Category Archives: Fellowship

Belief, Fellowship, Isolation, Mutual Aid, Victim Thinking

I will face my fears!

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I will take another small step in my own recovery  and face any uncomfortable  fears that arises. I will face it and let go.

“I had to surrender to God, quit controlling everything and everyone, including God.  Let go and let God.” (8 )

CLARIFICATION OF THOUGHT

To think of letting go of my depression is like telling a drowning man to let go of his life jacket. When we have been depressed for so many years and this is all we know, we don’t know what to make of someone telling us to let go and surrender this experience to God.

I also know that for me to be in control, either by my sadness at home or my attempts to control every member of the family, I know that this keeps me from having to face all the pain in my own life. My thoughts don’t flow the way other peoples’ thoughts flow. My thoughts continually flow in a stream of heavy blackness. The blackness has always been part of my life and I feel that there is no way to escape it.  The only way out for me now is to “admit that I am powerless over my depression and that my life is unmanageable.”

I know that in the program there is much talk about giving over one’s life to a Higher Power and letting it guide us.  It’s somewhat like we are going down the road of life and we see a large narrow bridge which is spanning a river before us. We see the bridge and  can even see the other side but instead of crossing over we get out of our car, go down the embankment and begin to swim across to the other side. Depression and our own feelings of unworthiness won’t allow us to risk a way out of our sadness. Like so many life situations, the answers are hidden there in plain sight.

 

MEDITATION

We used to believe that our God was a God of wrath. We needed to believe that,  because we were feeling so bad, evil, worthless and unacceptable about ourselves. Now we believe God’s supply of love is endless. (See Step #3).

Affirmations, Exercise, Fellowship, Purpose

Sisyphus and his rock.

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There is an ancient Greek myth about a greedy King (Sisyphus)  from Corinth who was sent to Hades (hell) and who spent all eternity pushing a heavy rock up the hill, only to have the rock roll down again.

What do I make of this myth? What meaning can we give to it? What is its message?  And how can I relate it to my own life?

First of all, it has all sorts of meaning for all sorts of situations in my own life. I like to think of the story about Sisyphus and his rock much like my own story and struggles with the “rock” that I keep pushing up the hill. That rock was my struggle with  depression which  always seemed to be a part of my daily existence. Everyday, I just knew that it was time for me to face the rock and start pushing.   In time, the thought of facing another day with my hands on the rock gradually wore me down. I was exhausted.

I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t think a coherent thought. My nerves were in revolt and my anxiety precluded any sort of activity that might help me escape my rock pushing. I began to feel hopeless and too helpless to walk away from this rock which was  chained to my mind, body and spirit.  I felt I had no choice but to get up and push the rock.

This started me to force myself to walk each day, and without thinking about the rock. It was like I was distracted from thinking about anything while I walked. And so in time, with my daily walks, I found that my rock grew smaller and smaller. And then one day, I reached the top of the hill without my rock. I was free. I felt free. I felt that my time in hell had ended.  (Read: I’ll do it when I feel better. Depressed Anonymous Publications).

Over the years I have found other tools besides that of walking in dealing with my depression. I founded a group, called Depressed Anonymous, where all the various shapes and forms of Sisyphus could gather, share their hopes, and their  victories and discard their rocks. I knew that being all alone in one’s hell, made life even more unbearable. But with a group of persons together, all with their own situations and experiences could get the strength to find their way out of this rock pushing bondage  .

All in all, I have found that when you get together with others like yourself, and you share your stories, things start to change.  You finally feel accepted, and made welcome  as you share your own rock pushing over the years, months, even a lifetime. We all can check our “rocks” at the door as we discuss ways out of our misery,  week after week .

For more information please check out our stories in our manual Depressed Anonymous, which by the way, is written by those of us who have been depressed and are in recovery, attending Depressed Meetings week after week. And if there is no meeting in our community we can also participate in our Home Study Program of Recovery, accompanied by an online sponsor.

Click onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for  learning more about who we are and what we do.  If you choose you can order online from our website at depressedanon.com.

Join us here everyday as we continue sharing our serenity and our hope online at our BLOG: Depressed Anonymous.

 

12 Step Meeting, DA Literature, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

I Was Making Myself Miserable!

