Category Archives: Helpful Thinking

Acceptance, Attachment, Fellowship, Purpose, The 12 Steps

Depressed Anonymous. Pollyanna or the real deal ?

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Is Depressed Anonymous the real deal or is it just too good to be true. Are we much like the novel character Pollyanna, over optimistic about everything or are we the realists who take life on lives terms and then deal with it the best way that we can. For all of us who are program people we know the answer to that question.

The best way to deal with any problem or life situation  is to face it squarely and deal with it.  Feelings and all have to be felt, looked at and then dealt with. Take it from me and the  many others who come into our program depressed and who discover that we are not the” pie in the sky “people,  the people with the magic potions or the magic wand wafted over  our heads. But, we are the solution focused folks who will help you build a program that will last a lifetime, giving hope, with a fellowship of hopeful people with whom one can always be in contact with.

One of the areas of life that the depressed has not much experience with is to be like  little  Pollyanna of Porter’s  novels.  Most times the gloom that settles in our minds and heart are those feelings of despair and darkness which we are unable to shake off. It’s that feeling of hopelessness, the feeling of being completely helpless as we gradually make our whole existence one of inner pain  and anxiousness. We can’t sleep–or we sleep too much. We eat too little or we overeat.   Our life is lived out in what feels like a prison cell. It’s a prison without bars, granted, but we cannot  leave it just because we will to.  Will power is initially useless. I know, I tried that route. The Depressed Anonymous fellowship is one of the means which provide  us with a key–a way to leave this prison of isolation.

And then here comes this group called Depressed Anonymous.  Why go to a  group of people who are depressed and listen to stories  about their sense of futility and oppression? That would be depressing! That is, unless they are using in their lives the 12 spiritual principles of Depressed Anonymous. This is the  blueprint which build one step at a time the rest of the structure  that, like the Alcoholic, overeater, all build a structure that can  last a life time. Once they are onboard and begin using Steps for their own personal recovery to build a new life of hope, no adversity can force them to go back to their old and addictive behaviors.

The depression experience is what brings them into our fellowship and it is here that hope is gradually restored. But please, we don ‘t have the easy answers or  magic pills, or the magic wand to make our pain go away.  What we do is provide a plan, a blueprint if you will, a daily dose of hope with a lively  fellowship, sponsors and literature.

There is no sugar coating here. No whitewashing the pain of an individual depression experience. But just like the alcoholic who makes a commitment to keep from alcohol one day at a time, we too have the same program. We come in and decide that yes, I have a problem,  and yes  I will do all in my power,  plus with the ever present  God of my understanding,  change what needs to be changed in my life, one  day at a time.  This is the real deal. And so won’t you join us in this program of recovery and make the effort to discover how you too can live a life of hope and happiness.

Hugh

 

 

The Promises

What we hold onto holds onto us

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The PROMISES of Depressed Anonymous

Change is painful. The first step is really the beginning of the end of our pain.By admitting that we are in pain is that which paradoxically begins the release of our pain. This is the paradox of letting go and holding on as we learned for Step Three.What we hold onto holds onto us. What we seek–seeks us.

The pain of depression begins to dissolve as a result of doing something we have never done before- or rather doing something about our lives that we have not done before. It happens to be true that the more we get in touch with and remove our resentments , fears, guilt, and self-pity from our lives, the lighter we feel emotionally. The less need we have to rely on our defense mechanisims, which shielded our fragile egos from pain, hurt, or remorse, the freer we become.

I believe that the pain of our depression originates from inside of us. We construct present day reality based on past life experiences. The past is the predictor of the future.

As it says in Depressed Anonymous, many of us held the absolute belief that “since bad things have happened to us in the past, bad things will happen to us in the future.” In other words we have made up our minds-nothing will ever change. And of course this belief is what promotes and keeps our depression alive.

SOURCE:
(C) I’ll do it when I feel better. (2013) Depressed Anonymous Publications, Louisville. Pages 3i-32.Chapter Four: The Promises.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Fellowship, Honesty, Hope, The 12 Steps

Depressed Anonymous meetings are normally positive and the focus is upbeat!

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WHAT IS DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS?

Depressed Anonymous is modeled after the 12 Steps (principles) of Alcoholics Anonymous and was founded in Evansville, Indiana in May of 1985. It uses a group approach where members mutually support each other.

In Depressed Anonymous the depressed person admits that he/she is powerless over his or her depression. The depressed person admits that the various areas of his/her lifer are controlled by depression, and that he /she needs help from one’s inner resources, combined with a faith in a Higher Power to help work through one’s time of hopelessness and helplessness.

At Depressed Anonymous meetings, we do not pry into people’s personal lives. We also do not give advice at meetings but instead tell our story and how the 12 steps are releasing us from the tight grip of depression. Meetings are normally upbeat and the focus is positive! Each of us set small concrete and positive goals for ourselves and begin to learn how to gain some mastery over our lives and feelings. Each of us has time at meetings to share our experiences with other member so f the group. As a new member you are ready to make a commitment to quit sadding oneself, and that’s when results begin to happen.

