Category Archives: Fellowship

Affirmations, Belief, Choice, Community building, DA Literature, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Hope, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

One of the great paradoxes of human life…

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DECISION 12 : “I will learn to share my sadness with others and to share their sadness.” Dorothy Rowe. Breaking the Bonds. Understanding depression, Finding Freedom. Fontana. London. 1991. Page 271.

“One of the great paradoxes of human life is that, in the way that we are born and die and in between create our own unique world of meaning, we are always atone, yet the only way that we can live with the essential aloneness is to share our life with other people.” Page 271.

Dear Reader, this concludes our journey of how to Leave Loneliness Behind. By making the 12 Decisions our own, and living out these truths as presented to us by Dorothy Rowe, we can leave loneliness behind.
I give total credit to Dr. Rowe, psychologist, for her wisdom, that she shares with us here in BREAKING THE BONDS.
Jill Tweedie. a reviewer, tells us that the writer Dorothy Rowe, is the “light at the end of the tunnel.” If you make that decision to read this work, I know you will agree.

Hugh S.

12 Step Meeting, Anger, Avoidance, Choice, DA Literature, Fellowship, Purpose, Supportive Actions, The 12 Steps

The best way to live with sadness is to share it

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DECISION 11: I will let go of envy and allow myself to be sad.

“Actually, envy is only possible when we distance ourselves
from people. Once we get close to other people and discover their point of view, we discover also that all people have their own troubles. Every advantage in life has its own disadvantages. Envying people is a waste of time. And time runs out for all of us. Even if we never wasted time being frightened, angry, envious, lonely and depressed, we still could not fit into a lifetime of all the marvelous things we could do.”

Dorothy reminds us that “the best way to live with sadness is to share it.”

Dorothy Rowe. Breaking the Bonds: Understanding Depression, Finding Freedom. Fontana. London. 1991. Pages 270-271.
(Leaving Loneliness Behind. The Twelve Decisions.)

Choice, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Mutual Aid, The 12 Steps

Leaving Loneliness Behind (4) – Dismantling the Barriers

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DECISION 4. “i will be interested in the other person.”

“The best gift that you can give another person is to take an interest in them.”

Taking the other peron seriously, means being concerned about what they are concerned about. Remember little things about your new friend. Ask, if they life to read? Do they prefer Fiction or non-fiction? Do they like to go to movies? What are their hobbies?

You have to listen to another person to really know one. Seem simple enough? Be sure and share some of the things that you like to do with your free time.
People feel good when someone wants to know something about them.”

Reader. Please add something in your own life that you like to talk about with new friends. Do you like to share things which you are proud of in your life?

Tomorrow: (5) Leaving Loneliness Behind. I WILL improve my skills in Listening and asking questions. This is my way to get to know the other person.

12 Step Meeting, Acceptance, Avoidance, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Helpful Thinking, Isolation, Love, Mutual Aid, Supportive Actions, The 12 Steps

Leaving Loneliness Behind (3) – Our Twelve decisions

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DECISION #3. “I don’t expect instant results or results commensurate with efforts that I have made.
One of the mistakes which relatives and friends of those who are depressed make:
A. I have given the person my love and attention. Why isn’t he or she better?
B. I have given the person a good amount of my time and attention, why doesn’t he/she show any amount of improvement?
You can make similar mistakes. You can think:
(a) I have given the them my time and attention, so why aren’t they close friends with me now?
(b) And, I have given this person so much attention, why don’t we have a close friendship now?
(c) I have given them so much of my time, why haven’t I stopped from being lonely?
It can take a person quite a long time to get to know each other, so you need to be patient with other people. It will take you both some time to give up the habit of making friends just on appearances only, when risking the telling to others about yourself. This is not an easy thing to do. We don’t want to be rejected.
We must take into account how any society, has its rules and practices about meeting and making friends. Different cultures and nationalities have different ways of making friends, and even though they are different, doesn’t mean that they are better than my own. They are just different.
We need to spend quality time together to get to know each other. We need to listen to their life stories and they listen to our experiences.
Friendship is not a matter of getting persons to be interested in you alone, as it is about forming a relationship with another.It is most important for you to show interest in the other person.”

Tomorrow: (4) I WILL BE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON.

Choice, Courage, DA Literature, Depressed Anonymous, Fear, Fellowship, Focus, I'll Do It When I Feel Better, Mutual Aid, Step 01, Step 02, Step 03, Step 11

Leaving Loneliness Behind (2)

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(2.) I WILL TAKE THE RISK AND APPROACH OTHER PEOPLE.
Most times we get along with people and try and help people when we can. We know that many people mean well.
Most people are not so dangerous that you fear them. Crimes happen between people who know each other.

