Category Archives: Hope

Hope

Why can’t I find someone to love me?

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A VICTIM IN MY OWN MIND

A personal story of recovery

I knew that I needed help. I had been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing ever seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick of being like this. I wanted a life and I want to be happy. Every week, someone would notice a change in me, but  I still felt the same. Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100 mph) it occurred to me that I was making  myself miserable.

I had always known that I was hard on myself, and I reamed myself every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason, when I realized that I was doing this to myself, it made me realize that maybe all  I would have to do is stop doing it. All of a sudden, it made sense.

If I tell myself negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself nothing, I feel nothing. So if I tell myself positive thoughts, eventually I’ll have to feel positive.

Of course, I’m still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope.  It’s not that hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive every day and that’s what I ‘m going to do until I don’t have to remind myself anymore because I’ll know.

I’m slowly finding out that my life is not as horrible as I have made it out to be. I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again–and that simply is not true. Yes, my past was terrible and it’s no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me.  There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want. Everyone knows what  they wish their lives could be like –so do it! Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind anymore, I’m more than ready for the great things. With love and hope!

– A Depressed Anonymous member.

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And in the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  we read how Bill W.,  co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, tells us that

“If I were asked what in my opinion was the most important factor in being successful in this program besides following the Twelve Steps, I would say honesty. And  the most important person to be honest with is yourself.” DA WORKBOOK, Page86.

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SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 120 -121.

The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

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These two books comprise the HOME STUDY KIT. Please check out the DA literature at the STORE. You can order each book  by itself or both together.

Acceptance, Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, Isolation, Purpose, Serenity, The 12 Steps

In telling my story I feel hopeful!

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It would not seem like a big deal to share our experience with depression at a Depressed Anonymous mutual aid support group. But the surprise comes as we share our own personal journey with others.   We discover that no one drops out of their seats as they hear a new member  tell of their suicide attempts, or the   shame and guilt over the  crazy things I have done in  the past.

There is a freedom that accompanies our story telling because we are hearing ourselves share very personal  things about our past. Once we get started sharing our story   we may feel that we  are letting ourselves be vulnerable.

In our Depressed Anonymous Big Book, 3rd edition, we hear the author tell us the following.

“Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life and the many emotional  potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives jinxed.”

And here is the surprise  I referred to earlier: there is no criticism of what we share.  Everyone in the group thanks us for sharing our  story. We now know that most of the fellowship have experienced some of the same behaviors and feelings themselves at one time or the other. In fact,  their stories and mine have much in  common.  They have no difficulty in seeing themselves in my account of a lifetime of depression. I feel  affirmed. I no longer feel alone. I know I am among friends and among those who are walking  the same  path as myself. We are all in this recovery effort together.

In the Depressed Anonymous Workbook we read the following:

“Have you noticed that you are spending less and less time alone and more time with others in the fellowship and the fellowship grows among you and others that you have met in Depressed Anonymous?”  Let’s just say that our thoughts and feelings are now solution focused  – whereas all we could think about before was how awful we feel. We believed that we  are at the end of our rope.    If there is no meeting in your community, you can use our HOME STUDY KIT which will take you through each Step and it’s commentary (Big Book)  while the Depressed Anonymous Workbook  asks  some very valuable  questions for you to answer as you move through  your recovery program.

For more on this HOME STUDY KIT,    please visit our Literature store at this site. You can also order Depressed Anonymous material online.

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Depressed  Publications. Louisville.

These  two works form our HOME STUDY KIT and can be ordered as a single unit.

 

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Hope, The 12 Steps

I refuse to run from what I feel

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AFFIRMATION

I will be in touch with my feelings throughout the day. I refuse to run from what I feel.

“The ability to experience one’s feelings without resisting or running from them, determines to a large degree whether a person is healthy are not.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I’m going to make a real effort today to do what I see works for depressed persons like myself. They all say that the longer they are in the program (Depressed Anonymous) , the more feelings they are able to express and the less the unpleasant feelings of fear dominates their life. I am finding that by writing my feelings down, the less frightening they seem to be to me. I am now able to deal head on with my feelings.

My addiction was a way of walling off my pain. In time, I became addicted to the pain and in doing so, I lost myself in the process. I find this experience to be a freeing one.

My addiction was a way of walling off pain. Now the pain is more important than what I am running away from.

What I experience in my life determines to a large extent what I predict life to become. My past experiences are predictors of a life not as yet lived. I am wanting to experience the fact that my good days are more frequent now and my bad days occurring not as often.