This 12 Step recovery program can be a great healer of personal wounds and provides the depressed with a new start in life. It also provides hope for people like yourself who have been where you are. Hope now resides where once there was only darkness and despair!

SOURCE: (C) I’ll do it when I feel better.(2013). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, Ky. Pages 22-23. Chapter Three: What is Depressed Anonymous.

Please VISIT THE STORE and discover the many exciting chapters, which will outline hope for the depressed and how the group can provide essential tools for unlocking the prison of one’s own depression.

Higher Power

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator

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“We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness.  Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith  means courage.  All men/women of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let him demonstrate through us , what He can do. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At. once, we commence to outgrow fear.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68.

Spirituality, Step 03, The 12 Steps

Coming Attractions!

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How often do we  hear about “coming attractions” when we go to our local theater? There are always movies that are advertised to be shown in the future. They usually depict short clips from some of the movies  that will be coming  soon.

Now, today, as we go  about our day, our mind reviews some of the coming attractions that we will bump into this day. Have you ever noticed that the human mind, with its fears and apprehensions, usually attracts all those things that we fear might actually  happen to us. Let me give  an example of how “coming attractions” works in the brain. It’s very much like Murphy’s law which tells us that if you think something bad is going to happen–it usually does. It is a strange phenomenon but it actually works out that what we fear many times actually occurs. It’s almost like the negative fear attracts the very thing that we fear. Let’s say we are thinking about a person who is a big pain and suddenly there they are -right in front of us. How does this happen? Is  there some mysterious magnetic force in the universe that  makes this fear become a reality? Or another example: I go to a room filled with strangers and I think, “nobody will want to talk with me.” And almost magically we find ourselves standing in a corner watching everyone else interacting with others.  We just knew that this would happen. This is one of those “coming attractions” to which  our mind alerted us. And then again, how about this situation. You are at the grocery or market and you  see someone you’d just as well not want  to see . So you go down another aisle in the store and head for the check out lane. Lo and behold, guess  who pulls up their cart right behind you. Yep, you guessed it. It’s one of those “coming attractions” that our mind makes happen. Negativity attracts negative events. Negativity thoughts  attracts more negative thinking.

Can there be a reverse side of this “coming attractions” business of the mind?  I believe so. It is just as true that our mind attracts whatever we put into it. If we fear this or that,  make a mountain out of a molehill, but then reflect and see it for what it is, and reduce it to its appropriate size, we will not get stuck in the cycling negative thinking  of how bad it is or might appear to us at the time.

In Step Three  of Depressed Anonymous we  read that “we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”   This is one of my favorite “coming attractions” that has proved time and time again to be so true. Over time and with practice,  I no longer waste my time thinking about what is going to happen to me in the future  with its promised catastrophic end. So now my positive thinking abounds in a positive outlook for my life. I just know that whatever comes to me today I can handle. I just know that the Promises of Depressed Anonymous are as true today as when they wewre first written back in 1935. I also believe that all I have is today–just this 24 hour period. That is all God gives me. One day at a time. And whatever the “coming attractions” are  for me today–God and myself can handle them. I am going to have a great day  today! How about your day?

For more about the “coming attractions ” for your life,  read what will happen for those of us who choose the  way that leads out of depression. In the program of recovery we call them the “PROMISES.”

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development , we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new happiness.  We will not regret the  past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word “serenity” and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how  our experience can help others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will  lose interest in  selfish things and  gain interest in our fellows. Self  seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. The fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize  if we work for them. ”

SOURCE:   Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition(2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 109.

The Promises (2002) Depressed Anonymous Publications .Louisville.

Believing is seeing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

VISIT THE BOOKSTORE FOR MORE INFO.

Purpose

Get the body moving and the mind will follow!

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Sue, tells us how working at a local Zoo got her out of the house and focused on a new volunteer position at the zoo. She found that she loved it. It gave her a purpose and a self dignity that her depressed lifestyle had taken from her. The following is her own account of what this volunteer position brought into her life.

“Action does precede motivation and I began working at a local zoo. It is a beautiful place (and safe from muggers too). I began talking with people and learned about classed there to become a docent (a volunteer teacher). I enrolled and graduated. This gave me a new purpose in life. I get great joy from working there doing outreaches to schools, nursing homes and hospitals. I have made friends with both animals and humans. There isn’t a day that I go  there to talk that I don’t get thanked by someone, a visitor, or employee (or sometimes an animal).

My family hasn’t changed ( although my mother commented on the change in my face), but I have. In this the Serenity  Prayer really helps.  I know that I can’t change them but I have new friends and a real support system so this doesn’t matter so much now.

Whoever you are, you who are reading this. Believe! The first Three Steps are the most important. Walking or other exercise is important. Staying with it is also important. Going to the meetings and participating is important, but above all else, faith is important. Faith will truly move mountains.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 142-145. Personal Stories: Sues story: Faith does move mountains.

