Category Archives: Fellowship

I never had a birthday party as a child

October 24, 2018 Hugh Smith 11 Comments

I think that it is hard to believe that any small child never had his or her birthday celebrated with candles, songs, friends and cake. In most cultures (if not all?) all children have parties to celebrate the fact that they are loved and prized. Some of my own birthday parties stand out as somehow more remembered than others. A lot had to do with the fact that I was remembered as someone special to my family and friends. Much of the talk at those parties, centered around our birth day itself, with Mom telling about her experiences on that day. I also love pictures of those childhood parties–showing candles being blown out and the receiving gifts from family and friends.

I want to quote from our manual Depressed Anonymous (pages 90) which relates how not receiving love and acceptance for who we are has for some led to those sad feelings of anger, and rejection when mention of children celebrating their own birthdays is illustated.

“Many times persons depressed find that the more they get in touch with their feelings, painful as they might be, the more they need to remain with the feelings and feel them. This is the beginning of getting free from their tyranny. We have to get in touch with our feelings of anger, sadness, and the fact of our denial that we have even experienced the fierce feelings of rejection so early in life. There may be some covered-over rage resulting from these unpleasant childhood experiences. It’s amazing to hear people say that as children they never had a birthday party. We know that sadness, guilt, shame and a few other losses coming at one time in our life, can slowly push us over the line as we find ourselves overwhelmed with stress and feelings of defeat. It’s this subtle feeling of being out of control that brings a deepening sadness we feel totally immobilized.

…(Many) times when we describe what we feel we begin to release in ourselves the feeling “stuck ” that keeps us in a mood of hopelessness.”

I can understand what a party which celebrates the fact that we are special and loved by others can do to our self-esteem. It just might cause us to prize ourselves and then to share who we are with others. I’m not saying that to have or not have a birthday party as we grow up makes all the difference in our lives. It’s just that it may give us the message that we are loved just as we are. To be prized and made to feel special can add a wonderful dimension to young lives.

The date of your birthday and how it is remembered is more than just another day on the calendar. It’s your day! You can ask your self “how was my last birthday” and how will it be different this year? Will my birthday be a day where I will reflect on all those persons in my life who I feel prized me for who I am? And are there certain persons who you will always feel a gratitude for their presence and love for you in good times and bad? Write down in your journal who these people are and what they mean to you today.

Acceptance, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus, Honesty, Hope, Mindfulness, The 12 Steps, Victim Thinking

Was finding this phone number a coincidence?

October 23, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Helen shares her story about finding help–when she needed it most.

“I finally knew after two year or more of sleepless nights that someone had to help me. I found a card saying Depressed Center, in the back of the phone book. It has a phone number and that was all. I talked to a man on the other end of the phone. I said to myself this man is too busy to talk with me, but anyway I made the first appointment myself. I made myself go. I thank God I did. I thank God that I went for help. It was a whole new beginning for me. I wanted to get well so badly. I think people do have to want to change. I went in with an attitude that I have to get well. I had heard things about counselors that scared me, but this was just all the old negative feelings that caught up with me and boxed me in. I got better and started to think differently. I started to get rid of some of my negative thoughts. I began to feel better and I continued to see my counselor. I started in Depressed Anonymous some weeks later.”

If you are curious about how the mutual aid group changed Helen’s life you’ll need to read her full account in the Personal Stories section of Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, pages 169-172.

She also has something powerful to say about pleasing people and how she needed to get her priorities straight and begin taking care of herself.

Sources: Seeing is believing: 15 ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017). Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY.

I’ll do it when I feel better.(2018) Hugh Smith. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY

Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship

Thanks to Depressed Anonymous, I am a healer instead of being a victim.

