I’ve been really struggling with depression recently. I’m in a dark place – restless, irritable, and discontent. I belong to another 12 Step fellowship and my depression has had me thinking a lot about picking up my old addictive behavior. Intellectually I know that is a bad idea but my thoughts keep going back to that stinking thinking.

I went to a face to face meeting of this other fellowship and stated out loud that depression has been kicking my ass recently and that I’ve been thinking about partaking in that addictive pattern. People told me I’m not alone, that they too have been in dark places as well. Going back to being an active addict is not the way.

One person shared about how they were given a suggestion to turn it over and pray to the God of their understanding. I realized that I’ve been trying to do this on my own – and that has rarely worked for me. My memory is not perfect so I can’t say that it never worked for me. But that is where I am now – trying to do it on my own.

I surrender myself to the care of my Higher Power. I will pray to that power that I know peace, that I have wisdom, and that I have the willingness to continue praying to that Higher Power. The bottom line is that I am powerless over depression and I need a power greater than myself.

Lord, please grant me the willingness to surrender to you completely and absolutely.

Yours in recovery, Bill R