Category Archives: Choice

12 Step Meeting, Choice, Community building, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Hope, Mutual Aid, Purpose, Service, The 12 Steps

As I changed the script, the scenarios of my life got better

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“When I was depressed I thought that my sad feelings would keep me forever shut up in the prison and pain of depression. I continued to believe quite falsely, that I would never feel good again. In time though, and by believing in my Higher Power, I forced myself to get active in my own recovery and focus on my strengths and abilities. As I changed the script the scenarios of my life got better!

I will depend on this Power greater than myself to help me through disabling times of depression.I will live only for this day and so I will have the freedom from worry about yesterday and the projected hurts about tomorrow.”

My thoughts about changing the script of my life are the following:
1) Instead of letting my negative thoughts overwhelm me and force me into submission, I now think thoughts of hope.
2) My thinking and behavior are solution focused. I now tell myself and believe that I have the ability tom make favorable decisions in my behalf.
3)I have found the people (Depressed Anonymous fellowship) who live positive lives with their own living script, giving hope to risk living their lives without fear of being abandoned or isolated in that prison of depression. If I believe that I have created my own prison, I also believe that I have a choice to stop putting bricks into a structure that only isolated and paralyzed my abilities and efforts to climb out of the hole of depression.
4)I gain new positive beliefs about myself from other members of the fellowship. Those mistaken believes that I once held about myself are gradually stricken from my personal script, as the scenarios of my life begin to change for the better.
5) Every day I have a fresh start as I continue to thrive while my moods provide me with a startling and new found energy, plus a host of friends who speak a language of hope.
6) Best of all, I can go to a live ZOOM meeting of the fellowship every day, with meetings at night during the week. And finally, you will only be as isolated as you decide. You are not alone.

Hugh S.

For more information, please click onto our website at depressedanonymous.org. We welcome all who want to learn how to keep from saddening themselves.

Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of Twelve Step fellowship groups. (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 89-90 .

12 Step Meeting, Choice, DA Literature, Helpful Thinking, Higher Power, Mindfulness, Step 08

Sharing a part of my Step Eight

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When I first joined DA, it was such a relief to find others going through similar challenges with depression. I was also very hungry for concrete solutions; what can I actually do to feel better? I came to find out that some things worked, and some didn’t work for others. Everyone’s journey is different. As I attended the daily DA meetings, I learned to take what I needed and to leave the rest.

Today, as I worked on Step Eight in my workbook, I was able to answer some questions that really put my recovery in action. This plan of action worked for me; it may not work for you. I wanted to share it just in case it could speak to just one other person.

The questions were, “List the ways that keep you Saddicted”, and “List the activities/ways that can free you from your depression addiction”. As I listed all the negative ways I think and treat myself, I was also able to come up with the solutions.

1. Isolation – Ignoring people and responsibilities. <Solution: Reaching out – Calling someone from the program to get out of my own head.>

2. Distraction – Getting sucked into video games or TV shows to run away from my thoughts and symptoms of depression. <Solution: Using distractions as mini-breaks – It’s OK to take a step back sometimes, as long as I am being mindful of the time spent.>

3. Negative thoughts – Thinking about the worst case scenario and running through them in my mind all day. <Solution: Staying present and having thoughts that are relevant to what I am doing NOW.>

4. Finding my faults in everything – I somehow find ways to make everything my own fault, and using that to hurt myself with blame and shame. <Solution: Finding my part in successes – Thinking more about the things that have worked out for me and seeing my part in it.>

5. Over planning – Planning to do an unrealistic amount of things throughout the day, that when I don’t or can’t complete them all I feel guilty and ashamed and like a failure. <Solution: NOT planning, and constantly making it a point to connect with my HP when I find myself not knowing what the next right thing to do is, or if I am unable to do the next right thing.>

6. Thinking about too many things at the same time to overwhelm myself to the point where I feel like I have no choice but to tun to taking depressive actions. <Solution: Thinking about one thing at a time – mainly what is happening at the present moment ONLY, and fighting the urge to think about the past or the future.>

7. Feeling guilty about doing things I enjoy when I have other responsibilities that need to be completed. <Solution: Trying to not feel guilty about anything – because if I am mindful and keep my connection with my HP, everything I do is justified. Being kind to myself because that is exactly what I needed to do at the very moment in time.>

I love working the steps because it helps me reach concrete solutions. I feel that I am done living the reactive life. With DA, I have the freedom to choose joyful and compassionate actions. I still struggle sometimes, but I find that I am reacting less and have moments where the choices are clear. Whether I choose the right one or not is still up to me, but with the help of this program and my fellows I am finding that I am free to make the choices I need to make, one day at a time.

