Category Archives: Isolation

I don’t have to be alone

May 5, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Updated 29 Dec 2020: The US based ZOOM meetings are no longer being held.

…I had the conviction that a person depressed could find the same strength and serenity as did those who, sick and tired of being sick and tired, had found when they stumbled into their first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It (Depressed Anonymous) began as a pilot project at the university where depressed people gathered as a mutual aid group. I discovered that people of all ages, beliefs, and occupations could gradually get out of the prison of depression if they were part of a support group, especially if the group followed the suggested Twelve Steps of the group now known as Depressed Anonymous. I saw that a Twelve Step program centered specifically around the subject of depression could help people escape isolation and the painful sense of hopelessness. They would no longer feel alone.

NOTE: If you are tired of looking at the four walls during this time of Covid-19, we have help. If you are depressed and seeking relief, there are a number of places where you can go online for help. Depressed Anonymous now has a meeting everyday from 12:30PM (EST). This group is peer led, which means they have been depressed or using these Steps of recovery today to help maintain hope and healing in their lives today! These are excellent groups to attend to find help and hope. You can join and share your story or you can listen to the stories of others. Either way you will find the power at work in your own life.

There are now five scheduled DA ZOOM groups operating in the US and being made available to the Depressed around the world. These ZOOM groups with the SKYPE groups are ensuring that the message of HOPE continues to spread with it’s powerful message. Please join us if you are looking to free yourself from isolation.

We thank all of those who chair these meetings with such dedication and faithfulness. They are true witnesses to the “miracle of the group(s).”

Hugh

Isolation

We are not alone–unless we choose to be alone

April 11, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT? WHO IS MY GOD?

Let’s say that we want to find out who we are. First of all, we find out that we are not alone here. We have already discovered that there are many who are exactly like us –depressed. Those person who speak that they are feeling helpless and out of control because of the symptoms of depression, can help us feel more secure because they hear this hopeful language spoken at all our Depressed Anonymous meetings.

STEP ONE

We are not in the blame game as we pointed out in the first chapter of our Depressed Anonymous manual, 3rd edition. We are here to throw some light on ourselves and not to focus on others. Now know that this has been a trap which can spiral our moods downward — moods that produce hopeless and helpless feelings . We are here to face the light and decide what we need to do to get better. This means that we look at the Steps which we need to incorporate into our lives in order to get out of the prison of our depression. The first step , as you can see, is admitting that we are helpless over our depression and that our lives had become unmanageable . Now that we admit powerlessness , and in a certain paradoxical sense, we gain a new power beginning to lift us out of the darkness.

We grant that our lives have been affected by our original family environment, either in a positive or a negative way, or somewhere in between. We know that many times, physical and sexual abuse, plus ongoing negative ruminations can be the cause of depression. Deaths and traumatic life events can also be the cause of depression. Many people say that they have been depressed all their lives after being confronted with the symptoms of depression.

Blaming others, for our depression today, such as our parents, church, teachers, and others , can put us on two different paths. One will take us down one road and the other down another. We can take the road less traveled as Scot Peck points out in his popular book THE ROAD LESS TREAVELED. One will take us down the road for more depression and the other will take us down the road of discovery–discovering the tools for freeing ourselves from the shackles of depression.

I believe that if we want to blame everything outside of ourselves for keeping us from being happy, others, even God , we are missing the point. Remember, we are all the choices that we make. If you want the light then you must walk in it!

If you believe that you had nothing to do with your depression then the good implication is that you didn’t cause it. The bad implication is that if you didn’t cause it then you could get it again, like the flu or a cold. But since depression isn’t a cold or a flu or a germ/bacterium we try taking responsibility for our depression and its symptoms. We move on from there. The quickest answer is that it may lead me to take full responsibility however I can to overcome depression –this may mean taking the medication to reduce the symptoms, seek talk therapy, or be an active participant in a beloved and accepting community, a mutual aid group where they know us by name, love us and accept us. No such statements as “snap out of it” are spoken here.

It is a fact that people who have a greater control over their lives and their environment are less depressed than those who have less or little control over their own lives.”

Courage, Fellowship, Isolation, Kindness, Mutual Aid, Purpose

I’m having cabin fever during this pandemic self-isolation. How are you doing?

April 9, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Updated 29 Dec 2020: The US based ZOOM meetings are no longer being held.