October 18, 2018 Hugh Smith 1 Comment

“These Twelve Steps work for those who work the program and who try to live one day at a time. Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more and that we have withdrawn deeper into the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story. There is something healing about hearing ourselves speak to others about our own journey in life an the many emotional potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt that our lives were jinxed! But now we can begin to feel hopeful when other members of the group shake their heads in knowing approval of what we are saying when we tell our story. Most have been where we are now. And the more we make an effort to come to meetings regularly, the more we will find members of the group telling us how they see a change in the way we talk, act and look. We will accept the group’s comments as being true and honestly expressed. These people speak our language and they al l have been where we are now. You gradually begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim the more you work this program and get excited about the possibility of helping others. When you start reaching out to others in the group, it is at that point that you are carrying the message of hope to others. You have a future with Depressed Anonymous.”

Fellowship, Focus, Hope

Please don’t tell me to “snap out of it.”

October 7, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

The Mental Health Award winner Dorothy Rowe Ph.D., tells us

” that the best way depressed people can help themselves is to help one another. Form a group, get to know one another, support one another. ”

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

Some folks think that all I have to do is just be cheerful and my mood will automatically change. Wrong. It’s like telling someone to stop their diarrhea as if they had any control over it. My depression took time to develop and so it will take time and work to remove. The people who are the most support are those who have been depressed themselves, they won’t tell you to snap out of it!

I best support myself when I find other people like myself and try and help them. Look for a Depressed Anonymous Group in your community.

MEDITATION

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS? Please write out your comments here if you like.

SOURCE: Copyright (c) Higher Thoughts for Down days. 365 daily thoughts and meditations for members of 12 step groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 201.

12 Step Meeting, Belief, Counseling, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Focus, Hope, Journaling, Serenity, Step 03, The 12 Steps

Faith Appears To Be Good For One’s Health

October 1, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Joyce was a client of mine a few years back. She was in her early sixties and just recuperating from a successful open heart surgery. She also was very depressed. That’s where I come in. I was asked by my clinical supervisor if I would spend some time with her and see how I might be of help to her. I agreed to do what I could do.

In the midst of counseling and listening to Joyce’s story, I discovered her strong faith, which included her personal faith in God which gave her the belief that she was going to get through whatever that had her in lockdown.

She wasn’t aware of our Depressed Anonymous group and so I shared my story with her and the fact that I too was once depressed. I told her how I became a believer in the spirituality of the Twelve Steps and how my belief in God delivered me from my symptoms of depression. Now don’t get me wrong -my own story is that it took me over a year to finally get free of this noose around my neck. Also, because of my faith in a program and the recovered people who lived it out in their daily lives, I started on the road to recovery.

My faith told me if I would follow some of the simple steps outlined in this recovery program I would get better. My faith got me off of my seat, out of bed and out my door to begin walking. I believed walking might be the key that unlocked my prison of depression. I read that some Doctors in England were writing out prescriptions for exercise for their depressed patients. I figured that it worked for them and so why wouldn’t exercise work for me. After a year of walking everyday I finally walked out of the mental fog, lost the jitters and became free of depression. My faith in a Higher Power and my getting my body moving on a daily basis produced the healing effect that I had hoped for.

Back to Joyce. She and I had ten sessions together and I suggested to her that she start to think about the things that she did before her depression. What provided the satisfaction and those pleasant events previously in her life. She talked about how she at one time was a cartoonist as well as a lover of writing poetry. So, that is what I suggested — that she involve herself with these pleasant activities again. She said that she believed that she could do it–even though her mind and body rebelled at moving out of her comfort zone of doing absolutely nothing. The main defense for doing nothing is the oft repeated mantra from all of us when we are depressed which is “I’ll do it when I feel better.”

With each new session she would share with me a cartoon or a poem which she had created the previous week. As she continued doing what she liked, I noticed more energy in her voice as she shared her feelings about her new creations. All the while, she was compliant with her own physical recovery from heart surgery. Her pleasant moods gave her a feeling of being in control of her life and her future. She came to believe that a power greater than herself would restore not only her sanity but her health as well. Her faith was renewed in the God of her understanding while restoring her belief that her health was going to get better. Not only did she have a plan to follow but she made the spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps her way out of depression. She continues to follow this map to this very day.