 

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Choice, Community building, DA Literature, Fellowship, Focus, Helpful Thinking, Higher Power, Mutual Aid, Prayer, Purpose, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, The 12 Steps

Skate to where the puck’s going, not to where it’s been. – Wayne Gretzky

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For a world renowned hockey player, Wayne Gretzky, knows what he is talking about. Isn’t it true that when we spend all our time trying to figure out why we are depressed, isolating ourselves, and our mind beating ourselves up, we dig that dark hole deeper.

It’s become obvious to most of us who are in recovery, that we do best when we have a workable plan. We believe that our plan, when lived out in our daily regular routines, will take us to where we want to go. Our plan has a definite focus.

First, let’s figure out who we are. That’s our starting point. To find out who we are can gradually lead us to another important question, what do I want? And finally, who is my God, or my Higher Power.

Today, I am going to attend an important meeting. I am going to meet some new people, plus many old friends and acquaintances, and hearing some great thoughts from those who know where they have been and are now discovering where this plan is taking them on the road to recovery.

I know where I have been. I was depressed. The meeting today is for me, and for those who are depressed now, and those who are discovering and sharing how this 12 Step plan of recovery is working for them. We call this plan, Depressed Anonymous, initially based on the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step model of recovery for the alcoholic. Even though depressed, we find that the 12 spiritual principles, the steps of recovery, work equally well for us.

Now that I admitted to who I am, my response to the healing ways, provided by my fellowship and the positive Depressed Anonymous literature, I continue to live a daily life, with hope and support. Now, when I get out of bed in the morning I look forward to living my life on life’s terms – not on my terms. Life is good.

I want what I find in my new discovery of a spiritual program, filling me with hope, acceptance. My program of recovery gives me the motivation to maintain a new way of living, filled with a purpose and meaning. I know that I am finally getting what I always wanted, peace, a plan for keeping my focus on where my life is going, not in the negativity and darkness of the past, not only threatened my mental wellness and relationships, but for some, their very lives.

My God? Now, I have a God that I know loves me, supports me in my new life, my new direction. What used to send my feelings and thinking into a spiraling downward, into a deep sadness, but now, since I have ‘made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understood God to be’, my life keeps getting better. For that and this program of recovery, I am grateful. (Step 3).

Resource:

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, THIRD EDITION. 2011. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Community building, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Higher Power, Hope, Isolation, Mutual Aid, Prayer, Purpose, Service, The 12 Steps, The Promises

Freedom talks. We listen!

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To attend a 12 step meeting is to hear freedom talk. Freedom has many voices for the many, those who are willing to listen.

It is the nature of this fellowship, the 12 Step group of Depressed Anonymous and other 12 Step programs of recovery, that when attending meetings I hear members share their victories over depression, with accounts of personal struggles, and gradually freeing themselves from the bondage of depression.

In the Promises of Recovery in Depressed Anonymous,
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly They will always materialize if we work for them.
Depressed Anonymous © Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY

Even though, personal freedom from the tight grip of depression doesn’t happen overnight–it does eventually happen. I am now speaking from my own experience. And since we all have different experiences with the 12 Steps, the results are the same. A lightness of mood, a spirited energy comes into our minds, hearts and body. We begin to thrive.

My own freedom was the result of a simple belief, that a Power greater than myself could release me from my prison of depression. I learned that if we wanted to get out of the hole of depression, we needed to stop digging. That made sense to me. In our fellowship, where freedom speaks, that by listening to the stories of others in the group, and others listening to my story, gave me the incentive to keep coming back to the meetings. I found I am now living with a new hope, without old fears, anxieties, crippling my motivation to grow and thrive.

Now, I speak about my freedom from the past, no longer dwelling on old negative compulsions which once defeated me.
Today, and with each new day, I listen to the loving spirit inside of me, operating within my group, and to all those who speak of their life within a loving community, Depressed Anonymous. Will you join us today?

There is a daily DA online International VIRTUAL ZOOM meeting and to find how to get there, please click onto the HOMEPAGE MENU, MEETINGS and you will be linked to the Journeys of Hope online meeting. Hope to see you at a meeting!

Thank you,
for the fellowship.
Hugh S.

Acceptance, Choice, Focus, Higher Power

Do I have to do the work of Recovery?

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The short answer is NO you do not have to do the work of recovery.

Recovery is about having a choice. A choice to do things differently. I can continue to act, think, and talk in the ways that I have done in the past, but chances are the outcome will be the same.

If I do what I always did, I will get what I always got.
– A slogan heard in a 12 Step recovery meeting

I can choose to stay in stinking thinking. I can choose to continue to look to blame others for my depression and my situation. A far healthier choice though is to accept and take ownership of my part in my depression. There are things, small or large, that I can do, think or say that perpetuate my depression. That is what is meant by saddening yourself.

Taking ownership of your own stuff is hard to do. There is no denying it. But sadly, it is the only way out. I need to accept that my best thinking got me into the depths of my depression. Continuing on with doing it my way is a recipe for disaster.