Getting a daily rhythm during this time of self-isolation is getting to be a must for me. How about you? After a month of isolating myself this isolation getting old. And, it appears that it isn’t going to be over for a spell. We are all created as human beings to be close to others. We love the fellowship of groups. Ironically, this is what will kill us or make us very sick at the very least. Physical/social distancing is a must now.

I am getting my stride. Athletes talk about getting into their rhythm. I am much aware that I can’t fiddle my time away – getting myself depressed, or just staring out the window, watching TV , streaming on my computer or just sleeping through it.

So, I have developed a schedule. I make sure that I eat every day and at the same time. I use my 12 Step literature for prayer and reflection in the morning. I also do some writing on my online WordPress blog . Because I have gone through self-isolating when I was depressed – I definitely do not let it happen again. In my schedule I go to the park and exercise everyday and at the same time. I spend a part of the afternoon catching up with friends and members of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship. At these times I connect with member s of the large DA fellowship in Iran and other DA members outside US. (Everyone with whom I have contact are going through the same pandemic as we are.)

The Depressed Anonymous fellowship have an International daily DA SKYPE online meeting. I am able to contact and participate in this group in early afternoon. Then there is a new ZOOM online fellowship that has just been formed. You can find times and places at our Depressed Anonymous website. Or on Facebook. Please try and attend these meetings. Great resource for keeping in touch and helping to maintain our recovery – one day at a time. In the late afternoon I follow our Governor’s daily TV meeting(Kentucky) where he keeps us up to date on things that we have to do to keep each other safe and out of harms way. Then evening news and then other news sources. So by night time I am saturated with news – mostly sad news about how there is so much suffering and isolation among all of us who need each other so much.

I am especially grateful for our 12 step fellowship where we can see each other f2f and maintain our sanity and sobriety. Please check out our recent blogs at www.depressedanon.com or FB Depressed Anonymous. Today is the first day where we are offering our eBooks for $1.00 a piece. These are the 3rd edition of Depressed Anonymous and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Both of these eBooks can be downloaded on the computer or printed out on your printer. These are the books which we use at our Online group meetings. If you want these books today, they are yours for downloading. We felt that now is the time to make these books available to as many people as possible. We wanted to make them available on line free – but somehow that was not possible. So we went for $1 buck apiece. I do hope others take advantage of this opportunity – especially most of us who might be hard pressed to come up with any money now when food and shelter is our most critical need. Depressed Anonymous Publications is a very small business operation and all our work is done by volunteers – including me.

My suggestion is to do the same thing everyday, have a schedule for each day and now that the children are home, and with the kids out of school, they will always need some help with their eLearning classes.

Do some fun things for yourself – I personally liked the old Three stooges, Jim Carey’s movies and older comedies keep me laughing. It sure helps lift my mood.

Plan to call at least one older person who is alone. Maybe a neighbor who needs food. My wife and I are now trying to make some strategic decisions in our food purchases and TP. Trying to make do with what we have, sharing what we have with others.

Call your sponsor everyday or a fellow member of our 12 Step fellowship group.

Finally, get into your own rhythm – take it one day at a time-make a schedule and as a family get together and decide how we all can decide how we want to spend our day.

Thank you and may all of us remain safe and secure. This too shall pass. We are all in this together. We are going to get through it. We are going to get through it together.

Love and peace to you all.

Hugh, for the fellowship

Choice, Faith, Fellowship, Isolation, Journaling, Mindfulness, The 12 Steps

My Feelings Are Becoming Unfrozen

January 4, 2020 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

AFFIRMATION

“I pray that God will give me the courage to live today with hope – hope that God’s leading will take me past the dead end of despair.

If we want to live life fully we must have freedom, love and hope. Life must be an uncertain business. This is what makes it worthwhile.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know how the feelings of depression, and the deadness and greyness of my sadness keep me holed up in the narrow confines of my dark past. Today my feelings are gradually becoming unfrozen as I attempt new things, new connections with other persons. These cause me to reconsider that a life lived in unpredictableness is a risky but nevertheless a healthy way to live my life.

Since I hold on to the belief that since bad things happened to me in the past, bad things will happen to me in the future. I need to live each new day with the belief that I can change the way I think, feel and act. I know now that I am not mentally ill nor am I losing my mind when I am depressed. I want to live just for today to try to learn how to face the uncertainties of today. Life is unpredictable . To have any certainty that it will be other than that is clearly an illusion, and for sure one is being set up for many a disappointment.