When you decide to risk approaching people, accepting an invitation to do an activity together.DO IT! Taking part in a sport–going on a group hike together –meeting after a church gathering or meeting for a cup of coffee–just risk it and do it. Make a friend. To make a friend you have to be a friend. Or join a self-help group. Depressed Anonymous is such an example of meeting people like yourself.
Risking approaching other people, you will find, is worth it.

Tomorrow:LEAVING LONELINESS BEHIND. BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS.
(3) I DON’T EXPECT INSTANT RESULTS, OR RESULTS COMMENSURATE WITH THE EFFORT THAT I HAVE MADE.

Community building, Dep-Anon: Family and friends, Fellowship, Focus, Helpful Thinking, Mutual Aid, Purpose, Serenity, Supportive Actions, The 12 Steps

Two sides of the same coin

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As an active member of the Depressed Anonymous fellowship, I am also an active member of the 12 Step recovery program, Dep-Anon, for families and friends of the depressed.

Since I have a family member who is depressed, and the fact that I was depressed, but still maintain my serenity, by continuing to stay active in the DA fellowship. You might say that I am a “double dipper” being able to be part of two important mutual aid groups. Not only do I know what happens when I am depressed, I also know depression and how it affects a family member, resultant, affecting the whole family.

Now that I have the help of other family members (Dep-Anon) who have a depressed significant other in their life, my focus now is not on the depressed loved one, but the focus is now totally on me. I have become a new person, in that at one time I was harsh and critical of this person, who slept all the time, didn’t work, and was oblivious to the suffering she was causing myself and my family.

I believed, mistakenly, that since I had experienced depression with its overwhelming power, pushing me deeper into isolation from my world and myself, that I was qualified to FIX my family member. Wrong. I tried that route. It was a disaster. My criticism and cajoling her did the opposite of bringing her out of depression. My focus and anger, as it was directed toward her, locked her deeper into the prison of her depression. Ultimately, I discovered that my negsativity and lack of acceptance into the family, did nothing but harm. Surprisingly, now, with my harshness changing to compassion and acceptance of her as a daughter, a fellow humn being, brought down by her illness, is setting us both free. I give credit to my Dep-ANon fellowship for putting me on the right track–work/focus on fixing me.
Hugh

ORIGINS OF DEP-ANON
Dep-Anon had as its inspiration the 12 Step Al-Anon program for families of the alcoholic. The program was focused, not on the alcoholic but on themselves.

We now became focused on our need for recovery, believing that the focus had to be on us — not the depressed family member. I have learned that I can only FIX myself. Being part of the Dep-Anon family group presented me with a focus on my own spiritual and mental health needs. Now, I am participating With other family members, using the recovery tools of Dep-Anon, I was no longer alone, but now had the support of other family members like myself. Together, we have discovered that by focusing on our character defects ( critical of our loved one, anger at their behavior, lack of compassion for someone who is sick) I have found my attitudes changing.

A positive result of being part of the Dep-Anon family group is to learn about the nature of depression and how it affects a person, physically, mentally and spiritually. Our motivation to do anything positive to move us out of the mental and physical “lockdown” of depression is severely handicapped.

Dep-Anon espouses the four C’s which state our beliefs about NOT taking responsibility for our loved one’s depression. These four can be a constant reminder of living each day with what we face.

THE FOLLOWING ARE OUR FOUR STATEMENTS OF BELIEF

  1. I believe that that I didn’t cause it.
  2. I believe that I can’t control it.
  3. I believe that I can’t cure it.
  4. I believe that all I can do is to cope with it.

Copyright(c) Dep-Anon: A Twelve Step Recovery Program for Families and Friends of the Depressed. (2021) Hugh S., Depressed Anonymous Publications. Louisville, KY. Page 13.
This Book can be ordered online from the depressedanonymous.org website. PLease go to Visit the Store at Home page.

Join us on ZOOM, every Monday afternoon, at 2PM EDT. Meetings are 1 Hour in length.

MEETING ID: 846 6885 1123
PASSWORD : serenity (lower case)

Community building, Courage, Fellowship, Gratitude, Helpful, Purpose, Service, Step 12

Service in Recovery

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Today I’m truly grateful to be able to do service in my 12 step fellowships. Especially in DA, which has done so much for me. But I didn’t always feel that way about service! At first, I was very scared to make a commitment to chair a meeting. How could I, someone suffering from depression, someone unable to function successfully in daily life, someone who didn’t know if I could get out of bed or not on a particular day, how could I possible make a commitment to chair a meeting? Well, the group supported me and said “we’ll be here if you can’t make it. Just let us know! And we applaud you for being willing!” So I agreed. I also faced technology challenges. At the time the DA meetings were using Skype and I didn’t know how to use that platform (or any online meeting platform, for that matter).  So on a day and a time when a meeting was not going on, I logged on and pretended to chair a meeting. I went for a practice run to learn the technology. I asked someone for help, and they helped me. I faced my fears and I showed up for the first meeting that I volunteered to chair. I stumbled. But the meeting went on, and no one died! I made a mistake and it was okay.