I have a choice. I choose to do the work of recovery. Not because it is easy, but rather because it is what will bring about healing in my life. There is a saying in Buddhist circles – trying to calm the monkey mind. My mind is fraught with negativity, anger, fear, and self-loathing. I need to walk on a higher path. I need to go the way of recovery. I need to take the pathway where God walks.

The trick is that I don’t have to – I get to choose a better healthier way.

You too can choose to take the higher road. Good luck!

Yours in recovery,
Bill R

Choice, Community building, Depressed Anonymous, Faith, Fellowship, Helpful, Hope, Miracle Thinking, Mutual Aid, Purpose, Step 07, Step 12, Supportive Actions

Two Questions

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Many times I am asked the same two questions and I always give the questioner the same two answers.

The first question: “How come you keep coming to meetings, though you say you are not depressed?”

My reply to the questioner: “Let me ask you why you go to the gym three times a week”

His answer. “Well I go to keep in shape.”

My question: “Well you look healthy enough to me. I mean, you tell me you’ve never felt better.”
“Ok” I say, “but why continue to go to the gym, since you look healthy and you say that you feel so great.”

“It’s so simple” he says. “I continue to go three times a week to keep in shape and maintain the progress that the Doctor says I am making.”

“That’s interesting” I say. That’s the same reason I continue to go to meetings. I keep in shape, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, not to mention how I can help others find the hope that is now mine. My Doctor tells me I’m looking better, happier and that I should keep doing whatever I’m doing, ’cause it’s working!”

The second question is one I am asked time and again. “Doesn’t going to all those depression meetings get you depressed? I mean, listening to all those problems? That sure would depress me.”

Here is what I tell all those who ask this question.

I tell them “that no, actually I look forward to my meetings. I always feel energized by going to a Depressed Anonymous meeting. I feel, by listening to others, and hearing their stories, I feel they are telling my story as well. Here, I am not alone. I am with people just like me. Each of us attending the meetings are at different places in our lives. We are here because we believe there is a solution for me, using the spiritual principles of recovery. The more they read the DA literature, talk to each other, they find tools to overcome their depression. They feel the energy, the peace and hope which they receive from each other at the meetings.

The meetings don’t dwell on our depression, as much as we dwell on the power of the Twelve Steps. Here is what I love about the meetings, I see people growing with every meeting. Even their faces begin to soften – they have a smile now. A few weeks previous, they had nothing but hurt to feel.

Again, the reason I go to meetings is to get a boost. I get another dose of hope. I am only as isolated as I choose to be. I now can choose to live and feel differently.

Find your plan of recovery (find a Depressed Anonymous meeting), and stick to it. Get into action. Seek out a DA member to talk with, and you’ll be on a journey that will continue to bring peace, hope and a fellowship with you as long as you wish.

For more information, check out the Depressed Anonymous website at depressedanonymous.org. You’ll be happy that you did. So, this fellowship is the reason I keep coming back to my meetings. There are no fees. No dues. Just come and see. Virtual, Zoom group meetings are now online.

Thanks for reading this message today. Please join us at Depressed Anonymous. You are always welcomed.

Hugh S. for the fellowship

Choice, Courage, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Supportive Actions

Asking for help – my responsibility and my privilege

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I’ve learned that asking for help is so important in this program and in my life.  Reaching out for help when I’m hurting can be a really hard thing to do.  Reaching out and asking for help anytime can be hard – but especially when I’m in a bad place.  Pain, however, is the great motivator.  When I’m in enough pain, I know what my solution is.  Pick up the phone and call someone.  Ask for help.  Ask for a sponsor.  Call my sponsor and take suggestions. Talk to my Higher Power, surrender my will, and ask for my Higher Power’s help.  There are people in this fellowship who understand me and will support me.  It is such a blessing to be a part of a fellowship where encouragement and support is freely given.  All I have to do is be willing to reach out and ask for help.

Why do I need to ask for help?  Many reasons.  My best thinking got me here.  What I mean is that my best thinking brought me to the point of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and the inability to function.  Clearly, there is something wrong with my thinking.  I am a depressive, or a saddict. My first thought tends to be a negative one.  Left to my own devices and my own thinking, I sadden myself.  But now that I know this, I can reach out and ask for help.

Self-sufficiency has failed me. It’s an old and well engrained idea of mine – the philosophy of self-sufficiency.  The idea that I should be able to solve all my problems myself.  The question I need to ask myself is “how well did that work for me”?  In my case, it led to self-destruction and severe depression.  This program has introduced me to the concept of God reliance, or Higher Power reliance, or even fellowship reliance.  The idea of relying on a Power greater than myself.  That idea works for me.  It gives me hope, better days, connection with others, and a way out of depression.  But to do that – to get help – I’ve got to ask for help.  That is my responsibility and my privilege.