The following quote is from a work titled, The Secret Strength of Depression written by Frederic Flach, M.D., K.H.S.

“Faith appears to be good for one’s overall health. Cardiovascular illnesses are more frequently seen in depressed individuals, in patients with coronary ischemia, depression worsens the outcome, possibly due to alterations in platelet function and changes in autonomic tone. Depression is also associated with a higher mortality rate following acute myocardial infarction; for those patients who survive, the recovery process is often a more complicated one. Studies suggest that the recovery rate from medical and surgical procedures, from the repair of hip fractures to coronary bypass surgery, is faster among believers. Moreover, patients undergoing such treatment appear less likely to have serious complications or die.” Page 239.

SOURCES: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Copyright(c) I’ll do it when I feel better. 2nd Edition 1986, 2013. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. KY.

Copyright)(c) Believing is seeing:15 Ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky.

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Service

Some depressions are followed by thriving. We honor the strength of those who achieve recovery. It is possible!

September 30, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

“One obstacle to a more affirmative national conversation is that depression has lacked a unifying public symbol that could bring it out of the dark, and Livestrong(c) bracelets did for cancer or the rainbow flag did for LGBT. When most people think of depression, their first associations are to unfortunate images, such as a dark cloud, the color black, or a noose. One reason why depression stigma lives is that depression has a serious bumper stick problem.

But this is essentially an issue of failed marketing and messaging. It should be possible to develop a unifying symbol, and it is presented in a compelling way, many might rally. Conservatively, thirteen million US adults are currently in an episode of depression, more than twice that number have had depression in the past. When we add caregivers, millions more are indirectly affected by the quality and the quantity of our national dialogue about depression. Have no illusions. Even with a strong public education campaign, stereotypes that have been decades in the making will resist change. Still with so much to gain, it is high time that we try.

But in my view, finding more humane ways to discuss the predicament of depressed people is not just good marketing, it’s also good science. The mood science perspective tells us that depression, deep or shallow, is a natural product of the mood system. However a person gets there, facing deep depression is a supremely difficult trial. Rather than weakness or defectiveness, we should acknowledge that getting through depression requires considerable strength. Rather than assuming permanent debility, we should recognize that some depressions are followed by thriving. Writing these words fourteen years after my episode, I recognize that I am not broken. Getting beyond the disease model will require us to honor the strengths of formerly depressed people, to see their potential for rebirth after depression and the ways that, once reborn, they can help others build enduring recoveries from depression. It is possible.” Copyright(c) Rottenberg, Jonathon. The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic. (2014) Basic Books. New York, Pages 198-200.

Hugh’s comments

This work of Jonathon Rottenberg is one that everyone needs to read. Not only does it provide us with a insight into “mood science” it also is a positive statement on the depressed person’s strengths. And then it promotes the fact that once a depressed person recovers, they will go on and help others rebuild their lives.

If you are fortunate to be a member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship you will understand this statement completely: helping others rebuld their lives completely. In fact this is where our Twelve Step program challenges the person recovered “having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps. we tried to carry this message to the depressed, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. (Personal Stories).

Our Big Book has more than 30 personal stories of how these stories of the recovered members of Depressed Anonymous have had their lives rebuilt and now are thriving and strengthened and reaching out to others depressed. It is possible.

DA Literature, Fellowship, Negativity

I kissed a chunk of my life away…

September 27, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

My Mother had died in 1983 and I fell into a severe depression. I felt overwhelmed and suicidal.

I never actually attempted suicide because the alcohol came into my life. It dulled my senses and made me oblivious. Alcohol also at the same time gave me this feeling of empowerment and happiness, but at the same time. – resentment because I knew what was bothering me and didn’t quite want to address the issue.

It wasn’t until 1993 that I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and got into therapy, which has been amazingly helpful. I’m growing and dealing with the death of my mother and with alcohol. My hobbies, like gardening and my writing give me great joy and are therapeutic. I’ve been working The Twelve Steps with an open mind that every day things will get better. If problem does occur, the Higher Power will give me the answer and the strength to deal with it and not to run away or shut it away like before.