 

Acceptance, Mutual Aid

For those who never experienced love growing up

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“Depressed Anonymous provides a secure base (love and acceptance) for those who never experienced love or support while growing up.”

After ten years of repeated meetings with the depressed of Depressed Anonymous meetings, it’s clear that the meetings create a secure base for those who in their childhood had neither kindness nor the life giving warmth and affection of family life.

People who keep coming back to Depressed Anonynmous continue to grow and become aware of the inner change taking place week after week as they find not only attention to their story, but find that they are loved and cared for at the same time. Possibly for the first time, they find that they look forward to each weekly meeting and become attached to the positive feelings that emerge inside themselves as they continue to share the story of their pain . In time, they share how their week is suddenly being filled with more good days than bad. It also becomes obvious to the participant that childhood behavior and experiences are carried right on into adult life. Trusting is such a hazard for the depressed because every person is different. You can’t trust your environment because it could suddenly shift and you would be without a certainty that you were bad and worthless. The meetings gradually present to you an opportunity to be someone worthwhile and valued. Your sharing and risking information about yourself begins the construction of a new and secure you. The Depressed Anonymous group becomes for possibly the first time in your life, a very secure and stable enviornmment where you can share, trust and grow.“

RESOURCE: Depressed Anonynmous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Personal Stories. Pages 139-140.

Choice

Made a decision

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I made a decision years ago, albeit an unconscious one, that the horrible negative thoughts and painful feelings which afflicted me on an ongoing basis  would never change. I am referring to my inability to climb out of bed a morning, the jittery  deadly hollowness that filled my stomach, plus the anxiety of waiting for the “other shoe to drop” which I believed would bring  on some  catastrophic event  to make matters worse in my life.

But, here is  the kicker, I discovered Depressed Anonymous, at the point of personal despair, and found hope in a fellowship of men and women who likewise had made a decision to give up–some even attempting suicide.  But by the grace of God, my surrender to this power greater than myself, brought me into a way out of depression and one that has lasted these many years. I now follow the program of the Twelve Steps where I believe their Promises that if I am serious about following this path, my life will gradually get better and peace will be restored to one’s life. And guess what, that is exactly what happened to me. The same can happen to you as well.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.” Step Three of Depressed Anonymous.

Source: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011)  Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Belief

I came to believe

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This is one of those major statements from the 12 Step program of recovery. ” I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.” In our own lives we sometimes came to believe in other matters which didn’t do much for our self respect or our dignity. In other words it didn’t touch us at the core of our own humanity. Our beliefs determine our  future and how we respond to what continually impacts upon our daily lives.

Now let’s talk about the experience we may be having or have had with depression. What did that do to our self-respect and identity as a human being? Did I it loosen our bonds with persons with whom we once shared our lives and dreams? Did it cause us to  throw in the towel of living,   because we had no  peace and a total loss of a sense of regularity about our lives. Could it possibly be all of the above?

And this is where the “I came to believe ” comes into my life. I first admitted that my life was out of control, and that I was powerless  over my depression, that I had to surrender myself to something  bigger than me,  so I drug myself into the Fellowship of Depressed Anonymous and have been in this haven of sanity for the last 30 years. I am still there after all these years, not because I am still depressed. No, it’s because of my desire to share what I know about depression and how to help those still  suffering from this illness of mind, body and spirit.

Read more personal stories by those of us who have recovered, thanks to the Fellowship of Depressed Anonymous.

Read : Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

Spirituality

Spiritual awakening? What is that?

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In the last Step  (Twelve) of our recovery program we read the following:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.”

In the Twelve and Twelve, a work which speaks directly to each Step and Tradition of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And now, these same Steps have been used by millions of people around the world for their recovery from whatever addiction/behavior which might be keeping them from living a life of peace and hope. In the case of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship, we too found that it was in our own personal “spiritual awakening” that brought us more deeply into that life of peace and  hope as promised.

But first, let’s read what the author of this work  spells out for us, defining for  us what  a “spiritual awakening” is.

“Maybe there are as many  definitions of spiritual awakening as there are people who have had them. But certainly each genuine one has something in common with all the others.  And these things which they have in common are not too hard to understand. When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In a very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which, in one way or another, he had hitherto denied himself. He finds himself in possession of a degree of honesty, tolerance, unselfishness, peace of mind, and love of which he had thought himself quite incapable. What he has received is a free gift, and yet usually, at least in some small part, he has made himself ready to receive it.”

For each of us I believe this is a good starting point for understanding what the recovery program understands by a “spiritual awakening.”

_____________________

Tomorrow we  will continue our discussion about a “spiritual awakening” and take a deeper look at how Depressed Anonymous and those of us who are part of  it,  are experiencing  this ongoing  “spiritual awakening” in our  individual lives.  And because of this spiritual awakening we have this passion to try and “carry this message” to all those many others who are depressed and looking for help.

 

RESOURCES:  (c) Twelve Steps and Twelve traditions.  Alcoholics Anonymous’ World Services. Twenty-Ninth printing. NY. Pages 106-107..

(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Pages 104-109;161-163.