Affirmations, Belief, Believing Is Seeing, Choice, Higher Power, Mutual Aid, Prayer, Purpose, Service, Step 12

Time to plant

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To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.
– Audrey Hepburn

Submitted by Robin R.

I might not be planting a garden but I am watching the seed of my faith, service to others, grow as part of my next 24 hours. My efforts to be there for others has a relationship to how I am there for myself. I watch how I can thrive emotionally and spiritually when I believe in a power greater than myself. It is a known fact that when a person has a belief in some higher power, some purpose for living, it usually is due to a belief, that “there is a God and it’s not me.”

I believe in a tomorrow. I believe in living one day at a time. I also believe in keeping my life simple. I try and do the next right thing. As best I can I try to do what needs to be done. I try and do the possible. I have learned that trying to do the impossible, takes a little more time.

I want to live in peace with my neighbor. Treat others as I would like to be treated. Pretty simple and basic stuff. Agree?
I also believe in consequences for what I do or not do in this life. And, do I try and love my neighbor as myself. Yes.

As Bill W., a co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, left the hospital room of Dr. Bob, he heard Dr. Bob tell him, “Bill, keep it simple.”
It’s not that complicated. Though it does take work. Much like “weeding” the garden.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Belief, Choice, Community building, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Faith, Fellowship, Hope, Isolation, Mutual Aid, Pain, Positivity, Prayer, Purpose, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03

Life Is Unpredictable

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The following quotation is taken from the Introduction to Depressed Anonymous, the book used by the fellowship of Depressed Anonymous, a 12 Step recovery program.

Life is unpredictable. Every living organism operates with a certain amount of unpredictability and uncertainty. The uncertainty of life creates in us a desire for predictability. If we did not believe in the possibility of change, we would all be hopelessly lost and forever bored. Hope would be lost. Potential for a better life would never exist. Where there is hope, change is possible. The experience of depression is much the same. Depression is so predictable and unchanging that we lose hope for the pain of our isolation ever coming to an end.

Let me lift one sentence from the above quotation, which turns out to be a truth, attested to by thousands of those of us who are members of Depressed Anonymous and who are in recovery. That sentence “Where there is hope, change is possible” is what brought me into the Depressed Anonymous fellowship.

Like so many of us, who are just trying to get through each day, we are looking for something that could ease our pain and lift our burden of hopelessness. We were not only bored and isolated from life, but we had given up on ourselves of ever beng able to climb out of the hole which had us trapped.

When I walked into a Depressed Anonymous group meeting, I was thinking if those gathered could help me change, take me out of the pit that I was living in, I felt I had a chance – I too would be able to change.

Hope brought me into this fellowship, and member’s sharing their own hope, experiences and strengths, gradually convinced me that it was possible for me to get better. That now became my truth.

Hugh S.

© 2011 – Depressed Anonymous, THIRD EDITION, Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY

12 Step Meeting, Anxiety, Choice, Depressed Anonymous, Faith, Fear, Helpful, Helpful Thinking, Mindfulness, Mutual Aid, Positivity, Prayer, Stress, Supportive Actions

Catastrophic Thinking

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Dorothy Rowe shares with us some helpful thoughts on how to deal with those thoughts which we label as catastrophic.

Suppose that there is some event looming and you are frightened of what is going to happen. Your Mother may be coming to stay or you are required to go to the firm’s ball, or your daughter expects you to go to her graduation or your son wants you to take him along – all fearful events of course – and you can’t see any way of avoiding them other than being very depressed. Try something else. Write down what it is you are expected to do and then say, ‘if I do this, what is the very worst that could happen?’

Write down your answer and look at it in the cold light of day. If you have said ‘I’ll die’ then rejoice your troubles will soon be over.

If you have said, ‘I’ll make a fool of myself’ ask ‘What is the opposite of making a fool of oneself’? Then ask ‘Why is this important’? See if you dare commit to paper just how vain you are.

Then go back to the original situation and say, ‘How many different outcomes can I see?’ List them all, the good ones as well as the bad, the fantastic ones as well as the prosaic, see if you can predict what then actually happens. (No cheating by using self-fulfilling prophecies like ‘I am sure I won’t enjoy it.’)

Then there are the things that you feel compelled to do. No strange force is compelling you, not any person other than yourself. When you see your own values clearly you can ask, ‘Do I do this because I believe it is right or do I do it because the parent in my head tells me to and I am too scared to disobey’?

You are you, you are the parent in your head, you are the child who is scared to disobey. You can spend the rest of your life `going around as three squabbling people, or you can choose` to make into yourself one whole person.

Resource
Copyright(c) Dorothy Rowe. Depression: The way out of your prison. SECOND EDITION. 1983, 1996. Routledge, New York, NY.pp.225-226.