MEDITATION

We see that it is only in risking., that is, getting a different map, a map that shows a number of different routes instead of the one that leads us down the road to narrow isolation and despair. I ask the God of my understanding to lead me according to it’s guidance. Hopefully the road that leads to hope and serenity.

RESOURCES

(C) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications . Louisville. KY. (January 5th).

Check out VISIT THE STORE for more material that can be ordered online.

Choice, Compulsion, Fellowship, Isolation

Keeping the dance going: A metaphor

December 30, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

When I was depressed (for over a year) I got hooked up with a dance partner who continually stepped on my feet. I knew that stopping the dance was my only way out. I imagined if I could learn a little more about the dance and the proper step sequence things would turn out better for me.

The more I tried to think things out, try different step sequences the worse things got. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs and carefully watching each foot as it lifts to go from one level to the next. It’s a strange feeling as our mind and body become frozen from what is normally an automatic sequence. We don’t even think about the fact that our feet are taking the steps up one at a time.

From my own experience with this circular dance I learned that the more I thought about why I was doing what I was doing the more my partner (my physical body) came to a standstill. My mind went round and round over a sequence, which I was hoping would free me. Instead, the dance stopped. I left the dance floor (my world) and retreated into my own little life surroundings, going over and over again , completely obsessed with trying to figure out a dance sequence, with a result, like the wrestler’s “body slam” which flattened and pinned me to the floor. No matter how hard I tried to figure out what went wrong, the more this circular dance tightened it’s grip on my thinking, my body and everything else that had made me an active part of my world, friends and future. I am all alone.

In the Depressed Anonymous Publication, I’ll do it when I feel better, we read

“We all know that any addictive /compulsive type of behavior gradually removes you from the regular activities of persons around you, including family, friends and coworkers, until you are established in the narrow confines of pain and isolation. We are always going to be just a little more isolated the more we try to think our addiction through in the circle of our own thoughts. ”

Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better., 2nd edition. Hugh M. Smith (2018) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY. Page 61.

Fellowship, Isolation, Mindfulness, Prayer, Purpose, The 12 Steps, Victim Thinking

Today is your day!

February 5, 2019 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

If you are depressed, this is your day. Yesterday is gone forever, except in our memories. Tomorrow is not here yet, except in our imagination. This is all we got. This 24 hour period of time is my time. This is the space in which we will be living for the next 24 hours. For some of us, it won’t pass fast enough. But think about it: we’ve told ourselves thousands of time that we will not face who we are and what we want today but only when we feel like it. I will do it when I feel like it. Sound familiar?

The physical and mental pain of our sadness won’t allow us to think about anything BUT my pain. I feel like I am in a prison and no matter what keys I am supposed to have to get out, nothing will work. I won’t accept that I have options for my release. Once depressed –always depressed, that’s my mantra.

Today is your day. This is the day you are going to make a break ! This is your day to do something different. Namely, to listen for that other voice inside your head. You are going to hear that there is another way out. The lockdown is over. You don’t have to live this way. Isolated. Imprisoned and without hope.

In “I’ll do it when I feel better is written for all of us who are waiting. Waiting. Waiting for what, I ask? Yes, I know what you are waiting for–you are waiting for the depression to just disappear. Poof! And it’s gone. But you and I know better than that. We have been depressed for so long we can’t accept that we can do anything about our life sentence of misery. I have personally been at this struggle for so long that I know something very important about leaving behind the misery of our lives. The fact is that when we begin to take charge of our thoughts, feelings and lives, good things will begin to happen today. How? Talk to a person who has been there and is now recovered-living that life of hope. Read the hopeful material from folks who have successfully found that making today decision day is today.

Let’s be honest. I once faced the same feeling of being hopeless and despair. I never thought that I was able to dig out of the hole that I had been living in. My continuous negative and hopeless thinking eroded all the motivational energy that I might have had to try something that might work for me.

This is your day! You still have hours left in this day to make a decision to start the life that you have been wishing for. Throw the sheets off–get off the couch-call a friend–check out this website depressedanon.com discovering how to get motivated for something that will work for you. Why? Here you will find the written accounts of folks, just like you and me, who have begin to live one day at a time. They are making the most of each day. Many of us begin each 24 hours by saying this prayer, the moment upon awakening:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s similar to putting your toe in the water. Too cold? Too hot? No, just right. Why? Because there is hope here. There are folks here who are available for you to talk with. There is an International online SKYPE group that meets every Sunday. People who need to talk with others about their own recovery using the 12 Steps of Depressed Anonymous.. People who are in recovery. These are those who are spending today reaching out to others for assistance. They find kindred spirits everywhere.