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” I know that I needed help. I had been to counselors on three other times in my life, but nothing ever seemed to work or last. This time, I have been in counseling for about two months. I was sick and tired of being like this. I wanted a life and I wanted to be happy. Every week, someone would notice a change in me at the Depressed Anonymous meeting, but I still felt the same.  Then one day while watching TV (thinking thoughts at 100mph), it occurred to me that I was making myself miserable.

I had always known that I was hard on my self. I reamed myself out every time something bad happened. “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” “Why isn’t God looking after me?” But for some reason when I realized that I was doing this to  myself  it made me realize that maybe all I would have to do is stop doing it! All of a sudden it made sense.

If I tell myself  negative thoughts, I feel negative. If I tell myself positive thoughts eventually I will have to feel positive.

Of course  I am still testing it out, but I feel better and for the first time in 14 years, I have hope. It’s not that hard to find something positive about myself or my life now. So I remind myself of something positive every day and that is what I am going to do until I don’t have to remind  myself  anymore because I’ll know.

I’m always finding out that my life is not as horrible as I have made it out to be.  I used to tell myself that since it happened before, it will happen again –and that simply is not true.  Yes, my past was horrible and it is no wonder I ended up with depression. I want out of it and the only person to get me out is me. There is not a magic wand to transport you to the life you want.   Everyone knows what they wish their life could be like – so do it!  Make the changes you have to make, trust in God and always remember that good things come to those who wait. I’ve waited over half my life. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or of my mind any more, I’m more than ready for the good things! With love and hope!

–A Depressed Anonymous member.

 

RESOURCE:  Copyright(c) Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Ky. Pages 120-121. (Personal Stories).

The Home Study program of recovery is always available online with an online sponsor. See more information about the Home Study Kit at the Depressed Anonymous Bookstore here at depressedanon.com.

Fellowship, Hope, Victim Thinking

Today, I will begin to dig myself out of the deep hole that is depression.

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On this New Year’s Day, I find that my work for my life today, and only today, is to reflect on a time in my life that I have experienced a feeling of happiness and contentment. If I can remember a pleasant situation form the past, I will construct a happy situation and imagine it occurring right now.

In getting my priorities straight, my feelings of depression lessened.

Clarification of Thought

In my relationship to God, I am beginning to realize that it isn’t so much that I believe  that I’ll ever feel better, but that I just can’t know for sure.  My first priority is to admit that I have a problem and that with God’s help  I can get through my depression.

As soon as I give up my victim stance and begin to take responsibility for my feelings and my life, I can start to work as if my recovery is really up to me and that I will, in time, succeed in getting out of this deep hole that I call depression. My priority is to begin each day with the conviction that the Twelve Steps will be an aid in getting out of my depression.

MEDITATION

God, we seek your guidance and your strength for our lives. Whatever we have lost or feel we have lost, please heal the holes in our souls and fill them with your love and peace. In our quiet time today, show us what part of us needs to be healed.” See Steps 1, 2, 3.

SOURCE:   Copyright(c)  Smith, Hugh. Higher Thoughts for Down Days: 365 Daily Thoughts and Meditations for 12 Step Fellowships.  Depressed Anonymous Publications.  Louisville, KY. Page 1.

Fellowship, Love, Mindfulness

The gift that just keeps on giving!

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“These Twelve Step;s work for those who work the program and who try to live one day at a time.  Many times we have been so scared of being rejected once more that we have withdrawn deeper into  the anguish of our shame and hurt. We need to to air our hurts, our shame, and let others hear our story.  There is something healing  about hearing ourselves speak to others about  our own journey in life and the many emotional potholes that we have fallen into from time to time. We have felt our lives were jinxed. But now we can begin to feel hopeful when other members of the group shake their their heads in knowing approval of what we are saying when we tell our story. Most have been where we are now. And the more we make an effort to come to meetings regularly, the more we will find members of  the group telling us how they are seeing a change in the way we act, talk  and look.  We will accept the group’s comments as being true and honestly expressed. These people speak our language and they all have been where  we are now. You gradually begin to see yourself as healer instead of victim the more you work the program and get excited about the possibility of helping others. When you start reaching out to others in the group, it is at that point thay you are carrying the message of hope to others. You have a future with Depressed Anonymous. ”

SOURCE: Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition. (2014) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 105.