Depression is something that’s so overwhelming. For me, it’s like crawling from beneath the earth and facing the light with fear that no ne would understand how I truly feel. When in depression, isolation would follow as my only friend, but actually, it was my own worst enemy. I should have been opening up to someone. Instead, I shut myself off from the world.

Through therapy, a belief in myself, and encouragement, facing each day doesn’t seem difficult.

Working my Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous and reading Higher Thoughts for Down Days gives me reassurance that we are not alone. I now appreciate what I do have when I work through the program.

Through prayer and appreciation, I realize that there’s more to life than alcohol and that I kissed a chunk of my life away because of it.

Now I’m gaining much more through life than ever before. Being sober, I see my life as a gift and not as a heavy burden.” Rheatha

Click on to Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more literature dealing with depression and the Twelve Step Program of Recovery.

Depressed Anonymous,3rd ed., Depressed Anonymous Publications. (Personal Stories). Pages 110-152.

Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and meditations for members of 12 Step Fellowship groups. Depressed Anonymous Publications

Fellowship

I am no longer alone in my depression

September 25, 2018 Hugh Smith 2 Comments

“No longer am I alone in my depression. I can now see that it is up to me to form new friendships with others in the fellowship of the Depressed Anonymous group. I have found persons who understand me and my problems. I also learn coping skills and new positive behaviors from my fellow group members.”

One of the best things about belonging to a Depressed Anonymous group is that a person will find support and acceptance here. Frequently those persons who begin to work the 12 step program begin to realize that instead of waiting to stay isolated and sad that it’s the acceptance they receive in the Depressed Anonymous group that keeps them coming back to the meetings. Another reason people keep coming back to the group is that members of the group place no conditions on you or judgments when you join the group.

They love you and accept you just the way you are. That’s pretty neat I’d say. ..”

Source: Copyright(c) Believing is Seeing: 15 Ways to leave the prison of depression. (2017) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.KY.Page 20. #4.

Click on Tools of Recovery from the website menu and there find assorted ways to help overcome depression. One may also click onto the Newsletter Archives for past issues of the Depressed Anonymous Newsletters.

DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Faith, Fellowship, Hope, Mutual Aid

Sharing your story is to save your life!

September 20, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has at least one book inside of them that needs to be written. In her award winning book, Depression: The way out of your prison, Dr. Dorothy Rowe tells us how getting our story told can be life- changing, and for some life-saving. Below are her thoughts on the importance of sharing one’s story with that person who is willing to listen.

Help comes in two ways -from yourself and from other people. But help cannot come from other people unless you are prepared to find it and accept it. You have to find the people to confide in and you have to overcome your habit of keeping things to yourself. Perhaps you are ready to confide in someone, but there is no one available. Your family will not listen, and your doctor prefers to write you a prescription rather than give you his listening attention.

So you need to find someone who will listen. Someone outside the family and, possibly, outside work, is usually best—someone who has no vested interest in keeping you as you are or who has no reason to feel guilty about what you might disclose. It need not necessarily be just one person. On your journey out of your prison of depression you will meet many different gurus, people who throw light on your darkness. A nurse might listen to your fears about your health and the drugs you take, and may find the words to calm your fears. A friend may share with you the burden of family responsibilities. A pastor or priest might listen and acknowledge your religious doubts and fears and impart the courage and trust which enables you to deal with these. Of course, not everyone you hope to confide in will respond in a helpful way. ..”

And then Rowe continues to say that “you might like to consult a professional listener of some sort. You may find someone in the Health Service, or you might go to a private therapist. Talking to people who have been depressed and are now coping is tremendously helpful.” Pages 199-200. (Copyright) Depression:The Way out of your prison. (1996) Routledge. 2nd ed. London.