You can read hopeful stories of people like yourself in Depressed Anonymous who have made a decision to live each day with hope. For example, the following is Gloria’s story of how her “today” was on June 6, 1985. (First meeting of Depressed Anonymous was founded at this time).

“There are four of us who were together first on June 6th, 1985. We have become very good friends. I still remember what the counselor from the very first meeting told us. “I’ve seen people come and go. Some helped, some for just one meeting, some wanting a magic wand waved. It has helped me over the rough spots, and gave me courage to go on as a widow. I have found a peace in life, a special joy in knowing and loving people. In helping others, I have helped myself. I know my background in life has made me depressed at times. My Mother was abusive and I realized later in life that it was an emotional illness. I forgave her.

I will continue t attend Depressed Anonymous. Every time is different and who knows what mystery each group holds? One never knows who needs me, who needs a smile or a hug or who needs to feel that they are not alone, or who needs to know that there is a God who loves all. ”

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (1998, 2008, 2011) Depressed Annonymous Publications. Louisville.KY. (Personal Stories section. Page 141/In helping others I helped my self).

“On awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives. Free us of these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be on a higher plane when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives. If we have to determine which course to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then we relax, and take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile.

We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we are shown all through the day what our next step will be, asking especially for freedom from damaging self-will.” Bill W.

TODAY IS YOUR DAY! WHAT CAN YOU MAKE OF IT?

For more information please contact: depanon@netpenny.net.

www. depessedanon.com for BLOGS and information about depression and recovery tools.

Visit the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more information on how to order books online

SOURCES: (Copyright) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (1998, 2008, 2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

(Copyright) I’ll do it when I feel better. Hugh Smith (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Page 101. Louisville. KY. (Quote from As Bill Sees it. The AA Way of Life… selected writings of A.A.’s co-Founder. AA World Services Inc., New York. 1967. Page 243.)

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship, Isolation

What is the power of Depressed Anonymous?

October 26, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“What is the power of Depressed Anonymous? Well, let me first say that when I started attending Depressed Anonymous meetings, I went for a couple of months and then stopped. I stopped going because my depression was so bad that I didn’t want to leave my apartment. I didn’t want to be around or talk to anyone. I just didn’t want to do anything except crawl in a hole somewhere and isolate myself from everything. Then after about six weeks of isolation, I called the residential treatment facility where I had been a client to see if I had received any mail there and one of the members of the Depressed Anonymous group where I attended answered the phone. I spent a few minutes talking to her and there was something in her voice that told me that for some reason, it was important for me to be at the meeting. I attended the next Depressed Anonymous meeting. After the meeting I suddenly realized the importance and power of Depressed Anonymous.

So what is the power of Depressed Anonymous? For me, it’s just like attending that first meeting. I was a little scared and apprehensive at first, but then I found the Depressed Anonymous meeting was a place to go where there were other depressed people just like me. They could relate to and understand what I was going through. They didn’t judge me or think of me as crazy. I was accepted.”

–Ray

Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (1998, 2008, 2011). Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky .

DA Literature, Fellowship, Higher Power, Hope, Isolation, Spirituality

The “before” and “after” stories of those who freed themselves from the tyranny of depression

July 14, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I just want to write a few thoughts this morning about the “before” and “after” experiences of group members battles with depression. Before there was a Depressed Anonymous group for me to attend, where I could address my problems, I joined another 12 step program of recovery. It was at this meeting that I heard and saw people who shared their stories how it was “before” they got into recovery and the “after” now that they are living the recovery program.

The difference was like night and day. I could listen all day to a lecture on depression, alcoholism, overeating or any other addiction and not be as moved as I am when I hear the actual person telling their story of how life is now by actively participating in their own recovery. To hear the changes that have taken place in those many people whose lives had spiraled down into the darkness of isolation and hopelessness is a phenomenal experience in itself.

Most of the books which serve as the basic text of 12 step groups such as Depressed Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous, to name a few, all include many “before” and “after” stories of those who have suffered the loss of their self only to find that with the help of the spiritual principles of the Steps were they able eventually to share how their lives had changed dramatically. Their stories are simple, direct and filled with powerful accounts of human beings who once were lost in the chaos of addiction, but now have been freed, living with hope and serenity.