MEDITATION

God, the more I give up my need to be depressed the more I’m finding that I’m becoming more assertive and truly present to others in my life. I want you to help me feel my feelings and express them today. [ADD YOUR OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS HERE]

SOURCE: Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step fellowships. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Faith, Hope

The Rabbit who made our Easter special!

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Our Easter Rabbit  made his first appearance on Easter Sunday in 2015. He showed up early Easter morning in our back yard as we waited for our four  grandchildren to arrive for their annual Easter egg hunt. Now this was not one of those fancy chocolate Easter bunnies, all shrink wrapped  in  gold foil, whose presence you see in all the stores readied for sale before Easter Sunday.   No, this bunny  was very much alive. My wife and I were both happily shocked to see him. There he was, nestled in the green spring grass, like  he was waiting for the annual hunt  to start.

How did the bunny know it was his day?  This day all Christians celebrate Resurrection day. We know that  rabbits and eggs  have traditionally been part and parcel of the Easter feast. It appeared that not only had  we all the eggs, children egg hunters readied to the hilt with their baskets, but we had our special guest, our very own Easter rabbit.  It was quite a day for all of us. The rabbit  was unaware of his special status I am sure.

Now fast forward one year later to the year  2016, our bunny showed up one day before Easter. We had been talking about him earlier in the week and wondering if he would come again. Yes,  here he was again. Wow! This time  he showed up a day before Easter…could he be following a different calendar? It was like seeing an old friend come home again. Maybe he just wanted to make sure he was at the right place, and  on time.

Now it is Easter morning, 2017 when  we went to our back yard performing our annual ritual of placing eggs all around, and confidently expecting our Easter rabbit to be joining us this Easter as well. Sorry to say, he was a no show. No Easter Rabbit this year.  And so we were very  saddened. What made us think he would be here this Easter as well? Expectations are many times based on all that has happened before. If he made it on Easter two times before it seemed like he could surely make  again this Easter. The odds were in our favor. Maybe he forgot, we thought, as he was usually here either on Easter day itself  or at least before.   Oh well. maybe next year we thought.   We’ll have to wait for Easter  2018. We had high expectations.

Then yesterday, just a day after Easter, who shows up in our yard? Yep, you guessed it.  A spontaneous joyful shout went up from our daughter and her friend–when we heard her scream “Our Easter bunny is here! Our Easter bunny is here!”  And like magic  there he was hopping, back and forth, with a spring in his hop,  through our yard, from one end to the other. In a way it was like he was saying, “did you miss me?”

Not only did we miss him, we expected him to be here on Easter. So what if he was a day late–he showed up. We know that he will always be our special Easter rabbit. For our family, he continues to be   our special gift on Easter Sunday, the day before,  the day after, or whenever.

Hope for us is that he will be back next year. We just know, believe and expect that he’ll be here.

Life is much like our bunny.  Sometimes when we hope for things to turn out the way we wish, it works out that way. And then sometimes , when we feel shaky inside, when we begin to feel a little doubt creep into our soul, that is when our expectations for something good to happen shut down. Somehow, our lives have received a precious gift, the gift of expecting a miracle, such as  our Easter rabbit’s continued  annual appearance at Easter…on, before or after.   We knew  at some level that he would return –we just knew he would come back.  We looked for him and here he was. Believe. Expect, don’t give up. Hope. We never want to let doubt cloud our hopes  and expectations from coming true.  Each new day can brings us closer to what we hope for. Live in hope. Just believe that your dreams will come true.

Hugh

 

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Hope, Journaling, Love, The 12 Steps

Being depressed means isolation

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How do I know if I’m depressed?

“Being depressed means isolation – and being cut off from everybody and everything.  It is like being in prison, like a pit where the walls are like soft clay and I cannot climb out. To me the isolation is pre-hell and often I feel so dead inside.  There is an awful feeling, that hole in my soul which is like a clenched fist.   I don’t know where to turn with all the pain and hurt. I can’t imagine anyone hurts the way I do and I hope no one does. I would never want to inflict this pain on anyone, so I tried to hold it inside and it seems like it’s too much to bear, especially alone. This is where Depressed Anonymous comes in – this is where powerlessness and God come in. There was no one to help, even to try to understand before Depressed Anonymous. No one wanted my pain  and others started  to avoid me.  I understand better now, especially since I’ve been around Depressed Anonymous via Hugh and the book Depressed Anonymous,3rd edition and the journaling I’ve done. My hope is that I will be more at peace and will try to use the  specific tools which continue to be  great helps in overcoming depression while  giving me  hope —  just for today.”