The last Step of the Twelve Steps of Depressed Anonymous says it best for those of us who  now want to be that “gift that keeps on giving.” and become bearers of HOPE.

STEP TWELVE of   the DEPRESSED ANONYMOUS FELLOWSHIP

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we  tried to carry this message to the depressed,  and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship, Journaling, Love

I need a manual on how to live life!

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The other day I noticed that one of my head lights was out. I thought why spend good money and have a mechanic fix this thing? I will just find a manual that fits the make and year of my car and do it myself. So that is what I did. It worked perfectly and I saved my self some grief from a mechanic’s bill.

Before this situation I was visiting my mechanic about a problem that I knew I could not fix and so I went into the garage and found him under the hood peering intently into the car’s engine. At the same time, he was reading carefully from a manual, spread out over the engine illustrating the engine parts with pictures and text. I thought, wow! just like my wife when she is cooking up a new dish. Her new dish was illustrated with pictures and text, giving step by step directions for giving her latest creation new life. Many times at a 12 Step group meeting how many times that I felt I needed a manual on how to live life successfully. When you are born, your Mom didn’t get a manual from the doctor telling her how her new creation was to live his/her life.

Fast forward to adolescence and young adulthood or even as an older adult in retirement. In the midst of living out our life there may come a time when we are baffled, surprised about a personal condition that we find we have no control. In our mind we try and figure out what is wrong with us. What is happening to us. And for the sake of an example, which I personally know best–been there done that–I painfully discovered I was depressed and getting myself deeper into the dark pit as I continued to ruminate uselessly on what I had and how to escape this terrible pain. The more I ruminated and worried the more I isolated myself. I wanted to know if I was losing my mind, had a brain cancer or some new and incurable disease.

Because I already was a member of another12 Step program of recovery, it was obvious, that the Big Book of their fellowship, outlined step by step the nature of our illness and gave a detailed program of recovery on how to live with the interminable effects and symptoms of my illness. The manual worked whereas before I was powerless to get anything to work for me that could change my life.

And then Depressed Anonymous was founded and I soon discovered there was a manual for this illness that was working for other persons depressed so why couldn’t it work for me. It was depression that seemed to have me by the throat with its innumerable symptoms. Just as those who put out cook books with hundreds of recipes, I found the perfect recipe, or detailed instructions, on how to leave the prison of my depression. And the best part of this Manual, Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition, was that there was a group discussion meeting that talked about these helpful and healing instructions. If you were experiencing depression these steps would work for any one else as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not want you, the reader, to think we are minimizing the “life threatening “ issues that go with the depression experience by using the mechanic and cook book analogies. But if I had not had access to this Manual with its detailed information on how to get well and to feel better ( by the way–all our material is written by people like me–depressed and in recovery), I probably would have struggled longer and who knows what would have become of me.

Our recipe for wellness can be located at The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore. Also go to the Website Menu (depressedanon.com) and check out our HOME STUDY PROGRAM. Anyone can use this Manual, Depressed Anonymous and The Depressed Anonymous Workbook together if a Depressed Anonymous group is not in one’s area.

12 Step Meeting, Fellowship, The 12 Steps

“Depressed Anonymous is a light to guide me.”

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Dear All,

I have been very busy lately, out living life, and I wanted  y’all  to know that just being on this Blog subscription list and reading the shares and the “Big Book” of Depressed Anonymous has helped me tremendously to not fall into depression in blind denial as was my custom,. Two things are helping  me.

“do the next right thing”

“motivation follows action”

Thank you so much for being here!

Also for the first time I can handle flashbacks from PTSD more easily because I am not depressed. I even had more repressed memory come up. I was depressed for about a day and a half and then got sick of it and got up and went back to my daily life. It  is a miracle! Thank you, thank you, thank you…I believe I am  on the path that leads to depression being something that I used to struggle with so mightily. I don’t think I’m cured, just that Depressed Anonymous is a light to guide me, to keep  me on the path to wellness….

Trish.”

The Antidepressant Tablet.