Our Twelve Step program tries to ensure that everyone who attends our program of recovery and who shares their story will be given a sponsor, a listener if you will, who too has experienced the pain and anxiety of depression. They are sponsors because they too have been able to share their stories. They know that powerful freedom that comes when someone really listens to us and our story. People often say to me “Doesn’t listening to all these depressed people get you depressed? ” And I can honestly say that it does not get me depressed. In fact, I know that by listening to someone else’s story, I find many areas which are similar to my own. Besides the fact that I myself experienced the chaos and pain of depression, I know how difficult it is to come out and share one’s own struggle. But it can be done!

If you are looking for someone or others to listen to your story with compassion and without a judgmental attitude, our group Depressed Anonymous is the right place to come. We are all storytellers. We all have been heard. We all continue to tell our story. Not only the personal account of our own depression but also the story of how we have recovered from depression. In our program there is always the “before ” and “after” story that we share. The ” after’ story of all of us is that important account of what we did to recover, how we did it and with whom we did it, made all the difference in the world. Out of the darkness into the light.

You can read the stories in Depressed Anonymous, which contain heart warming stories of how persons young and old, have come to our fellowship, shared their story and who now listen to those new members who share their own story. They want to share that hope, so that others depressed may know that there is a way out and a life to be lived without depression. They are no longer alone!

It takes trust to share our story. Finding the right person or the right group of persons is what we are looking for. There are persons waiting to hear your story. There are those persons who have recovered from depression and who are now sponsoring other people and forming other groups. If there is no group in your area, know that we have a long distance group learning program, called the Home Study Recovery program. This program can be done at home and all it requires is the willingness to work the Steps with a sponsor through emails. All one needs is the Depressed Anonymous manual and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook. There are no fees or dues for this Home Study Program. As in all our groups, sponsors can accompany new members as long as they like. In time, attending the DA groups our new member can choose their own sponsor.

Please go to The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore at this site and examine the material that is used for this program. Again, in the event that you would yourself want to start a Depressed Anonymous group in your locality, these two books are our main resources used in all groups, here in the USA and internationally. If the purchase of the books is a hardship, contact the DA Publisher and they will make it possible for you to receive the books regardless of payment.

Depressed Anonymous, 3rd ed., Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville.

The Depressed Anonymous Email address is Depanon @Netpenny.net.

DA Literature, Fellowship, Spirituality, The 12 Steps

I Am Not Broken

September 17, 2018 Hugh Smith Leave a comment

More than 30 years ago I felt that I was a broken human being. We all have heard the old saying that “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.” Looking back over the time I spent dealing with the darkness within, I now can see my recovery time did make me stronger. That recovery forced me to use tools that I had never realized existed and fit for what I needed to raise myself up. These tools gave me strength for survival. The saying was true: move the body and the mind will follow. Instead of my mind and life spiraling further down into the pit of hopelessness I began spiraling upward with hope. In the beginning of my descent into nothingness I believed that the inner war that was going on in my body was going to kill me. I did believe that I was coming apart, unglued and a danger to myself. I was like a nomad in a wasteland where all the guideposts for directions had disappeared. My life had lost all meaning. My mind resisted thinking about hope and the future. I felt that I was in a state of limbo–no moving forward–only backward and down. My personal pain and anxiety kept me tied down in my own desperation.

Many have found my own story to be a positive statement in which almost on a daily basis I am able to share some of my thoughts about this journey which I am on and which you too can be on. Our own story of recovery is really a tool that others can put to use for their own lives,

My depression experience has provided me with a life purpose and given me meaning which I never dreamt would be my own recovery gift for others “still suffering” to use for their own recovery; the repair of their own personal brokenness. My own life and the Twelve Steps has provided a key which helped me unlock the prison of my depression. The Steps provide ample guidance and direction for those of us who continue the spiral upward, living out in our own lives the hope and purpose which have been promised to those of us who desire a life after depression.

Hugh

You can read the author’s story in the Depressed Anonymous book, plus 30 more personal accounts of those who have also used the recovery tools for their own freedom from depression.

Click on to The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more literature which deals effectively with depression and recovery. Orders can be made online.

Hope is just a few steps away!