Source:  Mary C, Sterling Heights, Michigan.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition.(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Visit the Store for more information on Depression and the use of the 12 Steps.

Hope

Hope is Something more, Someone more, so keep going!

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In Man’s  Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl describes  how hope is a key to survival and the heart amid the horrors of a concentration camp. The prisoner who was able to find meeting – in nature, in the memory of a loved one, and a generous act – would more likely not to give up. When we hope, in whatever circumstance, the future we long for comes closer, an experience of mind and heart that sustains us now and impels us forward.

Thomas Aquinas named hope as a theological virtue. It is a gift from God that we receive now, fueling our journey to a fuller union with God. Hope is the way God encourages us. It stirs up memory of God’s abiding faithfulness. Hope expands our vision beyond the immediate horizon. It breaks open our heart to dispel fear. It stokes our imagination to realize unexpected opportunities. Hope whispers, or shouts, when we need it “There is Something more, or Someone more, so keep going!”

Hope is not sentimental optimism. Optimists to easily escape reality, denying challenges in making promises that the are hard to keep. When we hope, we face reality because God is found in what is real. We know that things  may not turn out as we want, but we strive  valiantly nonetheless.  God is faithful, we insist, so there is meaning even in the toughest and most unexpected circumstances.

When we hope, we live generously and gratefully in the present because deep down we know that all will be well – not perfect, but well. With every word or deed steeped in  hope, the future opens up to reveal a present beyond our imagining. ”

Source:  Fr. Kevin O’Brien

The Ignatian  Adventure: Experiencing  the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius in Daily Life.

 

Kevin O’Brien, SJ, is Dean of this Jesuit school of theology of Santa Clara University he is author of the nation adventure: experiencing the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius and daily life.

 

Fellowship, Hope

Only by sharing my pain can I hope to reduce its size.

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“Empowerment and prevention are two realities that give us the push and the power for talking day after day with persons still suffering from depression. I know that some who hear about us will go with an expectant faith that they will find hope and peace in this group(Depressed Anonymous).  This hope in itself may keep them from sliding down the slippery slope of depression. Life is too short and the pain so devastating.  Only by sharing my pain can I ever hope to reduce its size.

Today I can experience hope. I will believe I can live this day with pleasant thoughts. I will do one activity that will give me hope and light for today.

Today I will believe that I can live this entire day “hopeful” and that I can return to the above activities anytime and as many times as I need,  just for today.”  

SOURCE: I will do it when I feel better. (2016) . Louisville.  Page 70.  Quoting from  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 136.

 

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Higher Thoughts for Down Days, Hope, Miracle Thinking, Purpose

What is the power of Depressed Anonymous?

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What is the power of Depressed Anonymous?

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“Well,  first let me say that when I first started attending Depressed Anonymous, I went for s couple of months and then stopped. I stopped going because my depression was so bad that I didn’t  want to leave my apartment. I didn’t want to be around or talk to anyone. I just didn’t want to do anything except crawl in a hole somewhere and isolate myself from everything. Then after about six weeks of isolation, I called the residential treatment center where I had been a client to see if I had received any mail there and one of the members of the DA group where I attend answered the phone. I spent a few minutes talking to her and there was something in her voice that told me  that for some reason, it was important for me to be at the meeting. I attended the next Depreseed Anonymous meeting. After the meeting was over, I suddenly realized the importance  and power of Depressed Anonymous.

So what is the power of Depressed Anonymous? For me, it is just like attending that first meeting. I was a little scared and apprehensive at first, but then I found the Depressed Anonymous meeting was a place to go where there were other depressed people just like me. They could relate to and understand what I was going thr0ugh. They didn’t judge me or think of me as crazy. I was accepted.

Another power of Depressed Anonymous is the miracle fo the group and what each person brings to the group. I have seen our fellowship get stronger and grow. I have developed many friendships that I can depend on for support and understanding. I have watched some  of the newcomers that have kept coming back grow and improve. Even something as simple as a smile when there was none before.  The miracle of the group empowers and energizes me.

The most important power of Depressed Anonynous is hope. Hope that we will not be locked into the prison of depression forever and that there is a way out for each of us. A hope that our Higher Power will work the miracle through us and that we will find our own happiness. I have hope that our heart and minds will know love and peace like we have never known or felt before.  The power of Depressed  Anonymous works for me.  I hope and pray that it works for you. Keep coming back!

SOURCE:  Copyright(c)  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY . Pages 134,135.  Ray’s personal story of recovery.