A     Comment

Thanks to you Trish,  for your thoughts and your enthusiastic response to the  power of the 12 steps of Depressed Anonymous at work in your own  life.  And yes, the mutual aid support group  which we  fondly know  as Depressed Anonymous  group  has participants thought out the world.  It  has come a long way since it was founded in 1985, Truly, the group is like the “mustard seed” of the Gospels. Our BIG BOOK  is being translated into Dutch, Spanish, Iranian(Persian). It has already been translated into Russian and now made available to those in Eastern Europe who speak Russian.

All of us who use  the Steps of recovery can give thanks to Bill W., and Bob S., the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (1939).All of us in the program continue to stand on the shoulders of these two giants, plus those who were the first members of this healing initiative.

I personally can say that my own recovery and the life I lead now  would not have been possible if I had not become a member  of a 12 Step  recovery program and lived my life around the Promises of the Steps.

You might want to participate in our online HOME STUDY PROGRAM  where you will be able to work your own program using the DA Workbook and Manual (BIG BOOK). The online program works via emails and  correspondence that are set up between you and the sponsor.

You can find out more about this personal recovery effort by clicking onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications website  www.depressedanon.com. At the Site menu, you can use the drop down individual menu HOME STUDY PROGRAM, and learn how to order the materials and then start your own program using these two books. Trish, would be happy that you will find the serenity and hope that she has found.

Hugh

 

Choice, Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship, Focus, Higher Power, Journaling, The 12 Steps, Victim Thinking

If you want to eat an elephant, the best way to do it is one bite at a time

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The following quotation is taken from our “Big Book” Depressed Anonymous (3rd edition) as it appears on page 95.

“All of us who are substance addicted (compulsivre overeating, alcohol, cocaine, pre- scription medication) or process addicted–addicted to a behavior ( the workaholic, sex, gambling, depression) know that in order to free ourselves from the intoxicating experience, we have to first want to give it up and live without it.  We best do this   one day or one hour at a time. Don’t say you will quit a self-destructive behavior for one year at a time and see how you do. No, trying to live one day at a time is a lot easier.  As someone once said “if you want to eat an elephant, the best way to do it is one day at a time.” We know from past experience that our  sobriety, our disappearance of sadness is due to letting go and admitting my powerlessness over my sadness. It  is turning it over to my Higher Power and letting it take care of my sadness. I can’t do anything to remove my compulsive behavior until I choose to live without it.”

***

If you happen to be part of our HOME STUDY PROGRAM OF RECOVERY, you will want to turn to page 80 of the Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Both the Manual and the Workbook come together as important tools in overcoming our attachment to the ruminations and isolation that depression brings upon us.

“All of our efforts so far in this Workbook have been directed toward overcoming  –cleaning house if you will —so that our will might be properly disposed to God’s will and that we might feel free and no longer hopeless. We know that our enthusiasm to change will grow the more we desire that change. The more we change the more  we will cast off the shackles from our lives that keep us imprisoned and isolated.”

COMMENT  Like the quote of how to eat an elephant, we also are most aware that you can’t just wish to get rid  of an obsession or addiction, it takes time and work–one day at a time. There is no easy or comfortable way to battle our demons except through work, prayer and meditation. And for me, one of the best ways to overcome my addictions is to use the 12 spiritual principles of the 12 Steps every day of my life. And again, it’s one bite, one step at a time.  Don’t wait. Do something today. Don’t tell yourself the lie, “I’ll do it when I feel better.” Take the plunge.  If there is no meeting in your  community then work with a DA sponsor/guide and participate in our HOME STUDY PROGRAM OF RECOVERY. Go to the main site depressedanon.com  menu under the title HOME STUDY PROGRAM. The program is operating presently.

****

SOURCES:   The Depressed Anonymous Workbook, (2002) Depressed Anonymous          Publications. Louisville. Page 80.

                             Depressed Anonymous, 3rd edition (2011) Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville. Page 95.

Please click onto The Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore for more helpful literature on THE HOME STUDY PROGRAM OF RECOVERY  and information on how to order online.

If you would like to participate in the Home Study, please contact the director at Depanon@netpenny.net. Thank you.

