelings themselves at one time or the other. In fact,  their stories and mine have much in  common.  They have no difficulty in seeing themselves in my account of a lifetime of depression. I feel  affirmed. I no longer feel alone. I know I am among friends and among those who are walking  the same  path as myself. We are all in this recovery effort together.

In the Depressed Anonymous Workbook we read the following:

“Have you noticed that you are spending less and less time alone and more time with others in the fellowship and the fellowship grows among you and others that you have met in Depressed Anonymous?”  Let’s just say that our thoughts and feelings are now solution focused  – whereas all we could think about before was how awful we feel. We believed that we  are at the end of our rope.    If there is no meeting in your community, you can use our HOME STUDY KIT which will take you through each Step and it’s commentary (Big Book)  while the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  asks  some very valuable  questions for you to answer as you move through  your recovery program.

For more on this HOME STUDY KIT,    please visit our Literature store at this site. You can also order Depressed Anonymous material online.

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed  Publications. Louisville.

These  two works form our HOME STUDY KIT and can be ordered as a single unit.

 

Choice, DA Literature

As my mind began to heal…nothing will stand in my way to make choices

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“As my mind began to heal and my thoughts became more lucid it became apparent that something inside of me is changing. Depression, when you begin  to examine the various symptoms up close, and deal with them, the experience becomes less threatening. Some say that depression is a collection of behaviors that are brought into play to defend us against things that are too painful to face. Also, depression results when a love object is lost through death or that one feels abandoned. We have become so at one with our lost love, that we mourn the death of part of us. The love object and ourselves has become one. I believe we use the word co-dependent   today.

At first I was frightened by my various symptoms of depression.  The symptoms proved to be baffling. I was not able to get out of bed as well as being unable to concentrate or manage a complex thought. I began to worry that I was losing my mind and I often asked myself if I was going to survive.   But now my ability to handle situations  in a meaningful way is due to my frequent attendance  at meetings, and by making a daily time for prayer and meditation and a feeling that my life has purpose and meaning. The more I am physically  active, that is.,  going to meetings even when I don’t feel like it. Working in my Depressed Anonymous Workbook, reading my 12 step literature. This behavior is where my freedom begins. And yes, I do feel lousy a times but I also know that nothing can stand in my way to make choices in my own behalf. Previous to my involvement with the group I had no idea that my depression was not so powerful as to  prevent  me from  even thinking that I could choose to feel differently. ”

SOURCE: (Copyright)  I’ll do it when  I feel better. (2016) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.  #11 PROMISE:  Intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Pages 50-51.

Choice, Courage

Taking a chance

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Years ago I took a chance. It was December 7th, 1982. I made a decision. I made a decision in my own behalf.  I walked into a room where men and women had gathered for a 12 Step meeting of recovery. Truthfully said,  I was scared  that autumnal evening, as I didn’t know what was to transpire the moment I went through the door. I didn’t know who I was to see and what would be said to me. Would I fit in?  This was my first time ever at a 12 step meeting.   I came because they said they had what I needed. Hope. I came into the room, said hello, took a seat and waited for the meeting to start. And still today, 34 years later, I still go  through the door, sit down and wait for the meeting to start. The only thing that has changed for me is that I have changed. I have hope. I have a plan. I have a plan that I put into effect every day of my life. The plan is simply to surrender my will to the will of a Power greater than myself. Nothing that I have tried before has worked but now this daily plan has exceeded my expectations.

You might say you have tried everything  and nothing has ever worked for you. I just knew I was drowning in a sea of guilt, fear and anxiety. The more I touched the nerves of doubt in my mind the deeper the pain became. We all know that the more we ruminate and obsess on our  unpleasant feelings the more unpleasant we are to feel. That is what was happening to me. Gradually my body closed down. The physiological result of these continual obsessive thoughts came to rest in a man’s body  who felt beaten and diminished.

That’s the way it was.  Now, today, I have gratitude for  my  new perspective on life  and thank my Higher Power that I have walked through the door of hope and  serenity. It took time and work and a supportive community to get me where I am today. I am not alone. Neither are you alone. Believe. I am following my plan today, 34 years of one day at a time.

What a gift God has lain  out for me, for you, and all those who feel beaten and diminished.