I had feelings of anxiety, but I walked away with an inkling of a sense of purpose. So I kept chairing, and that sense of purpose increased. I started going to business meetings, and they needed people to do service there too. So I volunteered. As I continued, I felt more useful and my confidence grew.

The point I’m trying to make is that doing service has greatly helped my recovery! I learn lessons here in DA that I’m applying to other areas of my life. I’m growing. That is one of my goals – to stay green and growing. Doing service gives me that opportunity. And the icing on the cake is that doing service allows us to help DA as a whole and ensure that DA will be there for others who need it, just like I needed it and still need it.

In closing, the Responsibility Statement, revised for DA:

“I am responsible – when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of DA always to be there, and for that: I am responsible.”

12 Step Meeting, Community building, Fellowship, Mutual Aid

Stay six feet apart, Wash your hands, Stay home

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Stay six feet apart. Use sanitizer. Wear mask. Stay clear of large gatherings – especially indoors. Everywhere we went, we got the message, that life suddenly became threatened by an unseen enemy, the covid 19 virus. Most times, the virus took the lives of our elders, who were most vulnerable. Our Grandparents, our elderly loved ones in nursing homes, were decimated

Today, we now use the terms, Pre-pandemic and post pandemic. It’s almost like it never happened. Things are getting back to normal. Almost, but not completely. It has ravaged our businesses, workers without jobs.

It’s still here. Everywhere we go, with floor markings still looking up at us at the post office, pharmacy, the grocery store all reminding of a past where more than 1 million Americans died from this deadly virus. It definitely has turned our lives upside down.

In Kentucky, the Bourbon center of the world, distilleries were using the alcohol, normally for making whiskey, switching to making sanitizer hand lotions.

For many of us, who had the covid 19 , and survived, are “the long haulers” who still carry within them, some of the symptoms, including anxiety, depression, fatigue, insomnia and other health conditions, much of which continue to threaten our own mental health.

The pandemic is taking its toll on us, our youth, our elderly and those who struggle with other serious respiratory illnesses.

What used to energize us and make us, as humans, social creatures, the virus came along and made us into hermits, alone, isolated and fearful.

The “pandemic brain” is a name given to those who are the “long haulers” and whose cognitive abilities are affected and who still face some of those debilitating symptoms which can plague them everyday.

HOW CAN WE FIND THE HELP WE NEED?

I would look for a mental health person or group resource where others like ourselves, who are having the same issues, resultant from the traumatic effects of the pandemic.

Because depression is one of the major issues that are the result of the pandemic, find a support group or mental health agency that devotes its time and care to those of us who are having trouble functioning in this post pandemic world.

As a depression support group, the 12 Step Depressed Anonymous recovery program is now online, offering meetings on a daily basis for those who seek a safe place, with persons like themselves. We do have a voice in this mutual aid fellowship, where we can choose to share our story, or remain silent, listen, feel accepted, and find ourselves among kindred spirits. We are all here to help ourselves, and by that, help ohers at the same time..

Please free to attend our daily meetings on OUR ZOOM virtual fellowship group of Depressed Anonymous. Go to our website at depressedanonymous.org, sign on, go to the meetings menu at the Home page, and it will take you to the link, taking you to our daily schedule of meetings, here in the USA and internationally.

We look forward to seeing you at our meetings. There are no fees or dues.

For the fellowship, Hugh S

Acceptance, Dep-Anon: Family and friends, Depressed Anonymous, Fellowship, Mutual Aid, Serenity, The 12 Steps

Is The Road That You Are Traveling, Taking You To A Place Where You Want To Go?

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If you are going down a road and don’t like what’s in front of you, and you look behind you and you don’t like what you see, get off the road. Create a new path.
– Maya Angelou

When I was traveling down a road that led me into one brick wall after another, I made up my mind to find a new road–without all the brick walls.

The road that I am on now, a road which I have created, still exits with some obstacles, but no longer am I faced with unmovable brick walls. I got off this road.

What happened, you might ask. Well, to keep this brief, I ran into a bunch of people who were traveling on a very wide and level road, one which they said would lead me to where I wanted to go. (no, this is not the Yellow Brick Road of the Wizard of Oz). Amazingly, they all knew where I needed to go. This surprised me, as I didn’t even know where I needed to go.

With my God’s help, a fellowship of wonderful brothers and sisters, all fellow travelers, continuing to travel on this road, a personal path, filled with hope and serenity.

This path has a name, in case you are curious. It’s called the Twelve Steps of Recovery. This path is filled with signs of hope, those spiritual principles which are our guardrails, keeping us all headed in the right direction.

It’s even possible that I might even meet you on this path. I hope.

Hugh S., for the Depressed Anonymous fellowship