Depressed Anonymous’ basic text has its own “before” and “after ” stories as well. All the stories, the “before” and “after” accounts, give credit to the program of recovery which has changed the thinking and lives of thousands of persons throughout the world. I see these stories manifesting the miracle of the Higher Power, at work in those persons who made a decision to choose to walk that different pathway out of their addictions. They then tell those others “still suffering from depression” about the power they have received.

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.” Step Twelve of Depressed Anonymous.”

Sources:

Depressed Anonymous, recommends its basic text, Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition for the many inspiring accounts of those persons who came to a meeting, like myself, heard what others had experienced and decided that to see how it worked for them.

Also another excellent publication with many “before” and “after” stories is A MEDLEY OF DEPRESSION STORIES, by the founder of two Depressed Anonymous groups in North Carolina, Debra Sanford. Her work is available at Amazon.com.

Depressed Anonymous Publications also has books available at depressedanon.com. VISIT THE STORE

DA Literature, Fellowship, Isolation, Journaling, Mutual Aid

Got too much on your plate?

June 26, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Yes, I have too much on my plate. So, now what can I do to make my plate lighter? How can I slow down, smell the roses and deal with all those pressures coming at me at the same time? Even before I get out of bed I get depressed just thinking of all the things which are facing me today. I just want to take the bed covers, pull them over my head and say goodbye to it all. I keep telling myself “I don’t want to do this anymore. My life is a metaphor for a roller coaster. I just wanna get off!”

Ok, my life is out of control. My life is unmanageable. I feel like the clown in the circus, who has dinner plates all spinning around at the same time – all zipping around at top speed and not a one crashing to the floor. Amazing! Today we call this multitasking. Yes, I multitask and it’s killing me! But I want to know how to keep life simple? How to gain control of what is on my plate and how to rid myself of those things which I can live without.

In Higher Thoughts for Down Days, I read how ” I can learn to keep my life simple. I plan to do that by first of all admitting that I am powerless over my depression and that my life is unmanageable. I also believe that I can get out of this mess by focusing on respected and workable solutions rather than keeping focused on my ever present difficulties.

The word simple comes from the Latin word “simplex” meaning one fold. Also, it means to just have one part. I think to keep it simple means to be single-minded and keep the focus on the solution and practice that particular solution in all my daily affairs.”

Here at our site (depressedanon.com) we have listed a number of tools which each of us can use for our own personal recovery. (See Tools for Recovery at Site Menu). I guarantee that if you begin to use these recovery tools, on a daily basis, you will begin to free yourself from being overwhelmed and your life will no longer feel out of control and unmanageable. Each of the tools describe a particular action to take which can give you more control over your life. You will in time be able to take issues off your plate, which once immobilized you, providing you with a sense of hope.

I recommend that you take one of the listed tools, read up on how to put its action into your daily life. Take one at a time and get good at doing it on a daily basis. This will form a habit and habits determine what course our behaviors will take. Please write to me and let me know how you are doing with this exercise of hopefulness.

I will leave you today with this riddle:

QUESTION

How do you eat an elephant?

ANSWER

One bite at a time!

SOURCES: Copyright(c) Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. June 26. pg. 128.

VISIT THE STORE at Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more information available. Ordering online is available.

Fellowship, Isolation, Prayer, Purpose, Spirituality, The 12 Steps

I have been crippled by saddening myself!

June 20, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

I know that I am going to be alright as long as I let God direct my thoughts today.

“When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

I know that at first, when I was depressed, I wondered how this could apply to me. Then I realized that for so long I tried to live in the solitude and isolation of the comfort of my depression, where everything stood still. The way I lived my life was left unchallenged. I now realize that at the center of every one’s life must be the spiritual life of each of us and it is the amount of care and time that we give to this center that determines the amount of hope and change that we bring to our lives.

The more I plan to work my program, I admit that truly my life has been unmanageable since I have been hampered by my saddening myself, I can truly move forward and plan more pleasant and fun activities into my life.

MEDITATION

We ask you God, the center of our life, to continue to provide for us the necessary courage to know you on a more personal level so that we might have the daily courage to put our life and plan into your hands. (Personal comments).

SOURCE: (c) Higher Thoughts for down days: 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 122.

VISIT THE STORE and learn more about Higher Thoughts for Down Days, now in a Kindle edition.

Hope is just a few steps away!