 

Depressed Anonymous Workbook, Fellowship

When I am “powerless” I feel out of control

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During my depression   I was “powerless“.  I no longer had the ability to bounce back from my ongoing ruminations about how bad I felt. The more that I tried to figure out why I was feeling so bad and horrible,  the intensity  deepened. The more that my thoughts circled around in my head the more despair I felt.  I felt hopeless. All I was able to do was lay down and sleep, hoping against hope that my anxiety and fear would disappear. But no, they only intensified my despair. I knew that I had to do something. I had to get my body in motion. I had to talk to someone. I had to DO something besides sit at home and think, think and think some more.

I gradually discovered that my  thoughts produce feelings, feelings produce moods and my  moods produce behaviors. In my case. the behavior was to do nothing, The one thing that I did do, was to begin to isolate from family and friends. This deepened my anxiety and frustration. I knew about talking with someone and so I contacted a friend who was in another 12 Step fellowship. We call these friends sponsors. And so it was in talking with a sponsor that I gradually dug myself out of the hole that I was in. I quit digging.

Today, at the present we have some persons who have decided to do something about their depression and pain–they have begun to participate in our HOME STUDY PROGRAM of recovery. This program is a one to one relationship with a sponsor. All one has to do is sign up  and contact us here at depressedanon.com. There are no fees or dues just a willingness to learn all they can about depression and their  own depression experience,   while  utilizing both  the Depressed Anonymous Manual and the Depressed Anonymous Workbook. Both can be found by clicking onto the Depressed Anonymous Publications Bookstore here at this website.

For more information as to how this Home Study works, please read more at Newsletters, the Antidepressant Tablet. You can read how Kim found us on her computer and is now engaged  in getting herself free of the shackles of depression.

She is longer powerless.

For more information please contact me at:  depanon@netpenny.net.

Acceptance, Fellowship, Spirituality, The 12 Steps

Author pens new book, “A Medley of Depression Stories.”

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The following are excerpts from a recent article, from the Edenton, North Carolina Newspaper, written by Staff writer Rebecca Bunch. Portions of the article have been edited and paraphrased.

“Author Debra Sanford has accurately captured the struggles behind depression in a deeper way in her new book, “A Medley of Depression Stories.” The book most ably points out with stories the personal observations on the mental health issues that plague members but also shares the stories of others in their own words.

In the Introduction to the book, Sanford describes it as a Medley of powerful short stories from different perspectives and experiences — meant to help the depressed person – relate and to understand that they are not alone.

The author has the hope that the reader will be able to relate to the stories from others. Debra hopes that you will find your wellness here.

But, according to one entry in the book by someone identified only as “Anonymous” the Depressed Anonymous meeting is promised as a “safe place to fall.”

The meetings are described as an accepting place with friends who truly understand what you are talking about, a place where you don’t have to be ashamed to have a mental illness or to be depressed.

Meetings of Depressed Anonymous are scheduled every week in Edenton, NC., as well as in Elizabeth city.These meetings are there to offer support and comfort to those who need not to feel alone or as they live out their day to day lives.

Copies of Sanford’s book are available at Amazon.com.

You can reach the author at www.depressedanon.com/edentonnc. You can also contact Debra at (252) 333.8855.”

She will be happy to hear from you.

A short review of A Medley of Depression Stories by Hugh Smith, Depressed Anonymous member.

First off, I met Debra and members of the newly formed DA groups from Edenton and Elizabeth NC., about three years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me to meet face to face with a very enthusiastic and dynamic bunch of people. Yes, they were there to support each other and discover the ways the 12 Steps would lead them out of depression.

Debra’s work has stories, 35 of them written by Debra and some who struggled with the pain and isolation of depression. I could pick out a few titles of these short stories but as I look over and read the stories I must admit that they all definitely strike home. I am inspired and given hope that I can get help.

Everyone who reads these stories will find parts of themselves in each of the accounts. I find myself in so many of them myself. If you are looking to find hope, and a way out of depression which has imprisoned all of us, then you have found here a key that will free you.

If you are a member of a local DA group looking for topics to give hope, especially to Newcomers, then I advocate that this book and its stories be selected to be read at all the meetings.

I am proud to have the opportunity to know Debra personally and to see how her love of others is the reason for it being written. And with Debra, we all can say “my story is not over yet.” At every DA meeting another hopeful page has been added to our own story!

Hope is the door that leads into tomorrow!