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If there is no Depressed Anonymous group where you live–don’t let that stop you from joining our fellowship. Get started today and use the HOME STUDY KIT (SEE STORE)  where you can begin your own recovery using the tools that members in a “face to face” group use at their meetings.  The HOME STUDY  version provides you with a Depressed Anonynmous WORKBOOK plus a Depresssed Anonymous  MANUAl. These two works will provide you with an amazing process in which you can grow and learn more about depression and its effect upon your own  life.  It can also  provide you with an access to our web blog where you can read article after article on the “how” to leave the prison of depression. You are always welcome to involve yourself with any and all comments that you would like to send to the site in response to what you see and read here.

We welcome you.

Home Study Kit

12 Step Meeting, Depressed Anonymous, Despair, Fellowship, Hope, Love, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

“We’ve got work to do.”

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When my grandson  was  3 years old  and older he would always say “papa, we ‘ve got work to do. ”  When he would see me with a hammer in my hand or a can of paint and ready to work on some repair project around our house,   without fail he would always be willing to pitch  in and do his part. As a little guy he always seemed so much older than what he was because of his strong desire to help his papa. He is 19 today and now he is doing his own  work. But not surprising is his continued willingness to help me when he can. Now that I am in recovery, thanks to our Depressed Anonymous program of recovery  and  after these many  years,   I am still free from depression.  I attribute that  this freedom is due to what I did learn  when I was depressed and continue using these tools on  every basis. I have found  that it does take some work to get through the darkest periods of the depression. It also takes a supportive group of men and women who know what we know,  and feel what we have felt when depressed.

Every meeting that we attend, and every step that we take on the road of our recovery, we find the fog lifts, the desire  to live again returns. Not all at once–but in short spurts – the fog lifts and we feel the hope churning in our hearts and minds.  And at every Depressed Anonymous meeting we hear the following words read from HOW DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS WORKS.

“You are about to witness the miracle of the group. You are joining a group of people who are on a journey of hope and who mutually care for each other. You will hear how hope, light and energy have been regained by those who were hopeless and in a  black hole and tired of living.

By your involvement in the group we are feeling that there is hope – there is a chance for me too – I can get better. But we are not the people with the magic wand and the  easy formula for success. We believe  that to get out of the prison of depression takes time and work.

And so at each and every Depressed  Anonymous meeting the group listens as we hear  what it will take to escape  from the prison of depression. ”

Also, at every meeting of the fellowship we hear how by using the spiritual tools, our Twelve Steps, we can gradually find the path that will that can lead us out into the light of freedom. We come to believe that a power greater than ourselves  can restore us to sanity. And then we make a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God as we understand God.”

SOURCE:  Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Page  67.

PLEASE VISIT THE STORE for more info on depression and ways to free ourselves from the agony of sadness.

Go to Groups on Menu to see if there is a DA group in your State or LOCATED  outside the USA.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Hope

SURVIVAL MANUAL

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I have a manual, a Survival Manual if you will, that continues to save the lives of those who feel that they have lost all hope. They feel “locked down” and in a deep dark pit of nothingness. What used to be a life of daily ups and downs has spiraled down, spinning out of control. All their thoughts and feelings are swallowed down in this relentless swirling whirlpool. A great dark monster is chewing up our lives moment by moment. The more we fight it without any seeming results, the more defenseless we become to its ravenous appetite, and the more hopeless our lives become.

Like Job in the Bible, others come round us, and tell us that all we have to do is “just snap out of it” and all will be well. They tell us to think a positive thought and tell ourselves of all the good things that we are surrounded with–family, friends, and people who care about us.

It’s all so simple for those who have never been depressed. They don’t realize the pain our bodies feel, resultant of the constant pounding of fatigue and our relentless hopeless thinking.

The Depressed Anonymous fellowship is there to help us survive our feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that kept us isolated and alone. And by using our Survival Manual and listening to all those stories from survivors like ourselves, we loosen the bonds that have kept us imprisoned.

In order for any of us who are presently depressed we highly recommend our Manual which is written by those of us (survivors) who have used the tools for recovery.

Our step by step program of recovery provides a map out of the woods of our confusion, despair and isolation. We have support. We are never alone–unless we choose to be. If you want a solution, pick up a copy of Depressed Anonymous today (Survival Manual) and find hope for your own life–today. Read the 31 stories written by survivors and included in this Manual.

We no longer are victims!

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications.. Louisville.

To order your own Survivor’s Manual from Depression, please visit the store here and for the many other publications which will help you in your getting free.