I remember Fred on his first visit to Depressed Anonymous. He said that he had been depressed all his life. The group listened to Fred, and of course for the most part Fred said he didn’t have the foggiest notion what all this talk of God had to do with his sadness and how it was supposed to help him. (Step 3) But it was the pain of Fred’s depression that brought him back time after time to the meetings, and he started not only to feel better but he began to look better. Then as he heard more about the Twelve Steps he saw that he could trust his Higher Power. And that maybe the depression that had been such a lifetime companion was not for him anymore. Fred took the plunge, came to believe that a power greater than himself could restore him to sanity – and it did just that. Fred said that he didn’t need this depression anymore, got busy making amends to family and friends and co-workers for being such a negative person, and began to take inventory where he needed to Spring clean his home.

It appears that Fred is like the many of those who come to attend their first Depressed Anonymous meeting. They come fearing that the risk that they are taking by attending a meeting, like everything they have tried, will not produce any positive results. They figure that no one could possibly love them for themselves.

I’ll Do It When I Feel Better, © (1988, 2013) 2nd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Pages 73-74

Today, is another day no different from all the rest. Staying isolated from friends and family . Being pulled apart from all those relationships which is what makes us social beings. Being isolated and missing meeting up with friends and our fellowship-except for our SKYPE and ZOOM meetings which are life savors for many of us).. Going to the market is a challenge. Unable to visit with friends in Nursing home. You don’t really appreciate something till it’s gone. I think I am in mourning. I am irritable and feel lost. But with you, who read our blog I know someone will be reading what is written here. I am not alone.

This brings me to another very important issue now that I am on the subject of being alone and isolated. And I don’t think about this issue very often, since life was rolling along fine until the virus put us in lockdown. When I was depressed I always talked about how depression felt like being in prison , isolated and alone. I grant that. But I knew little of what happens in the life of a prisoner, until we were allowed to start Depressed Anonymous groups in a State prison near our hometown.

It was an eye opener. I have visited prisons before. Short periods of time. Having a service for those who wanted to attend. This time it was different. This prison experience began with being interviewed by a prison staff, including the head psychiatrist. Our work would be carried out in a new wing in the prison which dealt specifically with prisoners with mental health issues. I say “our” because I had the good fortune to work closely with a woman corrections officer. I was there for about three years, with visits two times a week to attend DA meetings which we had set up. I remember well our first anniversary celebration where the warden allowed our fellowship to have a birthday party for all of those men who were part of our groups. It was a most unusual event as this had not been done before – having punch and cookies in prison, at least not in the wing where are groups are located.

Fast forward to now,2020. The covid-19 virus wreaking havoc on lives around the world. And now moving into prisons, nursing homes and other persons in institutional forced lockdown.

All this to share how I have been feeling blue, low mood, and irritable, and wondering it will end and when. Presently, areas of life are still “iffy” and not back to normal. I wonder if there will ever be a normal to go back to?

All this fear and hurt with so many elderly dying, and those of us who are over 65+ taking the hardest hit. But let me go on to my point and the reason I am writing this article now. My concern is for those men and women in this country, 80,000 or more who are locked down in Special Housing Units, also called “Solitary Confinement.” I have been reading an account of a man named William who has been in solitary confinement for 25 years and more at the time of his writing his story. His story and the story of so many others, is titled HELL IS A V ERY SMALL PLACE: STORIES FROM SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.

William speaks about how it was before he was sentenced to prison life. He mentioned the freedom that he had before prison – but no more. He could ride his bicycle, go out with buddies, walking in the park. Anything.

If you are depressed now. If you are isolated and cut off from life now. You can count me in. I am so weary of all this enforced isolation, the social distancing, the masks. But I do believe that these efforts may save my life. Will it ever return.? Will normal ever return – not for a time. That’s just my belief.

William, in Solitary Confinement for over 25 years, writes from his 6×9 cell, wonders the same thing. Will his life ever return to the way he remembers it? I doubt it. No, neither will ours. I am not being pessimistic just honest – but I am still hopeful that we will get through this.