Trust.

Read all the marvelous stories in  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville, Kentucky  for inspiration and direction.

 

Choice, DA Literature, Fear, Fellowship, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Mutual Aid, Spiritual Heroes

SURVIVAL IS TO MEET LIFE’S PROBLEMS HEAD ON!

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AFFIRMATION

I am going to take a fearless and moral inventory of myself today and list on paper my strengths as well as my weaknesses, that is those characteristics in my life that might keep me fearful and depressed,

“Step Four and Five really have to be faced head-on if our depression is to go away. Steps Four and Five are all about cleaning house. We must square off with ourselves and begin the rooting out process that will in time, free us from our sadness and our identity as a depressed person. So often a person depressed is afraid, panic stricken really, in facing some issues that were never their fault in the first place.”

REFLECTION

I see so many people are liberated from their depression the moment they begin to look themselves in the eye and reflect on  their character defects. These persons are the ones who are not afraid to make a list of all the persons they have hurt by their isolating depression and by the thought that they are unacceptable to others and to themselves. By working Step Five which states  that “we admitted to God, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I am assured by another person’s acceptance of me that I will get through this time of pain and hurt.

Bill W., the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous had a spiritual awakening on night as he truly was at the lowest point in his life and begged God to help him. God’s love lit up the room for Bill and he was never the same after that. He was a changed man. I need to make restitution to my family, my friends, my spouse and to whomever for my withdrawing from life and hiding from my responsibilities. This is the work that is needed if I am to get free of the shackles of sadness.

MEDITATION

God, shine the light of your wisdom into our hearts so that you might help us find the way out of our depression and get on with living our  lives the way you would have us live them.  Our fears and anxieties are definitely not the way you would want us to live. You have shown us the way out of our misery by bringing us close to those who once were depressed, but now in recovery, are doing better.”

SOURCES: Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for all members of 12 Step fellowships. Depressed Anonymous  Publications. Louisville. Page 224/ November 10th.

Now available in the KINDLE format. Check out our STORE for more information as how to order online or snail mail.

Copyright (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Choice, Fellowship

Taking pleasure in simple things

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AFFIRMATION

 

I am going to make an effort today to take pleasure in  some simple  things as I did when I was a child.

“We need to get in touch with these feelings from our childhood days and try to remember when we made ourselves sad and what situation today makes us feel sad. There  sometimes is a connection between the two.  We know this return  to early childhood feelings is one of the best ways to get a beginning  in our self-healing.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I can never forget  how in the third grade I was unable to satisfactorily answer the teacher’s question to me and she immediately told me how I would never by like my brother. I had felt the blood flush to my face as I was humiliated  for not knowing the  right answer. I can still see myself standing in front of the class and feeling like I wanted to die.

The best thing that I can do to overcome the times when I want to run and hide in myself and withdraw from others , is precisely the time that I should be with someone.  I am going to promise myself when these feelings come, I will think of those different persons that I know in my recovery program and call them. When I do this the feelings gradually disappear.

I want to feel better today. In order to do so, I am going to choose to work the Steps  of my program and enjoy the fellowship whenever I am able. Whenever I go to my   Depressed Anonymous meetings, I always come out feeling better.

MEDITATION

I thank God today for all those persons in my life who support me and accept me just as I am today.

____________________________________________________________________

SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step  recovery groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville

Choice

Made a decision

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I made a decision years ago, albeit an unconscious one, that the horrible negative thoughts and painful feelings which afflicted me on an ongoing basis  would never change. I am referring to my inability to climb out of bed a morning, the jittery  deadly hollowness that filled my stomach, plus the anxiety of waiting for the “other shoe to drop” which I believed would bring  on some  catastrophic event  to make matters worse in my life.

But, here is  the kicker, I discovered Depressed Anonymous, at the point of personal despair, and found hope in a fellowship of men and women who likewise had made a decision to give up–some even attempting suicide.  But by the grace of God, my surrender to this power greater than myself, brought me into a way out of depression and one that has lasted these many years. I now follow the program of the Twelve Steps where I believe their Promises that if I am serious about following this path, my life will gradually get better and peace will be restored to one’s life. And guess what, that is exactly what happened to me. The same can happen to you as well.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.” Step Three of Depressed Anonymous.

Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Choice, Focus, Higher Thoughts for Down Days

Living in the security of my hope

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I am choosing to live in the security of my hope rather than in the fear of life’s possible pain.

“…Haven’t our sadness and thoughts of unworthiness been our last refuge from having to face ourselves, take charge and accept responsibility for our own lives? For many, just knowing that that they might have a choice and be able to choose to feel differently can be a startling revelation.  I can choose to be happy or I can choose to stay feeling miserable.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Life is one that provides me with many areas of choice. I can choose to live with the uncertainty of hope or I can stay mired in the despair of having to always have everything predictable. The latter is the hell of my depression.

SOURCE:    Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowship groups.  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Fellowship

The price of recovery

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Many times in my past I would ask myself if I could possibly live without my addiction? I always said “yes”, I could–but not just yet. How often I repeated that phrase to myself over the years. Or I’d tell myself “I’ll do it when I feel better.” That was another favorite mantra of mine. Have you ever said those same words to yourself? It’s like if I just keep pushing it off maybe the problem will go away. But, we know that is not how it works. If you are presently reading this and in recovery you know how this recovery really works.

For me, it was told to me that really what recovery is all about is to accept the pain of withdrawal  for the short term or to choose to continually  abuse yourself for the long term. When I have a toothache I can see a dentist and have the tooth and the associated pain   neutralized or I can continue with the pain till it is unbearable and then I  must do something radical and drastic–like pulling the tooth.

I began this whole painful process of recovery with an admission. I admitted that my life was unmanageable and that my life was out of control. That was the first step. And then having admitted that, I  listened to other members of a 12 Step fellowship group and I learned how the  program worked for them.  In fact it worked so well that many of them have not fallen back into any of their old past addictive behaviors. But as you and I know, there is a price to be paid for this new way of living. We first had to admit that we had a problem. We needed help.  And we needed it now. We had hit bottom. We then came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to a life of sanity. Making a decision to turn my life over to a Power greater than myself really got the ball rolling. I now knew that there is a God, of my understanding–and  I wasn’t God. When drinking and drugging we had the feeling that we  could do anything–that we were immortal and God’s gift to humankind.

This is where we had to face all this garbage that was ours and we had carried around for years–we needed to take an inventory of where we had screwed up. This is   painful to have to look in the mirror and see that person who made our life so miserable. No blaming anyone else. As Pogo, the comic character tells us, “we looked for the enemy and it was us.” You don’t have to look very far do you?  We might also look in the mirror and ask, “mirror , mirror who is the craziest of us all?” I think you get it. Without a doubt it is necessary if we want to stand tall and face life past and present with hope. and a sense of peace. There is pain, lots of it –but let me tell you, there is a great sense of relief that we no longer have to live in the shadow of life but now live in the light and the good humor of freedom.   The shackles of bondage are thrown off. I am a person who is free now and able to tell my own story at a fellowship meeting  just like when I walked through the 12 Step fellowship doors and found what I really was looking for: freedom from the pain of my depression and addictions. Look for a freedom group in your area.

SOURCE: (c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

(c) The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

NOTE: These two books comprise The Home Study Kit. See VISIT THE STORE.

Choice, Hope, Negativity, Step 01, Step 04, The 12 Steps

I’ve had it living with feeling out of control

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If you really want to leave behind your painful sadness, the daily fears, and the feelings of worthlessness, then begin now to admit the unmanageability   of your depression. You have had it with feeling out of control.

That’s the way it is with depression –over the years you get comfortable with feeling miserable which doesn’t mean that you like it, but that you’re just too afraid to risk something different. When you want to change and leave your depression behind, the choice that you want to make is immediately dashed to the ground because you just feel that there is no hope for you. “I can’t pull myself up by my bootstraps and start to feel better,” you tell yourself. Most of the time, we tell ourselves that we’ll do it when we feel better. Folks, let me tell you something – you’ll never feel better until you begin by physically get moving. We all know that we feel better only when we get in gear and get busy – distracting ourselves from those ever present miserable thoughts whispering how bad we are  and how hopeless life seems to be.”

____________________HELP IS ON THE WAY! ___________________________

SOURCE:         Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 32.