I have been an advocate for persons depressed for most of my adult life. I have been to more places in the world, with persons I never would believe I would meet and who live in countries I have never been. All virtually, either on Skype, ZOOM, emails or phone.

I feel that there are so many men and women who we can reach out to who are in Solitary Confinement and deeply depressed. You and I can’t undepress anyone but ourselves, but being part of a fellowship sure gives me strength and bonding that I will never forget and the Twelve steps and the spiritual principles saved my life. . Thank you. Now that we have shared online how the virus has most dramatically affected our lives in so many painful ways, our confinement is in no way is kin to what 80,000 prisoners are experiencing right now in America.

What can we do. First of all I recommend that you find a way to learn more about people who are in Solitary. We can learn how to help them in ways that will truly be of most help to them. We can learn more. We can share our own experiences with Depressed Anonymous with prisoners and least give them the knowledge that they are NOT ALONE. We can be live advocates for those in Solitary, as we can share their stories how they live out their day in a VERY SMALL PLACE, for days. for months and for years. The name of their story is found in a recent publication titled “Hell is a very small place: voices from Solitary Confinement.” The New Press (2016) New York. London. Edited by Jean Casella, James Ridgeway and Sarah Shroud.

Here is a place where I hope you will contact: “About Solitary Watch” http:://solitarywatch.com/about. We can learn, we can share, we can act. I hope to do as much as I can in being an advocate. If you would like to join with me in this effort, a justice and human rights issue, let’s get together and work as one voice. A voice for the “voiceless.

If you are interested and want more info please write to me at : depanon@netpenny.net and in the subject line put SOLITARY.

Hugh

WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT? WHO IS MY GOD?

Let’s say that we want to find out who we are. First of all, we find out that we are not alone here. We have already discovered that there are many who are exactly like us –depressed.  Those person who speak that they are feeling helpless and out of control because of the symptoms of depression, can  help  us feel more secure because they  hear this hopeful language spoken at all our Depressed Anonymous meetings.

STEP ONE

We are not in the blame game as we pointed out in the first chapter of our Depressed Anonymous manual, 3rd edition. We are here to throw some light on ourselves and not to focus on others. Now know that this has been a trap  which can spiral our moods downward —  moods that  produce  hopeless and helpless feelings . We are here to face the light and decide what we need to do to get better. This means that we  look at the Steps  which  we need to incorporate  into our lives in  order to get out of the prison of our depression. The first step , as you can see, is  admitting  that we are  helpless over our depression and that our lives had become unmanageable . Now that we admit  powerlessness , and in a certain paradoxical  sense,  we   gain a new power  beginning to lift us out  of the darkness.

We grant that our lives have been   affected by our original family environment, either in a positive or a negative way, or somewhere in between. We know that many times, physical  and sexual abuse, plus ongoing negative ruminations  can be the cause of   depression.  Deaths and traumatic life events can also be the cause of depression. Many people say that they have been depressed all their lives after being confronted with the symptoms of depression.

Blaming others, for our depression today, such as our parents, church, teachers, and others ,  can put us on two different paths. One will take us down one road and the other down another. We can take the road less traveled as Scot Peck  points out  in his popular book THE ROAD LESS TREAVELED.  One will take us down the road for more depression and the other will take us down the road of discovery–discovering  the tools for freeing ourselves from the shackles of depression.

I believe that  if we want to blame  everything outside of ourselves  for keeping us  from being happy, others, even God , we are missing the point. Remember, we are all the choices that we make. If you want the light then you must walk in it!

If you believe that you had nothing to do with your depression then the good implication is that you didn’t cause it. The bad implication is that  if you didn’t cause it then you could get it again, like the flu or a cold. But since depression isn’t a cold or a flu or a germ/bacterium we try taking responsibility for our depression and its symptoms. We move on from there.  The quickest answer is that it may lead me to take full responsibility however I can    to overcome depression –this may mean taking the medication to reduce the symptoms, seek talk therapy, or  be an active participant in a beloved  and accepting community, a mutual aid group  where they know us by name, love us and accept us.  No such statements as “snap out of it” are spoken here.

It is a fact that people who have a greater control over their lives and their environment are less depressed than those who have less or little control over their own lives.”